Cruel Games

by Elaine May

Little princess, he always used to call me that and once upon a time I loved it, but not anymore. He lost that right along time ago. The way the wordscome out of his mouth sends a shiver of lust down my spine like it’s the first time he’s ever used those words on me and I can’t even try to deny how I like it. I nestle in my chair as my core decides to come to life at his close proximity. Oh God, that’s just perfect. I take a breath and turn to him, those hazel eyes far too close, too close for comfort. I can see the flecks of green I have always loved dance before me.

  “You were a bully.” I try to remind him as he pulls back, slightly alarmed, and then in again. This time he’s even closer to me and I can’t breathe, there’s no air for me to inhale as he surrounds me. He’s too close. I always liked him and then he had to go and ruin it and now he’s back acting like it never happened. I hate him.

  “I was a child and stupid.” He says with pleading eyes that threaten to break down my walls.

  I have to force the lump away from the back of my mouth that his words have lodged there. I can’t breathe, it’s suffocating. Charlton stands straight and takes the seat next to me, his designer suit reeks of the money his family possess and it justseems to cling to every part of his body like a second skin. He looks so yummy but I can’t think like that and I try to force my eyes away from him, but he keeps drawing me in. Oh wow, he is just the perfect specimen and the worst thing about that is that he really knows it too. I guess it’s easy enough, he only has to look in the mirror.

  Once Charlton has sat down I feel his fingers brush along mine. I gasp at the electricity that shoots up my arm and I have no time to remove my hand before he’s clasping it between his.

  “I’m not that boy any more, Noelle.” I can feel his breath against my neck as the tip of his nose runs along my ear, his tongue every now and then peeking out just a little too wet my skin.“And I know you’re not the same girl.” He takes a breath and I see the movement of those muscles in his neck again, a vein runs along down it and I just want to lick it. Oh God, and this is only the beginning and see what he’s already doing to me.

  “I think our parents are right. I think we could be perfect for each other.” His eyes are full of insanity.

  “We should see what fate has planned for us, don’t you think?” He raises his glass and takes a sip, his gaze drifting towards me as I try to ignore that cocky smile of his.

  “We should go out and get this started as well, I think.” I have no control as my jaw falls open in shock. How can he be so happy about this? He hated me or that’s how he acted around me come the end.I have no filter as the words just fall from my lips.

  “If you and everyone else thinksthis was meant to be then why did you do what you did all those years ago?” Let’s see how he gets out of this one and I hear the groan of frustration coming from his lips as he regards me, thinking of his next step.

  “You walked away.” I roll my eyes, it always has to be someone else’s fault. He will never take responsibility for what he did. He says I walked away, what does he expect? I shake my head in disagreement and we remain silent for a while. Every time I try to move my hand from his he tightens his hold.

  “This is going to happen Noelle.” I turn my head to look at him and raise my eyebrows in question, I don’t think so, but before I can say so he says something else.

  “We should start the ball rolling, as it were, don’t you think?”It suddenly becomes harder to breathe and when he pulls back from me to take part in the conversation around us it doesn’t help. My head starts to feel groggy. What is he trying to say? A chill races up my spine as I remember everything he has ever done. I look up into his face, the cocky turn of his lip as his eyes turn to me slightly. He’s such an arrogant arse he’ll be just like how I remember him. I can feel a flame of desire scorch my skin at the thought of how I loved him, I loved him so much. His eyes look over at me again and my pulse wants a kickstart just for him. With his eyes still on me I cross my legs in the hope that I can calm down the heat between them as he starts a slow lick across his bottom lip.

  “So, the wedding should be in a year’s time? Give or take a few months” I raise my eyebrows in question as Mrs Williams talks.

  “Excuse me?”

  “A year will give time for you both to be seen dating for a while before a proposal is announced.” I look around the table and they all have smiles on their faces, even Charlton.

  Have they all gone mad?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I look towards Daddy, just hoping my eyes will portray the angst inside my heart. I don’t want to do this. Come on, Daddy, say something, help me but he doesn’t do anything, just carries on talking to the Williams’. All of a sudden the feeling of suffocation takes over again and my own dear dad is the one holding the pillow over my face. I swallow, refusing to let my tears flow. I am not going to give any of them the satisfaction of seeing how this is affecting me. Every part of my body is shaking to its foundations and I just want to say goodbye to this nightmare. I’m not even aware of my own body as it rises from the chair and I stand on my shaky heels.

  “I can’t believe this. This isn’t happening.” I start to back away from the table with no regard to my father or Charlton’s parents who are now allstaring at my retreating form.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Every day when it is playtime we all go play with all our friends. We play lots of different games, running around just having lots of fun and every day I am able to see and sometimes play with Charlton and his friend. Louisa doesn’t always like having to see her big brother so when she wants to play with our other friends I play with Charlton and some of his friends on my own. The other children in their class play with us too and I am slowly beginning to like them but sometimes they are a little mean to me because I’m only four nearly five and they don’t like it, but Charlton gives them a nasty look. He is the nicest to me and so I find I like him more because of it.

  The moment I get back inside the sanctuary of my own four walls a rush of tears flows down my cheeks. I can’t wrap my mind around the scenario they have placed in front of me.

  Marry Charlton Williams?

  When I was younger I would have jumped at this opportunity. I love him.

  Correction, I loved him. I can’t deny how there were times when I envisioned this very scenario, us all sat around a table talking about our upcoming wedding. Me in a white dress with flowers in my hair. Charlton in a tux with his eyes only for me. We would be so happy. Everyone who was anyone would have been invited but that was before Charlton forced me to grow up. Before Charlton stepped away from me and flew away with the wind, leaving me all alone. Disappointment layers itself around my heart like a blanket, disappointment causing me far too much pain. It would have been such a nice evening if things had turned out right. If it was a reality I wanted to welcome with my arms open wide but I don’t. I don’t want anything to do with Charlton Williams ever again.

  That is the truth.

  That is what I want as my reality, not this messed up one everyone else thinks I need. I am my own woman. I can make up my own mind and I don’t need interference from anyone.

  As I lie in bed I can’t sleep. I keep thinking of everything that happened at dinner. I close my heavy lids as I recall every moment.

  I used every ounce of power I possessed just to stay seated in my chair, tall and defiant, not giving away my true feelings. He looked so handsome and I tried to keep my head down so I didn’t have to look at his perfection for the remainder of the meal.

  I wanted to run.

  I wanted to run far away. I couldn’t speak any other words than the basic yes or no, nothing else was forthcoming the longer the evening continued.I faked so many smiles for Daddy’s benefit as Charlton’s fingertips brushed the soft skin of my hand, sending shockwaves throughout my body. I liked the soft touch of his fingertips upon my skin, but I wanted to hate it. I wasn’t supposed to like it, I wanted to hate him, I did hate him but then he had to touch me and send my m
ind spiralling down the rabbit hole. When I allowed myself to peer up at him I could see his feelings for me reflected inhis eyes, but I couldn’t believe them.

  They said he cared.

  That he wanted this to work but I couldn’t comprehend why. His constant touching tried to whisper that there was more for me in his heart than I ever could have imagined. That there was more to the story that I wanted to forget.

  When our food finally came it smelled wonderful but the thought of eating it made my tummy roll. I could feel Charlton’s hungry eyes on me as my fork played with my food, begging me to give this a chance and just go with the flow. My mouth was starting to feel like sandpaper as it continued to dry out on me. Charlton seemed almost uncomfortable when I was forced to talk him, he could read the truth between my pleasantries. I might not have been able to tell him how I was thinking but I could at least show him with unspoken words. He leaned towards my ear, his breathing sending goose-bumps erupting all along my arms, and I tried to shake my body’s response away, but nothing seemed to help.

  “I think you can imagine that to begin with I wasn’t too happy about this situationeither, but then I learnt it was going to be you and now I can’t say that I’m sorry for it. You really have grown into a beautiful woman Noelle and I could tell from the way you looked at me when you first saw me that you want this too.”

  What the..?

  He really does think highly of himself doesn’t he?

  What does he think? By saying he wants me I’m going to melt and just jump into bed with him? I don’t think so, handsome. This boy needs a lesson and fast. I rolled my eyes just to come across as devil-may-care and he just stared back at me, waiting for me to shout yes. The goose-bumps on my arms were replaced by balls of fire as his look penetrated to my soul. What does he think? That he’s God’s gift to every woman on the planet and that I should justbe willing to lower my knickers and standards for him when he tells me to?

  “Really?”

  “Really?” He responded and I just rolled my eyes again. I couldn’t believe he was doing this, trying to mess with me when we had so much to discuss. I leaned closer towards his ear so he could get a good view of my breasts and hopefully the anger I was trying to portray in my eyes, but his eyes remained solely focused on my chest.

  “Do you really think I want this? That I want you after everything you did?”

  He looked a little startled for a moment and then his features went back to thinking he knew it all. His eyes told me to just go with the flow, that deep down he knew that’s what I really wanted. I wonder why he thought he had found all my home truths. I remember thinking how I wished I could wipe the smile off his face.

  “You want it. You want me and all the things I will do to you, princess. Stop pretending.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I will turn your world into an inferno, little princess, with just one lick from my tongue.” He poked his tongue out a little and I looked around the table just to check no one else could hear him.

  “I have a lot to offer a beautiful woman like you, think of how much fun we will have together.” I bit my bottom lip and just stared at him as if I didn’t care what he thought he knew. I don’t even know what the truth is so how could he say he knew what I needed?

  He needs me more than I need him from what my father said earlier. His eyes started totravel down the valley of my breasts, his nose hopefully filling with the sweet smell of my perfume. If he could do it to me then I was going to do it right back at him.

  “I know what happened with your grandfather.” He looked shocked for a moment and my inner girl leapt to the moon.

  “Really, how do you know about that?”

  “Really, and I know you need me more than I need you right now.”

  “You know it all do you, Noelle?”

  “I’m pretty sure I do.”

  “What do you want, little princess?” He pulled away to take a look around the table again and then leant into my face, his breath tickling my skin.

  “Do you want me to make you come while our parents are in the same room? Mere feet away from us while I stroke you till you’re dripping wet for me?”

  I shifted in my chair as heat intensified between my thighs. It was at that point that I looked over at my father and saw he was really getting into this whole drama.

  I was on my own.

  “I’m looking for a lot in a future husband, Mr Williams, and I just don’t think you can do it for me.” He didn’t have a comeback for that but he sure as hell tried. It was his last statement that had done it. As I stepped through the main doors after my escape a gush of cold air engulfed my lungs, flushing out all the Charlton toxins and I could breathe again. I heard Daddy’s heavy footsteps behind me and I could see him come to stand beside me as we waited for our car.

  “What was that?” He asked, turning around to look at me.

  “You really want me to marry that man?”

  “It’s a good match sweetheart. Mr Williams is a lord, you can’t get much better than that.”

  “I don’t care, Daddy.”

  His whole body turned towards me and I could see his eyes swimming with anger. As I took a closer look at him he was practically screaming with it. He was annoyed at me and although I’ve always tried to make my father happy this was the only time I couldn’t do it.

  “You’re marrying him, Noelle. There is more to this than you know.”

  “Then tell me, Daddy. Make me understand what this is all about because right now I don’t understand anything.”

  “You are marrying him and that is all you need to know, young lady.” He ‘young lady’ed me. He only ever does that when he is really cross at me. I can still see the disdain in my Daddy’s eyes as he said those words. There are only two ways this can go.

  Number one I could break my father’s heart and do what my heart desires and tell Charlton to get lost.

  Number two Daddy would be happy but I would end up marrying a man I hate. Whichever one I decide on I will end upsetting someone whether it is myself or Daddy, but the thought of it being my only parent breaks my heart more.

  What am I going to do?

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sometimes the boys in both classes are really mean but it never bothers me when Charlton is there to look after me. Louisa sometimes teases me about it but I just don’t care.

  “My brother loves you.” She says all the time and I find I really like it.

  Most days I can’t help but want to look at him, he’s so nice to look at.

  I spend the next couple of nights not being able to sleep, as soon as I close my eyes Charlton is all I can see and I find myself getting madder and madder with everything that is being thrown my way. I can’t stop thinking of him. My thoughts are like a hurricane sweeping through the small village that is my mind. Everything is destroyed, left to ruins by the winds of change.

  I have never been one of those people who has a problem with sleeping. Even as a small child I slept really well. When I am out, I am out cold and nothing can wake me until I have totally regenerated but for the last couple of nights it wasn’t to be. I just can’t get settled, memories sometimes haunt my dreams. but they’ve never stopped me sleeping until now.

  I keep hearing my dad’s words over and over again like they are on repeat in my head.

  “It’s time. You need to get married.” All I can see as I close my eyes are the hazel eyes I loved so much as a child. All I can feel are the sensations he was always able to bring out in me. A warmth spreads throughout my body as all those feelings for him try to come rushing back to me but I try to push them back where they belong. They fight to be remembered no matter how hard I try to forget, they force me to remember what he was like, how I felt about him.

  I hate him now, though.

  He broke my heart and he will still be the same arrogant arse he was back then.

  The things he said to me, he was so sure of himself.

  I really do h
ate him.

  ****

  By the time the sun begins to rise a few days later I’m strung up like rope. My mind is twisted up tight and I have given up all hope of managing a night’s sleep. It’s not happening.Sammy though, curls up on the other side of my bed,dead to the world. I stroke his shiny black fur and decide we might as well take our early walk through the park now. An early morning walk in the cold air might help to freshen my soul. I have a quick wash and change into a pair of jeans and a jumper, put my comfy trainers on and my coat before I grab my purse, keys and Sammy’s leash, putting it around his neck. He looks so excited as I do it, he’s the only male I need in my life. The only one I can trust at this point in my life, how sad is that?

  “Shall we go for walkies, boy?” I ask him as I wrap my arms around him and he licks my face in return. We step out of my front door and then make our way out of the building and as soon as we are through the main door Sammy starts to pull on his lead with all his normal excitement. As we walk through the grounds of the park all I can see are the effects of the cold winter that are left on our beautiful city. The grass is crisp under my shoes and I can see the branches of trees that are just waiting for their new lease of life. Thank God it’s starting to get warmer, winter has never been my favourite time of year. We stop at the open field and I start throwing Sammy’s favourite ball for him, his bum wiggling as he runs off to get his toy. He brings the ball back as fast as lightning, dropping it between my shoes only to pick it back up again, giving it a quick chew and then dropping it again.

  “Let me get it then, Sammy?” I say to him and he just looks at me like I’m stupid. My dog is the love of my life, the only thing apart from my family that means the most to me. As much as I try to concentrate on Sammy my mind keeps going back to his hazel eyes and that handsome face of his. I really hate him and to think he and his parents are just like Daddy and wanting to go ahead with this stupid plan of theirs.