Sasquatch, Love, and Other Imaginary Things

by Betsy Aldredge

  By midday, everyone seemed restless and anxious, but my dad was right, we were supposed to be conducting nighttime hunts since that’s when the beasts were more vocal and active. And as panicky as Dad and I were about getting something, anything, on tape to present to the judges, we knew we had to be strategic.

  Dad ended up going off alone to check the bait stations for the hundredth time that week. Ernie retired to his tent to nap, to everyone’s relief. Lyssa took her magazines over to the lake, and Mom and I alternated between cleaning up the muddy camping gear, fretting about Sophie, and worrying that we’d lose the next challenge. Hal and Dave got some footage of us all not talking to each other, then sat down and started playing cards.

  And all through the day, I replayed the strange conversation with Devan. “Who calls someone a hedgehog? Could he be any weirder?” I muttered to myself while dragging the pots and pans to the creek to wash them, not that it did much good, considering I accidentally dropped them in a muddy puddle on the way back.

  “Crap!” I picked the pots back up and cleaned them again, determined to focus on the tasks at hand for the rest of the day, and nothing else. Unfortunately, we had a whole lot more worrying and waiting ahead of us.

  After I spent a few excruciating hours of pacing, trying to read, and pacing some more, the afternoon sun finally started to set and I got busy gathering up our gear and rallying the troops. We marched in silence up the trail, past the location where we found the footprint, and were nearly at the peak of the mountain by full dark. I was second in command, and I wasn’t messing around. If we didn’t capture some sort of recording of an imaginary beast soon, this hedgehog was going to turn into a full-blown porcupine.

  • • •

  “Okay, now I feel ridiculous,” Lyssa whispered into the pitch-black night a couple of hours later.

  “Really? Just now?” I said from the tree next to her. “Not for the past few days or every day since Dad decided he wanted to be a Bigfoot hunter? Don’t forget, you’re the one who was all excited to be on TV,” I said.

  Lyssa played with a lock of her hair. “Yeah, that’s before I had to climb trees, when I thought we’d actually be staying in a fancy hotel and just pretending to camp out.”

  I pursed my lips. “Pay attention. No one can see your hair in the dark.”

  I was using Ernie’s night vision goggles to scout for Bigfoot from a low branch of a tree, while Lyssa scanned the area with the thermal cam.

  Lyssa squirmed herself into a more comfortable position on her branch. “Oh, so now you’re Batman with the x-ray vision.”

  I was about to tell her that she was actually thinking of Superman, but a loud cracking of twigs and rustling of leaves interrupted me. Startled, I took a step back, forgetting I was in a freaking tree. I had to grab onto a higher branch not to lose my footing.

  “What the hell was that?” my sister squeaked.

  I focused the goggles, but didn’t see anything rustling the leaves. I couldn’t see any movement either. “I don’t know, but it sounded close. Maybe we’ll get something.”

  “There’s something big heading this way,” Lyssa whispered staring at the display on the thermal with wide eyes. “Oh. My. God. It’s walking on two feet. Wait. I think there’s more than one!”

  We held our breath and I readied my infrared camera, waiting for the creature or creatures to step into the clearing or make some noise into our recorders. It turned out to be my dad. Followed by my mom and Ernie.

  “Girls, any luck up there?” my mom hollered up to us.

  “No. Can we come down now?” Lyssa yelled back.

  “Just a bit longer, sweetie,” my dad replied, just as Hal and Dave caught up. “We need all the angles we can get if we want to get good photos.”

  “How about we stop shouting? We’re basically taking out an ad that we’re here,” I called down to my teammates. Seriously, did I have to think of everything?

  “Sorry, sorry,” my dad said.

  Dad, Mom, Ernie, and Dave each hid behind a tree, and hunkered down with a couple of recording devices. Even Hal tried to hide behind a bush, but he was a pretty big guy, and no amount of ferns and moss could fully conceal his position.

  About an hour passed when a quiet snuffling, snorting sound came from a nearby thicket, and all eyes and cameras turned toward it. Whatever it was, the beast was tall and moved in a blur from one tree to the next.

  “Lyssa,” I called under my breath. “To your right. Now!”

  My sister and I started clicking our cameras as quickly as we could. Hal jumped out from his hiding spot with a surprised shout. “I see something, I see it!”

  But by that time, the creature was gone.

  “Did you get proof?” my dad asked, out of breath from running to the base of my tree.

  “I got something, for sure. Did you see anything?” I asked.

  “Maybe, I’m not sure,” Ernie said. “There was clearly something over there, but then this one started shouting and scared it away.” He pointed to Hal.

  Hal winced. “I was surprised. I didn’t think we’d actually see anything.”

  “Don’t get too excited.” I swung down from the tree. “We don’t know what we caught on camera yet. It could be absolutely nothing.”

  “We should follow it!” Ernie shouted.

  “Too late. It’s long gone,” my mom said, squinting into the darkness. My sister climbed out of her tree, too, with less grace.

  My dad threw his arm around my shoulder. “Oh, don’t be so skeptical. We’ve got something. I’m sure.”

  “Dad, you’ve never gotten any good images before. I’m just saying it’s highly unlikely. It could have even been someone from the other team in a Bigfoot suit,” I said.

  My dad scratched his chin. “I don’t think any of them is that tall. Or that dishonest. We have a code of ethics among Squatchers.”

  I winced, thinking of the fake clues Lyssa and I had planted. I didn’t regret our prank. They had it coming. But I still didn’t want my dad to think I was unethical. “I get it, Dad,” I said, looking away.

  Having finally captured some possible evidence, we began the trek back to camp. It was still a few hours before sunrise, and the woods were as dark as ever. My parents insisted we all wear the mining headlamp hats for safety. I felt like a reject dwarf from Snow White, but if it got me into my sleeping bag sooner, I was more than willing to take a couple of bites out of that humiliating apple.

  Chapter 13

  “To hunt Bigfoot, you need to think how he thinks, eat what he eats, and live where he lives. Only by being on the ground can you begin to get close to the truth.”

  —“Squatching for Dummies: A Field Guide to Our Furry Friends”

  I woke at dawn the next morning and was ready in record time, needing some hardcore cappuccino action. Jake had insisted on an espresso machine being added to the buffet. At first Colin balked, but then Jake had gotten on the phone with his agent. Despite being Mr. McJerky, Jake had decent taste in coffee.

  We’d hiked the two-mile-long trail to base camp enough times at this point that I didn’t have to think about maneuvering around the various physical landmarks, rocks, or trees along the way. Absorbed in thought about our strategy, I absentmindedly stepped over a particularly big tree root. However, I forgot to warn Ernie, who was behind me. He flailed and reached out to grab the closest thing to him, which was, unfortunately, me.

  He knocked me into a nearby thorny bush and I ended up face down in the dirt with him on top of me. Awesome.

  “Ouch!”

  After some inelegant clambering to get up, I surveyed the damage. Neither of us was seriously injured, but the bush had given me a nasty scrape on my palm and a few scratches on my cheek. To make matters worse, I was bleeding all over the place.

  “I’m so sorry, Samantha. Allow me,” he apologized and took a fresh linen handkerchief from his pocket to dab at my face.

  I narrowed my eyes and grabbed the cloth from him. �
�Thanks.”

  I wiped the dirt from my hands on my jeans and cleaned off my face. There wasn’t much I could do about the rip or the bloodstain on my sleeve. I was a hot mess. Again.

  “Let’s go. We have to keep moving or we’ll be late for the judging.” I sighed. “Maybe Mindy can lend me a shirt.”

  Mindy stared at my ripped, bloody shirt and muddy jeans and whisked me off to one of the production trailers to scrounge up something clean for me to wear. The other team arrived noisily by car wearing dry, stain-free clothes.

  When I stepped out of the trailer, Devan was leaning against the car door, hands in his pockets.

  The moment he caught sight of my oversized hot pink shirt with the Myth Gnomers logo on it, his lips curled into a smirk. I bet the frayed purple leggings I squeezed myself into added to his amusement. They certainly did nothing for my slightly pear-shaped figure. Nothing good at least.

  “Listen, Sam,” Devan said, stepping closer to me. “I know we started off on the wrong foot . . .”

  “Um, yeah. You called me an angry hedgehog.”

  He winced. “Sorry about that. I . . . well . . . anyway, regardless of everything else going on, I wanted to say that I’m sorry about your sister not feeling well.” His eyebrows rose slightly, waiting for my response.

  Devan’s gaze was so intense, I wondered if he was actually sincere. It was hard to tell, considering his disdain for my family. All I knew was that I found it impossible to concentrate with him standing so close. Apparently, intense and confusing was actually my type.

  I took a step back. “I’m sure she’ll be fine. Sophie’s stronger than she looks. Plus, it sounds like she’s in good hands.” I pointed my chin toward Kyle. My hint of a smile withered when Devan’s mouth tensed into a straight line.

  Devan glanced away, avoiding my eyes. “I wouldn’t presume anything,” he said. “Kyle is just a flirt and he knows we’re under orders to keep everything strictly professional.” He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.

  It was clear he didn’t approve of Kyle and Sophie spending time together. I guessed he thought my sister wasn’t good enough for his friend.

  I gritted my teeth and thought of what it would feel like to unclench Devan’s jaw with a good, solid punch. I didn’t care if he was cute or not. Kyle liked Sophie and Devan knew it. I glared at him, trying out different responses in my head. None of them seemed clever enough. If only I could remember the British term for giant jerk. I gave up. All this drama was taking away from the more important goal. To win and save our house. No matter what the cost.

  Why did Devan have to ruin everything? For a moment, when he expressed concern over how my sister was feeling, he seemed almost human. But with one grimace he managed to make it clear how he felt about me. I meant us. How he felt about my family. For the tenth time I asked myself why I cared what he thought. And again, I came up empty-handed.

  “I have to go,” I blurted. Leaving Devan tongue-tied, I marched across the lot to Kyle, who smiled and waved at me.

  “How’s Sophie doing?” I asked.

  Kyle’s forehead wrinkled with concern. He glimpsed down and kicked the dirt with his toe. When his eyes caught mine again, I could see how tired he looked. “She’s not great, the flu is kicking her ass. I don’t think the cough medicine is helping much. I didn’t even want to leave her . . .” he said. “But she claimed she was perfectly happy watching old episodes of The Golden Girls all morning. Do you think she was serious?”

  “Sophie wouldn’t joke about The Golden Girls. They’re sacred.” I smiled slightly, thinking of my sister eliciting that kind of care and concern. Kyle seemed to be a nice guy. Sophie was lucky, except for the major flu part, and the fact that he was on a team with our sworn enemies. But then again, maybe it would help us in the long run.

  My happiness waned when Caroline appeared. She puckered her mouth like she had recently sucked on lemons doused in hot sauce. “Kyle!” she yelled across the set. “We need to strategize. Now. God, it’s like I have to do everything around here.”

  If she really was the genius Devan said she was, she did a good job of hiding it behind the spoiled exterior.

  Kyle gave me an apologetic smile, and hollered back at her, “Just a sec. Calm the hell down!”

  He took his Hacky Sack out of his pocket, and tossed it from hand to hand, burning off some nervous energy. “Sam, I was thinking, maybe a visit from you would really cheer up Sophie. I think she feels bad that she can’t help you, and that you have to deal with your folks and Lyssa all by yourself.”

  I sighed. That was so Sophie. “I would love to visit if Colin will let me. I’ll ask.”

  “Awesome.” Kyle tossed the Hacky Sack up and down a few more times, before pocketing it and walking toward his teammates.

  Spotting Beth, I waited for her to finish her conversation with one of the crewmembers before approaching her. “Hi, Beth. I wanted to say thank you again for your help with Sophie the other night.”

  “It was no big deal,” she said, looking down at her sneakers. “I’m in charge of making sure people get medical attention if they need it.”

  “I know, but I appreciate it, especially the extra blanket you sent with Colin,” I added. “Everything we had was soaked.”

  I smiled at her and Beth smiled, too. It was a small grin but it completely changed her face.

  “I wonder if it’s possible for me to visit Sophie in the cabin?” I asked. “From what Kyle says, she could use some company, and I know I’m going to worry until I can see her,” I said.

  Beth nodded slowly, like she was thinking through the situation. “I’m sure we can arrange it. I just need to check with the doctor and with Colin, but I don’t think they’ll say no.”

  I reached out to touch her shoulder, as a gesture of thanks, but she stiffened so I pulled back at the last second. I gave her a little half wave before sitting down cross-legged under a tree to wait for someone to tell me what to do. I took out one of my dad’s Bigfoot field guides, which I promised I would review. I read three sentences before I was distracted. This time it was the sight of Lyssa gawking at Jake. He had his shirt pulled up to show off his six-pack, which, while impressive, was still attached to about 145 pounds of douche. Lyssa reached out a tentative hand to touch his abs, giggling like a drunken girl on spring break.

  I groaned and put my head in my hands. Could she be more embarrassing?

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who had that thought, because from the corner of my eye I spied Devan, Kyle, and Caroline stop in their tracks to gawk at the spectacle of Jake pretending to be a male stripper. I shielded my eyes, and when I dared to peek through my fingers, he was gyrating and Lyssa was thoroughly enjoying herself.

  I slunk against my tree, making myself into a ball. It wasn’t the most dignified posture, but I really didn’t want to deal with them right now. I figured as long as no one looked down, they wouldn’t spot me.

  Caroline made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. “See, Kyle? You’re better off avoiding the whole family.”

  “I appreciate your concern, but I really like Sophie,” Kyle said.

  “Why bother when there are tons of prettier, smarter girls at school?” Caroline asked. “You can do way better.”

  “Sophie’s different. She’s much more laid back and down-to-earth than the girls at Netherfield.” Kyle, who seemed like a normally mellow guy, raised his voice. “I’ve been with private school girls since I was a kid, and they’re all the same—boring and only interested in how much money your dad has.”

  “Good thing your dad has plenty,” Caroline said, before examining a pad of paper she took out from her back pocket.

  “I have nothing against Sophie, per se,” Devan said. “She’s cute, but do you really want to be pulled into that uncultured family?”

  Uncultured? I contemplated shouting a few things in his face, but didn’t want to prove his point. Instead I sat, arms pulled tight around my knees, and tried to fig
ht back hot, angry tears.

  “God, you two are such snobs!” Kyle snapped. “Maybe your kind of culture is overrated. Maybe I don’t want to summer in Martha’s Vineyard and play golf the rest of my life. I hate golf and there are too many flies on the Vineyard.”

  “Okay, okay. Don’t get your knickers in a twist!” Devan tried to joke, but Kyle didn’t respond. “I’m just watching out for my best friend. Plus, you heard Dr. DeGraw. Do you really want to face her wrath?”

  But it was too late. Kyle had already stormed off.

  I couldn’t help myself anymore. I was tired of always hiding behind trees. Especially when people said awful things about my beautiful, sweet sister. If they had only been talking about me, maybe I would have laughed it off, but I wouldn’t let them insult Sophie. I marched right up to them to give them a piece of my mind. An angry piece.

  When I approached, Devan stepped back like I was going to slap him and Caroline wiped the grin off her face.

  I felt my chest turning bright red with anger and my hands shaking. “I can’t believe you have nothing better to do than to make fun of people who don’t have as much money as you. My parents may be ridiculous, but at least they’re honest. Unlike you two asshats.”

  I was about to start yelling again, but a crunch of leaves and twigs startled me. “Good news, Sam!” Beth nearly shouted, oblivious to the fight she interrupted. “You’re clear to visit Sophie tomorrow, once she’s been on antiviral meds another twenty-four hours.”

  “Great!” I shouted in the direction of Devan and Caroline’s horrified faces.

  I left with Beth. I only had so much composure, and I was damn close to running out. My knickers were definitely well beyond twisty.

  Chapter 14

  “If I had to profile Bigfoot, I’d say he’s a middle-aged mammal who no longer needs to hunt for food or find a mate. He’s a bit of a loner and feeling a little depressed. That’s why he has time to hang out and be spotted. He wants the attention.”