Sasquatch, Love, and Other Imaginary Things

by Betsy Aldredge

  I nodded. “Makes sense. We’ll work in a circular pattern and overlap each other. Did they say how many clues they planted?”

  “Five.”

  I was glad to have the distraction of an actual task. I lowered my eyes and walked a few paces away from Devan and all that awkwardness.

  Ha! My eye caught a partial footprint under a bush. It must have been too dark to see it the night before. It was a total fake for sure. Besides the fact that the toes were all wrong, it was clear that someone had simply tried to draw a footprint in the dirt with a stick. “Got one!”

  Devan nodded briskly when he saw the footprint. “Good catch.”

  “We don’t have time to make a plaster cast, not if we want to keep looking,” I said. “Let’s just photograph it and move on.”

  We worked efficiently, searching for additional clues for the next forty-five minutes, followed by Hal and his camera.

  Devan’s shoulders drooped under the weight of his backpack, but he kept going until he couldn’t anymore. “Sorry.” He struggled to drop the bag.

  I slowed down and handed him my canteen. “We can stop here,” I said, while keeping my eyes on the path ahead of me and off of his scruffy, yet adorable, face. We hadn’t gotten far on our fake-evidence search, but he had a hard time with his arm, and was too proud to admit he was in pain.

  “I know how to read a map, so I know we haven’t traveled nearly far enough,” Devan said, his voice thick with frustration.

  I pointed at a fallen tree trunk closer to the direction of where I was headed. “Why don’t you sit there and rest and I’ll see if I find anything else? Unless you want me to call Beth.”

  He inhaled deeply through his nose. “I’ll be fine.”

  He lowered himself carefully onto the tree and wiped the sweat off his brow. Damn it! He even looked gorgeous in a rumpled button-down shirt and cargo pants. I clenched my hands and stared straight ahead, furious at myself for thinking about him romantically when all I should be concentrating on was the contest.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Everything okay? You were zoning out.”

  I blushed up to my messy hairdo. I gestured to the woods behind me. “I’m gonna go over there now and see if there are any clues.” That’s when I noticed Hal’s camera positioned on my face. It was amazing how I kept forgetting we were being filmed. “Hal, why don’t you come along, too? Who knows, maybe I’ll find a fake Bigfoot corpse and we can name him Roswell.”

  “You know, I worked on a documentary about aliens, too. It was pretty rad.” Hal followed me and we chatted about life on other planets. I noticed that someone or something had been through this part of the woods recently. The foliage was broken and matted in a clear trail that led off to the east. I guessed that these obvious tracks probably led to another fake clue, so I changed course and followed it, Hal in tow, still rambling on about ETs and UFOs.

  “I mean, the possibilities are staggering. How could there not be intelligent life elsewhere?” he was asking when I shushed him.

  “I hear something. What is that?” I asked.

  A rustling sound came from some underbrush. I gestured for Hal to shadow me, reminding him with a finger to my lips to keep silent. We walked slowly, careful not to step on any branches.

  As we got closer, we heard a grumbling sound.

  I turned back to Hal. “It could be a hurt animal. Don’t make any sudden moves,” I whispered. I would have loved to help a bear in need, but I knew better than to do so without a tranquilizer dart or three.

  I stopped right away when I spotted a shirt on the ground. Last time I checked, bears didn’t wear rhinestone-studded T-shirts. Neither did Bigfoot. I turned to Hal, who walked toward the discarded shirt.

  “Hal,” I whispered as loudly as I could. “We should go. It’s probably Jake and some chick,” I said, feeling strangely a little sad for Caroline. Hadn’t she learned her lesson?

  Sure enough, after a few slurping face-sucking noises, a male voice said, “Did she notice anything?”

  My suspicions were confirmed. It was definitely Jake. Again.

  I tapped the cameraman’s back. “Hal!” I said in my regular voice. “I feel like a pervert. We shouldn’t be here. Can we go now?”

  “Dude, I can’t. I’m under orders to capture the romantic stuff and anytime anyone fights. Colin wants drama,” Hal said, shrugging.

  “But it’s prime time! You can’t show any nudity or anything.”

  “I wouldn’t film anything like that. You worry too much,” he said with an indulgent smile.

  “I’m going back.” I turned and walked about five feet until a girly giggle rang through the trees. I bit down on my lip, hard. That voice was too familiar to ignore.

  “Jake!” Lyssa cooed. She erupted into laughter again.

  That did it. Fire threatened to escape the top of my head and my vision turned red. I was going to kill Jake.

  “Oh for the love of god!” I screeched, storming the couple, trailed by the camera. “Get your goddamn hands off my sister, Jake.”

  “We were just hanging, no big deal.” Jake protested when he saw me. They sat on the ground together, but jumped up immediately.

  Jake was shirtless, in his jeans, and my younger sister was in her infamous short-shorts and a strappy tank top. I let out the breath I was holding. At least Lyssa was dressed.

  I wrenched Lyssa away from Jake, and planted myself between them.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing my headache to go away. Instead, a wild rushing sound filled my ears. Without thinking about it, I launched myself at Jake and punched him squarely in the jaw. There was a fantastic cracking sound as my fist made contact with his face.

  “My face!” he squealed like a little baby.

  I wished I had hit his nose. God, how I would have loved to break that jerk’s nose. I started to go back in to finish the job, but someone was holding me back.

  “Sam!” Lyssa spat out my name.

  I ignored my sister and continued to bark obscenities at Jake about his lack of respect for his girlfriend and for women in general, while I tried to evade the arms that were around my waist.

  “Just two weeks ago you were making out with Caroline, and now you have to go after my little sister? And what about your actual girlfriend? Does she know what an ass you are?”

  “He’s not really with Melody. That’s just for show,” Lyssa said. “Right, Jake?”

  Jake distanced himself from Lyssa and my fist but didn’t answer.

  “I’m sure that’s what he said, but I doubt it’s true,” I practically shouted. “I’ve heard them on the phone. It sounds real to me.”

  After a few moments of struggle, I gave up. Reason was starting to filter back into my brain and my need to destroy Jake’s face was fading.

  With a sinking heart, I heard the unmistakable sound of Devan’s voice behind me say, “Jesus, Jake, what the hell were you thinking?”

  “Shit.” It was Devan who had held me back. His arms, both the good one and the sprained one, were still securely around my waist.

  “I’m okay,” I snapped. “Let me go, damn it.”

  Once I was free, I swung around and confirmed his presence. “Of course you’d have to be here to witness this.”

  Devan looked down at me, his mouth open in surprise.

  I narrowed my eyes at Devan and gritted my teeth. “You don’t have to get involved. I can take care of this,” I said, my face burning from the mortification of Lyssa and me living up to his image of my family. I had to take charge of the situation.

  Devan blinked, and a hurt expression spread onto his face, like he was upset I didn’t want his help. He shook his head, and turned from me to Hal.

  Shit. Shit, Shit, Shit!!!!!

  I forgot that Hal was filming.

  Hal’s eyes were as wide as an alien’s and his hand shook as he held the camera.

  “Did you get everything? Enough underage drama?” I advanced on Hal, hands on my hips.

 
; Hal took the camera off his shoulder and looked down in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Sam, really I am . . .”

  Devan held out one hand to interrupt Hal. “But, you’ll be erasing that footage, correct?” Devan pulled out his British charm and boyish smile. “You’re a good guy, right, Hal?”

  I knew there was no chance this tactic would work, based on what Hal had told me earlier about his mandate to film anything remotely scandalous.

  “Listen, I like you guys,” Hal said. “And I feel bad about it, but Colin and the executives will have my ass if I don’t provide the footage. It’s not my call.”

  He did seem sorry, but sorry wouldn’t save my sister and me from nationally televised humiliation, not to mention the gossip blogs and magazines, which would love to know about Jake cheating on Melody.

  “Listen, my agent is not going to be happy,” Jake tried to reason with Hal. “And neither is my publicist. Or Melody’s publicist. I have a squeaky-clean reputation to uphold. And if my agent’s not happy, Colin isn’t going to be happy either, so why don’t you just give me the footage and we can pretend this didn’t happen.” He held out his hand but Hal didn’t move.

  Jake pointed a finger at Hal and whined, “Not cool, man. You’ll be sorry!” Then, grabbing his shirt and nodding at Lyssa, he added, “I’m outta here,” and stomped off into the woods. Lyssa stared after him as if he were on a freaking white horse, and not the repulsive source of this mess.

  “I don’t see what the big deal is. We were just kissing.” Lyssa tried to smooth her own messy hair. “Who knows? Maybe the video will kick off a modeling career for me or something. A lot of reality TV stars started off by dating celebrities.”

  I clenched my fists and shook them out so I wouldn’t be tempted to use them again. My eyes shot nuclear missiles at my sister. “You need to stop talking! Now! I don’t know how you could do that to another girl. How would you like it if someone made out with your boyfriend and everybody knew it?”

  Lyssa’s mouth snapped closed, her eyes wide at my uncharacteristic explosion of anger.

  My head pounded. I shut my eyes and pressed the heels of my hands against them. “Just . . . please, don’t say another word.” I kept my eyes closed, hoping it would make my headache go away, but it didn’t.

  “Lyssa,” I whispered in her ear, dragging her away from Hal and his camera. “I’m going to walk you back to Mom and Dad, and you’re going to stay there until we figure out what to do with you.”

  “You can’t tell Mom and Dad!” Lyssa said in a tiny voice.

  “Oh my god! How are you so naive!?” I wanted to shake her. “Didn’t you hear what Hal just said? All of America is going to see your little act—including Mom and Dad! Do you know what happens to people who get caught cheating with famous people? I’ll give you a hint. It’s not good. We’re going to have sleazy photographers camping out on our lawn and following you to school.”

  My sister started crying, and not the pretty tears she perfected during her pageant days. These were ugly, snotty sobs that emanated from somewhere deep inside her gut. “Now Mom and Dad will hate me,” she said. “And Caroline’s going to hate me. And you hate me . . .”

  “I don’t hate you.” I inhaled, and took a step toward her, but then I realized exactly what she had said. “Wait. Why is Caroline going to hate you?”

  "Because I told her I’d be back after lunch to help her finish the challenge, and now we’re going to lose.” Lyssa began bawling again.

  Oh, freaking hell, the challenge. Another disaster. Defeated, I threw my hands in the air and said, “Fine. Do whatever you want. I’m done.” Without another word, I plunged into the woods, stumbling as quickly as I could through the brush, until I knew I was completely alone.

  I leaned my head against a big tree. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stood motionless, my forehead pressed against the rough bark. This was a catastrophe, and I couldn’t fix it. I had tried. There were no other tricks up my sleeves or tools on my Swiss Army knife.

  How could I lose my cool like that? Once that footage aired, Lyssa would forever be branded as the trashy girl who Jake cheated on America’s tween sweetheart with, and I’d be her trainwreck of a sister. And I’d never get into a good school—who would accept a student with such overt anger management issues? Hell, Jake would have every right to press charges, and then I’d have an assault on my record, too.

  But it didn’t matter because I’d never be able to afford college now. I had completely ruined our chances of ever winning this contest. I’d let my self-control falter for one moment, and managed to destroy both my dignity and my future medical career.

  The swish of overgrown foliage behind me announced Devan’s arrival. How could I face him now that he had witnessed the worst in me?

  “Your sister and Hal took off to find Caroline. They want to finish the challenge,” he said softly.

  “Good.” I didn’t think I was capable of more coherent thoughts. I just wanted him to go away.

  “Sam . . . I . . . I’m really sorry about what happened.” He touched my shoulder. I remained facing the tree, and he pulled his hand away. “I want you to know I don’t think any less of you.”

  Boy, was that the wrong damn thing to say. My eyes narrowed and I turned on him. “You mean, you don’t think any less of me because my sister was taken advantage of by a D-list reality show host? That’s so kind of you to not lump me in with my sister.” It felt good to get some more of my anger off my chest.

  “No! Sam, listen . . .”

  “I don’t need your approval. Or anyone’s.”

  I pushed past him, and Devan stumbled a little. Then he reached out and grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him.

  “Samantha, I can’t stop thinking about you and last night by the campfire. Maybe I’m imagining things, but you’ve completely gotten under my skin like . . . like a . . . festering rash, but in a good way,” he babbled.

  I squinted my eyes and tried to keep up with him.

  “Well, that’s kind of disgusting. But here’s the thing, even though you’re infuriating, and your family’s beyond embarrassing, I can’t stop thinking there’s something between us.” He gave me a hopeful smile. “If it weren’t for this ridiculous contest, I wonder if you and I could be . . .”

  “Whoa. Stop right there.” I pushed his hand off my arm. “Yes, we had a moment. But it doesn’t make up for the fact that you just said I’m like a festering rash, and my family is embarrassing. Then you say you like me, even though it sounds like you really wish you didn’t. And what was with the hedgehog comment? How the hell am I like a hedgehog?”

  “You know, they’re spiky and irritable, but adorable.”

  The veins in my neck were throbbing, and my pulse sped up from the adrenaline. My body was prepared for a fight, even if my heart wasn’t.

  “God, I hate this contest! I hate Bigfoot, and I hate you!”

  Devan winced, like I had poured fire ants down his boxers, which I totally would have, if I had any handy.

  I stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t hate you.” I swiveled around to face him. “But, look, Devan, you’ve made it obvious what you think about my family and me. You’ve called us trashy and ridiculous since day one, and now you’ve been proven right. So, yay for you. You win.”

  Devan’s face fell. “I never called you trashy or ridiculous!”

  “You might as well have. You said my family was and that’s the same thing. And I could have handled that on its own, if you hadn’t been so horrified by the idea of my sister dating your friend. Kyle likes Sophie. How dare you stick your nose in and try to mess that up?”

  Devan clenched his jaw. “First of all, I was never trying to mess that up. Dr. DeGraw made it very clear she expected us to focus exclusively on the challenge. I simply reminded Kyle he didn’t need any more distractions.”

  “Honestly, Devan, I don’t care what you or your professor think. As soon as this challenge is over, so are we. L
et’s just get it over with and find a few more fake-ass fake clues.”

  “Fine,” he said with ice in his voice. “You’d know all about fake clues, wouldn’t you?”

  My stomach dropped. “What?”

  “I know it was you who made those claw marks in the tree near our cabin.” Devan was eerily calm as he said this.

  I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

  “Don’t deny it, Sam. We have proof. Caroline found a scrap of fabric at the scene and she matched it to the threads in your sweatshirt when you were staying at the cabin.”

  I felt sick. The tears I had held back when I was yelling at him, burst forth. “That was just a prank,” I blubbered. “I’m so sorry . . .”

  Devan stood watching me cry, without expression.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” I gulped and wiped at my eyes.

  He sighed, “In the end it worked out fine, so . . . besides, we’re even now.”

  “What do you mean?” I sniffed.

  “You were right. Caroline was using Jake to get information, but not the way you thought. She only got close to him so she could hack his phone to give us a heads up on the upcoming challenges, just in case. I didn’t know at the time. But she admitted it the other day. She was trying to cheat and if she had gotten caught, she could have gotten us disqualified, too.”

  I knew it! But the superior feeling of being right was short-lived. It didn’t matter. Everything was still a chaotic mess and All My Freaking Fault.

  “What do we do now?” I whispered.

  Devan shook his head and stared at the ground. “How about we split up the remaining territory and spend the rest of the day sweeping for clues on our own. Then we can pack up and head back with whatever we find by the end of the day.”

  I just nodded. That sounded like the best I could expect at this point.

  Chapter 24

  “I’ve heard of Bigfoot hunters who use a recording of a crying baby for bait. They hope a female Bigfoot will be compelled to take care of the infant. I think causing emotional distress on purpose is cruel and unethical.”