Regret (Shattered Secrets Book 1)

by Bella J.

  Yet every molecule inside her wanted to trust him so badly, to be able to rely on someone else but herself for a change. A part of her wanted to open up, but she just couldn’t. He knew too much already. And judging by the way he managed to make her thighs clench just by looking at her, it was probably a sign that she was in too deep already.

  Whenever she allowed herself to admire that hard as stone body of his, all she thought about was sex, sex, and more sex. It was like her body was just drawn to his somehow, needing it against her whenever they were near each other. It was the weirdest fucking thing.

  But she knew Hunter’s type. The type of man that got off on controlling women sexually, to dominate. There was no way he would give up control to a woman. But that knowledge didn’t stop her from thinking about how much fun it would be to see how far he could be pushed, if she could crack him and make him give up control.

  Just thinking about it caused a throbbing ache between her legs. All these thoughts of Hunter and sex and what it would feel like to have both at the same time had her heart racing, her spine tingling, and her insides coiled tight. It had been a while since Scarlet had allowed herself to enjoy all the pleasures a man had to offer. Having Hunter and that damn body of his around, exuding promises of sexual indulgence and gratification, was wreaking havoc inside her.

  Dammit.

  Scarlet shot back another mouthful of tequila in an attempt to tame the raging lust that threatened to bring forth the slut in her. She needed a distraction from her horny, dirty little mind. Something black laying on the counter caught her eye. A wallet. Hunter’s wallet.

  Glancing down to the white men’s shirt she had on, along with the leather pants she had been wearing for the last two days, a great idea popped into her head.

  She needed a distraction…and a distraction she would get.

  Chapter 18

  May 24, 2009

  It had been a week since Hunter had made love to Blue for the first time. Now it seemed like whenever they were together, all they wanted to do was get lost in each other. All he could think about was being inside her, watching her beautiful face as she climaxed around him. The way her eyes fell closed, her mouth shaped in the perfect O while the most beautiful sounds of pleasure rolled over her lips, was fucking perfection. Her back would arch while her entire body trembled from the force of the orgasm that seemed to rip through her every time. All the while he could feel every pulse, every shudder, and every goddamn ounce of pleasure that possessed her. It was exquisite, euphoric, and just plain fucking awesome.

  Hunter loved her. As simple as that. He loved her from the first moment he laid his eyes on her. But it was when he made love to her for the first time, moving inside her, feeling her warmth around him, that he realized just how deeply he felt for her. No pun intended.

  Usually, Hunter wasted no time when it came to women. If the woman didn’t put out by the second time they saw each other, he would move on to the next conquest. That was what women were to him, conquests. A hunt. An easy hunt. He lived a fast life and didn’t have time for women with a moral compass. He was young, he was reckless, and he wanted to fuck. That was it. No ifs or buts about it.

  That was until he met Blue. She changed everything. She changed him.

  For some unexplainable reason, he didn’t have that uncontrollable urge to bend her over and fuck her senseless the first time he met her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. With her ice blue eyes, golden blonde hair, and pixie-shaped face, she was gorgeous, and something inside him—his soul maybe—felt more for her than just raw lust and desire. He wanted more than just her body. He wanted her mind, her soul, her heart. He wanted all of her. And it finally seemed like he had it. She loved him, and God knew he loved her.

  On his way down from his crappy little apartment, Hunter passed the pawn shop on the corner of the building and his eye caught sight of something in the window. He stopped to get a better look at the weird silver, round charm. Inside of the circle were hearts linked together to form a maze-like image. It wasn’t something extremely beautiful, or even expensive. There was just something about it that reminded him of Blue.

  For the first time since he moved into the apartment six months ago, passing the little junk shop two times a day, he walked into the tiny shop. The bell hanging over the door chimed loudly and the air inside felt stuffy—dusty. Everywhere he looked, all he saw was junk and more junk.

  “Can I help you?” An old man with glasses and a bowtie came walking down the narrow aisle.

  Hunter cleared his throat. “How much for the round charm in the window?”

  “Which one?”

  Hunter walked over and pointed at the trinket.

  “Ah.” The old man reached out and took it from the display cabinet. “The symbol of eternal love.”

  “The what?” Hunter cocked a brow.

  The old man rubbed the silver trinket with his sleeve then held it out to Hunter. “It’s a Celtic symbol for eternal love.”

  Hunter took a closer look at what seemed like nothing more than an old piece of metal.

  “I take it’s for someone special in your life?” The old man smiled.

  Hunter just glanced at him and then looked back down at the charm. “How much?”

  “Twenty dollars.”

  Fuck him. Twenty dollars for a secondhand piece of metal? Hunter didn’t make a lot of money being a mechanic. Twenty dollars wasn’t exactly an amount of money he could afford spending on something as futile as an ancient old whatever thing.

  He looked up at the old man again. “I’ll take it.”

  “Excellent. Your special girl will love it. Let’s get that all wrapped up for you.”

  Hunter followed him to the cash register. “How do you know I’m buying it for someone special?”

  The man took off his glasses. “Because only a man who is deeply in love will be able to spot this symbol in a shop filled with junk.” He wrapped the trinket in a box and then stepped in front of a glass cabinet with silver chains, removing one.

  Hunter held up his hands. “I can’t afford the chain too.”

  “It’s free. Call me a hopeless romantic.” The man winked, and Hunter just nodded his thanks. He didn’t know if he should like the old man or be creeped out by him.

  Hunter reached for the box, but the old man didn’t let go of it when he said, “It’s an ugly world out there, son. When you’re lucky enough to find something beautiful, hold on to it and never let go.”

  With narrowed eyes, Hunter took the box and thanked the old man before walking out of the shop. That wasn’t weird at all.

  On his way around the corner to the spot where he always parked his motorcycle, Hunter thought about the old man’s words. Never in a million years did he ever think he would be the kind of man to find something beautiful to hold on to in this world. His entire life had been a struggle of piss-poor decisions and sucky consequences. Was it possible that the night he met Blue he had finally made the right decision for the first time in his life? That the wheel had turned and he had a real chance at happiness?

  Later that afternoon, while Hunter waited outside Blue’s house by the huge-ass wall, he kept on tossing the box with the charm from one hand to the other. A twenty-dollar gift wasn’t exactly something a man gave a woman like Blue. She deserved gifts and spoils that exceeded his weekly wage. She deserved so much more than he could give her. Giving her this piece of junk would be a slap in the face…and he was not going to give it to her. Ever.

  Just as he was about to shove the box into his jacket pocket, Blue stepped up next to him.

  “What is that?”

  Fuck.

  “It’s nothing.” He was so nervous and annoyed with himself that he wanted to throw the damn box as far as possible. But Blue grabbed it out of his hand and sprinted a few feet away from him. “Wait.”

  “I want to see.”

  “Blue, no.”

  “Why not? Is it not for me?” A warm smile sprea
d along her angelic face and Hunter wished to God he had something platinum or gold inside that box for her and not some useless, worthless piece of shit.

  “Blue, it’s stupid, okay? Just give it back.”

  “So you did buy it for me?” Her fingers toyed with the box like she was about to rip it open.

  Hunter sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, something he did whenever he was nervous or annoyed. He was definitely nervous. “Yeah, I bought it for you. But it’s—”

  She tore through the paper and opened the box. Hunter’s heart stopped and his lungs no longer expanded.

  Dear God, she was going to hate it and she was going to yell at him and tell him to find a lowlife whore who liked junk like that.

  “Hunter—”

  “I know. It’s terrible, and I’m sorry. I just saw it and it somehow made me think of you. Not that I think you’re as worthless as that thing. Far from it. I just, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He was rambling like a fucking idiot.

  “It’s the Celtic symbol of eternal love,” she whispered as she took the charm out of the box and examined it more closely.

  “Blue, forget it, please. I’ll save up, and I promise I’ll buy you something better, something—”

  “I love it.”

  Hunter balked. “You what?”

  “I love it.” She looked up at him with those sapphire eyes that beamed with, what? Joy? Excitement? Love?

  “You don’t have to say—”

  His breath left him with a loud swoosh as she jumped up against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  “I love it, Hunter,” she said against his ear, her voice sending a warmth down his spine and straight back up to his chest, right where his heart was. “I love you.”

  When those words left her mouth, Hunter no longer had the capacity to breathe. Everything around them froze and all he could hear, see, and feel was those words she had just said. His entire world shifted right at that moment, as if everything had finally aligned the way it should. Him…her…them, nothing else mattered.

  She unwrapped her arms around his neck and stepped back, a flush of embarrassment on her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s too early—”

  Fuck that.

  He rushed forward and pulled her into his arms, crashing his lips against hers. He kissed her like he had never kissed anyone before in his entire life. His heart and soul got poured into that kiss, and he prayed to God she could feel every ounce of love he had for her through that one simple act. It felt like his heart finally found a reason to keep on beating, as if his soul had found what it had been looking for all these years.

  When he tightened his hold around her waist, a moan echoed in the back of her throat and it was like a fucking symphony to his ears. He had never felt so whole in his entire life. This woman filled him in ways he never thought anyone could. All the emptiness he carried around with him through the years had been filled with three little words. Words he knew would change him forever.

  When he finally managed to tear his lips away from hers, both of them panting with the need for more, he whispered, “I love you too, Blue. I love you so much it hurts.”

  A tiny smile crept up at the corners of her mouth as she pulled the chain over her head. She stared down at the symbol hanging down between her breasts. “I’ll never take it off. I will always keep it close to my heart.” She looked up at him. “I’ll always keep you close to my heart, Hunter.”

  And that was the moment Hunter knew he had found his eternal love. His angel. The beauty he would never let go of.

  Chapter 19

  Present

  When Hunter stepped out of the shower, he wiped his face with the towel—a very fluffy towel. God, Adam was a real pansy.

  Grabbing a pair of sweatpants he found in Adam’s closet—which was the only thing that would fit—he pulled them on and tossed the wet towel over the shower rail before turning around.

  Staring at himself in the mirror, his wet hair one big mess around his face, he wished there was a way he could kick his own ass. Why he needed to get himself tangled up in Scarlet’s shit was beyond him. If he had just kept his nose out of it, left Twisted Fable that night without a second thought, he would be back at his apartment fucking some random little submissive chick with only his own demons to bear.

  The tattoos on his body showed exactly how deep his root to hell was planted. It was quite the collection he had, and each one of them had some sort of meaning to him.

  Regret. The word inked from one hip to the other. Big, black, bold letters spelling out the name of the biggest demon he had to live with. The motherfucker of all his shit. Regret followed him everywhere. It never left him, not even for a goddamn second. Even when he slept it was there—which was why he hardly ever closed his eyes. There were so many things he regretted, like not telling her he loved her more. Regretting not being able to hold on to her, not beating the odds with her. But most of all, the regret of not being able to keep her safe.

  Blue was inked on his right rib cage in delicate calligraphy. Delicate, because that was exactly what she was—an angelic beauty, a delicate soul. Above it, an eagle flying with a leaf in his beak, reminding him of what he’d lost.

  There was the bleeding human heart being crushed in a giant hand inked on the skin right above his own heart. That tattoo was pretty much self-explanatory. Till this day not a minute went by that his heart didn’t feel like the life was being squeezed out of him.

  Then there was the skull on his right arm, usually the last part of a human that remained after death. That was what happened to him the day he lost Blue…he died, and nothing but an empty shell was left of him.

  There was also the tattoo on his back, but he didn’t want to think of that one. He never wanted to think about it, but needed it close, which was why he chose to cover his back with it.

  The art on his skin was a constant reminder that he had failed the one person he had vowed never to fail, the one person he would have given his life for. So he made sure the pictures were there, engraved in his flesh so he would never forget the fact that he had lost what he loved the most, and that he would never allow himself to love again—ever.

  After taking a few deep breaths, he squared his shoulders and prepared himself for the woman waiting downstairs. He wasn’t sure anything could prepare anyone for her though. Not only was she annoying as shit, she was also fucking beautiful. The more time he spent with Scarlet, the more tiny little details he noticed about her. Like how she bit her lower lip whenever she was thinking hard about something. Or how she would frown when she was trying to come up with some smart-ass comeback to everything he said. But the most beautiful thing he had noticed about her, the thing that seemed to drive him crazy, was the look in her eyes whenever she unintentionally let her guard down. It had only happened once or twice in the short time he had known her, but he noticed it. The first being when he cuffed her to his couch and she begged him to loosen the cuffs. That alone made him think that she probably wasn’t into the whole being cuffed to a bed while being fucked thing—which was too bad since he would have really loved to have control over that hot body of hers.

  Then there was the freak out session she had in the elevator which led him to kiss her—which he enjoyed a lot more than he was supposed to.

  And then the moment in the car, when he asked her to let him help her. He saw it. He saw in her eyes just how much she really wanted to trust someone—him. It made him wonder when the last time was she allowed anyone to get close, and what happened to her that made her lose all her trust in people around her.

  Scarlet was a damn enigma, and the weirdest part was that he really wanted to figure her out. A damn puzzle he was desperate to solve.

  It was probably a PI thing.

  Hunter grabbed his chain off the bathroom sink and paused. The silver Celtic symbol of eternal love was the one thing that made him feel closer to her somehow. Which was why he never wore it when he was screw
ing another woman. Maybe he shouldn’t wear it around Scarlet either since he was already having thoughts about screwing her senseless. It felt wrong having Blue close to him when he was with someone else, even though his heart wasn’t a part of it. He lost his heart the day he lost his Blue.

  He walked out of the bathroom and placed his chain in the bedside table drawer. Now he had to go downstairs and try to have a grown up discussion with Scarlet. That was the only way he would get answers, by coaxing them out of her somehow. Maybe he should get her drunk, give her a shit load of tequila and then hope like hell she would get a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

  He already suspected she would be halfway done with the bottle of Olmeca by now, which would make this part a lot easier.

  When he got downstairs, Scarlet wasn’t where he left her. “Goddammit.” It was a huge house and it took him about twenty minutes to confirm that she had in fact…bailed.

  “Fucking…”

  When he glanced at the counter and saw that his wallet was missing, he cursed. F-bombs had nothing on the words that came out of his mouth. Grabbing a tumbler off the counter, he threw it against the wall right next to the television set, glass splattering everywhere. How the fuck could he be so stupid? Where were his so-called PI skills now? Did he really think that if he left her alone, uncuffed to something, she wouldn’t bail? All he wanted to do was help her, but instead he got an entire fucking wannabe SWAT team on his ass, and then robbed by the same woman he wanted to help in the first place. Way to go, Hunter, you fucking dildo.

  To think that he actually thought she was beautiful. That he actually thought there was more to her than just being a stubborn bitch who probably gave her dear old cousin reason to be pissed off with her in the first place.