Evan shakes his head. “Maybe you would, or maybe you’d take it and spend it on stupid stuff, and end up realizing that you were better off beforehand.” He shrugs. “I’m not saying life isn’t a lot easier when you have money, ’cause I know that it is. There’s times when it’s really, really useful. But… it’s not all there is, you know? And it can buy you some security, but it can’t protect you from everything.”
Evan looks down at his plate, and then off to the darkening horizon. “Tomorrow’s Father’s Day, and I was so fucking glad when I heard that Tat was going to be coming to this thing, because maybe it’ll distract her and keep her from falling apart the way she has every other year on Father’s Day, and Mother’s Day, and their birthdays.” He looks back at Dan. “And, I know, we have money so we can pay for the distractions, and we have money so I can afford to be here in case she does fall apart, and all that’s true, but it doesn’t change the fact that she lost both her parents when she was nine years old. Money can’t bring them back.” Evan isn’t crying, but his eyes are full.
Dan shakes his head. “No. It can’t bring anybody back.”
There’s a quiet moment, and then Tatiana’s voice cuts through the dusk. “Evan? Are you lost? Dan? Follow the sound of my voice! Don’t be afraid!”
Evan shakes his head. “Money can’t make it okay for me to muzzle her.”
“Maybe it could buy you a really, really good pair of earplugs.”
“Evan? Do you need help? If you need help, bark like a seal!” The girl is clearly enjoying herself.
Evan shakes his head resignedly, and they walk the rest of the way to the table, where Evan carefully puts his plate down and then leans his head over Tat’s shoulder. “Aauurf, Aauurf,” he barks in her ear, and as Tatiana shrieks with laughter Dan reflects that it really is a very good seal imitation. Maybe rich kids get special tutoring in animal voices.
The rest of the meal goes smoothly, and shortly after they’re done eating, Robyn and Tat go down for a final check on the horses, and the other three head back to the motel. Evan takes first turn in the bathroom, and when Dan comes out the lights are turned off, but there’s enough light filtering in through the window that Dan can make his way to his bed. He climbs in and lies there staring at the ceiling, listening to Evan breathe in the bed next to him. After a few minutes, Evan stirs.
“Dan?”
“Yeah?”
“Dan, sing me a lullaby,” Evan whines.
“Go fuck yourself, Evan.”
Evan snorts. “Well, since you won’t….”
Dan doesn’t respond to that, but a few minutes later he says, “Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you still… I mean, okay, I wasn’t loving the aggressive come-ons, but are you still… thinking in those terms?”
Evan shifts, and in the dim light Dan can see that he’s turned on his side and facing him. “Yeah, but….”
Dan braces himself. “But….”
“But I want to do it right, now. You know? I want to do it like you said. I want us to keep doing this, getting to know each other, and hanging out, and… being sure.” He shakes his head. “I know it sounds like I’m a little girl, but I want to take it slow.”
Dan absorbs that information. “So, if I got up right now and climbed into bed with you, you’d turn me away?” He puts enough teasing in his voice to let Evan know that it’s not going to happen.
Evan responds in a similar tone. “I don’t know—why don’t you give it a try?”
They both laugh a little, and then it’s quiet again. Dan looks at the ceiling, and the way the lights from passing cars reflect off the panels.
“Evan?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry about your parents, man.”
Evan lets out a deep breath. “Yeah.”
They stop talking then, and Dan feels his body relaxing. He thinks briefly about how he didn’t spend the night with Ryan, and how he now is spending the night with Evan. He thinks it should seem backward and unnatural, but somehow, it doesn’t. Then he lets himself drift off to sleep, listening to the comforting sounds of Evan’s soft breathing in the background.
Chapter 32
THE ALARM the next morning is early even by Dan’s standards, and Evan just makes a strange groaning snort and buries his head under his pillow as Dan struggles upright and heads for the shower. He brings fresh underwear in with him to avoid the awkwardness of being totally naked in front of Evan, and even remembers to grab the white boxer briefs instead of his usual black. He sometimes can’t believe that he has a job where he has to worry about his underwear showing through his white pants.
He showers and shaves, and then heads back out to the main room. He finds his dress breeches and pulls them on, and is just hunting around for the silk socks that work best under his dress boots when Evan sits up with a groan. “What time is it, man?”
Dan checks his watch. “Half past five. We need to be out of here in half an hour—I’ve got cereal, and there’s milk and fruit in the mini-fridge, but if you want to go to the diner for breakfast you’d better haul ass.”
Evan rubs his face. “Is there food at the site?”
“Yeah, there’s a sort of lunch wagon. No guarantees, but they usually have donuts and stuff in the mornings, and then hot dogs and sandwiches for lunch.”
“Okay. I’ll have cereal and donuts.”
Dan grins. “What, isn’t Tat gonna make you have some fruit?”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Evan glances over with a smile, but his eyes catch somewhere around Dan’s neck and the expression fades. He seems to have to shake himself back into gear. “Okay, right, I’m just gonna hop in the shower.”
He almost bolts from the room, and Dan’s hand goes to his collarbone, and he feels the bruise left by Ryan’s mouth. Damn. He guesses he can’t be too critical of Evan for his lack of subtlety, when Dan’s parading around waving his exploits in Evan’s face. Dan tries to get the situation out of his mind, and he tells himself that he definitely shouldn’t feel guilty about the hickey itself.
He pulls on a white undershirt, and then checks to make sure that the rest of his clothes are ready to go. He’s got a pair of light coveralls that he wears around when he’s not actually riding. They make him look like he’s going to work on a car, but they help keep his show clothes clean. Whoever thought up white pants for riding horses definitely had a team of grooms doing the grunt work.
By the time he’s sure everything is set, Evan’s out of the shower, and Dan busies himself with getting the breakfast food out to avoid staring at Evan as he dresses. There’s a knock on the door from Michelle’s room, and Dan glances over to make sure Evan’s decent before answering it. If he doesn’t get to look at naked Evan, then neither does Michelle.
She comes in dressed similarly to Dan, with her brown hair tied up in a tidy bun. She’s a fairly stout woman, and her coveralls are a bright pink. She looks a bit like a lollipop, but Dan knows better than to say that. He’s almost afraid to ask what she’ll be wearing for the cross-country event. That’s the only time there’s any real room for creativity in the riders’ wardrobes, although usually competitors try to reflect their stable’s colors. But since the barn hasn’t figured out colors yet (Tat had squeaked excitedly when Dan asked her to take care of that, but she hasn’t actually produced a final decision yet), Dan had just told the girls to put together whatever they wanted. He knows Tat and Robyn had been poring over catalogs and had received several rush deliveries in the past week.
Dan offers a bowl of cereal to Michelle, and she accepts, and then Evan comes over for his, and the three of them slurp their breakfasts in companionable silence, Evan and Dan sitting on their unmade beds, Michelle on the room’s only chair. They finish eating and run through a final checklist to be sure they’ve got everything, and then head off to the venue.
They’re early, but by no means the first ones there. Evan parks, and they head toward the stalls. As soo
n as they’re in sight, Tatiana is storming over, looking angry. Dan braces himself, but Evan is the one who she focuses on. “Evan! Could I talk to you in private, please?”
Evan actually hangs his head, looking like he’s being called in front of the principal, while Dan gives him a sympathetic look and heads over to check in with Robyn. He and Michelle help her with feeding and watering the horses and then get started on braiding and grooming, but they also find time to ask her about Tat’s mood.
“I’m really not sure,” Robyn says. “Everything was fine, then we got up around midnight to do a quick check, and there were a couple guys out front.” She frowns a little. “It was weird, because this is such a small show, you wouldn’t think there’d be any super-valuable horses here—I bet Monty’s got them all outclassed by a mile. But, honestly, they looked like security, like those guys we saw at Rolex. And she saw them and just got really quiet.”
Dan thinks for a second, remembers the conversation he’d had the day before, showing just how much money the Kaminskis have. But he doesn’t want to start speculating. “Well, I guess if it’s any of our business, they’ll let us know. Let’s run through the schedule, make sure everything is on track.”
Robyn and Michelle buckle down, and it’s not long before Tat and Evan come back over. They both look a little tense, but it’s easy to distract Tat with getting Sunshine ready for the dressage test. The lowest level, beginner-novice, runs first, and that’s where most of the barn’s horses are registered: Robyn riding Chaucer, Tat riding Sunshine, and Dan riding Winston. Dan doesn’t expect much from either Chaucer or Winston. They have the skills, but this is their first event, and they will likely be too excited to do well, especially at dressage, where they need to be relaxed and attentive. And Sunshine has competed at a much higher level in the past, so she’s not eligible to place at this level, and is only showing as a way to give Tat some experience.
Because Dan is riding another horse later in the day, he’s the first of the team slated to ride, but all three are close enough on the schedule that they saddle up, put on their show jackets, and go to the warm-up ring together. Michelle and Evan follow them and stand at the rail watching as they run through some exercises and then the required test. It’s a fairly basic pattern of movements, but the judges will be looking for how well the horses perform them, how balanced, flexible, and responsive they are. Dan watches Robyn and Tat warm up, and then focuses on his own horse. Winston’s a bit of a mess. He’s strung out from the excitement of his first show and is even more intent on ignoring Dan than he is at home. The energy will serve him well in the jumping portions of the day, but for dressage, he needs to calm down.
Dan is the third rider of the day, and when he sees the first two head over he takes a moment to run everything over in his mind and try to get Winston relaxed. He and Winston walk over to the ring shortly after, then his name and horse are announced, the bell is rung, and he’s in the ring.
It’s been over a year since Dan has competed, and he’s a little nervous himself. It’s not the riding that makes him uncomfortable; it’s the audience, everyone staring at him. But he focuses on the task at hand and works his way through the test. Winston starts off terribly, fighting Dan every step, his whole body tense and rebellious. Dan has just resigned himself to muscling the beast through the test and then selling him for dog food when Winston finally seems to give up the fight. His whole body lightens, he bends his neck and curves his spine, and he performs the remaining moves as if he’s dancing. Dan doesn’t know whether to hate him for the first half of the routine or love him for the second. He salutes the judges and heads for the exit gate, and the man running it laughs a little as he passes. “Nice to see he’s got the ability, but now you’ve got to work on the attitude, huh?” Dan nods and smiles back. He’d forgotten this, the sense of community. People are competitive, and for some of them it’s big business, but they also love the sport. It’s too much hard work and too much risk to take part if they aren’t enjoying themselves.
Dan rides over to where Tat is waiting on Sunshine, Evan and Michelle beside her. She looks incredibly nervous, and Dan grins at her. “Did you see that, see what a bastard he was at the start?” Tat nods jerkily. “Yeah, you’re lucky Sunshine won’t pull that crap on you! You just get to go out there and trot around a little, make me look bad. She can do these moves in her sleep, and I bet you can, too, we’ve practiced them so much!”
Evan pipes up. “So, is that your advice? They should just go out there and have a nap?”
Dan nods thoughtfully. “You know, I think it is.”
Tatiana looks at them in some disgust. “You’re both crazy,” she says, but her hands have stopped shaking.
Tat’s name is called, and Dan thinks he notices a bit of a stir in the crowd. He wonders if the gossip of the rich new family has spread already, and hopes a little for Tat’s sake that it hasn’t. But then he’s focused on watching her ride. She does really well. Sunshine is a dream, of course, but Tat does a good job of staying out of her way and of communicating clearly enough that Sunshine knows what’s needed. Dan hasn’t seen all the competitors, but from those he has seen, he thinks Tat would have won if Sunshine had been eligible. They leave the ring and Tat is so thrilled she’s practically floating, beaming into Evan’s video camera and almost squeaking as she tries to give them all a play-by-play of the ride.
Robyn does well, too, with Chaucer not exceptional but solid, especially for his first event. There’s a bit of a gap then. It’s not yet time for the low-level jumping or the higher level dressage. They untack their horses and have a snack, and after that the day is just a blur, Dan trying to coach the other riders while still being competitive on his own rides. He takes Winston through a clear round in the stadium jumping. The horse has kept most of the tractability from the second half of the dressage test, and he’s obviously thrilled to be doing something where he’s given a bit more freedom. And when it’s his turn Monty waltzes through the dressage test and then takes each jump as if it were a mountain, building up to a huge takeoff and soaring over most of them at double the required height. It’s a waste of energy and Dan knows Monty shouldn’t be doing it, but it’s kind of fun. And Monty’s enthusiasm and love of showing off are big parts of what makes him such a great eventer. The other horses do well also, with Kip going clean after a strong dressage test, and Sunshine carrying Tat easily through the jumping.
Dan had debated whether to even enter Chaucer and Winston in the cross country phase. It’s the last of the three disciplines at this trial, so he can always pull them out and cite fatigue. But they’ve both done so well on the first two stages that he decides to keep going, and he’s glad of it. They both roar around the course like champions, fearless and strong and beautiful. And despite Evan’s white knuckles, Tat and Sunshine come through safely as well, although Dan has to shake his head at Tat’s orange and pink outfit with matching orange reins. Then the junior horses are cooled out and put back in their stalls for a well-deserved rest, and it’s only Monty and Kip left. Monty’s just running the course for fun, but Kip had a solid dressage test and a clean jumping round, so he’s in third place going into the cross-country. If he goes clean, he’ll be guaranteed to be in the prize money. Dan knows that it’s a paltry amount compared to the expenses of even just the trip, let alone the enterprise as a whole, but he’d still like to see at least a start to the income that the stable should someday earn.
The course wraps around in big loop so the end is near the beginning, and Dan is able to watch the two horses ahead of Kip in the rankings come in with significant faults, opening the door for Michelle not just to place but maybe win. He sees Michelle bringing Kip home while he’s waiting for Monty’s start time. Evan, Tat and Robyn are even closer, the girls screaming encouragement as Evan films the action, and when Kip comes in on time and Michelle raises her arms to indicate that there had been no faults on the course, Dan feels not elation but relief. He hadn’t realized how anxio
us he’d been about this day, about showing Evan that he’s doing a good job and has found him good employees and brought him good horses, until just that moment. If he’s honest, maybe it’s not all about showing Evan. Maybe some of it is about showing himself. He’d worked with Justin for so long, it was hard to be sure if he was any good on his own or if he had just been riding on Justin’s coattails. A win in a training level regional horse trial isn’t his ultimate goal, but it’s a start.
He barely even thinks about Monty’s ride, just lets the big horse’s talent and arrogance carry him over the obstacles as if they’re beneath his notice. He rides clean, making Monty slow a little to make sure they don’t come in under the minimum time, and then rides strong to the finish. His results don’t matter, but the others have stayed behind to wait for him and cheer him on anyway, and it feels good. Monty and Kip get turned out together at home and are friends, and Kip even adds a greeting of his own, whinnying loudly when Dan takes too long to get Monty over to him. Dan laughs and lets the two tired, sweaty horses greet each other, and then he and Michelle ride back to the main area together, with the other three trailing behind on foot.
Usually the stadium jumping is the last stage of an event, and the results are available quite quickly. With cross-country last, it takes a little longer to compile the results, since judges have to come in from the course and then do the math, so the team untacks the horses and starts the process of post-event caring. Each horse gets walked until it’s cool and dry, and then gets a massage and an anti-inflammatory lotion applied to its legs. Dan’s responsible for two horses, and while he’s already cooled Winston down, he’s happy to have Evan work on him while Dan works on Monty. It’s useful, and it’s a good way for Evan to learn a bit more about his horses. After the lotion, they put stable bandages on the legs and put them in their stalls. They’ll walk them again before bed, all in an attempt to keep them from getting too stiff.
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 60
