Time's Legacy

by Barbara Erskine

  ‘No!’ He shook his head again, more violently this time.

  ‘Have you ever seen a ghost?’ she asked, suddenly curious. She saw his face tighten in denial but she ploughed on recklessly. ‘I’ve often thought I did, but nothing like this. This was so clear. So real. They weren’t frightening. They weren’t some sort of echo. It was as if they were still there, in some other dimension, getting on with their thing. ‘And their thing was surrounding this ancient place of prayer with more prayer, with love and blessings. It was beautiful.’

  ‘Do you know what you are saying?’ His voice had dropped almost to a whisper. He was staring at her in horror. ‘For God’s sake, Abi!’

  ‘There’s nothing to be scared of,’ she said suddenly. ‘Look, Kier. Look around. Feel the peace and blessings this place dispenses round it. This is what churches do. They become some kind of powerhouse for the neighbourhood. Prayer radiates out of churches. It doesn’t matter how many people do or don’t go to the service. The stones themselves exude prayer and it has an effect.’

  ‘No!’ Kier shook his head. ‘Be quiet! Shut up!’ His voice broke. ‘My mind is made up. It has all been arranged with the diocese. I can see it’s a beautiful place. I am sad it has to change but there are lots of other lovely old churches which will stay the same. Just not this one.’ He tightened his lips. ‘Trying to scare me is not going to change anyone’s mind.’

  She shrugged. ‘I wasn’t trying to scare you. I thought maybe you would see something. Sense something of what there is here.’

  ‘There is nothing here, Abi!’ He was almost shouting. ‘Just walls!’ He took a deep breath, visibly trying to steady himself. ‘I tell you what, why don’t we lock up and go and have a glass of wine somewhere. There’s a good place just up the road.’

  She shook her head. ‘No thanks, I am tired. I’ve had a busy day; I went to visit my mother. I’ll go home now, and see you tomorrow.’ She managed a smile. ‘What time are the others coming?’ She had to pass him to get to the door. Taking a deep breath she moved towards him, making herself walk steadily down the aisle, realising at once he wasn’t going to step out of her way. ‘Excuse me. I need to go.’

  ‘Abi, you’ve been avoiding me and we must talk.’ His eyes were wild. ‘I need your help. You mustn’t go!’

  Again she shook her head. ‘No, Kier. Now is not a good time. I want to go home.’

  She wasn’t expecting him to lunge towards her. Before she had a chance to duck out of his way he had grabbed her arms. She struggled frantically but he was far too strong for her as he pulled her towards him. ‘Abi, you don’t understand. I can’t bear it on my own. These people are everywhere –’ He let go of her with one hand and gestured round the church. ‘You have to help me! I’ve been fighting it so long. I could just about manage it when Sue was there but when you came I found I could control it. I was safe. You are strong. You know what to do. Women know about these things. You could keep them at bay, but now I’m on my own…’ He paused, looking into her face. His eyes were full of terror now, darting back and forth. He was like a trapped animal. ‘I don’t know what to do!’ She saw him swallow hard. ‘You can save me, Abi. You must.’ And suddenly he was pulling her closer, his fingers biting into her arms. His mouth on hers was eager and soft. It repelled her. With a cry of distress she tried to free herself but she could do nothing. The kiss seemed to last forever but finally he released her. ‘Darling, Abi –’

  His words were cut off short as she pulled back her fist and hit him full in the mouth. ‘Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare touch me again.’ The initial wave of compassion which she had felt as he began his plea had vanished and she was overwhelmed with anger. ‘Do you hear? Never! I want nothing to do with you, Kier. Nothing.’

  ‘Oh God, Abi, I’m sorry.’ He was clutching his face. ‘I don’t know why I did that. They made me. Someone made me do it –’ He reached out for her again. ‘Abi, listen!’

  ‘No! You listen. Leave me alone.’ She tried to dodge backwards, and came up hard against the end of a pew.

  He caught her by the shoulders. Suddenly his voice changed. ‘You’ve hurt me, Abi.’ There was blood seeping down his chin.

  And I’ll hurt you again.’ She could feel the panic mounting as his fingers bit into her flesh. She tried to wriggle free. ‘Let me go, you bastard!’

  He released her shoulders and with a quick movement of one hand slapped her across the face. ‘Don’t use that language with me. Don’t you dare!’ His eyes were still frantic. ‘Don’t you see, we can help each other. I’m trying to be patient with you! You have to understand.’

  ‘Don’t bother!’ She managed to duck free of his grasp and lurched past him towards the door. In seconds she had wrenched it open and was outside, running down the path towards the cars.

  Kier had waited for everyone else to arrive before he went back into the church next morning. Hovering in the doorway he looked round. The place was bright and full of noise; he could smell coffee, hear laughter, see the dust of centuries rising before the onslaught of brooms as one by one the pews were hauled out of their serried ranks towards the back of the church. There was no sign of Abi.

  Kier rang her mobile twice, but it was switched off. Determinedly he put her out of his mind. There were enough people to keep the terrors away.

  It was late by the time they had finished and his was the only car left parked in the lane. All he had to do was pull the door to and turn the key. He stood in the doorway and looked inside. The church was very quiet now the others had gone home. Hesitantly he stepped inside and looked around. He waited tensely, afraid for a moment they would still be there, the shadows, but there was nothing. The place felt clean and free. The churchyard had been tidied up, the pews stacked at the back of the nave. Tomorrow a van would collect them and they would go into storage until the diocese decided what to do with them. Pub furniture was a favoured option, he had heard. It would raise some much-needed money. Now the nave of the old building was empty it felt much larger than before. Somehow wrong. He pushed the thought aside, turning to face the altar. It was bare but for a plain blue cloth. No cross, no candlesticks, just that hideous old crucifix on the wall below the east window. He shuddered. That would have to go. The young people would hate it. They should have moved it today. Slowly he began to walk up what had been the aisle, the line of it still marked by the dust left on the old paving slabs where the pews had stood for so many years. Strange, that Abi hadn’t liked this idea of clearing the church. As a young new face she ought to represent the young avant-garde wing of the church, against all the ritual and the flummery. He shook his head sadly. How could he have messed up so badly with her? Everything he had said and done she had misunderstood. He shivered. She was strong. Yet she had seen the ghosts. He bit the knuckle of his finger thoughtfully. And she hadn’t seemed to mind. She hadn’t been afraid.

  He shook his head. He was beginning to have serious second thoughts about Abi. He had thought her capable, able to cope with any phenomena which manifested here, in the church, but perhaps he was wrong in thinking that was a good thing. Perhaps she was the cause of the unrest. He stared round, his eyes darting here and there into the shadows. Maybe people were right in having reservations about women in the priesthood.

  Could he have been so wrong about her? At the beginning he had thought she was everything a good priest should be. Was it his fault she was veering off the path like this? Surely they would have spotted any problems at college when they were first assessing her suitability for the priesthood. He shook his head. Spiritual healing, voices. Superstition. And now ghosts! She had seen the ghosts in here, in this church! He shuddered. He turned round, forcing himself to stay calm. They had gone. No, they had never been here. After all, he had seen nothing. Not really. It was all imagination. It always had been, since he was a child. A residue of nightmares. In a dark old building it was easy to think one had seen things. Nothing but shadows, that was all. His hands were beginning to sweat. He ru
bbed his face and winced. The bruise where she had hit him hurt. His tooth still felt wobbly. For a while this morning he had thought it was going to fall out. But he shouldn’t have slapped her. That was unforgivable. He had lost his temper and that was not acceptable behaviour. He had prayed for hours last night, trying to see a way through the mess, pleading with God to make her see sense. To make her understand how much he needed her.

  The obvious answer of course was that she needed him as much as he needed her. If he could give her the strength to overcome her weaknesses, show her the true path then she would be in a position to help him. Or would she? Would she always be a danger, a threat to his sanity? He had a sudden picture of her clear passionate eyes, her wild hair and he felt another clammy frisson of fear.

  There was a sound behind him, a creak from the choir stalls which they had left in place for now. He turned round quickly, listening. Nothing. Then, suddenly, a small rattle as though someone had dropped a coin. He shivered nervously, forcing himself to stand still, trying to pull himself together. Flakes of plaster probably fell now and then from loose patches in the vaulted roof. All their banging and crashing earlier in the day would have shaken the structure a bit. He found himself turning round again, acutely aware of the emptiness around him. It had been fun in here earlier, with the others here. There had been a constant stream of banter and easy conversation and laughter. A couple of people had brought thermoses of coffee. He had forgotten it was a church for a while. It was just a job to be done; a space to be cleared, a re-allocation of resources. When the others had gone he had stayed behind to turn off the lights. Check everything was all right. Lock up. Abi hadn’t come to help of course, but he had hardly expected her to do that after last night. He frowned. He still didn’t understand why she had reacted the way she had when he had kissed her. Women usually found him attractive. He had thought she found him attractive. She always seemed to like his company. Or she had until recently. He sighed and shook his head. He was offering her an awful lot. A home, a future, support. And she needed no end of support, he saw that now.

  Another creak from the stalls made him swing round, straining his eyes into the shadows. ‘Hello? Is there anyone there?’ He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. ‘Come on out.’ Even in full sunlight this was a dark church but he could see there was no-one there. Nowhere to hide.

  ‘Come on! Time to go. I’m about to lock up.’

  The silence was almost tangible.

  Behind him a light flickered. He swung round to face the altar and gasped. There were two candlesticks on it now, two candles, lit, a lace cloth, a cross. His mouth dry with terror he stared for a long moment, not daring to breathe. Raising his hand at last he reached out and at once the candles vanished. ‘Our Father who art in Heaven,’ he whispered. This was Abi’s doing. She hadn’t wanted them to touch this place. He backed away towards the door. ‘Hallowed be thy name.’ It was her. She had brought evil here with her. That was why she didn’t want him to touch her. That was why she had panicked when he had reached out for her.

  There was only one word for what was happening here. Witchcraft.

  David Paxman looked at Abi quizzically. ‘I gather you almost knocked out one of his teeth, Abi. That must have been some punch!’

  ‘He’s spoken to you?’ She clenched her fists again, trying to speak calmly. ‘Did he tell you that he hit me?’

  The bishop nodded wearily. ‘He more or less corroborates your story, although he does feel you were out to seduce him from the start. He is also worried as to what exactly you were doing in the church that necessitated the lighting of so many candles.’

  ‘Candles?’ She felt the colour drain from her face.

  ‘Candles.’ The bishop sat back and picked up his cup. He was watching her carefully.

  ‘They weren’t real candles.’ She met his eye defiantly. ‘The church was full of ghosts. There was a choir and a parson and the pews were full and someone was singing the most beautiful solo hymn.’ Uneasily she began to pleat the folds of her skirt between her fingers. ‘And then Kieran arrived and, just like that,’ she clicked her fingers, ‘they disappeared. The church was dark when he came in. Dark and cold and empty.’

  ‘There was a mention of witchcraft.’ The bishop grinned broadly.

  ‘Oh, please!’ Abi stood up. ‘I don’t believe it. I suppose that’s because I rejected his advances.’

  ‘Actually he assumes it helped you lure him against his better judgement.’

  ‘The vindictive bastard! Does he want me burned at the stake!’

  ‘Not good Christian sentiments, Abi, but yes, something along those lines.’

  ‘Well, I’m resigning, remember? So he can take his box of matches somewhere else.’ She sat down again, furiously. ‘He is right about one thing. I was wrong to take holy orders. I accept that now. I have no vocation!’ She stopped abruptly. She hadn’t planned to say that. ‘It’s not just that I am seeing ghosts,’ she went on doggedly, deciding she might as well make a clean breast of things. ‘I’ve been practising the ministry of healing. He doesn’t like that at all, either.’ She paused, then went on. ‘He was so afraid. I don’t know if he was more afraid of the ghosts or of me or of himself. All three, perhaps.’ She shrugged. ‘After I saw him, after I left the church, I don’t know what happened. Perhaps I was in shock, but I was seeing everything differently suddenly.’ She hesitated. ‘The ghosts, everything, have always been there, but I couldn’t quite see them before. I’ve sensed them. I knew there was so much going on that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then suddenly it was as though someone flicked a switch and all the lights came on in my head.’

  The bishop said nothing. He waited, his eyes on her face.

  ‘Everything was glowing. People, houses, trees. It was like looking through some kind of prism; shimmering colours. Everywhere. And people in the streets. People who weren’t there.’ Her voice had dropped to a whisper. It had been incredible, somehow how she imagined it must be the first time or two one got high on drugs. Beyond anything she had ever experienced. She realised the bishop was still watching her closely.

  ‘People?’ he prompted at last.

  ‘People in old-fashioned clothes. Ghosts. Like in the church.’ To her embarrassment her eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘I could feel their pain. Their loneliness. Their fear.’

  For a moment there was complete silence in the room. Outside in the hall, a phone rang and almost immediately stopped. ‘What’s happened to me?’ She looked up at him pleadingly.

  ‘I think in modern parlance, Abi, that you are probably suffering from stress,’ he said at last. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. ‘We have been overworking you, that much is clear, and the man who should have been your guide and mentor has betrayed your trust. And mine!’ He paused a little grimly. There was another moment of silence. ‘Can you see those prisms and lights now?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Any ghosts?’ He was very serious.

  She shook her head again.

  ‘Good.’

  ‘I spent yesterday praying,’ she went on after a moment. ‘When you couldn’t see me at once, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I went for a long walk in the country. Up towards Wandlebury Hill. I should have been helping them clear out St Hugh’s but I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Kier again. Up there, I made the lights go away. I wouldn’t let them happen. They wanted to. They wanted to show me the past. It’s an ancient site up there, but I somehow controlled them. Out there in the fields they seemed all wrong. Unchristian. Pagan. So, you see why I can’t go on being a priest. Perhaps he has identified my problem. Perhaps I am a witch! You’ll have to accept my resignation. My parents hated me being ordained. My father because he’s an atheist, but my mother, well, you know what she thinks.’ She shrugged. ‘Whatever the reason, they were right.’

  He nodded slowly. ‘Your mother told me she lost her faith, Abi, but never why.’ He shrugged. ‘But you are wrong in thinking she
didn’t want you to be ordained. She told me it was your choice and she only wanted what was best for you.’ He looked at her pensively. ‘I think, Abi, the best thing would be for you to take a leave of absence for a few weeks while we all calm down and think things over.’

  ‘You needn’t expect me to think anything over when it comes to Kieran,’ she retorted hotly.

  ‘And I won’t. But there are other matters to consider.’ The bishop took a deep breath. ‘You are too valuable a member of the team, Abi, to lose you. And so is he. He too has offered to resign. He behaved unforgivably and has infringed every rule in the book regarding his relationship to you. He has put himself as well as you in a very vulnerable position. He will be coming to see me later this evening and in the meantime I think we should all take some time out to pray.’ He paused.

  ‘I don’t want him to lose his job,’ she said with unexpected meekness. ‘Perhaps he’s right and I did attract him in some way – without realising it. I didn’t mean to. He misunderstood.’

  ‘Abi, he should have been able to control himself. Put him out of your mind, my dear. I shall deal with him. Now, we must think about you.’

  ‘You haven’t said. Do you think I’m mad?’

  ‘Why should I think that?’

  ‘Seeing ghosts.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re mad.’ He stood up and held out his hands to her. Automatically she stood up too and after a second’s hesitation put her own into his. ‘I’m going to send you away for a while, Abi. Think of it as a retreat. A chance to pray, to think things over in a safe environment, far away from here. Somewhere you can think about your options and talk them over. Will you do that? Let me make some phone calls and I will contact you.’ ‘And in the meantime I don’t have to meet Kieran?’ ‘No, you don’t have to meet Kieran.’ He smiled. ‘Bless you, my dear. It will all come out all right, I promise you.’