Your Heart Is Mine (Our Hearts Are Lost Book 1)

by Nicole Thorn

  This felt so… normal, the two of us sitting in bed and watching TV. A painful glimpse of the life I couldn’t have. One where she wore a ring that matched mine, where this would be part of some routine we had, where we’d come home and spend the evening together before going to sleep.

  It seemed foolish, and hollow, but I turned my brain off for a few minutes. I fantasized about it, pretending that this could be real. In my fantasy, I didn’t have all those broken parts. Lynnie was mine and it made her happy. She wanted it that way. We rested after a long day, and we’d finally gotten the baby to sleep. She slept in a room right next to ours. I was human, and I felt… human. This life that I heard so many people complain about, I wanted it so badly in those few minutes I gave myself. How could I not see it before? That I craved this? I couldn’t even tell if it had always been in me, or if Lynnie created it. I didn’t believe that I could have wanted this before her. All of her light and kindness created something out of nothing.

  Lynnie started getting tired, as evidenced by the fact that she had lain down and turned sideways. She faced me, watching the TV with unfocused eyes.

  She hummed as her eyes closed. “I think I’m going down for the count.”

  I smiled at her and moved the hair that blocked her face. “I’ll leave soon.”

  Her eyebrows knit together, but I knew she had started to fade. Her voice had that quiet and strained whine to it that some people got when they fought sleep. “Don’t.” It sounded defiant.

  “I have to.” As heartwarming as it felt that she wanted me to stay, I knew it would be wrong.

  Her hand tightened on her pillow. “You should stay here tonight. I know that when I wake up tomorrow and you’re not in my bed, I’m going to be sad. You need to stay and let me force-cuddle you in the night.”

  I grinned again, even knowing she wouldn’t have felt that way if she knew the real me. She could speak to me like we had become friends, but the version of me she knew only skimmed the surface. I didn’t even know how real that surface could have been. I’d never talked like this with someone. I’d never had a friend. Everything I said to her came so naturally that I couldn’t tell if my mind made up a personality for me as an act of survival. She wouldn’t want to meet the real me.

  “Very funny,” I said before turning from her, trying not to let myself look at her face for too long.

  I left her and took the tray to the kitchen. I cleaned everything up so that she wouldn’t need to do it in the morning. She’d had a long night already.

  Back in my car, I could properly seethe over what happened tonight. Those friends of hers had done something terrible. She knew it too. She had to. Sometimes when she talked about them, she seemed to have nothing but contempt for their actions and opinions. I couldn’t kill them, because that would upset her. She had so much compassion. Lynnie cared about the girl at her party, even though she didn’t know her. She would care about these leeches that she associated herself with.

  I had another solution. One that would at least distract them for a little while. They would eat it up too. I hated the idea of making Lynnie’s friends happy in any way, but I would do it.

  I found a notebook in my car and a pen. Each of the little creatures would get a special hand written note from The Ripper that fascinated them so much. After I slipped on my gloves, I began. I used my left hand to write them, warning the children not to play with things that they had no business dealing with. I wrote dramatically. Wordy. I drew out points that I didn’t need to. The more elaborate these sounded, the more attention they would get from the kids.

  I kept the notes fairly short while I tried to come up with what I thought a homicidal maniac would say. Oddly enough, I struggled with it. I didn’t kill for entertainment. I did it for relief.

  Lynnie’s house remained dark and peaceful. I knew where each of the children lived. I could be at those houses and back in a half hour. But could I leave Lynnie alone for even that amount of time? I would’ve felt horrible if something happened to her.

  But this had to be done. Those people needed to know to back off and go about their own business. They wouldn’t understand what I meant of course. I hoped something still stuck. A half hour would be fine. Something told me that The Ripper wouldn’t let me being parked outside stop him from doing something. And he hadn’t hurt her thus far, just scared her.

  I took off, silently hoping that nothing would go wrong. Four houses, five brats. I could do that quickly. As I arrived at each house, I left the notes in their mailboxes. The post came early, so someone would get it. The way I figured, it would be that at least one of them would see theirs. They would text a friend, who would see theirs, and the dominoes would fall sequentially. Perfect.

  It would be hard to trace it back to me, but I didn’t need to take the chance. Odds said that these kids would be so excited that they wouldn’t be smart enough to be scared of it. The notes would go unreported because they’d want to keep them. Stupid. All of them. I really should just end their lives. Save everyone some time.

  Sadly, they would make it another night. I left the last house after leaving my present and made my way back to Lynnie.

  The house hadn’t changed at all by the time I parked in front of it. I didn’t trust it. She had shut all her blinds, keeping me from seeing in. It felt like more than a wall blocked me off from her.

  I shut my car off after I decided to check on her myself. She kept a key under the gutter because she had a habit of forgetting hers. She told me that she didn’t do it much lately, now that she drove, but it had become habit to keep a key there. She had been a latchkey kid and spent too many days on her porch waiting for the maid to come.

  She liked my company. She said she felt comfortable with me, and she made it obvious. Lynnie seemed lighter around me. I saw how she acted with her friends or her parents, and she seemed like a different woman with me. Hell, she had practically lain on my lap while we watched TV. If it had even been in the realm of possibility, I would assume Lynnie had feelings for me. She couldn’t, of course. She may not know what I had done, but she had to be able to feel it to some extent.

  After I got into her house, I entered in the code into the security system. Lynnie told me the code, just in case. Yeah, just in case I lost my mind and decided I needed to be in her bed.

  I checked all the rooms in her house, saving hers for last. No people hiding and no gifts for her. She would be safe for the time being, and it made it easier for me to breathe.

  I left her and I forced myself outside and back into my car.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

  Deadlock

  Rocelyn

  I woke up feeling like jelly. I enjoyed the feeling, all soft and happy. All throughout my morning shower, I felt fuzzy in the head. Not only did I not get enough sleep, but my mind went to other places. Good places, but distracting ones. I almost washed my hair with soap.

  I put my pants on, almost dying while I did it. My fault for dancing around while getting dressed. I got my shirt on without hurting myself, and my hair went up. I headed off to the kitchen, leaving my phone in my bedroom.

  The kitchen looked far cleaner than I left it the night before. I remembered having a pan to clean in the morning and a floor to sweep. Everything looked spotless. Isaiah. Of course. He must have cleaned up before he went out to his car.

  I really wished he’d stay inside. He’d be safer, and in my opinion, he could keep a closer eye on me. I didn’t know what kept him from doing it. Maybe all the heavy flirting. He thought that if I had him inside, I would attack him. I wouldn’t claim the idea hadn’t crossed my mind, but I liked to think I could keep control.

  My brain told me I needed to knock it off already. Either he missed all the hints that I had dropped, or he didn’t want me like that but he also didn’t want to upset me. I banked on that one. He seemed like too much of a sweetheart to let me down, even gently.

  Oh well. Onward!

  I started in on breakfast. I’d been
making it more elaborate since I finally had someone to cook for. He responded so well to it. It could’ve been because he didn’t feed himself enough and appreciated any nourishment. Is it just a single guy thing to not eat right?

  I sang while I cracked three eggs into the pan. My music played from the kitchen speakers and I had it much louder than I needed. The sound vibrated through the counter, the way I liked it. The cooking seemed to go by faster when I sang. Something about whistling while you worked, even when this never felt like work.

  One day, if I got very lucky, I would get to do this for a living. Maybe I’d own my own private catering business. I saw no reason that this dream couldn’t come true. I wanted to go to college in California, so I wouldn’t have to go far. Rich and lazy people populated the state. I would never be out of work, so long as I proved to be good at it. And I liked everything that I made…

  Once I’d finished cooking everything, I sent Isaiah a text telling him to get his ass inside. I wouldn’t make him eat in his car again. He would have a nice breakfast at a table, in a heated house. Even if it killed him.

  I’d finished setting the table when a knock sounded on the door. I smiled and skipped off to get it. My favorite man in uniform stood on the other side and he greeted me thusly: “And how was your night?”

  An eyebrow shot up on my forehead. “I was sleeping, so it was fine. Yours?”

  He took a step inside and I took a step backwards to let him in. “Good. Mostly a lot of sitting.”

  “Mostly?” I smirked.

  He shrugged and sauntered right on past me and to the table. We sat in the two seats closest together and I poured him a glass of juice. Damn, I had become whipped for someone who hadn’t even gone on a date with the guy she fawned over.

  He showered me with compliments for the first five minutes of our meal, and I blushed extra hard at every word. Maybe he had been well trained too.

  “Any plans for today?” I asked.

  Isaiah set his breakfast burrito down for a moment. “Sleeping. I might have to take Blue out for a walk. He needs to run around or all that evil in him builds up and he eats a pillow.”

  I glared at him. “Blue is the world’s sweetest puppy and you are insane if you think otherwise.”

  “I am accurate. He’s just clever. He knows how to win you over. A few snuggly moments here or there, and you’re a goner. You pet him for hours.”

  “Because he’s a baby and he needs love.”

  “Keep thinking that.”

  “I will,” I said with defiance.

  Our meal turned into goofy stares after that, trying to make the other one crack first. Of course, I lost that battle. When I started laughing, he looked so cocky about it.

  “You’re killing my buzz,” I told him.

  He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “What buzz might that be?”

  I sighed. “I had a nice dream last night. Actually I have been having nice dreams for a while now. Really good dreams.”

  Isaiah smirked, almost knowingly. “And do I get to hear about the contents of these dreams? They must have been really special to put you in such a chipper mood post clothes abuse last night.”

  I couldn’t tell him what they consisted of, obviously. That would be weird to talk about during breakfast. I didn’t lie completely. “Well, you were in them.”

  It felt like the world froze after the words left me. Isaiah literally ceased to function. He had been holding his drink to his mouth when I spoke. I swear it even looked like his pupils dilated.

  “Isaiah?” I said, moving my head to get a better look at his face. “Are you okay?”

  It took another five seconds for him to come back. Slowly, he put his glass down, swallowed, and cleared his throat. “Sorry,” he said evenly. “I wasn’t sure if I left my oven on last time I was home.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Um, okay. Your house would have burned down by now and you would have gotten a call. I think you’re safe.”

  “Of course.” He smiled, too grandly. He started rubbing the condensation on his glass, staring at it. “So I was in your dreams?”

  Another blush rose in my cheeks when fuzzy memories came back to me. “Yup.”

  Curiously, he asked, “Just me?”

  I let myself lie a little so that he wouldn’t ask too much more. “Yeah. You and me. We were playing with the puppy.”

  I didn’t think he believed me because he smiled. “Is that all we were doing? For multiple dreams? I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think I’m all that interesting. Now, if I was maybe a racecar driver or maybe the manager of an ice cream store, I can see your brain working with that for some fun dreams.”

  I nodded and shoved food into my mouth. I focused on the chewing so I wouldn’t have to notice the way he looked at me. He totally knew I lied. He probably came up with something much worse than the truth. Too bad I wouldn’t find out.

  We finished eating, and Isaiah seemed content and tense at the same time. He helped me with the dishes, staying at my side the whole time. I kept thinking he wanted to touch me. When he moved behind me or tried to get around, his hand would almost graze me. Touching someone in your way when you walked passed them sounded normal. One would bump into them on accident, or to let them know they needed to move. He probably didn’t even realize he had done it.

  When everything had been cleaned, Isaiah couldn’t get out the door fast enough. “I need to check on Blue,” he said while walking backwards to the door. “I’ll be back for you after school.”

  He stopped at the door, and I walked to him. I said goodbye, as usual. Also, as usual, I put my hands on his shoulders and lifted myself up to kiss his cheek. But he reacted differently than he normally would have.

  He pulled my hands off him and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Please, Lynnie. Don’t.”

  I felt a sharp sting in my chest at the rejection. I stared at him even though he wouldn’t look at me. “But I always kiss you goodbye. Why can’t I do it now?”

  His thumb brushed against my palm before he dropped my hands, leaving them to swing at my sides. “I shouldn’t let you do that.”

  I shrugged while I pretended not to be mortified. “I thought you kinda liked it. If you didn’t, I wish you would have told me a couple weeks ago. I feel terrible.”

  Isaiah sighed and rubbed his eyes. “You don’t have to feel bad. It has nothing to do with if I like it or not. You touch me, and invite me into your room… It’s all kinds of inappropriate and I think it needs to end before it gets even more out of hand.”

  Ah, well I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I couldn’t tell if I should have been more embarrassed or just plain guilty for being so affectionate with someone who didn’t want it to happen. I should have known better. I should have asked, like any normal person would have.

  “I’m really sorry,” I said. “I didn’t even think about it. I know that’s not an excuse, but… God, I’m sorry.”

  “I should have said something.”

  “And I should have known better than to go kissing you all willy nilly like I’m some kind of kiss bandit. I don’t even know why I act like that. I’m normally… more timid. I think my friends are starting to get to me.”

  “It’s all right, I promise. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”

  “It won’t. Can we talk maybe? I want to make sure we’re all good before I don’t see you for a bit. That’s how awkward silences happen.”

  I knew what the answer would be before I even asked, but I had to try anyway. And he had to say no anyway. “I have to go, Lynnie. I’ll see you later.”

  When he turned, I had to move back so that he wouldn’t bump into me. He turned the doorknob and pulled it open, pausing.

  “Isaiah.” Heartbreak made my voice crack.

  He didn’t look back at me before he left my house.

  I didn’t know what would happen now. Or where this left us. I just knew that he had left and he probably wouldn’t come back.

&n
bsp; ****

  Chaos had consumed my friends by the time I got to school. All of my friends stood outside of Bird’s car while people buzzed around them. A couple of them clutched papers in their hands.

  “Um, hey.” The chatter drowned out my voice, but Rosita saw me standing there. She yanked me over to them, almost making the bone pop out from its socket in my shoulder. “What the hell?”

  Hillary shook her paper in my face. “This was in my mailbox this morning. We all got one. Didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t check my mail. I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Bird shoved Rosita aside and handed over her paper. “The Ripper left us threats.”

  My heart jumped in my chest. “What?”

  She didn’t look all that worried about it. “He said pretty much the same thing for all of us. He said that we were meddling where we shouldn’t be. I assume he’s talking about us going out last night and looking for the lair.”

  “Oh my God,” fell out of my mouth. “Are you insane? You went out looking for him?”

  Axel shoved his paper into his pocket, bumping Bird out of the way. “The cops aren’t doing anything, and we thought it would be fun to do a little hunting. Tell her what you and I found, Seth.”

  I turned to look at him, thinking about how stupid my friends had been.

  “Axel and I were out a week ago. My parents went out of town and they’d stocked up on the liquor cabinet. We grabbed a couple of bottles—”

  “Get to it,” I ordered him. “Please, try and justify being morons. All of you.”

  Seth rolled his eyes and leaned against the car. “Don’t worry about us, Lynn. We know what we’re doing. My dad’s shotgun was in the trunk. I grabbed it when things got wiggy.”

  I sighed. “You were drunk… with a shotgun…”

  “We were fine. We went out to Dad’s cabin and hung out for a while.”

  “Then what did you find?”

  Axel grinned. “There was this bloody jacket in the woods. It was under a tree. It was awesome.”

  It took a lot of self-control not to hit him. “You didn’t call the police?”