Roadies swarmed around us now that the dressing room door was open, all rushing to check Jared had everything he needed. The others had already headed out to party. Jared had looked eager to join them before the interview, but now all it really looked like he wanted to do was devour me. Yes, please!
Stalking toward me, he slipped his arms around my waist despite all the people around and bumped his nose to mine. He was doing that a lot lately. It sent flutters through my tummy and made me melt into him.
“I do know you heard it all. I told you I had a plan.”
My heart sank along with my stomach. A plan. That was all this was about. Distraction from Caleb. Wonderful.
I needed to get out of Jared’s arms now. Not because I was angry with him for using that angle to ensure the interview’s focus would remain on Jared—that was kind of brilliant actually—but because I went and did the stupid thing instead of the professional.
I’d bought into his words just like every fan would, which was his ultimate goal, but not only that. I was also convinced, for just a minute, that he had been talking about me. I needed to go find a rock to crawl under. Heat bloomed on my cheeks as embarrassment spread through me like a plague.
Jared frowned, lifting his index finger to place it under my chin and lift my gaze to his. My face was so flushed, I barely felt the heat from his finger. “Look at me, Alicia.”
I did. My shoulders pulled back, and I met his gaze, which darkened with confusion. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked.
“No.” He’d protected his brother. He didn’t need to know I’d gone and read into it. “You were perfect.”
“Why do you look like you’re about to burst into tears then? And not the happy kind.” His brow furrowed.
I jumped back from him, mortified he could read me so well. Blinking hard, I willed the flush to recede and tried to school my features. “I’m not.”
Jared crossed his arms. “You could’ve fooled me. Seriously, what did I say?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s just—”
“I was talking about you. In case you were wondering.” His eyes were unwavering on mine, vulnerability creeping back into them.
One of my eyebrows raised, and I had to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. “You were?”
“Of course.” He stepped forward again and tugged me back into his arms. “Is that okay?”
“Depends.” I stared up at him, wanting to crawl into him and live there.
This man had the power to break my heart lying in his answer to my next question. I could only hope he really did feel the same way about me as I did about him. “Did you mean it when you said there was only one woman?”
Jared answered without hesitation, looking right into my eyes. “Yes.”
It took everything I had not to jump for joy. My subconscious took a few victory laps, and I squealed internally. Outwardly, the only reaction I allowed myself was a smile I couldn’t fight and lifting myself onto my tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Then, it’s okay.”
Relief bled into his features, lighting up the golden flecks in his dark chocolate eyes. “Good. Do you have anything left to do here, or can we go?”
“We can go.” Jared gave me a last squeeze, went to grab his duffel from the bathroom, and we walked out side by side, weaving through hordes of people lingering after the performance. Thankfully, everyone back here now was crew, and Jared had no problems getting out.
When we reached the parking lot, a black Escalade was waiting for us. “Have you heard from the guys?”
He pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped into his texts as the driver opened the door for me. “Yeah, they’re at a bar. No surprises there.”
“Are you going to go join them?” I wasn’t ready to let go of him for the night, but I wasn’t the clingy type. If he wanted to go hang out with the band, I wasn’t going to stop him. I needed time to process what he’d just said.
It didn’t look like he wanted to talk about it, but the words kept playing and replaying in my mind. She’s the only one I need. I was waiting for her.
I slid onto the back seat of the car, buckling up. Jared followed, his eyes darting to mine. “Thought I would go with them. You wanna come?”
My eyes widened. They’d invited me out before, but it seemed different that Jared was doing it now after effectively announcing to the world he was in a relationship—even if he hadn’t used the word. “I’ve never been out with the band. I wouldn’t mind experiencing it for just one night if you don’t think the others would mind me tagging along.”
“They won’t mind.” He leaned forward when the driver got into the car and gave him the name of the bar, reaching for my hand and holding it all the way there.
The bar Destitute was at was a local kind of hole-in-the-wall with scuffed wooden floors and about a thousand ties hanging from the roof. I would’ve taken them for the kind of guys to visit the more glamorous places, but Jared said they were all in the mood for low-key. Suited me just fine.
They were seated at a table near the back, right next to an old jukebox they seemed to have commandeered. Nick was sitting on the backrest of their booth, singing along to an eighties rock song while flipping through their other choices.
For a Saturday night, the place wasn’t all that busy, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. I wouldn’t have to deal with overly handsy groupies, out of control fans, or a million videos of the guys downing tequila shots on YouTube tomorrow morning. Not yet, anyway. But the night was still young.
They spotted us quickly once we entered, with Caleb waving from the table. “Hey, guys. How was the interview?”
“All taken care of,” Jared assured him, motioning for me to slide into the booth first. The bar was badly lit, with a few grimy lights fixed to the wall every couple of yards. Nick’s music from the jukebox played at the comfortable level, not so loud you couldn’t hear people speak.
I wouldn’t want to see the place in the daytime or when it was well-lit, but I kind of liked it right now. Matt was next to me as I slid my ass along the bench, patting the spot right up against him. “There’s space for you here.”
“Thanks.” I grinned, stopping with a decent amount of space left between us. “But I’m fine right here.”
He released the heaviest sigh like I’d denied him all the fun in the world, and then I saw the mischievous glint in his eye when he looked over to Jared, and I wondered if he knew about us and was just trying to screw with him.
“So Alicia,” Dom said, seated directly across from me, “how do you think the interview went?”
“Good. The fans are going to go crazy over it.” For different reasons than I’d initially thought, but they weren’t bad ones. “It’s going to create a lot of buzz, that’s for sure.”
“Excellent.” Matt’s hand shot into the air to beckon their waitress. “We’re celebrating. We’ll have a bottle of champagne please.”
The waitress looked at him like he’d grown a second head, her eyes darting pointedly around the bar before meeting his again. “I think we have a bottle of wine in the back that’s so old, it may have bubbles in it.”
Nick choked on a laugh and shook his head at Matt before turning to the waitress. “Did he say champagne? He meant more beer.”
“Please,” Dom added, shooting the woman a polite smile. She blushed, making me wonder if she knew who they were and was good at acting cool, or if he was just another hot guy at work who smiled at one of the only women in here.
She nodded and took off, leaving me alone with the band. Nick punched a button on the jukebox and held his hand out to me, pushing a lock of his midnight black hair from his forehead. “Dance with me?”
“There’s no one dancing and no dance floor,” I pointed out, looking around at the people sipping their drinks around us.
His blue eyes sparkled even in the low light as he waggled his brows. “We’re people, so if we dance, there wil
l be someone dancing, and I’m standing on a floor to dance on, so I really don’t see the problem.”
Neither Jared nor Matt, seated on either side of me, moved. Nick ignored them. “I’ll help you over the table if you want.”
“What the hell,” I muttered, figuring I’d come out to have some fun with the band for once. I gave Jared’s thigh a reassuring squeeze under the table and allowed Nick to help me over. “Let’s do this.”
“I knew you’d be game.” Nick grinned and got me safely across the table. I’d kicked off my heels to be able to do it, and barefoot, the top of my head didn’t even reach his chin. It didn’t seem to bother him. He took my hand immediately and spun me, moving his hips to the rhythm of a song I hadn’t heard in years.
Nick was a good dancer, and as I expected, I had fun with him. He kept a respectful distance from me, which seemed to soothe Jared since he stopped glaring about a minute in.
For the next couple of hours, I danced, chatted with the guys, and found myself having a really good time. Jared stayed close by my side, but I didn’t think it was so close, anyone would suspect anything.
We were all drinking, but the guys were taking it slow and weren’t packing away alcohol like I’d seen them do in way too many pictures and videos. Looked like they were taking their promise to the Larsens seriously, which I was happy about.
Caleb, Matt, and I were comparing notes of our first few years of working in Los Angeles when Dom joined in the conversation. “I’m glad you decided to come out tonight. It’s way overdue. I just wish Gerry was here too. He should come next time. I think he’d be pleasantly surprised to see us not acting like a bunch of tools while drinking.”
His offhand mention of Gerry made me feel sick to my stomach. The news of his illness was still raw and hit me like a freight train every time I thought about it. I didn’t know the man that well, but I cared about him, and I wished there was something meaningful I could do to help, something more than what he’d asked of me.
Knowing the guys didn’t know when I did instantly made me feel like a liar. Worry and the feeling that I was betraying them overwhelmed me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel much like being out anymore.
Twenty minutes later, Jared was outside with me waiting for the driver to bring the car around. His forehead was scrunched in confusion. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. Again. My stomach constricted as my heart pounded, urging me to tell the truth, but I couldn't. “Sorry for leaving early. I’m just really tired.”
“Want me to come with you?” Sincerity dripped from his voice. A genuine offer, not a ploy to get into my pants or bed and not just an offer he felt he had to make. Jared didn’t do anything he didn’t really want to do.
“No, you should stay. Enjoy the night with the guys. You guys deserve it.” And having him around really wasn’t going to make me feel any better about the whole Gerry thing. Especially since I had to keep it from him.
I really, really hated this.
CHAPTER 65
JARED
Whistling as I jogged up the stairs at Alicia’s office to pick her up for dinner, I couldn’t fight the grin on my lips. For the first time in really, really long time, I was happy. Like actually, truly happy.
Things were going great with the band. None of us were fighting for a change, practices for the tour were going well, and I had a beautiful woman in my bed every night who wasn’t only chasing after fame or money. Life was good.
Until I rounded the corner to her office and heard her voice and Gerry’s filtering out into the hall. The building was mostly empty since the sun was already setting outside, and her office door was open, their voices crystal clear.
“I went to see the oncologist this morning,” Gerry was saying. Oncologist? I paused at the end of the hall. Wasn’t that a—? “The cancer hasn’t spread.”
“Thank god,” Alicia exclaimed. “What did he say about your treatment? Has he given you a firm start date yet?”
Wait a second. Gerry. Oncologist. Cancer. Treatment. What the fuck?
My feet were carrying me toward her office before I so much as came to the inevitable conclusion. Gerry has cancer.
Without knocking, I walked into her office. “What the fuck is going on?”
Both Gerry and Alicia looked startled to see me, seated at the small sitting area in the corner of her office against two floor-to-ceiling windows.
Alicia recovered first. “Jared. Hi.”
“How much did you hear?” Gerry asked, resigned. He told me to take a seat with them, but I was too riled up.
Pacing the length of her office, I shoved my hands in my pockets. “You went to see a doctor about getting treatment for your cancer.”
“I did.” Gerry nodded. He sighed and rose to his feet, placing both of his hands on my shoulders to stop me from pacing. “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. I won’t be joining you on this tour.”
All my earlier elation evaporated as fast as air from a popped balloon. Emotion balled in my throat as I searched for the right words. None came to me.
Finally, I managed to choke out. “We need you.”
Gerry’s lips lifted into a wry grin. “I know, and I’ll be back. I just won’t be on tour.”
“Then we should postpone.” The idea jumped into my head, and I held onto it. “I’ll let the guys know and—”
“No,” Gerry said, both of his eyes boring into mine. “This is why I didn’t want you to know before the tour started. You have to go. You’re not postponing or canceling a single thing because of this. I won’t allow it.”
“You can’t make us play.” I crossed my arms. I knew I was being stubborn, but we couldn’t just leave Gerry behind and jet off on a world tour while he was fighting for his life. There were so many things wrong with that scenario.
The band would back me. I knew they would. We’d all lost so many people in our lives, they wouldn’t want to abandon one of the few left who really mattered to us all either.
Gerry took a deep breath, giving his head one firm shake. “I can’t make you, no, but if you do this Jared, if you cancel, you will be giving this disease power over my life, over your lives. I don’t want it to have that. I refuse to back down for a fucking disease, and you shouldn’t either.”
“I’m not trying to give it power,” I exploded, my arms shooting out to my sides. “I’m trying to tell you we’ll be here for you.”
“And you still will. We’ll talk often. I’ll keep you updated on my treatment just as you’ll keep me updated on the tour.”
I replayed past tours in my mind, lingering for the first time on all that Gerry did while we showed up at concert venues and played. “We couldn’t go without you anyway. No way we’d get anything done without you.”
“I’ve taught Alicia all the things she needs to know to fill in for me on tour. She’s not taking over my job, but she’ll just be keeping my seat warm until you get back. Listen to her, and you’ll all be just fine. We’ve been working together, and she knows what to do.”
Alicia was quiet, letting us talk. But she nodded in agreement with what Gerry was saying when my eyes sought hers out. In the back of my mind, it occurred to me that if she’d been working with Gerry, that meant she had known and didn’t tell me, but looking into his eyes, I could read his expression clearly.
Gerry had a game plan, and he didn’t want us to fuck it up. I took a deep breath and thought over all I’d learned in the last few minutes. Gerry hadn’t mentioned a single thing we could do to make this easier for him other than not to give power to his disease.
He asked us to go on tour and to trust Alicia with his job while we did. I understood where he was coming from, but it wasn’t my decision alone. Before he told one of us, his plan of us only finding out on tour might’ve worked, but now that I knew, I had to let the other guys know. It was their decision too.
“I’m calling in the band. We need to decide on this together.”
Gerry hu
ffed out a frustrated sigh. “For fuck’s sake, Jared! I’m not dying. I just need to get through chemo. Unfortunately, that means I need to miss the tour, but I’ll be back. Sure, when I found out, I tried to retire because I didn’t know what else to do. Destitute was broken up anyway, and it didn’t seem like it would hurt anyone. Things are different now. You have to go, and you have to kick this tour’s fucking ass.”
“The guys need to know about this. I’m not trying to be an asshole here, and I’m not trying to be difficult, but they’ll never forgive me if I don’t tell them, and if we don’t all sit down with this together.”
Gerry closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, I saw the resolution in them. “Call them. You’re right. I should tell them about this myself.”
I pulled my phone out of pocket and opened a group chat we had but rarely used. Typing fast, I told them all to get their asses to the office. Right now. An hour later, it was dark outside, and we were all seated in Gerry’s office. Initially, they all had the exact same reaction I had: Hell, no, we weren’t going anywhere.
As the shock started to subside some, Gerry calmly explained the situation and told us postponing the tour was silly. “You guys have overcome a lot to finish this album. And even if you stay, I’m not letting any of you come to the hospital to hold my hand while I get the treatment, so staying behind in LA serves no purpose.”
“Fair point,” Nick said, sitting on the armrest of one of the couches in Gerry’s office.
Caleb glowered at him. “It’s called moral support.”
“There are thousands upon thousands of people in this city right now battling this disease. Being in the same city as them isn’t bringing them any moral support. It won’t be different with me. You can give me moral support from anywhere in the world. Over the phone. Which is the closest I’d allow you to me anyway.”
“Another good point,” Matt said.
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