by Dianne Drake
“That’s why we’re expanding our medical facilities. Once people stay here for a while, they never leave. It’s what happened to me. Neil convinced me to come, give it a try. Now I own a hospital, I have a wife, I’ve just bought a new house.” Eric smiled the smile of a contented man. “What can I say? Life in White Elk is good. I hope that happens for you soon, too.”
“So do I, for Tyler. I think I’d like to raise him here. Look, I’ve got to make rounds in the pediatric ward. If Jason Greene agrees to take me on as a client, tell him I’ll free myself up to meet him at his earliest convenience.”
Jason Greene’s earliest convenience turned out to be late afternoon and it was amazing how much better James felt after the appointment was set. For the first time in days he allowed himself to feel a little hopeful that this situation could work out for the both of them…him and Tyler. Father and son. Father and son and…Fallon. No! He wouldn’t allow himself to think that. Not when he was more than willing to meet her in the middle, but the closer he got to that middle, the more she backed away. Right now, it was up to Fallon. Her steps to make. Her choices. Yet, he hoped…dear God, he really hoped…
“Ready to go home?” he asked Tyler, just as the lunch tray was being carried from his room. James noticed that Tyler hadn’t eaten a bite. He’d also been told that Tyler had refused breakfast.
Tyler shrugged.
“Dr. Ramsey said you’re good to go.”
Tyler’s reaction was to clutch the video game control tight to his chest. “Don’t want to,” he said. Not the words James wanted to hear, but at least Tyler was finally speaking. “Why not?” he asked.
“’Cause Fallon doesn’t have games.”
“I thought you liked Fallon.”
Tyler shrugged.
“I’m pretty sure she likes you, even though you broke her shelves.” He was sure Tyler liked Fallon, so this resistance came as a surprise. “And she’s fixed up a room for you.”
He shrugged again.
“And I think she wants to make a snowman with you.”
He shrugged once more, but this time something about the snowman had, apparently, sparked his interest. “A little one?” Tyler asked.
“Not too little. One at least as big as you are.”
“Or as big as you?”
Finally, his son was responding. “Well, I suppose you could make a snowman as big as me, but it might fall over.”
“Head’s too big,” Tyler said shyly. Then giggled.
“What?” That was the first time he’d heard Tyler giggle, or even seen him smile. It was a surprise that gave him hope.
“Head’s too big, that’s why it’ll fall over.”
“How about you make one, and I’ll make one and we’ll see which one won’t fall over.”
“Can Fallon make one, too?”
“Of course she can. But maybe we should keep a little secret from her.”
Tyler eyes widened. “What?” he asked, almost whispering it.
“Maybe if we don’t tell her that a big head is the reason it’ll fall over, then she’ll make the biggest head and hers will fall over first.”
Tyler giggled again, but didn’t answer. James could see the mischief dancing in his eyes for a moment. It was a good sign. After all these months it was a very good sign. “Let’s get out of here, OK?”
Surprisingly, Tyler latched right on to James’s hand. To casual observers in the hospital hallway who didn’t know any better, they looked like a perfectly normal father and son.
“I’m so glad,” Fallon said, resisting the urge to throw her arms around James’s neck. It was her natural reaction, but she had to stop doing that, and after her last hug she’d reaffirmed her resolve. Shored it up, braced it with steel, braced it with steel again for an extra layer. “And Jason Greene’s really good.” They were speaking in hushed tones so Tyler wouldn’t overhear. “Tyler needs to be in your custody no matter what, and the sooner the better. It scares me to death when I think that Shelly might come back here and get him. Especially after what he told me about how Donnie used to make him take the lit cigarettes from his mouth. That’s a horrible thing to do to a child and I don’t know how any mother would tolerate that.”
“A good mother wouldn’t,” James said. “But who ever said Shelly was a good mother?”
“Well, it’s started, James. And that’s good. Tyler really needs to feel safe and secure, and Jason will be amazing. He has five children of his own, loves kids. He won’t let Shelly get away with anything.” Her gaze went to Tyler, who was sitting by himself, staring out the window. “Maybe I could watch Tyler for you during your appointment? I’m finished working for the day, so it wouldn’t be a problem.” There she was, getting involved again. One layer of steel slipping away and she was doing nothing to stop it. If she had any sense, she’d run upstairs, hide behind her locked door, and not come out.
“Actually, I wanted to take him with me. I need to find more ways to be with him when I’m not working. But you could come along, I know he’d love that. And maybe we could have dinner at Catie’s Overlook afterwards.”
It was a nice offer, but too cozy. She simply wasn’t ready for anything like that. “Sorry, but I have dinner plans,” she dodged. Dinner for one, whatever she could grab from her fridge. “But you and Tyler go, and enjoy yourselves. Tell Catie to give Tyler a piece of her extra-special chocolate cake.” She said that purposely loud so Tyler would hear.
Tyler twisted ever so slightly to look at Fallon, fighting hard not to show too much interest in that chocolate cake but losing the battle the way most little boys would at the mention of something so yummy.
She tossed a knowing smile at James. “You know which one I’m talking about…three layers, all kinds of chocolate frosting?” With her hands, she gestured something that was a good three times the size of any cake Catie offered, and Tyler’s eyes widened to twice their size. “The one that comes with a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream.”
That was more than any child could take. Tyler finally turned the whole way around to face James. “Can I have chocolate ice cream instead?”
“If you’re very polite when you ask Catie, and say please and thank you.”
“I want Fallon to come, too,” Tyler said. “So she won’t find out while we’re gone.”
Fallon sensed a little conspiracy going on between father and son. “What don’t you want me to find out?” she asked.
“Our secret.”
Fallon winked at James then immediately looked back at Tyler. “You have a secret?”
He nodded, and kept a very serious face.
“Will you tell me your secret?”
Tyler shook his head then looked to James for approval. James gave him the thumbs-up sign, and nodded. “If I tell, then it’s not a secret,” Tyler explained very seriously to Fallon.
“But is it about me?” she asked.
This time Tyler merely shrugged. But he was trying to fight back a smile. And, oh, how she wanted to see that smile.
“So, if it’s about me, should I know what it is?”
Tyler rolled his eyes up to James for help with this answer. And James answered. “But if you know what it is, then it’s no fun any more.”
“So, it’s a fun secret?” Her question was directed at Tyler, who nodded his head. “But is it fun for you, or for me?”
“Me,” he admitted. “And…him.” He nodded toward James.
“Then what you’re telling me is that it’s the two of you against me?”
Both James and Tyler nodded. And when Fallon saw that, her eyes nearly filled with tears. They were so much alike. Looked alike. Acted alike. Same mannerisms. Same mischievous sparkle in their eyes. “OK, if that’s the way you’re going to be, then I might just have to come with you and eat all of Catie’s chocolate cake before you have a chance to order some.”
“It’s about the snowman’s big head,” Tyler blurted quickly. “It makes the snowman fall over. Now can I have the cake?”
Fallon turned away abruptly. “This is so good,” she whispered to James. “He’s an amazing little boy,” she continued, swiping away a tear threatening to slip down her cheek.
“Is Fallon crying?” Tyler asked James.
“Looks like she is.”
“Am not,” she denied.
“I’m sorry,” Tyler said, slipping his hand into her. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
One tear turned into a waterfall, and she excused herself from the room before Tyler felt any worse. Right now she was just so darned happy for no reason she could understand that her cry was going to take a good half-dozen tissues.
“Happy tears,” James reassured Tyler. “Women do that.”
“Women,” Tyler said, mimicking James’s tone of voice. “They just do that.”
James had to clear his throat and refocus, because he was about to do that, too.
The appointment with Jason Greene was short. Fifteen minutes was all it took then James was back in the waiting room, where Fallon was busy watching Tyler play with a video game. She’d decided to come with them, but only because Tyler had braved the stairs, knocked on her door, and asked her. “He said it’s promising.” James put on his jacket. “But there’s a lot of research to do first. He thinks, though, that if everything is as I think it is, it could go my way because Shelly is establishing a clear pattern of behavior.” A heavy sigh escaped him. “He warned me that it could be a long, expensive fight if she doesn’t want to surrender custody, because oftentimes parents like Shelly who don’t want their children will put up the fight anyway, for appearances or financial gain.”
“And?”
“Let the fight begin, if that’s what happens. It’s not about the money and Jason said he’s going to make sure it’s not about what Shelly wants since she’s proving she doesn’t want Tyler. I’m actually conservatively optimistic about this, Fallon. Jason said I shouldn’t start celebrating yet, but I feel like celebrating, anyway.”
“Small celebration,” she said, smiling.
His looked over at Tyler, who was so engrossed in some kind of virtual reality he hadn’t even noticed James standing there. “I see video games in my future.”
“Then be prepared to take a beating because he’s good. And I’m not just saying he’s good for a five-year-old. He’s good for anyone.”
“With all the bad things that have gone on around him, he’s really struggling to be a normal little boy, isn’t he? The kids I see in my practice are just like him…fixed on the games, paying no attention to the adults. Creating their own little worlds.”
“He needs to be normal, James. Needs it all the time, not just when he’s with you.”
“Well, no matter what else is going on with Tyler, Jason’s going to file for emergency temporary custody first thing tomorrow morning. He thinks I’ll have a pretty good chance of having it granted this time, and that having temporary custody gives me a much stronger position when we get to the hearing for full custody. Besides, it’s a good safeguard for Tyler. If Shelly does come back, I won’t have to give him to her. She’ll actually have to hire a lawyer and go to court to get him back as long as the temporary custody is in force.”
Tyler glanced up at the mention of his name, clearly torn between what was being said about him and staying involved in the race between to two cars on the game screen. His car was winning. “What’s good for me?” he asked, then immediately switched his attention back to the game.
“Staying with me without going anywhere else for a while.”
With those words spoken, Tyler crashed his car and the game was over. He held onto the game controler for a little while, and the frown on his face clearly indicated he was thinking about what James had said. Finally, when he’d processed it, satisfied he understood, he looked up. “Like back to my mom and my old dad?”
“In a way,” James hedged. “You OK with that, Tyler?”
Tyler responded with his typical shrug then stood up. “Are we still going to live with Fallon?”
“For a while, if she doesn’t mind.”
He shrugged that one off too. Gave a wistful glance over his shoulder at the video game set-up then headed for the door. “It’s going to be boring,” he muttered. “She doesn’t have games.”
Fallon bit back a laugh at that comment, and if the expression on James’s face could have screamed anything, it would have screamed, God, help me! He held out his hand for Tyler, though, and for the second time Tyler took hold.
Fallon, bringing up the rear as they walked to the parking lot, brushed away a tear once more.
The walk to Catie’s Overlook was pleasant. White Elk looked like Christmas now. Old-fashioned streetlamps were decorated with pine boughs and red ribbons, merchants’ windows were strung with lights. The Christmas-tree festival was under way, where each little shop owner purchased a well-grown live tree, set it in front of his or her shop and sponsored the decorating. In other words, anyone who wanted could pay to decorate one of these trees, and the proceeds would go to charity, which, this year, was the pediatric ward at the hospital. And, more specifically, a program in the planning stages at present that would help children with juvenile diabetes. It was a good deed in that the cause was worthy but also a good deed in giving White Elk an authentic Christmas charm. With a nice dusting of snow covering everything, it was a fairyland. Beautiful. And if Fallon had been in a Christmas mood this year, this would have made her feel even more in the mood.
But she wasn’t. Christmas just didn’t mean anything now, the way it had never meant much when she’d been a child. Back then her Christmases had been filled more with sadness than anything else, because she had always been the child who hadn’t belonged, the one who’d been staying with a distant relative, the child who hadn’t fitted in. Usually the gifts she’d got had been last minute or thoughtless. Sometimes she hadn’t got a gift…nobody had thought to buy one for the little girl who hadn’t really belonged there. And to be honest, she didn’t remember ever spending Christmas with the same people. One year she’d be packed off to distant cousin Flora, the next she’d end up with Great-Aunt Henrietta. And so her Christmases went. No fond memories.
But not for Tyler, if she had anything to do with it. If his Christmas memories from the past were bad, this would be the year they would be good. This year, and every year after, she hoped. Because now Tyler was in White Elk with his dad. And Christmas was about the little boy whose face was pressed to the toy-store window, looking at the toy train set he saw there and the box of building blocks. Being just like every other little boy at this time of the year. Like her little boy would have been… “I was thinking about a Christmas tree,” she said, before the sad thoughts had time to take hold. “Do you think we should get a little one?”
Tyler rolled his eyes, but didn’t offer an opinion.
“Maybe, instead of having a tree at home, we could sponsor one of the charity trees and decorate that?”
Tyler shook his head this time, and actually looked up at James, as if asking him to intercede here.
James looked at Fallon, winked. “Maybe we don’t need a tree. I haven’t had one since I lived at home with my parents, and I don’t miss it. Instead of a tree, maybe we could buy a potted plant and hang a few glass balls on it. That would look like Christmas, wouldn’t it?”
“But I want a real Christmas tree,” Tyler cried. “A great big one! With lots of lights.”
Was that the kind of tree he’d had with his mother and Donnie, or was that another of his wishes? Maybe one that had never come true. Fallon wondered if Tyler had ever had nice Christmases, or had they been miserable, like the ones she’d had when she’d been young? “You might have to help me move furniture so we can get a big one in the house.”
Tyler nodded eagerly. “And throw some of it away if there’s not room for the tree.”
Fallon laughed. Well, the child was enthusiastic about something. And the way his eyes sparkled…he was James. Easy to
love. “I think we’ll manage without throwing away my furniture,” she said. “And, Tyler, we’re going to have to buy new decorations. I’ve always had a little tree and I don’t have enough to decorate a big tree. So, will you be in charge of picking out the decorations?”
He hesitated for a moment, didn’t respond as eagerly as she’d expected. Then he reverted back to his usual behavior. He shrugged, and totally zoned out of all the Christmas decorations strung up everywhere as they continued their walk to Catie’s. The reaction of a child who’d built up hopes before then had them destroyed.
It was a delicate balance and she and James were going to have to be careful because, now that she’d started Christmas for Tyler, she didn’t want to ruin it for him, too.
Pulling her scarf up tighter around her face to fight off the chilly air whipping around her, Fallon dropped back and walked behind James and Tyler, and twice, when James glanced over his shoulder at her, she feigned fascination with something in a shop window. Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten involved. Because she was becoming almost as excited about Christmas as Tyler had been for a little while, and that wasn’t good. She was used to living without the hopes and promises now, and here she was, building a few around something she couldn’t have. And she really did want a Christmas tree…a big one. With lots of lights.
“He went right to sleep,” James said, dropping down onto the couch next to Fallon, keeping his proper distance from her, of course. “I sat with him about five minutes, thought he might ask some questions about why he was going to keep on living with me for a little while, or maybe talk about the Christmas tree, but he just turned over on his side and went to sleep. It was a big day for him. I think we actually wore him out.”
“He’s had a turbulent life so far. He copes by acting out or by not acting at all. Probably the only two reactions in his young repertoire. And as far as the Christmas tree goes, I have an idea he’s learned not to count on anything. If you don’t count on it, you don’t end up being disappointed.” She raised her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, but paused before she took a sip. “It’s not a mistake, is it, giving him this big Christmas?”
