Long Hard Road Out of Hell

by Marilyn Manson

  4. EACH CONCERT STARTS OUT A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT BUT MOST OF THE TIME THERE IS A LIGHT SHOW BEFORE THE CONCERT STARTS. MANSON WILL COME OUT ON STAGE BY HIMSELF DRAGGING A BIG BAG EITHER JUST BEFORE THE BAND STARTS PLAYING OR THE BAND WILL START JAMMING AND THEN STOP ABRUPTLY AS MANSON COMES OUT WITH THE BIG BAG. I HAVE WITNESSED MANSON PULL OUT SMALL CHICKENS, SEVERAL PUPPIES AND KITTENS OUT OF THE BAG AND THROW THEM INTO THE AUDIENCE. THESE ARE LIVE ANIMALS. I KNOW BECAUSE I HELPED TO GET SOME OF THESE ANIMALS FROM THE DOG POUND FOR MANSON. MANSON WILL THEN TELL THE AUDIENCE TO MAKE A SACRIFICE TO THE MUSIC AND HE WILL NOT START THE SHOW UNTIL ALL THE ANIMALS ARE DEAD.

  5. I WITNESSED THE CROWD RIPPING THE ANIMALS APART, PULLING BODY PARTS OF THE TORSO OF THE ANIMALS. THEY WOULD BLEED TO DEATH OR THEY WOULD BE SMASHED INTO THE GROUND. MANSON TOLD ME THEY REPRESENT THE KILLING OF INNOCENCE. I HAVE SEEN THIS ANIMAL TRUCK WHICH IS LIKE A PICK UP TRUCK WITH A CAMPER TOP ON THE BACK WITH CAGES FULL OF DIFFERENT ANIMALS FOR CONCERT SACRIFICES. I HAD GONE WITH [NAME WITHHELD], A FRIEND WHO RUNS LIGHTS AND SOUND FOR THE CONCERT, TO GET TWELVE PUPPIES, BUT MANSON HAD MANY ANIMALS ALREADY IN THE TRUCK. MANSON ALWAYS HAS THE CROWD KILL THE PUPPIES SO INNOCENT BLOOD WILL BE ON THEIR HANDS BEFORE HE DOES THE CONCERT.

  6. THE CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO ARE TIGHTLY CONTROLLED BY MANSON SECURITY GUARDS. NO POLICE ARE EVER ALLOWED INTO THE CONCERT AREA. IF A POLICE OFFICER HAPPENS TO GET BY A GUARD, MANSON IS INSTANTLY NOTIFIED THROUGH HIS HEADSET HE WEARS. MANSON HAS A TEAM HE CALLS HIS PRIVATE SANTA CLAUSES. THEY COME AT THE CROWD FROM THE SIDES AND THROW OUT BAGS OF POT AND COCAINE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE FRONT TO BACK. EVERYONE ATTENDING THE CONCERT GETS [SO] HIGH [THAT IT] SATURATES THE AUDITORIUM. ALL OF THE SECURITY GUARDS ARE VERY CLEAN CUT LOOKING. MANSON ALWAYS COMES TO TOWN GIVING THE IDEA THAT THIS WILL BE A VERY INNOCENT ROCK AND ROLL SHOW TO THE PRESS AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC.

  7. I WITNESSED MANSON PULL OUT HIS PRIVATE BODY PART AND PLAY WITH IT OPENLY IN FRONT OF THE CROWD. IT’S HIS PENIS HE PLAYS WITH, NOT ANYTHING ARTIFICIAL, I HAVE WITNESSED HIM GO OVER TO HIS FEMALE GUITAR PLAYER, WHO IS USUALLY TOTALLY NAKED, AND PLAY WITH HER PRIVATE PART IN FRONT OF THE CROWD. MANSON ALWAYS EXPOSES HIMSELF IN EACH CONCERT AND THE FEMALE IS ALWAYS NUDE IN EVERY CONCERT.

  8. I HAVE WITNESSED MANSON BAND MEMBERS PERFORMING ANAL INTERCOURSE ON EACH OTHER ON STAGE IN FRONT OF THE CROWD.

  9. I HAVE WITNESSED VARIOUS BAND MEMBERS COME OVER TO MANSON AND PERFORM ORAL SEX ON MANSON THROUGHOUT THE COURSE OF THE CONCERT.

  10. I HAVE WITNESSED MANSON PULL MEMBERS OF THE CROWD ON STAGE OR HIS SECURITY GUARDS WILL BRING AN AUDIENCE MEMBER ON STAGE AND STRIP ALL OF THEIR CLOTHES OFF. MANSON WILL THEN PLAY WITH THEM IN A SEXUAL WAY. THEY ARE THEN USUALLY TAKEN BACK STAGE WHERE MANSON WILL DO ANYTHING HE FEELS LIKE DOING WITH THEM WHEN HE IS OFF STAGE. MANSON WILL TAKE AS MANY FEMALES FROM THE AUDIENCE AS HE CAN ALL THROUGHOUT THE CONCERT. I HAVE WITNESSED SOME FEMALES WHO WERE FIGHTING TO KEEP THE GUARDS FROM TAKING THEM ON STAGE. I BELIEVE IT WAS CLEARLY AGAINST THEIR WILL. BUT MOST OF THE FEMALES WERE THRILLED TO HAVE MANSON TAKE THEM FOR SEX.

  11. I WITNESSED MANSON BRING A LITTLE BOY UP ON STAGE WHO WAS CELEBRATING HIS TENTH BIRTHDAY. MANSON SANG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM AND THEN HAD THIS LITTLE BOY STAND ON STAGE WHILE MANSON PERFORMED SEXUAL ACTS, INCLUDING ORAL SEX, WHILE ASKING THE LITTLE BOY IF HE WOULD LIKE TO DO THIS AND WOULD HE LIKE TO DO THIS.

  12. I WITNESSED THE SECURITY GUARDS THROWING OUT DOZENS OF CONDOMS INTO THE CROWD WHILE MANSON ORDERED THE CROWD TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. I HAVE WITNESSED MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND PERFORMING OTHER SEX ACTS AT EVERY CONCERT I’VE BEEN TO WITH MANSON. I BELIEVE ABOUT THIRTY PERCENT OF THE MANSON CONCERT CROWD PARTICIPATE IN OPEN, OVERT SEXUAL ACTIVITY AT AN AVERAGE MANSON CONCERT. I HAVE WITNESSED RAPES AT MOST CONCERTS. THE CROWD GET INTO A FRENZY AND FEMALES ARE HELD DOWN AGAINST THEIR WILL AND RAPED MANY TIMES AS MANSON PRODS THEM ON.

  13. I WITNESSED THE MANSON SECURITY GUARDS GIVING LIQUID ECSTASY TO CHILDREN AND AS THOSE CHILDREN, NINE, TEN, ELEVEN YEARS OLD WERE EFFECTED BY THE “LOVE POTION” DRUG, THEY BECAME WILLING TO HAVE SEX. I HAVE WITNESSED CHILDREN HAVING SEX IN THE AUDIENCE AT MARILYN MANSON CONCERTS.

  14. I HAVE WITNESSED MANSON MASTURBATING ON STAGE BEFORE THE CROWD AND THEN EJACULATE INTO THE CROWD.

  15. I HAVE WITNESSED MANSON PERFORM A SATANIC CHURCH SERVICE TOWARD THE END OF THE CONCERT IN WHICH HE PREACHES FROM THE SATANIC BIBLE, AND BOOKS CALLED, “ORANGE MAGIC,” “GREEN MAGIC” AND “BLACK MAGIC.” THE LENGTH HE PREACHES DEPENDS ON HOW HIGH HE IS AT THE TIME. MANSON GIVES AN INVITATION TO RECEIVE SATAN INTO YOUR LIFE AND A HYPNOTIC VOICE COMES OVER THE SOUND SYSTEM SAYING YOU MUST GO FORWARD TO THE ALTAR. THIS WHOLE AREA IS WHERE THE MOSH PIT WAS. HE OPENS THE WHOLE FRONT UP. THIS INVITATION IS ESPECIALLY POTENT BECAUSE BY THAT TIME 100% OF THE AUDIENCE IS HIGH.

  16. I WITNESSED MANSON CALL FOR THE VIRGIN SACRIFICE IN WHICH ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE CONCERT ARENA ARE PUSHED FORWARD BY THE CROWD TO BE DEDICATED TO SATAN.

  17. I WITNESSED MANSON SHARING FROM THE SATANIC BIBLE, PRONOUNCING SOME WORDS OVER THE ONES WHO HAVE COME OR BEEN PUSHED FORWARD AND THEN MANSON POURS PIG’S BLOOD OVER EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS GROUP. THEN MANSON CALLS FORTH HIS “PRIESTS” TO MINISTER TO EACH PERSON AND THEY TAKE NAMES, ADDRESSES AND PHONE NUMBERS FOR CONTINUED CONTACT. MANSON HANDS OUT SATANIC BIBLES AND ADDRESSES OF SATANIC CHURCHES THEY SHOULD GO TO.

  18. DURING THE CONCERT I WITNESSED MANSON BRING UNDERAGED TEENAGERS, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN, OUT ON STAGE AND PUT THEM INTO A CAGE. THE CAGE IS THEN PUT OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE AND MANSON WANTS THE CROWD TO BEAT ON THOSE INSIDE THE CAGE. THESE CHILDREN ARE PART OF MANSON TOUR.

  19. I HAVE BEEN ON MANSON’S SPECIAL TOUR BUS A HALF DOZEN TIMES AND HAVE WITNESSED UNDERAGE GIRLS AND SOME BOYS STRIPPED NAKED AND HANDCUFFED TO THE BUS SEATS. EVERY TIME I’VE BEEN ON THE BUS, THE FACES ARE DIFFERENT. I HAVE SEEN SOME OF THOSE FACES ON TELEVISION AS MISSING CHILDREN OR RUNAWAYS.

  20. I WITNESSED A VIDEO TAPE THAT MANSON PLAYED FOR ME IN NOVEMBER OF 1996. HE CALLED IT HIS “BLOOD BATH” VIDEO. THE VIDEO SHOWED MANSON PLAYING A GUITAR. SURROUNDING HIM WERE PEOPLE PLAYING A VAMPIRE GAME IN WHICH THEY STARTED BITING EACH OTHERS’ NECKS. THEN ONE MAN CAME OUT OF THE GROUP AND STABBED A FEMALE SEVERAL TIMES. THEN ABOUT TEN OTHER PEOPLE CAME OVER TO THE BLEEDING FEMALE AND LITERALLY SCOOPED UP BLOOD FROM HER BODY AND BATHED IN THE BLOOD. THEY COVERED THEIR BODIES WITH THE BLOOD. THIS WAS OFFERED AS A SACRIFICE TO SATAN. THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE DRUGGED AND THE FEMALE VICTIM THAT WAS KILLED SEEMED WILLING TO DIE.

  21. THIS EXPERIENCE WITH THE “BLOOD BATH” VIDEO MADE ME FEAR FOR MY OWN SAFETY AND I BECAME SO SCARED, I DECIDED I MUST GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE. THEY HAVE SENT ME A HALF DOZEN TICKETS AND BACKSTAGE PASSES TO THE OKLAHOMA CITY CONCERT ON FEBRUARY 5, 1997. THEY DO NOT KNOW I’VE TURNED MY LIFE AROUND AND I AM NOW FULLY INVOLVED AT [NAME WITHHELD] AND HAVE GIVEN MY LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.

  22. I WITNESSED MARILYN MANSON BRING A SHEEP OUT ON STAGE, AND FROM MY VIEWPOINT FROM THE STAGE, I SAW MANSON PERFORM SEXUAL INTERCOURSE ON THE SHEEP.

  23. FURTHER, YOUR AFFIANT SAYETH NOT.

  EXECUTED THIS 21 DAY OF JANUARY, 1997

  [NAME WITHHELD] [ADDRESS WITHHELD]

  —FAKE AND DEFAMATORY AFFIDAVIT DISTRIBUTED BY THE AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION

  MARCH 1997, NEW YORK

  Asked Fiona to come to the premiere of Howard Stern’s Private Parts with me. He uses a song of ours in the movie. In some ways I think Howard Stern and I are very similar because he just says what’s on his mind and it pisses a lot of people off but it also entertains them. I consider him one of the people responsible for breaking “Sweet Dreams” because he really pushed it.

  I thought Fiona was going to blow me off because she launched into the kind of drawn-out story about visiting a long-lost relative that I would make up if I wanted to get out of doing something. But she just called back and she’s gonna go. I don’t know if this makes me gay or not, but I think she would be interesting to be friends with.

  MARCH 1997, NEW YORKr />
  In true rock star form, I picked up Fiona to go to Private Parts in a white limo. And in true anti-rock star form, she came out makeupless with uncombed hair. This was my first celebrity big-deal event, and I didn’t know how to behave at all. There was this red carpet and apparently you were supposed to walk down it and let people take photos of you, but I was kind of confused. I walked down a few steps, thought I was going the wrong way, then came back to the car. Then somebody told me that I was supposed to be walking on the red carpet, so I went halfway down, then got scared because I didn’t know if I was supposed to stop or not. Meanwhile, a bunch of media cornered Fiona and she got mixed up doing an interview with Flavor Flav. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was so aggravated. It’s not my scene to sit around and schmooze with a bunch of assholes who don’t know who you are but pretend like they do. Fiona decided she was gonna leave and I wasn’t really even disappointed because I felt bad for how overwhelmed she was.

  I went upstairs with Twiggy, who was with us, and ran into Flavor Flav. We high-fived and we danced around. I couldn’t see his eyes, but if I could have he probably would have been giving me the wink that people who use drugs give to one another, whether it’s for real or it’s in your mind. I was impressed with the fact that he didn’t know who Marilyn Manson was, though I’m not sure if he even knew who he was because he was definitely out of his fucking head. At that point I ran into Billy Corgan, and I immediately gave him some muscle relaxants I had in my pocket. We decided that they made us feel “fruity,” and then we decided that that would be a great name for a band to start together. So we began having a long, in-depth meeting inspired by the fruity drug to create a fruit-filled experience called Fruity, which will probably never happen because I don’t know where I put those pills.

  I was surprised that Billy was cool because I thought he’d be a total asshole from all the spiritual hate mail I had gotten over the years from Trent, who allegedly despises Billy over an alleged conflict allegedly dealing with Courtney because when Trent allegedly fucked Courtney, which he says he didn’t, Billy allegedly fucked Trent’s alleged girlfriend, which he allegedly says he did, or so I’m told.

  Then I tried to give the fruity pills to Conan O’Brien, telling him they were Prozac and he looked like he could use them. He just smiled with that weird creepy baby head of his and walked away to talk to a friend. I gave him the finger, and he just laughed. It’s amazing the things that you can get away with when something looks wrong with one of your eyes, you have badly applied makeup, you’re six-foot-three and you’re accompanied by some weirdo with the front of his head shaved who looks like a cross between Gregory Hines and a Klingon on crack undergoing radiation therapy. (If you’re reading this Twiggy, I’m sorry.) Then I think we ran into Tom Arnold, who was all sweaty and anxious and racy and basically looked like he was on speed of some sort. I asked him where the drugs were because I was giving him that same wink that I had imagined exchanging with Flavor Flav earlier. And he just joked, “Shhh,” and I said, “All right, well call me.”

  As I was trying to walk downstairs, someone pulled me aside and said, “Come do this interview.” So me, Billy, Twiggy and Billy’s girlfriend walked over to this couch where Howard Stern was broadcasting from. Joan Rivers was standing across from us. It was loud and chaotic and no one could hear anything anyone was saying (except us, because we had headphones on). Joan Rivers was holding up a sign that said, “I need to talk to you.” So I felt like I had to explain what was going on to Howard, because it was all being filmed for television. I joked that Joan had given me a blow job in the bathroom and now she was stalking me and I couldn’t get rid of her because she wanted to give me another sloppy blow job or something. I motioned for her to come over, and she came over and got down on her knees in front of me to beg for an interview. But it looked like she was supporting my claim—except for those beanbag tits she’s not bad looking for her age. Since she couldn’t understand what we were saying, we continued to humiliate her until we got bored.

  We were just standing around afterwards when all of a sudden I saw walking towards me this blond tan girl—the antithesis of what I look for in a woman—in a bright canary yellow dress that she must have had to wear as some kind of karmic retribution for something she had done in a past life. Though she was not the kind of girl you’d want to hold hands with in public, the fact that she was attractive shone through. All this flashed before my eyes in the first few seconds because I decide if I’m going to like somebody before they even mention their name. I have a bad habit of not remembering people’s names when they say them. I’m usually too busy analyzing them—trying to read their intentions and determine if they’re out to fuck me or get fucked, if they want drugs or have drugs, if… I can’t think of anything else that’s important in life.

  So this canary woman asked for my autograph because she’s a really big fan. A little annoyed at being interrupted, I quickly dashed off an autograph, but as I did everyone was looking at me funny, like I was fucking someone’s mother or shitting in the punchbowl. Afterwards, some guy came up to me and told me that the woman was Jenna Jameson. I asked him who Jenna Jameson was, and he said that she was the most famous porno star right now. In the back of my head I thought about my acid trip experience in Fort Lauderdale, and the fact that Traci Lords had actually been up for the part of a seductress in the Howard Stern movie.

  She asked if she could sit with me during the movie—she seemed real innocent, or she was a good actress—and we walked to the theater, assaulted by so many paparazzi flashbulbs that for a minute I really felt like I was back on that acid trip in my bathroom with the flashing lights. I got scared for a moment, but the fruity pills calmed me down. When I sat down, in front of me was Kevin Bacon, behind me was Sherman Helmsley, and walking across the room was Corey Feldman, a name that, ironically, one of my bandmates was staying under at the hotel. I was always amused by Corey Feldman. He was a great actor in Stand by Me when he had the deformed ear and went around saying, “Jeordie screwed the pooch, Jeordie screwed the pooch.” I always said that to Jeordie, especially when he did screw the pooch, who in some cases could be considered Courtney. (I probably shouldn’t write this since, if anyone does end up stealing this journal and trying to destroy it, it’ll probably be Courtney.)

  Corey was in a pseudo-Michael Jackson sort of outfit that made him look stupider than any of his movies had ever made him look, and that’s hard to achieve, especially after Dream a Little Dream (Part S). I felt like it was my duty to introduce Corey Feldman to Sherman Helmsley since I had known their artwork for so long. In order to shake hands, they had to reach over the head of Billy Corgan, so his bald head became the bridge over which two fallen heroes of my childhood, Mr. Jefferson and Dorky the Vampire Slayer, met.

  I continued to torment Corey afterwards, putting lipstick on him and introducing him to strangers. Because it is my duty to punch below the belt, I told him I was a big fan of the rap song that I saw him perform on television, which was among the shittiest songs ever recorded yet still not cool enough by far to be the worst thing I had ever heard.

  When the movie started, Jenna Jameson kept making comments like, “Well, what are we going to do later? Are we going to go out to a bar? Are we going to hang out? You know I strip dance to your music. Wow, I can’t believe that I’m really sitting here with you....” She had a whole catalog of different “I’m a whore, I’m a virgin, I’m your mom, I’m your daughter” lines; she had all kinds of fuck-me-doll looks; she pulled out the entire contents of her seduction bag of tricks. There’s a scene in the film where Howard is sitting with a famous B-movie girl at a theater and she puts her hand on his leg. At the same time Jenna put her hand on my leg, which completely freaked me out because the part that Traci Lords was originally supposed to play in the film was that B-movie actress.

  Jenna’s hand slowly started to creep up toward my crotch, and, since I wasn’t on coke, I had a hard-on. I probably could have gotten one anywa
ys because she had some sort of magical touch to her fingertips. After the film, we rode to the Whiskey Bar in my limo. She had a friend with her that nobody wanted to talk to because she wasn’t a porn star and the fact that she wasn’t wearing a yellow dress didn’t help her from not being as attractive as Jenna. Maybe Jenna had worn the yellow dress out of friendship, like a golfing handicap, to diminish her powers.

  At the bar, we sat between Billy Corgan and Rick Rubin. Somehow Jenna had my jacket on her lap, and she put my hand up her skirt to show me that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. So I was sitting there with my hand inside her trying to convince Billy Corgan, on my left, that if he wore a yellow shirt with a black zigzag across it he would be Charlie Brown. But I was so drunk and high that Rick Rubin’s beard seemed like a cloud, covering the whole room. Everybody had his beard. I looked around and Jenna had the beard, I felt the beard under her skirt, all of a sudden Billy Corgan had a full head of hair made out of Rick Rubin’s beard. ZZ Top showed up in the Eliminator car and a bunch of hot girls got out. They were all people I had fucked and they all had beards. I got stressed out, and I was having a bit of an episode, and I didn’t know where my finger was. When I removed it I was too scared to look at it or smell it because if it was good, I would want to make Billy smell it, and if it was bad, I didn’t want it to ruin the pleasant evening I was anticipating. So I just avoided it altogether, sitting on my hand so the smell wouldn’t waft.

  Back in the limo, I asked if she wanted to go back to my room. But she said she had someone waiting for her at her hotel. Then she had some kind of secret dialogue with her friend in Urdu or old Dutch or sign language or hieroglyphics. What I discovered through my years of linguistic and archeological research into women’s codes was that she was married and her husband was waiting for her, which was fantastic and made me want her more. So she came back with me, of course, and I recalled from the film that the character who was supposed to be played by Traci Lords made Howard Stern get in the bathtub with her. So I thought, “Why not?” The only other thing I can remember from that night is that she had a tattoo on her ass that said, “Heartbreaker.” But then again, everyone in America who has ever watched any of her films knows that, so maybe it was all a dream. But if it was a dream, it was a wet one.