Can you see me?

by Regina Bartley

  She smiled and her cheeks reddened. It was so sexy. “I’ll be over here when you’re done.” She pointed to her bed. “Bathroom is through that door.”

  My feet stayed planted on the floor as I watched her climb back into bed. Her shirt slid up her backside and my theory was confirmed. I could see the cheeks of her ass peek out from underneath her panties, and I suddenly wished I had the cold water from the hose at home instead of the shower.

  I tried to be as quick as I could, and not linger under the hot water. The way it felt on my sore, achy muscles made it hard for me not to stand there all day. It loosened my muscles, making me feel stress-free, even if it was only in the moment. Rolling my neck around I made a loud moaning sound, forgetting where I was. Hopefully she hadn’t heard me. Cutting my shower short, I dried myself off on her flowery smelling towel and got dressed. If there were a large cup of coffee waiting for me, then I would’ve felt like a million bucks.

  When I stepped out into her room, I heard a faint snoring sound. She was already fast asleep. I couldn’t have been in the shower but maybe ten minutes. Stepping closer to her bedside, I startled when I saw the cat curled up above her head. I tried my best not to laugh out loud. I bet she had no clue that the little immigrant was sleeping by her head. I quickly reached for my phone and snapped a picture of it, because she’d never believe me. I was going to kiss her goodbye, but when I leaned in that little bastard took a swipe at me. I could have sworn that she told me that cat hated her. Boy, was she wrong. Instead of kissing her and risking the bastard cat scratching me, I just left her a little note on her table thanking her for the shower and letting her know that I would miss her.

  Just as I was coming out of her room, Josh was going in.

  His eyes grew big at the sight of me with my bag of dirty clothes in hand. I just smiled.

  Let him think what he wants.

  “Hey,” he raised his chin.

  “Hey,” I responded. “She’s asleep.”

  “Yeah, I figured. She’s definitely not a morning person.” Ouch. That was a low-blow jab right in the gut. “I just came by to pick up a few of my things and to see if Paislee wanted to catch a ride home with me this weekend?”

  Home? She hadn’t mentioned that she was going home, but then again we hadn’t spoken a whole lot over the past twenty-four hours. My life seemed to be as hectic as it’d ever been, but at the same time she made me happier than I had ever been too. Just taking the good with the bad. It was part of life. “Well, I better get to class.” I cut our conversation short. Despite setting aside our past differences, he still managed to get under my skin sometimes. Not to mention that he just pops in at her place whenever he wants. If he had a girlfriend, which he didn’t, then surely he’d be pissed off if I just randomly showed up at her place.

  “See ya, Man,” Josh replied as he passed me quickly heading straight for her room.

  The big bad wolf in me wanted to tell him to turn his ass around and walk up out of there, but I didn’t, only for her sake.

  Six

  Paislee

  The rest of the week flew by quickly. I only saw Jude twice during the week, and it was during our one shared class together. Granted we spoke on the phone several times, but I was trying my best not to take him away from his work. He had a meeting with the builder, and he had rodeo training in the morning. Not to mention his schoolwork and classes. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how he was able to balance it all. He was only one man. A very gorgeous man with the most beautiful brown eyes, but that was beside the point. I couldn’t imagine carrying those heavy weighted responsibilities on my shoulders the way that he did. Surely it was becoming too heavy for him to hold.

  Since Jude was far too busy to spend time together over the weekend, I agreed to ride back home with Josh for a couple of days. Spending the weekend away from school seemed like a doable plan, and would allow me some extra time to relax while Jude was overloaded with work. I figured a little break away from school would be good, even though I’d miss Jude like crazy. Deep in my mind, I wished I could’ve taken him back home with me. Though, I imagined he wouldn’t go. I could barely get him to leave the farm, unless it was on his list of things to do.

  Somehow I needed to figure out a way to get my name put on his to-do list. I wanted it right at the top in big, bold letters. We needed lots of to-doing, and soon, or I was going to have to find a way to to-do myself.

  “What’s on your mind, Lee?” Josh asked. I had been watching the interstate signs pass by and hadn’t spoken a word. Clearly, my mind was focused on other things. “You’re unusually quiet.”

  I shrugged, and slouched a little farther down in my seat. “I don’t know. Just a lot on my mind I guess.”

  “Talk to me.” He reached over and squeezed my knee, causing me to giggle.

  “Stop,” I laughed, pushing his hand away.

  “You can tell me what’s going on you know? You used to tell me everything.” I could hear a bit of bitterness in his voice. He was taking a jab at me, and acting like I didn’t speak to him anymore. I don’t know what planet he was on, but he was full of crap. I saw him every day. Hell, I saw him more than I saw Jude.

  “You see me every day, and I do tell you everything.” I said. “Well, mostly.”

  “Spill it.”

  “Nothing is really bothering me, I’m just worried about Jude. That’s all.” I explained.

  “I figured it was about him.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you haven’t told me what’s going on, so I knew it had to be about him. The new guy in your life seems to come first these days.” His all-knowing look made me want to pinch him, really hard, under his arm.

  “Jealous?” My eyes locked in on him with an evil look. He was acting like a two-year-old child.

  He laughed. “Very funny, Lee.”

  I groaned and looked back out the window. “Don’t be an Ass, okay? I’m really worried. And you know you’ve always been the main guy in my life, my best friend until death. Although, I’m starting to rethink that decision.” My voice was laced with sarcasm.

  His head cocked to the side, and he stuck out his bottom lip. It was cute, and of course it worked like a charm. It always had. My marshmallowy soft heart made it difficult for me to stay frustrated too long. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You’re forgiven.”

  “You want to talk about what’s really going on now?”

  Did I?

  I mean it wasn’t that big of a deal.

  Was it?

  Before I knew it the words came spewing out like word vomit. I knew that I could talk to Josh about anything, and I took full advantage of it. “I’m really worried about him. Maybe I’m reading way too much into it, because he says everything is fine. It’s always fine.” I took a breath. “It’s just that…” A heavy breath barreled out of my chest. “He’s working on the house from daylight until dark. He’s barely eating, and you should see where he’s sleeping. Not to mention he can barely keep his eyes open in class, and the rodeo training starts tomorrow. I just don’t know how he can do it all.”

  “Did you ask him if he was okay?” Josh asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “And…”

  “Well,” I hesitated. “He said he’s fine. That seems to be his answer for everything, and I don’t want him to think that I’m prying into his personal life or sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong. I’m just worried. That’s all.”

  “If he said he’s fine, then I’m sure he is,” he replied as we made our way off the freeway. “You can’t read too much into it. You need to focus on you, and let him do things his way. I’m sure when worse comes to worse, he’ll let you know if things change or if he needs something. ”

  “I’m not so sure.” I had my doubts, and they were big ones.

  “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but give the man some credit. He’s juggling all of these things and still making time t
o call you and see you. That’s got to mean something right?” He nearly choked on his words.

  “True.”

  Saying anything good about Jude was difficult for Josh. Despite the fact that he and Jude had made up, there was still tension between the two of them. It was like they always had an eye on each other, waiting for the other to screw up. Thankfully they didn’t come to me with their issues, because there was no way I was playing referee.

  “Let’s just have a relaxing weekend at home and forget about school and all the bullshit we left there,” he suggested, and it sounded like a plan. Although, his aggravated tone made me wonder what kind of bullshit he was leaving behind.

  “Do I hear some anger in your voice Joshua? It’s your turn to spill those problems, Casanova.”

  “Please,” he pursed his lips. “What problems?”

  “You dirty liar. Spill it. I told you my issues, now you tell me yours.”

  “I met a girl.” His voice was clear, as he stared straight ahead at the road.

  “Wow, that sounds like the start of a great romance novel,” I replied.

  He craned his neck to glare at me. “Funny. Get it all out of your system, because this is more of a horror novel.”

  “Oh yeah?” I joked.

  “Seriously,” he nodded. “I didn’t know it at the time, but she’s Fox’s little sister.”

  “No way.” I didn’t even know Fox had a little sister.

  “There is no way I could make this shit up. Her name is Gwen Taylor, and she’s Fox Taylor’s little sister.”

  “Well…” I hesitated. “Is she giving you bj’s at parties?”

  He laughed. “No. I just met her a few weeks ago at the library. She’s beautiful, and funny. I didn’t even know who she was until I asked for her number. Garrett confirmed that she’s Fox’s sister, and so I waited almost a week before I called her.”

  “So what’s the big deal? I don’t understand.”

  “Garrett said that Fox is real protective over her for some reason, and when I called her she was short with me. She brushed me off like we hadn’t even talked. It was weird. I’ve called her twice since then, and she won’t answer my calls.”

  “So she’s blowing you off,” I shrugged. He busted out laughing, before I had the chance to realize what I’d said. “Bad choice of words,” I giggled. “What I meant to say was, who cares. You only met the girl once.”

  He pulled the car onto my street, heading towards my house. “I know, but we hit it off so well. She was cool, and so beautiful.” The way he said those words was different. It wasn’t like the Josh that I knew. Normally when he talked about a girl, it was only to tell me how quickly he dismissed her. I can’t tell you the last time he had a long-term relationship. There had to be something different about this girl if he wasn’t giving up on her so easily.

  “Why don’t ask tell Bear to get the scoop for you? Ask him to see what’s really going on. Maybe she got into some trouble at home, or maybe her brother is just a royal pain in the ass like we already know. I mean if you’re not ready to give up on her, then you should do a little dirt digging, buddy.”

  “Good idea.” He nodded his head. His car rolled to a stop in front of my garage. “I’ll call Garrett when I get home. He probably already knows all their secrets. He’s worse than Gossip Girl.”

  I snickered. “Let me know how it goes. Are we on for dinner tonight?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be back at seven.”

  I leaned in and kissed his cheek before telling him bye and getting out of the car. Once I was safely inside, he pulled away.

  “Mom! Dad!” I yelled out, but there was no answer. They knew that I was coming home for the weekend, so it was probably their reasoning for not being there.

  I went straight up to my room so that I could take a nap. One thing I missed while I was away at school was my bed. There is nothing worse than a college dorm mattress. It was about two inches thick and tiny as hell.

  I grabbed my cell phone from my purse before I climbed under my mountain of covers. This was going to be the best nap I’d had in a long time.

  The sound of my phone ringing woke me up, and I answered it without even looking at the caller id. I figured I’d overslept during my nap, and that Josh was calling to get me out of bed.

  “Hello,” my voice was groggy. I hadn’t even fully opened my eyes yet.

  “Hey Darlin’.” Jude spoke sweetly into the phone.

  His voice made me smile even though he woke me up. Those two little words were reserved for only me, and he could wake me up with them anytime he wanted.

  “Hey.” I spoke softly back to him.

  “Did I wake you up?” He asked.

  I stretched out my sleeping muscles. “I was only napping. I’m glad you called. How are things going? And please don’t say the word fine.” I grumbled. I wanted any other word except “fine.” That was his response for everything, and I was sick of hearing it. A person can’t be fine twenty-four-seven.

  He snickered into the phone. “Things are great.” His voice went from sweet and seductive to overly chipper in seconds. Maybe I didn’t know him as well as I knew Josh, but I could tell when someone was coasting around the truth.

  “Uh huh.” I shook my head, though he couldn’t see it. “Sure.”

  “I miss you.” Those buttery soft words were more than enough to appease me. So long as he had sweet words and that sexy southern drawl, he’d never be in trouble.

  “I miss you too. I’ll be home on Sunday, and I plan on coming over. Maybe I could lend a helping hand.” I told him.

  “That sounds great. I’ll need it after tomorrows training. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the back of a horse. With everything that’s happened, I haven’t had anytime to ride. I figure I’ll be lucky if I can walk straight for a week.”

  That made me giggle, picturing Jude with wide thighs and a staggering walk. “You’re going to do great.” I told him. Or at least I thought he was. I didn’t know the first thing about bareback bronc-riding, but Bear says Jude is one of the best riders around. That had to count for something.

  “Thanks. I actually called because I wanted to talk to you about something. Is Josh there?” He asked.

  “No. He dropped me off at home when we got back into town. I think he’s home. What’s up?”

  “I -Um,” he faltered, like the words were stuck in his throat. It was unusual for Jude to be unable to find the right words. He had a brilliant vocabulary.

  “What is it? You can tell me anything. I already know far too much about the male species thanks to Josh. Nothing you could say would be any different.” I said jokingly. Being best friends with a guy had its ups and downs. Some things were better left to the imagination.

  “Actually it’s about Josh,” he countered.

  “What about him?” My shoulders sagged against my mattress. I wasn’t getting in the middle of any kind of feud that the two of them had. Neither one of them should expect that from me.

  “Don’t sleep with him. Please.” His voice was low and pleading, and filled to the brim with seriousness.

  “What are you talking about? I’ve never slept with him. Kissing is the only thing I’ve ever done with him, and you witnessed that first hand.”

  “I don’t mean sex.” He paused, and I could hear him breathing through the phone. It was heavy, and quick. “I mean actually sleep. I don’t like it. This was something I was going to talk to you about, but your trip back home sort of came out of nowhere. I really don’t want my girlfriend sleeping in the bed with another guy, friend or not.”

  Whoa. This came from way out of left field. Of all the things I thought he’d want to talk to me about, this wasn’t what I was expecting. I rose up in bed so that I was sitting instead of lying. I couldn’t think lying down, or focus for that matter.

  “I’m sorry that I’m just springing this on you. I wanted you to know how I felt about it. We’re both pretty new to this whole relationship thing, and I ca
n’t see how any man would be comfortable with his woman sleeping next to another man,” he explained. “Best friends or not, it’s not something I’m comfortable with.”

  I sat there for a minute without speaking a word. I just needed a couple of minutes to process. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand. I completely did. He had every right to ask that of me. We were dating after all. It was just the execution of it. He hadn’t said anything until now, and it was out of the blue.

  “Say something,” he urged.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” He asked.

  “I won’t sleep with him anymore.” The words spewed out of my mouth.

  Was I even awake? I couldn’t be sure.

  “Are you upset about this? I want to know how you feel.”

  I ran my free hand through my hair, and stood up from my bed.

  Was I upset?

  I didn’t feel upset.

  No, I wasn’t.

  “I’m not upset. I’m sorry for the awkward pause. You just sort of caught me off guard, not to mention, I was half asleep. I never had to worry about what anyone else thought of my relationship with Josh. Everything about us was just easy. It was always him and I against the world. I’m sorry that I didn’t consider your feelings in all of this. It’s so new to me. But I don’t want you to ever worry about anything happening with Josh. It won’t happen. He’s my friend, my best friend, and you’re the one I want,” I admitted whole-heartedly. “I promise I won’t sleep with him anymore.”

  I could hear him sigh as if he was relieved, and I silently wished that Josh were someone he wouldn’t worry about. He had enough on his mind.

  “Can you come home soon?” There was a plea in his question. I loved the way he said home, like me being there with him was his idea of home.

  There was nowhere else I’d rather be. “I’ll be home Sunday.”

  “I can’t wait,” he told me.

  We said our goodbyes, and I thought about climbing back into my bed and under my fluffy white comforter. I thought about it really hard.