Can you see me?

by Regina Bartley

  I gave her a mischievous grin. I wanted to lift her ass up off the ground so I could sit her down, right in the mud. At least that was my plan, if I could get close enough to her. She was slowly creeping her way backward, because she knew I was after her.

  “Jude,” her voice lowered. “Wait… No…”

  Before she could say another word, I lifted her like a bag of feed and tossed her over my right shoulder. Even soaking wet, she barely weighed a thing. I gave her ass a good smack, and when I did my foot slid in the mud. We both toppled to the ground. Luckily I was the one who broke our fall, or else I would’ve broken her into a million pieces.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, but I could barely keep a straight face.

  Her head jerked up and she busted out laughing. The two of us were a hot mess, and lying on the ground in the biggest pile of mud ever.

  The rain began to slow down, as the two of us lay there wrapped in each other’s arms. The exhaustion was setting in and I could barely move.

  I loved Paislee in the rain, but dammit, you should’ve seen her in the mud. I wish I was a painter, because I’d always have a muse in her.

  “You did amazing today, but I know you must be tired.” She spoke with a sympathetic voice. Her sweet smile was there, under the pounds of mud caked on her face. Those pearly whites of hers stuck out like a sore thumb.

  “I’m pretty beat,” I admitted, as I gently rubbed her back. Truth be told, I could’ve napped right there in the mud and wouldn’t have cared.

  “Why don’t we go back to my room, we can get a hot shower, and then you can curl up in my bed while I go to my lab.”

  “We can get a hot shower?” I emphasized the word -We. I just wanted to be sure that I heard her correctly. There was a wicked grin on her face, and I had my answer. “Will you wash my back?”

  “Only if you’ll wash mine,” she countered.

  I sighed. “That sounds pretty amazing right now.”

  “Then it’s settled.”

  We made it back to the dorm, but there was no shortage of stares along the way. We looked like up a couple of pigs that had rolled around in the mud all day.

  Paislee just giggled the whole way. She never seemed to care what people thought, and well, neither did I.

  After a long, and amazing shower with my hot girl, I was more than ready for a nap. I think I may have even fallen asleep before my head hit the pillow, you can’t fight exhaustion.

  Twelve

  Paislee

  “I can’t take off work for the Carnival and the birthday party. I’m sorry. You’re just going to have to enjoy the fun school activity without me.” Letty’s sarcastic voice made me want to pinch her.

  “Thanks.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to be stuck with all the boys. Every single one of them is going. I’m talking Bear, Obi, Tex, and Josh. I’ll be a nutcase before it’s all said and done.” My nervous rambling had taken over.

  “You’re going to be fine. I’m sure most of the guys won’t want to be too close to you and Jude. That whole lovesick thing might rub off.”

  “You’re honesty knows no bounds.”

  She smiled and tossed her bag over her shoulder. “And you love me for it. I’ve got to go. I’ll see ya in the morning. I probably won’t get off until around three a.m.”

  “Okay. I’ll see ya tomorrow then.”

  I was just finishing up applying my mascara and gloss before Josh and Jude walked in.

  Together.

  It was like something out of a horror movie. I had my mascara wand in one hand, and I wish I’d had a shot of whiskey in the other. It was clear that the two of them only tolerated one another for me. Little did they know, that they’d be the best of friends if I weren’t stuck in the middle. Which is not the place I wanted to be wedged. Neither of them had to worry about the other one. Jude wasn’t going to take Josh’s place as my oldest and dearest friend, and Josh wasn’t in love with me. Seriously, their petty crap was starting to take its toll.

  “Hey,” I spoke first as they made themselves comfortable. “I’ll only be a few more minutes.”

  The freaking silence in the room was going to drive me mad. I was eyeing them both through the reflection of the mirror in front of me. They hadn’t even said “hey.”

  I tightened the lid of my mascara and slammed it down on the desk in front of me.

  Spinning around in my desk chair I knew what I had to do. The three of us were going to fix this right now or I was going to the damn carnival without them.

  “What?” Josh said. His arms were crossed over his chest like he was itching for a fight.

  Not today, buddy.

  “I’m over this.” I pointed to the two of them. “You guys are going to stop acting like twelve year olds and get over this whole stupid crap or I’m going to leave your asses in this room and go to the carnival without you.”

  Jude gave me an apologetic look, but that puppy-dog face wasn’t going to work on me this time.

  “Nope,” I shook my head. “I’m not in love with Josh.”

  “I know,” Jude said.

  “Do you?” I narrowed my eyes. “Because it sure doesn’t feel like it. And you,” I looked at Josh. “You are my oldest and dearest friend in the whole world. You’re my best friend. I love you, but I’m in love with Jude. He isn’t here to take your place. I still spend time with you. I still love it when we hang out and have ice cream. So what that the two of us can’t sleep together anymore, it’s not like we ever did anything but sleep in the first place.”

  His mouth dropped open, but I shook my head no. I wasn’t going to listen to any more of their stupid crap ass excuses.

  A knock on the door sounded and I saw Bear peek his head around.

  “Hey Bear. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “You all ready to go?” He asked hesitantly.

  You could feel the tension in the room. It would smother you to death.

  “I am,” I stood up and so did Jude. “These guys are going to stay here and have a little chat. They’ll meet up with us later.”

  I knew I was being a royal bitch, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to deal with this every single time the three of us were in the same room together. By hell, they were going to get along even if it killed them.

  “Paislee,” Jude called out.

  “You guys kiss and make up. I’ll be at the carnival when you’re done.” I gave them a tight-lipped smile. “Let’s go, Bear.”

  His eyes were wide, but he held out his arm for me to take. They would either show up at the carnival later, or the two of them could sit there sulking. Hell, they could fight it out for all I cared, but I was done.

  Bear thought what I was doing was funny as hell, and the more I thought about it, I sort of agreed. I probably should’ve come up with a better plan, but it was the first thing that popped into my head. They both loved me enough that they’d forgive my sudden lapse in judgment.

  And just maybe, my plan might’ve worked.

  Or at least I was hoping it did. Time wasn’t going to tell, because an hour had already passed and there was no sign of either of them.

  I was being accompanied by three guys, and hot guys I might add, but the only two I really wanted to see were nowhere around.

  Carnivals were supposed to be fun. Thanks to Bear’s spare flask, I was well on my way to jolly good time.

  Yep, I said jolly.

  When I spotted the goldfish sign, I begged Bear to win me one. I needed a goldfish and it was a simple game of ring toss.

  Yeah. Right.

  He tried so hard. I swear he did. But it was kind of pitiful.

  Obi stepped in to try and save the day, but it didn’t help. Either the two of them sucked or the game was rigged. We were already twenty bucks in. I had half a mind to just slip the guy behind the booth a twenty so he’d just give us one.

  I desperately wanted one.

  I was just about to give up. Obi was down to his last ring.

  “Give me th
at damn thing. I’m not standing at this booth another second.” Fox said. He really did have a brooding attitude. It made me wonder what made him so angry. I don’t think I’d ever seen a happy side of him.

  He stepped up to the table, and gave the ring a little toss.

  I cheered like a crazy person when the ring spun around a glass bottle. He won. He really won.

  The guy behind the counter held out a clear plastic bag with a cute little goldfish inside. I was so excited. Fox pointed at me so that I could claim the prize.

  “Thank you,” I told him, and took my fish. “You’re so cute little fish.” Clearly, I was feeling a buzz. “I’m going to name you Hound.”

  “You’re naming the fish Hound?” Bear gave me a weird look.

  “Yeah. You know, the Fox and the Hound.”

  Everybody thought it was funny. Even Fox laughed. It seemed fitting seeing as Fox won him for me.

  I was making fish faces at the bag when Jude and Josh walked up. There were no black eyes, or bloody noses. It was safe to say that they didn’t fight it out, unless they shared licks to the shoulder. I’ve seen that happen first hand, and I promise you it’s not pretty.

  “Hey,” Jude said before leaning in to kiss my cheek.

  “Hey.”

  “We will be way over there,” Bear said, as he led Fox and Obi through the crowd.

  “We’re sorry,” Josh said, and Jude agreed.

  “We were being stupid.” Jude admitted.

  The two of them were agreeing now? I had to lay off the whiskey, because I couldn’t believe my eyes. Surely I had a bit too much to drink.

  “You guys are fine with each other now?” I wanted to laugh. No way my plan worked. No freaking way.

  “Yeah,” we are. “You wanted us to work things out. We talked it over, and I promise you that we’re all better now. No more bologna sandwich.” Jude said. His analogies were weird and quite confusing.

  “Bologna?”

  “Yeah. You’re the bologna and we’re the bread.” Jude smiled.

  “His thoughts not mine,” Josh butted in. “I would’ve clearly made you turkey.”

  The three of us shared a laugh, and for the first time, it felt nice. I was no longer going to be stuck playing the referee between the two of them. They settled their differences for me. I was one lucky girl.

  “Good,” I smiled at them. “Now. You guys need to meet Hound. Isn’t he cute?” I held up my bag so that they could see my little pet. “I hope the little immigrant doesn’t try to eat him.”

  “Hound?”

  I shrugged. “Fox won him for me.”

  “She’s all yours,” Josh said to Jude.

  He was clearly saying I’d lost my mind, but I hadn’t. The Whiskey made me do it. That stuff was strong.

  “Guys, it’s her,” Josh said looking through the crowd. “It’s Gwen. I have to go.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I’ll catch up with you later. Jude,” he held out his fist. Jude bumped it with his before Josh took off like a bat out of hell.

  Jude wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “I really am sorry about before.”

  “Me too,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have acted like a crazy person.”

  “You had good reason. We needed to sort through our differences and you just helped it along.” He pulled me closer to his side. “So what are we going to do now?”

  “I need food,” I admitted. “Carnival food. And lots of it.”

  Jude led me through the crowd of people and to one of the food booths. There was a grill in the back and everything they were cooking smelled amazing. I could see the flames coming off the grill and knew I had to have a freshly cooked burger. I couldn’t resist.

  “I want a double cheeseburger,” I told Jude as I nudged him playfully in the side. His eyes were locked straight ahead, like he was in some kind of a trance. “Jude,” I spoke his name but he didn’t budge. Something was wrong. I could see the quick movements of his chest. He was freaking out. I tried to see what he was staring at but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. “Jude.” I shook him and yelled a little trying to get his attention. When I moved over to stand in front of him, he was still staring straight ahead. “Hey,” I said.

  He mumbled something but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. It was barely a whisper.

  “What?” I asked him. My hands rested on the sides of his face. I needed him to come back down from whatever high cloud he was up on. He was scaring me a little.

  “Fire,” he said. The word was much clearer this time. I looked back over my shoulder to see the high flames of the grill behind me. He was freaking out about the fire.

  “Come on,” I tugged his arm in another direction and we walked quickly away. I led him through the side of the building and towards the back lawn. “Are you okay?”

  He blinked a few times and then turned away from me. I had no idea that seeing a fire would trigger that kind of emotion inside. I truly didn’t realize what an impact that fire made on him. It didn’t even sink in. What kind of a girlfriend was I? Surely seeing the only home you’ve ever known burning to the ground, was going to have some kind of effect on you.

  “I’m sorry.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. “I didn’t realize.”

  Dammit, I was a complete jackass.

  It took him a minute, but he finally hugged me back. We stayed there latched onto one another for a while before any other words were said. He needed a minute to realize that everything was okay. He was only human.

  Once his breathing relaxed to a normal pace, I stepped back so that I could see him. I needed to see that he was okay.

  When the corners of his mouth moved upward ever so slightly, I knew that he was back. I felt like I could breathe again too.

  “I’m sorry, Darlin. I don’t know what happened back there.”

  “Hey,” I pressed my finger to my lips letting him no that he needn’t say another word. He never had to be sorry around me. Not for having emotions. It was going to take some time to get over a traumatic experience like he went through. I should’ve been the one to feel sorry. Every time I looked at Jude I saw this magnitude of strength, and courage, and a fearlessness that could never be matched. To me, there wasn’t a single weakness inside him. It wasn’t fair of me to set the bar so high that he could never reach it. He didn’t deserve that. In my mind, I failed to realize that he could be broken just like any other person. He had one heart that beat just like mine.

  And that one heart could just as easily break.

  “Let’s go back to my place and order a pizza. You want to?” I suggested. I had my goldfish and all the fun I needed for one night.

  “Yeah.” He kissed my lips.

  It was deep kiss, and I suddenly wished we weren’t standing in the middle of the lawn.

  “If you keep kissing me like that, we won’t make it back to my room,” I told him.

  “You know…” He ran his hands up the back of my shirt, letting his fingertips graze my skin. “I always wanted to do it up against a building.”

  Was he kidding? I looked around and then back at him.

  “You’re serious.” It was more of a statement than a question.

  He bent down and kissed the side of my neck. “Hell yes I am.”

  I breathed out a very loud breath and let him lead me to a dark corner against the side of the building.

  If he wanted public sex, my heart lurched in my chest, then that’s just what he was going to get.

  With my back firmly pressed against the brick wall, he sucked hard on the base of my neck, until my knees nearly buckled, and my eyes rolled back into my head.

  Welcome back Jude, my little thrill-seeker.

  Thirteen

  Jude

  Spring break was three days away, three very long days.

  I had one more class and one more quiz before a much needed two-week vacation.

  Wallace agreed to let me take a week off of training too, so that I could go see
my parents. It had been weeks since I’d seen them. Just talking to them on the phone wasn’t enough. My Dad was getting worse, and from the way my Uncle talked, my Mom wasn’t doing well either. She was letting on like things were fine, but it wasn’t the truth. It was all just a cover up so that I wouldn’t worry. We were still months away from having a finished house. Of course, I was going to worry. I needed them home a long time ago.

  In the meantime, I needed a small yet beautiful distraction.

  “What are we doing out here?” Paislee asked as I led her into the stables.

  “I thought we’d go for a little ride. The horses could use the exercise.”

  “Are you sure? Me on a horse could be dangerous.” She was so cute when she was nervous.

  I ran my hand along her warm cheek. “You’ll do fine. I’m going to let you ride Echo. She’s such a calm girl, and she loves you already.”

  Her facial expression relaxed just like I knew it would. I saw the way she looked at Echo the last time she was in the stables. There is no hiding her love for that horse. My Mom always felt the same way when she rode Echo. Of course that was a couple of years ago. She hasn’t been able to ride much anymore with her health.

  I saddled up both of our horses and walked them out of the stables and into the grass. Merlin was my horse. He was younger than Echo and much feistier. Merlin could only be ridden by someone in full control. He was always good for me, but I was the one who broke him. If any Average Joe climbed on his back, he’d knock them off in a New York second.

  It took a while for him to get used to me, but now he lets me walk him. He loves it actually. I just hadn’t had much time to do it.

  “Ready?” I asked her. Paislee was nervous to ride, but it was normal. Trusting an animal that is five times your size isn’t easy.

  She nodded her head and I had her place her left foot in the stirrup. With a little boost, I helped her up and over.

  “Hold the reigns. She’s a good girl. She may not be able to hear you, but she can feel you. And she can sense things, she’s gifted that way.”