The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel

by Langtry, Leslie

  “So, it was more of a seduction thing that began earlier in the evening.” This was something I remembered hating about him when we were younger – his inane ability to dissect every emotion.

  “I think we seduced each other. Look, before you overanalyze this, I’ll admit that I have been lusting after you since the first day.” A look of triumph crossed his face. I raised my hands, “But that could just have been a romanticizing of old memories.”

  “Or it could be that you found me completely irresistible.”

  “True. But my point is,” and by God, I hoped I had one, “I don’t know which it is. Do I want you because I’m nostalgic for memories or do I want you because I can’t bear one moment outside your arms?”

  It was as if I’d struck him in the face. In the darkness, I could see his smile growing. Either way, I wanted him. That’s what he must be thinking.

  “I think that sums up the situation nicely.” Was he doing a little end-zone dance in his head?

  “But it doesn’t solve anything. And very, very soon, we need to make some real decisions,” I tried to rationalize, but already his Cheshire Cat grin was causing my skin to tingle. Drinking my beer did nothing to ease the desire that was running up my spine. He probably knew that.

  “Right. Tomorrow we’ll decide.” Alan stood, pulling me up to him. His lips were hot on mine and I realized that I could do nothing but give in. We left the chairs and beer on the terrace. Our clothes were on the floor before the door clicked shut.

  Chapter 12

  “What if we stayed longer?” Alan’s suggestion was followed by a forkful of pancakes. Instantly, the kids burst into a chaotic chorus.

  “Yay! Can we really, Daddy?”

  “That would be awesome!

  “Please say yes, Mommy, PLEASE?”

  It was impossible to tell who was saying what. As their voices got louder they leaped out of their chairs and paraded around the table chanting, “Stay longer!” Alan gave me a sheepish grin. Either he forgot the kids could hear him or he realized should have discussed it with me first. Or maybe this was part of his plan all along.

  “Do you think this will solve anything,” I whispered to him across the table. The children’s chanting created a sound barrier around us. They couldn’t hear us and nobody else could either.

  “Maybe,” Alan reached for the syrup, “maybe a few more days will help.”

  “Daddy is the best! We love Daddy!” All four had abandoned their earlier chant and were praising Alan to the whole room. While it was fun to see all the amused glances from other people, I realized with a start that my kids were also referring to him as “Daddy.”

  “All right, all right!” I stood among the Lilliputians to make myself heard, “Daddy and Mommy will make a few phone calls during your nap and we’ll see what we can do.” The children swarmed me, not noticing my implication that Alan and I were the parents of all four of them. After a few minutes we managed to quiet them down and wrestle them into their seats to finish breakfast.

  “Mommy and Daddy, eh?” Alan grinned.

  “Well, technically speaking I was just referring to the generic terms, Mommy and Daddy. You are in fact, a Daddy, and I am…”

  Alan laughed, “Ok, ok! Before we have to search for a dictionary, I concede your point.”

  He was right. But little knots were forming in my muscles along my shoulders and that wasn’t a desirable sensation at the beginning of the day. With a deep intake of air, my shoulders relaxed. No point in worrying about it. We wouldn’t be calling our spouses until this afternoon.

  “What are we going to say to them?” I handed Alan a tray full of garbage as the kids danced in place, waiting to leave.

  “Who? Oh, them.” He frowned as he dumped the garbage into the receptacle. “I don’t know.”

  Ever since we started sleeping together, Mike and Susan became them. Maybe we were trying to dehumanize them by making our spouses sound like flesh-eating aliens. Maybe we didn’t want to confuse anyone around us by saying “my husband,” or “your wife.” Neither one of us brought it up and I couldn’t remember who started it, but the other picked up on it and we’ve used them ever since.

  Jenny and Alice held hands and skipped toward the door as Alan and I took hold of the boys’ hands. “Well, we are creative people. We should be able to come up with something in the next four hours.” I smiled reassuringly but wasn’t at all sure I believed it. Whatever we told them would be a lie, or have some element of lying in it at the very least. Forget that we were engaged in full-blown adultery. Of course, that never came up in our phone calls home, so technically we weren’t lying about that.

  The bus was waiting for us and we managed to get everyone in and seated before it took off. The humming engine and the children’s idle chatter became white noise in my head. Alan was watching the kids and for a moment, I had my thoughts to myself. The bus was not very crowded; it was only us and three other families. In each case, I noticed, the parents looked tired. There wasn’t one adult smiling. Why was that? A calendar of the past few days flipped through my head and I couldn’t find a single time when I wasn’t happy. When Mike and I took our kids on vacation, did we look like these other couples?

  A warm hand slipped into mine, squeezing the fingers for a moment then sliding free. I looked to see if the kids had noticed. Alan was getting fearless. I was becoming more paranoid.

  “How about this?” Alan leaned his head toward mine forty-five minutes later, “We say we won a discount to stay longer and it is too good a deal to pass up?”

  In the row ahead of us, four little heads faced forward, giving the princess matinee their rapt attention.

  “And when they see the receipts when we get back and realize it didn’t cost any less?” I whispered.

  Alan looked thoughtful and I couldn’t tell if he was interested in the stage show or considering my comment.

  “What if we just tell them we are having such a great time and we aren’t ready to come back yet?” I barely heard him over the explosions from the Epic Stunt Show below us. The boys squealed with delight at the noise while both girls covered their ears in mock horror.

  “And if they just say ‘no?’ Then what? Are you willing to risk an argument over it?” I was an expert on avoiding difficult conversations with my spouse.

  I smiled at him. He was trying, and I wasn’t offering any suggestions. But this had to be a good enough excuse that they would agree and not good enough that they would drop everything to fly down and join us.

  “You know,” I shouted to Alan from the back seat of the roller coaster, “we could use my story about meeting up with another single mother – or in your case – father.” Alan looked at me questioningly, “The story I told Terry at House of Blues.”

  He nodded slowly, “That might work.”

  “Of course, it means that we’re complete liars.” I offered.

  “Well sure, as long as we aren’t lying to each other.” Alan smiled at me and once again my heart bounced around my rib cage. What was it with him? Or maybe it was the roller coaster lurching to a stop.

  “Did you notice that the kids haven’t sat with us on anything today?” I pointed at them, “Are we embarrassing them?”

  Alan slipped his hand between my thighs, “Who cares? It gives us time to use our evil genius to come up with a convincing argument.” His fingers lightly danced between my legs, then withdrew. The tease.

  Back at the hotel for lunch, the kids snored like lumberjacks as we picked through what they hadn’t eaten. The heat kept us from lounging outside the rooms, so we closed the door between the two rooms and sat at the table, eating our lunch.

  “So, what should we tell them?” Alan asked between potato chips.

  “I have absolutely no fucking clue.” I really didn’t. We had exactly two hours to place these calls and perform them convincingly and no idea how to do it.

  “Hmmm… now there’s an idea…” Alan turned his charm on, all the way up to e
leven.

  “Well, that is something we know how to do, no doubt about it, but no.” My body told another story but I was resolute. At least, I hoped I was.

  He leaned back in the chair. His skin had taken on a golden sheen from the exposure to the Florida sun. I wanted to touch him, but he interrupted my thoughts.

  “If we’re worried about telling too many lies, then let’s just tell the truth. Let’s just tell them that we’re relaxing and enjoying ourselves, and that we’re staying a few more days.”

  I tore my eyes away from his gleaming, toned calves, “and if they suggest joining us?”

  “We just say ‘no.’ Tell them that for the first time we are getting some quality time in with the kids on our own and thank them for making this possible.”

  “That’s good,” I admitted, “and much better than your earlier idea of saying the parks are locked down with an Asian bird flu quarantine.”

  He tossed his head back and gave a long, genuine laugh. I wish he had been more merciful… less attractive… horrible in bed…

  I rose from my chair and picked up my cell phone. Alan nodded and raised his phone to his head. Without a word I went outside, waiting to hear the door click behind me. This was something I had to do alone, and I really didn’t want to hear what he said to his wife. After all, he had come up with the bird flu idea.

  “Hey Laura. How is your last day going?” Mike sounded distracted.

  “Great. That’s kind of what I want to talk to you about…” I began but he cut me off.

  “Hold on a sec…” I heard him murmuring to someone. Work, again. Or maybe he was sleeping with another copywriter. Apparently whatever it was, was more important. After a few moments, he returned.

  “Sorry about that Laura. So, I’m picking you up tomorrow at what time?”

  I took a deep breath and exhaled, “Well, that’s why I’m calling. We’re really having a great time – me and the kids, and we’re thinking of staying a few more days.”

  “That’s great!” That’s great? Mike continued, “I have to go to Indiana to meet with Abe tonight and he has lined up a few client calls. I thought I’d have to cancel, but if you want to stay, then I can do it!”

  Wow. I’m so glad I was able to help.

  “Laura? You still there?” He didn’t sound worried. He should at least have been apologetic.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to go. I’ll make the arrangements and call you tomorrow with the details of when we’re coming home.” My stomach felt like it was filled with lead.

  “Ok.” Mike hung up without waiting for my reply.

  I don’t know how long I was there, standing at the railing. Long enough for an employee on a Segway to dodge in and out of a dozen rooms, I guess. Anger and sorrow competed for my facial expression. I settled on distant and disturbed instead.

  Mike, I’m leaving you. The words rolled around in my head and slid down my tongue. I weighed their heaviness there. Would I soon be speaking these words aloud to Mike? I’m leaving you for another man – who is also leaving his wife.

  Sure. That sounds perfectly normal. This place is a huge swingers’ mecca! It’s just one orgy after another! I set the phone down and buried my face in my hands, as if that would help.

  I heard the door open but remained face down in my palms. I figured it was a good look for me. A hand stroked my back and I felt a chair slide up to mine.

  “Was it pretty rough?”

  I lifted my face to look at Alan, “No,” I replied, “it was easy, so yes, it was pretty rough.”

  Alan looked away. For two people who just got a free extension on their affair, we didn’t look very happy.

  “What did she say?” Sweat was beginning to run down the crevice of my cleavage. I wanted to go back inside, where the air conditioning was on.

  “She thought it was a great idea. She’s going on a joy ride to Boston with her girlfriends. What did he say?”

  “He’s thrilled, can’t wait to get to Indiana for that big sales call.” I stood to indicate I wanted to go in. He rose and we dragged the chairs back to the table. Alan sat on one of the beds, his back against the headboard. He looked miserable. I joined him, lying alongside him, my head on his shoulder.

  “Wow, for two people who wanted this, we sure aren’t acting like it, are we?” There was no irony in his voice.

  “It’s that old adage, ‘be careful for what you wish for…’” I didn’t sound any better. “Let’s face it; we at least hoped they would put up a fight.”

  “Yes.”

  “So, what’s wrong with them?”

  Alan rubbed my back thoughtfully, “I don’t know. It can’t be us. We know we are desirable. Right?”

  “Right.” I buried my face in his chest, wanting desperately to be convinced.

  “Do you think they would fight for us if they knew what was going on?” Alan sounded distracted.

  “Is that why we are doing this?”

  “No,” he pulled me tight against him, “I really want you. I’m just sad to think that Susan doesn’t care about me and the kids.”

  I said nothing. It had to hurt. Susan had the opportunity to see her children but would rather go joy-riding with her girlfriends. My situation wasn’t any better.

  “Well,” I sat up to face him, “we’ve negotiated for more days…”

  “And nights.” He finished, pulling me on top of him.

  “Apparently with afternoons too.” Alan’s mouth closed on mine.

  I pulled back, “Did you mean that… when you said you really want me?”

  “Yes.” He kissed me again and I melted on top of him.

  His lips were desperate, devouring me as if it would be the last time. I met his kisses feverishly, thrusting my tongue between his lips. Together we rolled back and forth on the bed, his fingers tangled in my hair as I slid my hands under him. Our hands pulled our clothing from our bodies. We’d faced the cold light of our empty marriages and were attempting to smother it with sex.

  I wanted to scream as he climbed on top of me, kissing my face, my chin, down the length of my neck. I caressed his ass, digging my nails in at intervals. Alan’s lips found my nipples and I cried out as his finger found my clitoris then plunged into me. He moaned deeply and thrust inside me. Tears were flowing down his face, falling onto mine.

  “Alan… fuck me, baby, please…” I was panting, begging. I wanted him to explode.

  My climax was coming, that sweet tingling that began in my clit and throbbed in my pussy. I tried to hold out, but it overtook me, trembling toward release as I felt that familiar tingling run down the length of my legs.

  “Jesus… Jesus Laura… yes… yes… yeeeeessss…” Alan shuddered inside me. I felt him harden and release. I wanted to make him come again and again. I wanted to make him feel this way every minute of every day.

  We collapsed together, bathed in sweat. Together we lay on the bed, naked and wet, stroking each other silently as our heartbeats slowed. I kissed his lips, his eyelids, his forehead, wanting to cool him down. Alan pushed my hair away from my face and merely gazed into my eyes, smiling. We had more time together. Then the world could come to an end. Until that moment, we needed each other.

  Chapter 13

  By mid-morning the next day, the kids were exploring Riverboat Island. Alan and I relaxed beneath a shade tree, our hands mingling in the cool grass, out of sight of the kids frolicking on the playground.

  “I can’t believe it was so easy,” he said.

  I cast him a look. Apparently he had forgotten how broken hearted he was earlier.

  “What?” He looked at me quizzically, but I knew he understood. “Well, regardless, how should we spend our remaining time together?”

  “By sorting this mess out?” I ventured, “I don’t mean to be a nag, but…”

  “I know, I know.” Alan shook his head, “But we are both at the same place. Right?”

  I turned around to face him, “True, but four days from now I don’t want to find
that we are begging for four more days just because we don’t know what to do.”

  “Will talking this out even help?”

  Why was I getting the impression that he didn’t want a resolution?

  “Is this just some kind of weird vacation fling for you?” I jabbed him in the ribs, “Maybe you’re a serial adulterer – each year a different woman at a different theme park…”

  Alan laughed heartily, “No, you are my first.” He reached up to brush a curl from my eyes, “We only have two options, but they both have extreme consequences.”

  I nodded, “Well, on the one hand, we leave our families and hurt a lot of people in an attempt to be together. On the other hand, we only hurt ourselves.”

  “So it’s just a matter of who gets hurt.”

  “Shouldn’t it be a matter of how we feel instead?” Our eyes locked as I spoke, “It isn’t just the lesser of two evils, you know?”

  Alan looked away. It occurred to me that he hadn’t thought of it quite that way. Which was more important? The damage to others or to ourselves? And what about the kids? Granted, they would be happy if we stayed with our spouses. Although they had become close on this trip.

  “I have no answer for you, I’m afraid,” Alan’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I know how I feel about you. And part of me wants so badly to run off with you that it hurts.”

  His hand slid into mine and I squeezed, “I just don’t know if the consequences are more important to me than my feelings.” I shook my head slowly, “I don’t want to overanalyze this but I don’t know how I feel.”

  “How could you not know how you feel?” A look of alarm crossed his face, “Don’t you know how you feel about me?”

  I held up my hands in protest, “It’s not that. I want you. But are we just caught up in the romance of the moment and maybe just a little lonely because we were abandoned by them?”

  Alan’s forehead crinkled.

  “I guess I just want to make sure that I love you, and not this,” I waved my hand in the air, “this moment.”