The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel

by Langtry, Leslie

“Yes,” I took a mouthful of wine and swallowed. I was taking a big step. My life would change forever. Not just mine, but the kids’ lives as well. Mike could just make that goddamned job his mistress. To hell with him.

  “My God, Laura,” Alan looked like he would leap onto the table, “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Neither do I,” I admitted. Fortunately, the fireworks went off, silencing us for a while. Every now and then, our eyes would meet and I thought the table would spontaneously combust from the heat. His fingers never stopped stroking mine. I was completely lost.

  “Anything else I can get you folks?” Our waitress asked as she brought our dinners. We shook our heads and she left.

  “What about the kids?” I asked the first question since I had agreed to run off with him.

  “Let’s try to get custody of all four.” He grinned and I nearly choked on my filet. “Why not? Susan and Mike don’t want to be burdened by their families. Let them have every other weekend.”

  “And what will we do every other weekend with an empty house?” I asked, taking another sip of wine.

  “I don’t think we’ll leave the bedroom.”

  “I knew I made the right decision,” I smiled at him. “But we can’t base this decision strictly on sex.”

  “I suppose we must be practical about it,” he chewed his steak thoughtfully. “Where should we live? Your town or mine?”

  “Let’s find our own town. After all, we have to pull two kids from school, either way. Why not just make a fresh start?”

  Alan laughed, “Fine with me. West Coast? East Coast?”

  I cut through my meat, “How about the Southwest? Ever lived in New Mexico?”

  “I’ve never even been there. You?”

  “Me neither, but I’ve always wanted to go. I have a friend who’s the dean of a college there. I could get work easily enough.”

  “I can work anywhere. My agent won’t care.” He lifted his wineglass, “This deserves a toast. To our new life together in New Mexico!”

  My glass rang against his and I drained it. New Mexico. Where the hell did that come from? I suppose if we were going to do something so reckless as run away together, we should start out in a completely new location. My stomach twisted as I wondered if Mike and Susan would fight us. I suppressed the thought.

  “So, we’ve made up our minds, we have a new place to live, and we know the kids will be happy. What’s our timeline?”

  “Timeline?” I asked.

  “Well, you know, when we return home, how long before we break the news and flee to the hinterlands?”

  “I don’t know. How about immediately?” Leaving Mike was going to be agony. Being alone and away from Alan would be hell. The sooner we left, the better.

  Alan pushed away from the table, shaking his head, “I can’t believe this is happening. We’re actually going to do it.”

  My God. So we were. “Yes, I guess so.”

  The silence was deafening. It finally hit me. I was leaving my husband. I was going to get a divorce. I never thought that would happen to me. I certainly never thought it would make me happy to do so. Happy. Jesus. It had been so long since I’d been happy. What would it be like to wake up happy every morning?

  “I guess there’s only one thing left for me to do.” Alan rose from his seat and came around to mine, kneeling down on one knee before me. I think my heart stopped beating at that moment.

  “This is something I thought I would do years ago. Laura,” he began, “will you marry me?”

  “Oh yes! Of course I will! Alan, I love you!” Tears flowed down my cheeks as I nodded in response to his proposal. A clearer head might have pointed out that I and the man proposing to me were already married to other people. A sober person might have said, Let’s take it one day at a time, or something reasonable like that. I think this might have been the most insane moment of my life. Things could only get saner from this point, right?

  “I love you too. I know it sounds crazy,” Alan said solemnly, “but I can’t just live without you. Do you understand?”

  I nodded. It did sound crazy, but it also made sense. There would be a lot of tears, not to mention paperwork, along the way. But for right now, life seemed absolutely perfect.

  As we walked through the park on our way to the bus, I thought about all the questions crowding my brain. Instead of answering them, I just catalogued them for later. Tomorrow we could answer them. My heart was happy. Soon, my head would be too. But right now, that wasn’t important.

  When the lights went out on the bus, we made out like teenagers. Our lips never parted as his hands roamed across my body and my fingers explored his. I was going to give this man the lovemaking of a lifetime tonight. And it would just be a preview of what was to come for the rest of our lives.

  When the bus came to a stop in front of our hotel, I pulled away, leading him off by the hand. In spite of what was to come, we moved slowly, taking our time as we passed through the lobby out to the bar area by the pool.

  “Would you like a drink?” Alan asked, stroking my arms with his hands.

  “Sure. Sounds good.”

  “I’ll be right back,” he pulled out a chair for me and headed to the bar. The night was cool but my flesh was on fire. I took a couple of deep breaths and closed my eyes. Everything happened so fast, but I wasn’t upset. Shouldn’t I be?

  No, this was what I wanted. It’s the right thing to do. I knew it in my heart. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace with my future.

  Alan returned with two glasses of champagne, sitting after placing a glass in front of me. “To my future wife, Laura, the woman of my dreams.”

  “To the man that I love,” I replied, “with all of my heart.”

  The glasses clinked and we drained them. I started to laugh as the bubbles burned my throat.

  “What is it?” Alan asked with a wicked grin.

  “What I meant was, with all of my body.”

  “Oooh. Let’s include that in our vows!”

  “Mom would love that. Maybe we could get the minister to say, ‘Now you may fuck the bride.’” Hmmm, that had potential.

  “Now my dad would love that one. Why don’t we just get a justice of the peace to do the ceremony from the hotel room?”

  “That would make the wedding pictures tricky, to say the least.” My God, we were talking about our wedding!

  “You’re right. But just in case, maybe we should get some practice in.” Alan stood, holding his hand out to me.

  “Yeah, we want to be really good at sex before the wedding night. I don’t want it to be awkward in any way.” I took his hand and together, we laughed as we walked to our rooms.

  From the hall, we could see that the lights were out in Alan’s room, on in mine. The kids would be asleep, with Martha knitting away in the other room.

  “I’m going to run down to the bar and get us a couple of drinks,” Alan said.

  “You go; I’ll pay Martha and get ready for you.”

  He kissed me, “That sounds promising,” he stroked my cheek with his thumb, then turned and headed back toward the hotel.

  I was so giddy I could barely get the keycard in the door. I fought the urge to begin disrobing as I entered the room. Martha would probably be a little shocked. Finally the handle gave way and I pushed the door open.

  “Hey Martha,” I began, smiling and flushed with desire.

  Martha was gone. There, sitting in her place, was my husband.

  Chapter 16

  I knew that people were talking about me and Nick long before we slept together. For some reason, it didn’t bother me. Our colleagues had never met either of our spouses, so their gossip was just a haze of innuendo. While I didn’t like being accused of something I didn’t have the fun of actually doing, I ignored them. If Nick knew what was being said, he kept it to himself.

  So, every afternoon we met in the empty cafeteria for our “break.” These breaks became longer and longer as we both became mo
re reluctant to leave. Our lunches lasted up to three hours. Even though we never discussed it, I think we both knew that this was more than a friendship.

  So, why did I do it? I don’t know. Maybe because Mike had cheated on me. Maybe I’m genetically predisposed to adultery. Perhaps I just have no willpower when I’m attracted to someone. I could be polyamoric – capable of falling in love with more than one person at a time. There really was no point in analyzing it, because being with Nick made me feel so good. And I didn’t want to know the answer.

  At any rate, we never even touched until that night in the back of his car. Isn’t that strange? Something held me back. And yet, on days when he wasn’t there, I was miserable. But each night I returned home to my husband and kids as if nothing was going on. I never felt guilty. And that is important, but I don’t know why. Actually, Mike and I had better sex on the days I saw Nick, possibly because he got me all keyed up inside.

  Something made this affair with Alan significant… different than the affair with Nick. I was able to walk away from that situation. I was able to put our families first. Now it seemed that I would do anything to break them up.

  Chapter 17

  There he was, my husband, smiling at me as if I was a multi-million dollar client and there I was, blinking at him. I probably should have smiled back, considering Mike was there, like I had begged him to be a thousand times over. Only, I didn’t want him there anymore. And I was pretty sure he could see that on my face.

  “Mike?” I barely squeaked.

  He rose from his seat and embraced me, “Surprise!”

  I pulled back, still hoping it was all a mirage, “You’re here. I… I can’t believe it.”

  Mike laughed, then turned back to the chair and sat down, “Yeah, I clinched the deal early so I thought I’d join you guys. I figured you weren’t having that much fun without me.”

  “Great,” I managed weakly. What the hell could I do? Alan would walk through that door any minute, and with my luck, he would be naked, carrying two bottles of beer with a rose in his teeth. Not that it was an unappealing idea, just the wrong moment. Now would be a good time for Terry in a g-string.

  An idea popped into my head. I had to warn Alan. “Great Honey.” I conjured up a little more enthusiasm, even planting a kiss on his cheek. “Why don’t I run down to the gift shop and get us a few beers to celebrate?” Before he could respond, I ran out, shutting the door behind me.

  There was no time to waste. Running down the hall I paused at the elevator. Would Alan come up the elevator or take the stairs? Just then the elevator doors opened. Alan stepped off holding two bottles of beer. I grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him into the stairwell.

  “Whoa, Baby! We can make it to the room…” He laughed for a moment. When his eyes met mine, he frowned, “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know how to tell you this, but Mike is here,” I blurted out, “I’m sorry!”

  “What? Are you joking?” His expression told me he hoped I was.

  I shook my head, “He was in the room when I opened the door. He must have sent Martha home.”

  Alan looked as if his life was falling apart, “Where were the kids?”

  I searched my mind but couldn’t remember. All I saw was Mike. “I don’t know. In the room asleep, I guess. What do you think Martha told him?”

  Alan looked around, “I don’t think she would have said anything. But we probably can’t use her again.”

  “Will you get serious? My husband is here! I hardly think we will be able to hire a sitter and go out!”

  Alan smiled for a second, “You’re right, we can ask Mike to watch the kids.”

  I collapsed to the floor, holding my head in my hands. A week ago, I wanted Mike to join us. Now I wished he was a million miles away. How did this happen?

  “Will he come looking for you?” Alan asked.

  “No, I told him I would go get us a couple of drinks.” I couldn’t remember a time when I was so miserable. And just a few minutes earlier, I was happier than I’d ever been.

  Alan pulled me to my feet, shoving the bottles into my hands, “Take these. You were going to have to tell him about us at some point. Now is as good a time as any. Maybe he’ll go home.”

  My mouth was hanging open, as it always did when I was shocked, “I don’t think this is a good time to…”

  “Why not?” Alan was suddenly serious.

  “That’s so cruel! He has no idea!”

  “Wasn’t it cruel of him to dump you before the trip?” He crossed his arms.

  “I’m not like him. I’m better than that.” I shook my head, “Asking him for a divorce is hardly going to be easy. I don’t want to blindside him.”

  “Why would you ask him? Aren’t you just going to leave him?” His eyes drilled into mine. Now I was scared of facing both men. Hell, why not have Terry pop out of the elevator right now with a hockey mask and chainsaw?

  I took a deep breath before answering, “Yes, I’m going to leave him. What do you want me to do, walk in there with your arm around me and boot him into the room with the kids? Be serious.”

  “You’re right,” he conceded. “But what are we going to tell him about me being next door? You told him I was a single mom. He’s met me before. He’s going to lose it. At least, that’s what I would do.”

  I leaned back against the wall, “I didn’t realize how many lies we had told. I guess it’s the day of reckoning.” Of course, I could never have guessed that the pearly gates would be this resort or that St. Peter would turn out to be my husband.

  “Does that mean you’re going to tell him tonight?” Alan looked hopeful.

  “It means I will talk to him tomorrow night – that is – if you will watch the kids?”

  Alan gave me a dark look, “I don’t like this.”

  “Well, what would you do if it had been Susan who showed up?”

  Alan looked away. I wanted to hit a nerve, and bulls-eye. He had to understand that I couldn’t just walk in there and throw Mike out. I started to wonder if I wanted to be with someone who could do that.

  “I understand,” Alan said quietly, “I’ll leave earlier in the morning so he doesn’t see me and the kids. We’ll avoid you all day. Tell him you made arrangements for the kids and the single mom next door will watch them tomorrow night.” He sounded like he understood, but I had my doubts.

  I nodded, then without a look back, took the two bottles of beer and headed to my room. I felt more horrible. Tomorrow, Mike would find out our marriage was over. Alan would be miserable all day, probably wondering what I was doing every minute. Then, to throw salt in the wound, he would have to watch my kids while I went out to dinner with my husband. I wasn’t sure I could pull this off. My life would be much simpler if I just kept my marriage intact and Mike never knew what had happened here.

  The problem would be that I knew. The memories of Alan’s electric green eyes, his lips and his body would burn into my mind every day for the rest of my life.

  If I didn’t leave Mike for Alan, I would always wonder “what if?” If I did leave Mike, I might regret that decision too. At any rate, this was the longest walk I’d ever taken. I half expected someone to call out “Dead Woman Walking!”

  As I slid the card key into the slot, I took a deep breath. Here you go, Dumbass. Make it good.

  Mike was smiling when I entered the room. Our two kids were asleep on one of the beds. Good. I wouldn’t have to go into Alan’s room to collect them. Mike hopped out of his chair and took one of the bottles from my hands, kissing me lightly on the lips.

  “What happened with the deal?” I asked, hoping to sound casual.

  Mike droned on for a few minutes about closing his deal. “So, I decided to fly out and surprise you.”

  “You certainly did.” I noticed that he had left out apologizing for not coming in the first place. If he had, he probably would’ve invited Alan and his kids along each day. Mike knew our history but didn’t have a jealous bone
in his body. He trusted me. A twinge of guilt gripped my stomach.

  “That lady, Martha, was nice. I paid her. Do you think those kids’ mom will watch our kids tomorrow night? I want to celebrate closing that deal.”

  “Sure,” I tried to control myself, “I’ll take care of it.”

  Mike motioned toward the adjoining door, “Hey, should we wait for her to get into her room before we go to bed?”

  “No,” I said a little too quickly, “I passed her in the hall and explained everything. I’m sure she’s in there and already in bed.”

  We undressed and climbed into bed. Mike wrapped his arms around me and started kissing me. I returned the kiss, but worried he’d want to make love. I didn’t know if I could pull that off convincingly. Fortunately, he turned over and switched off the lamp.

  As I lay there in the darkness, I thought that all I had to do was make it through tomorrow. With any luck, Mike would be a jerk and I would feel justified in my decision. He began to snore softly and I turned away. Mike’s body was warm against mine. It was amazing how different the two men felt. Mike was warm and comfortable, like tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Alan’s was hot and dangerous, like a seven hundred dollar handbag I could not afford but desperately wanted.

  Oh brother. What terrible metaphors. I needed to sleep so I could make it through tomorrow. The problem was that I was wide awake. Alan lay just on the other side of the door, probably miserable and awake also. It would be so easy to slip out of Mike’s bed and into his.

  I forced myself to concentrate. I’d made a decision, hadn’t I? Of course, Mike being here was an opportunity to explore my feelings for him before acting on my decision. Maybe this would be a good thing. But what if I changed my mind? How could I go back to my marriage after all that had happened? Mike might never know I betrayed him, but I would always think of it.

  I slid out of bed and got a drink of water. No point in being miserable tonight. I needed sleep. I climbed back into bed and closed my eyes. I’ll worry about it tomorrow; after all, tomorrow is another day. Right. And Scarlett was miserable too.