The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel

by Langtry, Leslie

  I looked at him, perhaps for the first time, “It was, for both of us. At least it’s over. You still have to talk to Susan.”

  Alan leaned back on the bench and sighed, “I know. I’ve been thinking about that. I can’t decide whether to call her or confront her when I get back. Either way, it’ll be miserable.”

  “Alan,” I bit my lip, “is there any chance you might back out of this?” Cuz I’d kill you if you changed your mind. Of course, I left that part out.

  He frowned at me, “What do you mean?”

  “Well, is there any possibility you might not go through with it, or that Susan might talk you out of it?”

  He shook his head, “No. I’m done. I don’t love her anymore. Maybe it’s selfish to feel this way simply because she didn’t give me enough attention, but I wasn’t asking much from her.”

  “And because you are in love with me, right?”

  “And especially now that I am completely and totally in love with you.” Alan pulled my face to his and kissed me and for a brief moment, I thought everything would be alright. I pulled away and nestled against him. My stomach forgot to spin. Maybe we would be okay after all.

  “What about Terry?” Alan asked.

  I closed my eyes, pressing closer against him, “I don’t think he’ll say anything. I can’t believe he’d risk Mike finding out that he assaulted me.”

  Alan’s heartbeat was slow and steady. A fog of weariness settled in my brain. I hadn’t had much sleep and was completely drained emotionally. One by one, the sounds around us began to fade and somewhere along the line, I drifted away.

  I knew this was a dream. It had to be. There I was, in the middle of a white circle. Standing around the borders, equidistantly apart, were Mike, Terry, Alan and Susan. No one said anything but they all stared at me, pointing their index fingers in my direction. I turned, facing each of them, but no sound came from my throat. They didn’t speak either but their expressions showed that they were clearly angry with me. Even Alan seemed upset.

  I tried to move, but couldn’t. My feet wouldn’t move more than a few inches in any direction. So there we were, each of them accusing me of something… of what? I could guess what Terri, Mike and Susan were feeling. But Alan? Then the dream got weird. They all changed into purple and red plaid sled dogs and I was winning the Iditarod…

  “Laura?” Alan’s voice was very close, “Baby, are you alright?”

  I sat up, shaking the sleep off, “Um, yeah. I had a strange dream.”

  “Everything’s going to be great,” he said, “I’ve been thinking of New Mexico, watching you sleep. You’re so beautiful.”

  I gazed into his smiling face and suddenly all the worries I had seemed to melt away. I kissed him, and his lips reassured me that, for the moment, we would be alright.

  “Thank you,” I responded, “I needed that.”

  Both of our cell phones went off simultaneously and we sprang apart. We laughed nervously at our reaction, and checked our screens.

  “It’s him,” I whispered, barely able to take my eyes from the phone.

  “It’s her,” Alan answered and we looked at each other, then slid apart and answered the phones.

  “Mike,” I steeled myself. I wanted to sound 100% resolute, “what is it?”

  “Laura,” his voice was shaky, damn him. “Terry just told me something disturbing. We need to talk.”

  My casual façade began to crack, “What did he say?”

  Alan looked at me, arching one eyebrow while speaking into his phone, “Are you serious? Why?”

  I was torn between wondering what Susan was saying to him and what Terry might have said to Mike.

  Mike’s voice made my decision for me, “I don’t want to do this on the phone. Meet me back in the room in one hour.”

  “I don’t understand,” Alan was focused solely on his conversation, “why now?”

  “Mike, I need to know what is going on before I tear the kids away from the park,” I avoided telling him which one we were at, “we just got here two hours ago.”

  “Sure, I’m glad you called, Honey,” Alan continued, oblivious to my existence. The use of the word Honey on his wife bothered me. I tried to brush it off.

  “Laura, I need to talk to you, now.” Mike sounded upset. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or worried. Did it really matter? There was really only one thing Terry could have told him. And now he knew. That’s it. Terry was now officially off the Christmas card list.

  “Mike, I refuse to be ordered around unless I know what this is about!” I didn’t really think he would tell me, but I was stalling and still trying to listen in on Alan’s conversation with Susan.

  “Fine. Good-bye.” Alan snapped off his phone, turning his attention to me.

  “See you in one hour,” Mike hung up in my ear.

  I smiled weakly at Alan, “He knows. Terry told him.”

  “I’ve got even better news,” Alan said shakily, “Susan’s at the airport. She’ll be at the room in one hour.”

  Chapter 20

  “Now what?” I asked the sky, fully expecting to receive an answer. Maybe a twenty ton barbell would fall on me. No, wait. That’s Bugs Bunny, not this place. Still, it would give me an excuse for not showing up.

  “I don’t know,” Alan responded unhelpfully.

  “As I see it, we have two options – head back to the hotel and deal with it or check into a new hotel and have our things sent over.” And I really wasn’t joking.

  “I like the second option,” Alan squeezed my hand, “how about we stay someplace nice?”

  I shook my head, “We’re going to have to deal with this sooner or later.” Damn. I hated it when I was a responsible adult.

  “Can’t it be later?” Alan’s sheepish smile told me he would rather avoid this too.

  “I wish it could. I certainly don’t like involving the kids in this. They’ll see everything.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that.” Alan bit his lip, looking absolutely adorable but lost.

  For a moment, I realized that Mike always knew what to do in these types of situations. He was confident and could come up with an escape plan on a dime. I didn’t look forward to going up against that intellect. Especially since he was holding all the cards.

  I had no idea for sure what Terry had told him. It could be anything from “Laura’s having an affair,” to “Laura’s planning to suicide bomb the happiest place on earth.” Hmmm… now there’s an idea…

  “Could we call Martha to watch the kids at the pool or something?”

  I shook my head, “I doubt Martha will ever want to work for us again.”

  My stomach lurched. Another person we’ve lied to. What was I turning into? Alan and I had lied to our spouses, our babysitter and our kids. I lied to Terry about what I was doing here. I lied to Alan initially about Terry. I never told Mike about Terry. At this rate, I was pretty sure I was going to get a bucket of coal from Santa this year.

  “Let’s go, then,” I stood up, “we might as well get this over with.”

  Alan sighed, “Ok.”

  And that was that. Within twenty minutes we were on a bus and moments away from confronting Mike and Susan. I have to admit, I was completely and utterly terrified. And yet, I was about to do something I really wanted to do… right?

  I couldn’t talk to Alan on the trip back to the hotel and he said nothing either. Was it because we were worried that we were making the wrong decision? His hand squeezed mine; reminding me he was right there, next to me. But was that enough?

  The bus pulled up in front of the hotel and I took a deep breath and willed my feet to move. All four kids were bouncing around like maniacs. I wanted to throw up.

  Focus! I repeated the order in my head. Mike wanted to talk to me about Terry. Whatever he said would affect my future somehow. I had to remain firm in my belief that I wanted out of the marriage. Refusing to discuss it further would put a stop to the discussion, I convinced myself. And I’m pretty go
od at self-persuasion.

  The room rushed toward me and I was afraid to slide the room key in the lock. Alan smiled at me before entering his room and closing the door behind him. Somehow, I found the courage to do the same. We’d decided to put the kids to bed for naps, with cartoons on the TV turned up really loud, and then meet up in front of the rooms, in our usual chairs. Together, maybe we could handle this. As I pulled the chair outside Alan joined me. I toyed with the idea of vomiting.

  “Not here yet?” Alan said quietly, his eyes darting back and forth.

  “Nope.” He handed me a beer left over from last night and I took it gratefully, enjoying a long swallow. It was early to be drinking, but we were already skirting morality as it was, so what the hell.

  “This reminds me of the first night here,” I said for some reason.

  Alan laughed softly, “Oh yeah. Do you know what I thought when I heard your voice behind me for the first time?”

  My curiosity was peaked, “What?”

  Alan drank his beer, peering off into the woods, “I thought, this can’t be her. Not after all these years…”

  “Wow.” Ok, so that wasn’t the best reaction but I was a bit tongue-tied. Instead, I reached for his hand and squeezed it, hoping he’d understand. I felt like Wellington at Waterloo. Even with a victory it would feel like defeat.

  “Who do you think will show first?”

  “You sure are chatty,” I responded.

  Alan turned to me and I noticed his bottle was empty already. “No matter what is said, let’s agree that both Mike and Susan are out of here. Okay?”

  That sounded like it would be easier said than done, but I agreed. I mean, it’s a free country. Mike and Susan could refuse to go. They could follow us around the parks our last few days screaming expletives at us. That would be fun.

  Alan opened another beer and together, we sat in silence, waiting for my husband and his wife. For some reason, I kept thinking about sex. Images of our naked bodies writhing together slithered through my head. Why was that? I should at least have the decency to be embarrassed. Soon, our spouses would have those images in their minds as they reluctantly left Florida.

  What would they think? Secretly, I hoped they would arrive together, the confrontation would last ten minutes and they’d leave before the kids knew they were there. What? It could happen.

  I heard the sound of a rolling suitcase before I saw it. Down the corridor, I could see both Susan and Mike talking as they walked toward us. They did not look happy.

  “So, it is true,” Mike said it first as they joined us.

  Susan merely said, “Oh fuck.”

  Alan and I seemed to be frozen to our chairs. We looked at them in silence, drinking our beer. Neither one of us said, I can explain, because we couldn’t. We must have looked like a pair of surly teenagers ignoring our pissed-off parents.

  Maybe it was nerves or maybe I’d lost my mind, but the image made me laugh. That’s when Susan slapped me across the face… hard. Slowly I drew my gaze back to her. Alan and Mike were startled. That’s funny. Wasn’t it usually the men who fight under these circumstances? For reasons unknown to me, I began to giggle.

  I’d never been through anything like this before. Mike stood there, trembling with anger. Susan burst into tears. Alan looked at me with concern and I just sat there laughing.

  “Will you please stop?” Susan’s voice broke my detachment. Her face was red, cheeks streaked with a flood of tears. Guilt crept into my heart.

  “I’m sorry.” And I meant it. “I don’t know what came over me.”

  “So,” Mike’s voice was measured, “what Terry told me was true. You are having an affair.”

  Mystery solved. That coward opted out of telling him about the sexual assault. Maybe he thought I would seek consolation with him if both Mike and Alan dumped me. Actually, if Mike and Alan dumped me, I was more likely to run off with that a costumed dog. After all, he has a long nose. And you know what they say about that…

  I crushed the urge to laugh again, “Yes. I am. I mean, we are.” That sounded brilliant. “But you started it,” I blurted. Why, I was a regular Daniel Webster, wasn’t I?

  Mike clenched his fists, “What?! How do you figure?”

  “You both abandoned us. You two have been carrying on an affair with your jobs for so long, you didn’t even realize how lonely we were.” Alan? Hello, Alan? Why wasn’t he saying anything?

  “You whore!” Susan shook violently, “How do we know that you two didn’t plan to meet here months ago?”

  Alan stood between me and his wife, “Now, Susan, you know that’s not true.”

  “Do I? DO I?” She exploded in a fit of sobbing.

  “If we didn’t work so hard, you wouldn’t have been able to afford this trip,” Mike’s voice went back to calm.

  “Let’s face it, Mike… I lost you to your job a long time ago. You didn’t want to spend time with me or the kids as much as you wanted to close the next deal. You slept with TWO women at work and carried on affairs with them. And I gave up caring about our marriage as a result.”

  “Is that how you feel, Alan?” Susan looked at her husband and my stomach crashed around my ankles. I felt bad enough about Mike, but breaking up another marriage made me feel queasy.

  Alan nodded quietly, “It’s the same for us too, Susan. You should know that.”

  Mike finally lost it, “I don’t fucking believe this! Susan and I worked our asses off while you two went at it like dogs in heat. And in front of our children!”

  “Now wait a goddamn minute,” I was pissed, “The kids know nothing. We haven’t done anything in front of them and we always stayed in separate rooms!”

  “Yeah but you had a babysitter!” Mike’s face turned a frightening shade of purple, “Who knows what you did then?”

  “Would you mind keeping your voice down?” Alan whispered violently, “The kids are napping and we don’t want anyone to call security.”

  “I can’t believe you, you, bastard!” Susan’s sobbing became muffled, “Cheating on me after all I’ve done for you!”

  “It’s not like we planned it…” Alan began but she cut him off.

  “Oh, like it was fate or something like that?”

  “Well, wouldn’t you say the odds are against it that we would end up side by side, in the same circumstances, after all these years?” Alan’s voice was soothing toward his wife.

  “Jesus, Laura! Are you going to throw our whole marriage away for some nostalgic fling?” While Susan applied guilt, Mike played the rational card.

  I pulled myself up to my full height, “I’m not just reliving my college years, Michael. Alan and I really have something meaningful here.”

  Susan’s weeping stopped, “You really think this is true love? You’re just fooling yourselves! Inside these walls, it’s all fantasy. Outside is the real world! What you have is built on the fantasy, not reality!” Mike nodded in agreement.

  Alan shook his head, “No, Susan, what you and I have is not real. It’s the pretense of a marriage. But in all honesty, your legal briefs mean more to you than me and the kids.”

  I took his hand, “It’s over. And we’re sorry.”

  The four of us just stood there, looking at one another. Would they accept it?

  Apparently not. Mike threw a punch that caught Alan on the jaw and the two of them fell to the floor, rolling around like a couple of eight-year olds. Susan and I just stood there in shock, watching them. For an uncomfortable moment, I was afraid she would throw down on me, but to her credit, she didn’t. We just stood there, slack-jawed. For five minutes, the two men became boys, repeatedly punching each other. I had no idea what to do or which one to pull off the other. I had slept with both men.

  Slowly I turned my attention to Susan. She was a beautiful woman, carefully manicured, with long, golden hair and dressed in expensive clothes. I stood there in my polo shirt, shorts and Keds. Her white-knuckled hands gripped her suitcase. She didn’t dese
rve this. She thought she’d done the right thing. Maybe she thought that every time she left her family to go to work. Certainly, she didn’t think she was leaving them vulnerable to an affair. In a matter of moments, her life had gone down in flames in front of her. And she hadn’t seen it coming. Not by a long shot.

  Inexplicably, I wanted to comfort her. Her thick, light hair created the illusion of a halo. Of course, that only added to my guilt. How did all this happen? I’ve ruined her life. Wait! Didn’t SHE ruin her life? Confusion swirled in my brain. That’s when I realized that this wouldn’t be an easy mess to untangle. And her halo-hair was damned disturbing.

  Alan and I had chosen our paths and it was the path of penultimate destruction. For a moment, I savored those words. We decided to do this. After all, there was my lover, embroiled in a fistfight with my husband. Two men fighting over me. Wasn’t that every woman’s fantasy?

  But the fantasy was tainted by Susan’s sorrow. No matter what they’d done to deserve us leaving them, we’d loved them once. Even had children with them.

  “Stop it right now!” I heard my ‘I’ve had it’ mommy voice shouting at the two on the floor. “Do you want someone to call security?” Alan and Mike froze, then slowly took their hands off each other and rose to their feet, brushing themselves off.

  Both men sported a few bruises and a little blood, but they looked reasonably unharmed.

  “We can talk about this if you want to, but no more fighting!” My mommy voice thundered in my throat.

  “My mind is made up, Susan.” Alan said softly, “I’m leaving you and I want custody of the kids.”

  And that was it. Alan’s statement slapped the cement like one of those giant boulders that fell on people in 1970’s variety shows.

  “Mike,” I said calmly, “I’m leaving you and I want custody of the children.”

  “But Laura…” he began.

  I brought my hands up to stop him, “No but’s. Our minds are made up. You can have the house, the cars, and the furniture, anything you want. I just want the kids.”

  “This can’t be happening!” Susan appeared to be talking to herself more than to us, “I can’t believe this is happening!”