Pig'N A Poke

by Larissa Reinhart

  “I did,” I said. “Can I help it if these boys won’t let themselves believe what’s right in front of their eyes? If I don’t hide my skill, it’s not a hustle.”

  “This is Lex’s money then?” Jello’s smile stretched, making his chins wobble.

  “I didn’t say that. Lex would never short you, any more than I would. But Lex would rather have Drew pay his own bill. As he should.” I leaned forward. “Jello, what did you hear about Penny Forbes dying?”

  “Thought you knew, hon’.” Jello’s chins quivered with a mournful shake. “Can’t believe it. She was engaged, too, did you know that? Found a way up.”

  “Up?”

  “Rich guy. Didn’t surprise me too much. That Penny. Gorgeous and smart. A legend.”

  “Hold on.” I checked on Lex. While drawing out a story with one hand, he slipped the money clip back into Drew’s pocket. Typical Lex. Let Drew think he’d blown his cash when he woke hungover and broke.

  I turned back to Jello. “Penny was engaged to a rich guy and OD’d on heroin? Doesn’t add up Jello. She didn’t use and she’d never pimp out. She was a good roper, but never let herself get too dirty.”

  “I reckoned the same. After her momma—“ His chins shook again.

  “Exactly. The rich guy, was he a mark? Or legit?”

  “Dunno, hon’.” Jello fixed his piggy eyes over my shoulder. “Lex is wrapping up.”

  I turned, catching the exuberant expression lighting Lex’s face. He could be mistaken for a young, doctoral student. A highlighted lock had fallen over his forehead. His lean physique gave the impression of slightness. I knew the wiry strength that hid beneath his designer button down. He just needed a pair of wire-rims to complete the picture of slightly nerdy but cute grad student. Not that Lex had ever stepped foot in a college classroom. No more than I had.

  At least I didn’t think so. You could never be sure with Lex.

  I wouldn’t put it past him to audit the classes that interested him. And it wouldn’t surprise me if he had somehow obtained a diploma. He was good at that sort of thing. Got his kicks from pitting his wiles against bureaucratic quagmires. Anything that frustrated a normal person, Lex loved to unravel and beat.

  Including trying to lure me back into his questionable operations. And other areas of his life.

  Catching my eye, Lex gave me a slight nod. I slunk back to the table, seemingly chastened.

  “Thanks for covering my tab,” Drew said. “And if I see her in here again, I’ll leave her alone.”

  “Do that, young man. Although I’d give Jello’s a wide berth, if I were you. He overlooks anything but paying your bill, which you almost didn’t do. But if you risk Jello’s wrath and do see Miss Williams, give Mr. Jello the word that you’ve spotted this young sociopath. He’ll escort her out the door. Likely you as well. Jello hates rats even more than scarpers. I think it’s a cattle prod he uses.”

  Lex’s smile quirked as he peered down his nose at me. “You heard that, Miss Williams? It’s for your own good. Respectable young women don’t hang out in pool halls.”

  I pursed my lips. Lex was really pushing it.

  He grasped my elbow. “Past your bedtime, Miss Williams. Time to go home. Your father will be sorry to hear about this.”

  “He certainly would,” I said dryly. My father was always sorry to hear about me and any sort of hustle—imagined or real. Particularly since my father was a cop.

  And more crooked than any swindler I’d ever met.

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  A SNEAK PEEK OF 15 MINUTES

  #10Days #FindTheWoman #GetTheJob #DoNOTFallinLove

  "Child star and hilarious hot mess Maizie Albright trades Hollywood for the backwoods of Georgia and pure delight ensues. Maizie’s my new favorite escape from reality.”

  — Gretchen Archer, USA Today bestselling author of the Davis Way Crime Caper series

  #WannaBeDetective When ex-teen star Maizie Albright returns to her Southern hometown of Black Pine, Georgia, she hoped to rid herself of Hollywood tabloid and reality show hell for a new career as a private investigator. Instead, Hollyweird follows her home. Maizie’s costar crushing, but now for her gumshoe boss. Her stage-monster mother still demands screen time. Her latest rival wants her kicked off the set, preferably back to a California prison.

  By entangling herself in a missing person's case, she must reprise her most famous role. The job will demand a performance of a lifetime. But this time, the stakes are real and may prove deadly.

  ONE

  #DonutDilemna #B-lister

  Of course, Nash Security Solutions would be housed in a donut shop.

  Time and the elements had nearly scrubbed the painted Dixie Kreme ad from the side of the old brick building and I’d almost missed it. But with my Jag’s top down, the confectioned-carb aroma assaulted my senses. I pulled in a long, exhilarating breath, then pretended I couldn’t taste that sweet mouthful of heaven.

  My trainer, Jerry, would have accused me of manifesting donut reality through my sheer love of trans-fats. After all my years in LA, delectables like donuts should cause my brain to flash a warning with a similar intensity to the bright red neon “Fresh & Hot” sign hanging in this storefront window. However, my brain’s warning was more of an appetizing apple red. As in Snow White’s “One bite and all your dreams will come true” red.

  My therapist has an opinion on that subject, something about denied sugar, both literal and metaphorical. Either way, donuts meant trouble.

  I almost buckled to temptation. But I had a mission. I sucked down another mouthful of donut air, placed one Jimmy Choo in front of the other and moved through the front door of the Dixie Kreme Donut building. Then into a dim hall, up the stairs and into a dimmer hall. And stopped before the door with the words "Nash Security Solutions" painted on the frosted glass.

  Not a modern glass door that swished when opened. An old wooden door. The whole building had that old-timey feel with the brass knobs and wood and the plaster-over-brick walls. Even the building’s front door had a half moon, stained glass window. Those adorable antiquing couples in Pasadena would have loved the Dixie Kreme building.

  For a long minute, I stood before that door inhaling eau de donut and evaluating my wardrobe choices. I wanted to look appropriate. This was my big break. Like a screen test, but better. My stylist might not have agreed on pairing the Jimmy Choos with a white, sleeveless Nina Ricci resort dress and my Chloé Clare bag. Sometimes my stylist went a little overboard. She would have gone with Louboutins and a Birkin. Keeping Up with the Kardashians and whatnot. Literally.

  But this was Black Pine, Georgia, where Loubies and Birkins weren’t fundamental. I grabbed the old-timey, brass knob of the Nash Security door and strode through with a "go get 'er" set to my features, ripping off my Barton Perreira Jet-Setters and shoving them into my bag like I was on an episode of Miami Undercover.

  "Mr. Nash," I said with great authority. And then dropped my bag. Forgot to close my mouth. And I might have gasped.

  From Miami Undercover to I Love Lucy.

  Nash Security Solutions consisted of two rooms. The outer room had a battered corduroy recliner, a few metal file cabinets, and a frumpy couch. In this room, all was well, although run down and dusty. Unfortunately, the door to the second room stood open. I was unaware of the condition of that room because Mr. Nash of Nash Security Solutions was naked.

  Well, not naked-naked. Half-naked. But he was a big guy. As in tall, solid wall of muscle. Movie star muscle. Like Mr. Nash had a personal trainer who specialized in tone and definition.

  Except this was Black Pine, and I doubted Mr. Nash had ever hired a trainer to watch him sweat while screaming about the evils of trans-fats and the virtues of chili pepper colonics. Mr. Nash didn't look the type to put up with anyone yelling at him about anything.

  He did seem a little slow, though. At my authoritative "Mr. Nash," he froze. With
a t-shirt in one hand. And unbuckled jeans. Giving me time to peel my ogle off all those muscles and the undone buckle and peruse his facial features. His head was shaved and his nose looked broken. A wicked scar curled from his chin to chiseled jaw.

  But most astonishing, Mr. Nash’s eyes were Paul Newman blue. Startling, intense, arctic blue.

  He countered my ogle for a few long seconds, taking in my hidden curves, the reddish-blonde hair, sea glass green eyes, and a nice pair of legs. I get a lot of ogling. Vicki trained me to take ogles as a compliment. Should it bother me? Ask my therapist. She's got plenty to say on the subject, too.

  Behind me, I heard the door open and close while Mr. Nash and I continued our stare-off.

  "Didn't know you gave peep shows this early, Nash," said a deep, gravelly voice.

  I jerked my eyes off the hard body and onto the older, African-American man dropping into the recliner. He wore a chef's apron over his t-shirt and jeans and smelled of donuts.

  "Oh my God. I'm sorry," I said to all listening and glanced into the inner office where Mr. Nash fumbled with his belt buckle.

  "Why should you be sorry?" said the man, throwing the lever on the recliner to prop up his feet. "Nash's the one raised in a barn."

  "Morning, Lamar," drawled Nash, then addressed me. "Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry about this. Forgot to shut the door. And you are?"

  I relaxed my face, which felt squinchy. My directors hated that look because it made me look constipated rather than astonished. Taking a deep breath, I said, "I'm Maizie Albright. I mean, Maizie Spayberry. Well, it was Spayberry, and I'm thinking about switching back permanently. Although I do like my other name. It has a better ring, which is why my manager changed it."

  Nash nodded and focused on buttoning the shirt he’d slipped on, although he revealed a flash of what I like to call "WTH face."

  "Spayberry. Which Spayberry?” said Lamar. “There's a ton around here. Unless you mean Boomer Spayberry? Of DeerNose?"

  "Yes, sir. Boomer is my father." DeerNose was big among those that shopped at Bass Pro and other hunting outfitters, but I didn't get recognized as a DeerNose daughter much in LA. It produced a feeling of pride and awkwardness. Among hunters, Daddy's considered the Michael Kors of clothing and accessories. He designs scented hunting apparel. The awkwardness comes with the scent. Deer pee. Big with hunters. Not so much with anyone else.

  I glanced at Nash, who was now buttoning a white dress shirt over his muscles. An Armani. A bit old, but still sharp.

  "I'm sorry, but aren't you expecting me?" I glanced at my watch. "I was told to come at this time."

  "Told by who?" Nash paused the buttoning.

  "A Jolene Sweeney. I didn't speak to her, my assistant set up the interview. Maybe our wires got crossed?" I raised my brows at the string of curses Mr. Nash uttered. "I'm sorry. Do I have the time wrong?"

  Shooting a look of concern at Lamar, Nash pushed past me to flip the lock on the front door.

  "So are you living over at the DeerNose cabin?" Lamar continued. "I heard it's pretty grand. Nice land Boomer's got, too."

  "Yes, sir," I said, watching Mr. Nash pace before the locked door. "I haven't been in Black Pine for about six years. As a kid, I spent my summers here. Although I would’ve been better off moving back a long time ago. But you can't change the past. At least that's what Renata says."

  "Who's Renata?" asked Lamar.

  "Oh, my therapist. The last one." I bit my lip, realizing you shouldn't admit to numerous therapists in an interview. Or what should be an interview. "It's something we do in LA."

  "Therapy?" asked Lamar.

  "Rehab." Then bit my lip again.

  Lamar smiled. He didn't seem to find Nash's pacing at all unnerving. "That's right. Boomer Spayberry's daughter is the TV kid. Maizie Albright. You were on that teen detective show, wasn't it?"

  "Yes, sir. Julia Pinkerton: Teen Detective." I grinned. "Before that was Kung Fu Kate. And a few pilots and TV movies. Julia's where my career really took off. And what inspired my new career."

  "I don't watch much myself. Nash and I still prefer the radio for the Braves and Bulldogs."

  "Because you're too cheap to pay for cable," said Nash.

  "Don't need it," said Lamar. "You've got enough equipment, you could probably rig yourself some satellite TV."

  "What did Jolene say?" asked Nash.

  I looked from Nash to Lamar. He folded his arms behind his head.

  "Miss Albright?" Nash's voice grew impatient.

  “Me? Like I said, I didn't speak to Jolene. My assistant, Blake, did. Blake's gone now, or I would call her. I had to let all my people go. That was hard."

  "The meeting, Miss Albright?"

  "I'm sorry. It was about the apprentice position? I need two years training for private investigation and you need—”

  "I need nothing." Nash swore using words not altogether familiar to me. And after living in LA, that's surprising. "Can you believe this?"

  "Well," I slowed my speech. "I did believe it sounded legitimate. I mean, I haven't been in Black Pine for a while, but I assumed, or at least Blake assumed, everything was aboveboard. I think she checked your agency with Better Business or something—”

  "I was talking to Lamar," sighed Nash. "Lamar, what do you make of this?"

  "You know my feelings. But you could use help, Nash," said Lamar. "I'd ask about qualifications."

  Nash turned from the door to look at me.

  "Me?" I said. "I've been studying Criminal Justice at U Cal, Long Beach, while doing the show. But if you don't watch TV, you probably didn't know that. The producers liked the location shots on campus. I had to draw the line at them following me into class, because the professors got upset—”

  "What show is that?" said Lamar. "One of them reality shows?"

  "All is Albright. It got picked up after the first time I went to rehab. Vicki's idea to capitalize on my notoriety. Awkward, right? I was ready to be done with TV altogether, but it did pay for college. And all the legal fees. And my other bills—”

  "Are you for real?" asked Nash. "Is this some kind of prank? Candid Camera type of thing?"

  "Candid Camera? Like Betty White's show?” I shook my head. “I am entirely serious. Before I left California, I had Blake research private investigation agencies in Black Pine and yours was all she came up with. Is Jolene Sweeney your partner? Because I'm starting to wonder how Blake made the appointment—”

  "Even I'm not old enough to remember Candid Camera, Nash," said Lamar. "I swear, you were born in the wrong century. Although, I'm not much for reality shows. Except Cops, I do like Cops."

  "Well, last season was a bit like Cops," I said. "That's when Oliver's non-profit was busted, unfortunately. Which led to my recent predicament. However, my therapist, Renata, and I do agree it all worked out for the best. I wanted out of LA. And this is a better way to fulfill my dream. A healthier alternative."

  "Now that sounds interesting," said Lamar. "A bust as a healthier alternative. Not heard that view before."

  "I think I've heard enough," said Nash.

  The doorknob rattled, and we all hushed. Nash made the finger to the lips sign, and Lamar cut me a "can you believe this guy" type of look.

  I wanted to giggle, but then a sharp knock sounded on the frosted glass, and my stomach sank somewhere beneath my knees. The donut smell and nudity should have given me fair warning. Vicki had told me moving here was a bad idea. She said I was too Beverly Hills for Black Pine.

  I hoped I had enough Black Pine in me to make this work. Although it did seem, when I thought her wrong, Vicki usually proved me otherwise.

  "I know you're in there, Wyatt Nash," said a female voice outside the door. "Open up."

  Nash glowered at the door.

  Lamar closed his eyes. A smile stretched across his face.

  I clutched my Chloé bag to my chest, hoping I hadn't got locked in a room with two crazy men.

  On the other hand, if the crazy was outside,
I hoped the lock held.

  The knocking commenced to pounding. "Very funny. Wyatt, honey. Open the door. I'm late for the meeting."

  "I'm not your honey," said Nash. "And there's no meeting."

  "Like I meant honey that way. Lord help me, Wyatt, just open the flippin' door."

  "Jolene Sweeney, you have three seconds to leave the premises or I'm calling Black Pine PD and reporting a violation of your restraining order. I believe it said one hundred feet." Nash nodded his head and folded his arms.

  My eyebrows shot up to my hairline.

  Lamar sniggered.

  "You dumbshit," said Jolene Sweeney. "I'm the one with the restraining order on you."

  I edged toward the inner office door.

  "Well then, I suggest you back down the hallway, and I'll just get out of here," said Nash. "I'm not even going to point out the fallacy of your logic in suggesting a meeting within one hundred feet of me."

  I reached the inner office and checked that door for a lock.

  "Lamar," said Jolene. "Are you in there?"

  Lamar's eyelids drifted open. "Yes, ma'am."

  "Just tell me this," said Jolene. "Did a girl show up?"

  "There's one here now."

  "Miss Albright," said Jolene. "Are you there? I'm so sorry about this."

  "Ma'am?" I adopted my father's throatier, slower cadence, rather than my shriller, speedier California tongue. "Actually, my last name is Spayberry. There seems to be a mix-up. Mr. Nash, here, didn't expect me and doesn't need an assistant."

  "Spayberry?" Jolene's knocking and rattling quieted.

  Lamar and Nash glanced at me. I shrugged.

  "I had thought..." Jolene paused. "I'm sorry, Miss Spayberry. Black Pine Group and I are expecting Maizie Albright from the Julia Pinkerton: Teen Detective show.”

  “So you don’t need an assistant?”

  “We thought if we sold to a national chain, Maizie might do endorsements. You know, grown up Julia recommending a real detective agency. Anyway, I think she's just looking to do research for a new show. You can go, Miss Spayberry. And no skin off your nose, Wyatt. When Miss Albright gets here, just let her follow you around for a few days."