SAHM I Am

by Meredith Efken

  I’ll be praying that Darren lets God heal his hurt. I haven’t personally faced something like that, but I can imagine how painful it would be. My heart goes out to you both.

  Love,

  Dulcie

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject:

  So glad it’s Saturday!

  * * *

  Dulcie,

  I shouldn’t have dumped on you like that when you were having a rough week. The adoption talk didn’t go so well. Darren’s just not ready, I guess. He thinks that since I gave birth to Madeline, if we adopt, it would be like advertising to the whole world that he has “the problem.” I tried to explain to him that people might assume it’s secondary infertility, which is when a woman becomes infertile after being able to have a baby, but he didn’t seem to get it. So I suppose we just keep waiting. I’m super disappointed, though—every time I see a baby on TV, I start crying. Christmas is going to be a blast, huh?

  Thanks for being my friend.

  Brenna

  * * *

  From:

  Michelle Oster

  To:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject:

  Apology

  * * *

  Dear Darcy,

  Thanks for the card and the book. I accept your apology. I say dumb stuff, too. In fact, Bruce (my step-dad who almost runs the company) always tells people he was crazy to hire me in the first place, but if he fires me, he’d have to sleep on the couch because Mom wouldn’t even speak to him.

  Something I’ve learned from reading romances is that the couple never finds true love and happiness with each other until they start appreciating and being nice to each other. Maybe that would help with you and Tom. Not that I’m in any place to give advice, since I haven’t exactly been a success in the romance department myself, but it seems like you’re taking Tom for granted. He is SO great.

  I hope I’m not being too nosy by saying that. But I want Tom to be happy. I don’t want him to end up like my parents and most of my friends. He deserves better. And I guess you do, too.

  Sincerely,

  Michelle Ostler

  P.S. I already had the book you sent. But it was a nice thought.

  * * *

  From:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW December 13: A Servant's Heart

  * * *

  Well, ladies, I haven’t really been following the discussion, but I can tell you I had no problem being humbled this week. It was rather forced on me—by my own big mouth. But then, I learned a lot about what it means to be a servant, by watching my friends reach out to me and take care of me, even when I didn’t want it. And by seeing how one friend’s husband surrendered his own dignity and self-respect to do something for his wife that was very important to her. And learning how to have the humility to forgive myself and accept it when the person I love isn’t ready to forgive me yet.

  And you know what? This servanthood and humility thing isn’t for wussy people. It takes a TON of courage.

  Dulcie

  * * *

  From:

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW December 20: Christmas Memories

  * * *

  Merry Christmas, Mommies!

  I am writing from my sister’s home in Houston, where my children are getting to know their new cousins, who are quite amazing little ones. Ashley, the 9-year-old, is nearly fluent in Italian and will be spending the summer in Italy with her grandparents to further her language study. Courtney, who is 6, already knows how to operate Frank’s smaller cameras and helps him set up for photo shoots. Stanley is only 4, but I’m sure he has some impressive talent, as well. My parents have done nothing but gush about them since we arrived.

  I know everyone is going to be busy with their own families this week, but if you have an opportunity, I thought it would be nice to simply share your favorite Christmas memory with the loop. Mine is from last year, when Suzannah was given the opportunity to sing with an elite children’s choir for the White House Christmas celebration in Washington, D.C. I will never forget the moment when we actually got to meet the president! He shook our hands and said, “Mr. and Mrs. Ebberly, you must be proud to have such talented children.”

  Of course, we would NEVER think of taking all the glory for ourselves, so I said in return, “Thank you, Mr. President, God has blessed us with wonderful children. We also feel blessed to have you leading our nation. Please know we are praying for you.”

  He smiled and said, “That’s the best Christmas present you could give me. Thank you.”

  It’s a moment I’ll never forget—MY children, praised even by the President of the United States! What more could a SAHM ask for?

  Please share your favorite memory—even if it’s not as thrilling as mine. It’s not a contest, after all. :)

  Wishing you every happiness of the season,

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

  “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

  Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)

  * * *

  From:

  The Millards

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Rosalyn’s favorite memory

  * * *

  My favorite memory from last year’s Christmas was the day Rosalyn finally stopped bragging about their D.C. trip. Let’s see, that was…March 14, I believe. It was nice to have the Christmas season last so long.

  Jocelyn

  * * *

  From:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  Christmas Surprise

  * * *

  Hey everyone!

  I just found out that my best friend, Marianne, is PREGNANT! She’s currently not too happy about it—Helene, their only child at this point, just turned a year old earlier this month, and she’s a little spitfire. I don’t think Marianne and Brandon were quite ready for another one, but that’s what happens, I guess.

  Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all the good news. Or…at least good news depending on who you are talking to. And right now, Marianne and Brandon aren’t talking to each other. Each is mad at the other for not being more upset about the pregnancy. But I doubt it will last long with them. It never does. They’re both so sweet-natured and easygoing that it takes more energy for them to be angry than it does to make up.

  I think it’s great. I figured, as feisty as Helene is, it would take an “oops” like this for them to have any more kids. :) I hope it’s another girl. A boy would never be able to handle a big sister like Helene.

  Have a holly, jolly Christmas, everyone!

  Dulcie

  * * *

  From:

  Connie Lawson

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] Christmas Surprise

  * * *

  Dulcie, why don’t you invite your friend to join SAHM I Am? It sounds like she could use a support group. :)

  Connie

  * * *

  From:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] Christmas Surprise

  * * *

  I would, but Marianne is adamantly opposed to the Internet. She’s the one who got a home econo
mics degree in college just so that she’d be a better homemaker, wife and mother. She’d go back and live in the 1800s if she could. I’ve tried to talk her into getting e-mail, but she won’t hear of it. She does go to MOPS, though, so at least she has some support. But it’s not like the daily fellowship I get through the loop.

  Dulcie

  * * *

  From:

  Zelia Muzuwa

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  [SAHM I AM] favorite christmas memory

  * * *

  Ho, ho, ho, Sahmmies!

  Greetings from merry ol’ England, where we just arrived at my in-laws for a long winter’s nap—I mean, beloved family Christmas celebration. (I’m mostly teasing. My in-laws are great. And I’m not just saying that in case any happen to be reading over my shoulder.) I think my favorite Christmas memory is going to be the one our family made on the plane over here—even though it’s technically a two-days-before-Christmas memory.

  Here’s the background—about a month ago, Tristan (DH) decided that our kids should go to a private school in Baltimore. I was really angry at him because he didn’t even discuss it with me first. But, as it turns out, the children absolutely ADORE their new school, much to my chagrin. And they *are* behaving better—Seamus hasn’t tortured poor Griffith or Cosette in weeks. Irritated them, perhaps, but not tortured. I think I just wasn’t keeping them busy enough at home.

  Tristan, though, finally saw the error of his ways and apologized for being so high-handed about it. I think God must have taken him to the woodshed for an old-fashioned thrashing because Tristan felt so bad for treating me that way that he was crying. He offered to pull them out of the school and let me continue home-schooling (though he did request that we try for more structure). But I figured it would be too much upheaval for them, and besides, they’re happy and settled. Why mess with it?

  But I did tell him how lonely I’ve been feeling. I thought about getting a job, at least part-time. But I really don’t want to. I like being home. I just like being home with children better.

  So we got to talking about all this on the flight to London and Tristan asked me if I’d be happier with another child in the house. I said yes. He said, “Why do we not have another one?”

  I said, “We decided no more babies.”

  He said, “Yes, but does that mean no more children?”

  I just stared at him, like, “what are you talking about?”

  “I’ve had quite a bit of time to think about this the past few weeks. Part of the reason for placing the children in school was to reconnect them with their British heritage. But I’ve found myself longing to acquaint them with their African heritage, as well.”

  “You want an exchange student?”

  He laughed a little—which always gives me butterflies in my stomach and shivers in my spine. Anyway…he says, “No. I was actually thinking about adoption.”

  I about bolted out of my seat. I’d never even considered something like that. I figured adoption is what people do when they can’t have kids. But I was trying to be a good sport, so I nodded and pretended this was a perfectly normal thing for him to suggest. “From Zimbabwe?”

  “No. Unfortunately, international adoptions are not allowed from Zimbabwe.”

  Wow—evidently he’d been doing a bit more than just “thinking” about this. He was serious! “From where, then?”

  “Ethiopia.”

  Now I really did jump! “You gotta be kidding! What if they have AIDS? I don’t think I could handle that. I’m not that heroic.”

  “There are those who do not have AIDS. And they are the ones we will adopt.”

  “Will?” I shot him a didn’t-you-learn-your-lesson-yet look and he shrugged.

  “If we decide to.”

  “Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”

  He wiggled around in the seat so he could reach his carryon and pulled out a folder marked “Adoption Info.” He handed it to me and said, “I will take a nap now. You may read what I have found on the Internet.”

  And he settled a travel pillow around his neck and was asleep before I’d barely opened the folder. Either that, or he was playing possum like a pro.

  At first, I just thumbed through the pages, hardly reading any of it. It just seemed like such a ridiculous idea. I’d always heard that international adoption is a mess of red tape, paperwork and government corruption. But then an article caught my eye. It was about one of the adoption agencies that work in Ethiopia and all the children in their orphanage. I read about how they learn to speak English and learn about American customs just so that they’ll be ready to be adopted by an American family. And how most of them lost loving, devoted parents due to disease or starvation. How their partner orphanage for the HIV-positive kids spends all its time loving these children, only to have them die in a matter of years because there’s no money for medicine to help them.

  And I started to cry. I bawled and bawled, and at some point, Tristan woke up and put his arms around me and held me. “I knew you would feel the same way,” he said. “I knew they would capture your heart as they did mine.”

  So, to make this long story a bit shorter, we are going to adopt from Ethiopia. We’re going to take two or three if we can, or a sibling group. The kids don’t really understand it all yet, but they think it’s a great idea. I’m not quite sure where the money is going to come from, but if I have to get a job, I will. Tristan seems to think we can cover most of it out of his paycheck if we cut out a few extras.

  I’m getting so excited just writing about it to you all! I can’t even begin to describe all the emotions whirling around in my heart! This is so right. It’s like God had it all planned from the beginning—which of course He did. But He gave me a glimpse of the plan today, and it’s so indescribably incredible.

  Have a blessed, wonderful Christmas, dear, sweet friends!

  Z

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject:

  Z’s announcement

  * * *

  Dulcie,

  I can’t help it! I just CANNOT be happy for Z right now. I feel this horrible, jealous hurt inside. Why does she get a supportive husband who is PUSHING for an adoption when I can’t even get mine to THINK about it? And why does God let her have another kid, or two, or three, when she’s already got THREE of her own? I just have one! And I’ve pleaded and begged Him to let us have even just one more, but does He do it? NO! He gives them to HER instead!

  And I don’t even know your friend Marianne. But when I heard she was pregnant, I just hated her! I’m turning into this horrible, hateful person, and I can’t stand it! Why can’t Darren be reasonable? I just want a baby. That’s all. Just one little, cuddly, squirmy child. Why is God giving them away to everyone except me?

  Okay, okay, I know I’m whining. But it just makes me so angry! I think I’m going to go out for a walk and cool down. Kick some large trees, while I’m at it.

  Merry stinkin’ Christmas.

  Brenna

  * * *

  From:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  To:

  Brenna L.

  Subject:

  Re: Z’s announcement

  * * *

  Hi Brenna,

  Even though it’s Christmas Eve and I’m expecting Tom to arrive anytime, I had to take a minute and write back to you. Please help me know what to say to you. I don’t want to hurt you. In fact, I’m a bit angry for you! It’s so not fair. I wish I could do something to make it right. And I just bet Z would feel the same way if she knew all the stuff you and Darren are dealing with. She’d be mad at herself for making an announcement that hurt you, and she’d be mad at Darren for not “getting with the program,” and she’d be mad that this
is happening to a friend she cares about.

  And I’m sorry that my post about Marianne made it worse. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive. Please don’t let all this make you bitter. I just know somehow God has a plan that will make everything better. Try to have a good Christmas, please.

  You are in my prayers, dear friend,

  Dulcie

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject:

  Re: Z’s announcement

  * * *