SAHM I Am

by Meredith Efken

  * * *

  Oh, that’s low and mean! But somehow it doesn’t surprise me, after how some “Christians” treated me after I had Madeline. I’m angry right along with you!

  Hey, here’s an idea—why don’t you come out to the farm for a while? I can guarantee you will be miles away from the nearest church (from the nearest anything, for that matter!) :) Plus, Darren’s folks have an extra house tucked over in one corner of the homestead. It’s tiny—a little cottage built back in 1882, the first frame house on the farm. But a while back, Darren’s parents got the idea of using it as a hunting-fishing cabin and making a bit of money off it. So it’s all fixed up real nice, has three bedrooms (counting the attic), bathroom, living room, kitchen, and pantry/washroom. I already phoned Mom Lindberg and she was more than happy to let your family stay there for free, as long as you need to. She says to tell you she’s very sorry to hear about what happened. Grandpa Holmes (her dad) was a Baptist preacher, so she knows all about growing up in a ministry family.

  I am praying that Jesus sends you at least a little encouragement today.

  Many hugs!

  Brenna

  * * *

  From:

  Zelia Muzuwa

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  prayer for tyler

  * * *

  Jocelyn,

  Brenna and I just wanted you to know that we have organized a prayer vigil for Tyler today (Good Friday). Starting at noon for the next twenty-four hours, members of SAHM I Am are going to be taking turns praying for your son. We love you! (And just so you know, this was actually Rosalyn and Connie’s idea. I sent in a prayer request for you to the list, and they suggested putting this together.)

  Love,

  Z

  * * *

  From:

  P. Lorimer

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Humbled…

  * * *

  …by your love. I hardly know what to say. I didn’t read your e-mails until this morning (Saturday). Friday, I spent the whole day packing and grieving. And just as I felt myself slipping back into my old hatred of organized religion, just as the bitterness started creeping through my heart, the Lord used you, my dear friends, to show me what His Body is really like. And it’s so incredibly beautiful. We are absolutely amazed—did you realize, did you plan it out that each one of you offered your home to us? Or was that just a Holy Spirit “coincidence”? :) “Thank you” seems ridiculously inadequate for the gratitude Jonathan and I both feel toward you sweet, sweet women. Your kindness lifted our hearts and made the pain lessen. We love you all so very much.

  After talking it over, we both felt that we should accept Brenna and Darren’s offer of staying at their farm. Since they have an extra house, it seemed to make the most sense and be the least disruptive to any of your families. But I wish we were able to take each of you up on your generous hospitality. It completely blew us away. We’ll never, ever forget it. You are so precious! I’m almost glad, now, that God let this happen to us, so we could experience this awesome outpouring of love. We’ve learned that in God’s family, we’re never homeless. In fact, we don’t have just one home—we have four!

  Many, many blessings to each of you,

  Phyllis

  * * *

  From:

  Zelia Muzuwa

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Re: Humbled…

  * * *

  Aw, man! I can’t believe the Okie farm won out against Baltimore! :) I’ll have to talk to Tristan about putting a cottage in the corner of our backyard. Of course, it would have to be a playhouse-size cottage. You lucky thing, Brenna! You and Phyllis will be the first ones out of all of us to meet in person!

  Actually, I’m just so thrilled that you have a place to go now, Phyllis. We didn’t plan it out that way, so it must be God. Love and hugs!

  Z

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Re: Humbled…

  * * *

  Hah! Don’t you know country girls always win? Even transplanted city-to-country ones! But I’m just so glad we were able to help. Phyllis, send me your phone number so I can call you and work out all the arrangements. I’m not giving you my number, because I don’t want you paying for the long-distance call.

  On another topic…well, sort of related, now. When I told Darren just a while ago that Phyllis and family had accepted our offer, he was really excited. He said it had been a long time since he’d done something that felt so good. So we were talking about hospitality and Christian love. He told me he really misses having a regular church home. We go to church, but it’s so far away, we don’t really feel at home there. And since we aren’t very active, we don’t really know anybody in the church. He says he sometimes feels jealous that I have so many Internet friends, and he hardly has any friends at all. He was also really impressed that all of us offered our homes to Phyllis.

  Then he started telling me how he always feels closed up inside, like he can’t let anyone past a certain point. Except me, of course. He got really down on himself for being so reserved and standoffish. He was blaming himself for not having any friends. And then he brought up our conversation about his infertility.

  “You know,” he said, “I didn’t realize I was such a proud person. Here I am, refusing to consider opening our home to a child, and you and your friends are willing to share your homes with an entire family!”

  He hung his head, almost looking more pitiful than I could bear. Then he smiled up at me. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve found out about adoption, okay?”

  “What do mean, ‘what I’ve found out’?”

  “Oh, come on, Brenna. I might be a dumb farmer, but I can figure out that you’ve been doing a whole lot of researching on the Internet. That’s just how you are when you want something. So tell me whatcha got.”

  Isn’t that amazing? And, Phyllis, it happened because of you! It happened because of all of you! If we adopt, we’re going to have to name him or her “Phyllis Dulcie Zelia Jocelyn Lindberg” after you all. He’s out doing chores right now, but tonight, after supper, we’re going to have a looong talk. God is just too good!

  Brenna

  * * *

  From:

  The Millards

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  [SAHM I AM] HAPPY EASTER

  * * *

  Ladies,

  I’ve been trying to write this e-mail all morning. But it’s really difficult to write when there are tears in your eyes. Thank you for praying on Friday. Thank you for the notes you sent. Thank you for the priceless gift you’ve given my son. Thank you for loving us so much. I don’t deserve any of this. Especially when I let my son’s pain rock my faith the way it did this week. God’s mercy is so great.

  Tyler was in terrible pain yesterday. Couldn’t even get out of bed. And I am ashamed to admit it, but I nearly gave up. I knew you all had been praying on Friday, and then for him to be a little worse on Saturday made me furious at God. It was Tyler himself, though, that brought me to my knees. He said, “Mom, you shouldn’t be blaming God. Can you imagine how bad it would be without Him? Besides, He told me something this morning. He said that someday, He wants me to be a doctor and help other kids that are hurting. And so this way, I can understand what they’re going through better, and I’ll be a better doctor. So now, it all makes sense.”

  I just sat there with my mouth open. I never knew such wisdom could come from a child! He watched me, like he was worried I’d be mad at him or something. I gave him the best hug I could without hurting him, and then I
started crying.

  “Don’t cry, Mom,” he said. “I guess next time something bad happens, we won’t have to get mad at God or ask Him why. He has it all figured out.”

  Oh, that pierced my heart. I spent the next several hours in my room, doing some major repenting and praying to God. But after that, I felt so much peace.

  And this morning, when Tyler woke up, he wasn’t stiff at all! He got right out of bed and was getting dressed on his own when I peeked in on him. He even scolded me for catching him in his undies! We went to church, and he ran around the parking lot with the other boys like it was nothing! I about fainted. Shane and I haven’t been able to talk or think about anything else all day long. I don’t know if the “flare” is over, if the arthritis is in remission, or if Tyler is completely healed—only time will tell. But for now, he seems just fine.

  And now my tears have started up again, so I’m going to have to go cry some more. But they are wonderful tears of joy and gratitude. To God, first of all, and then to all of you. You really were “Jesus with skin on” to us this weekend. And He used each of you to touch our family in a profound way.

  I love you! Happy Resurrection Day, indeed!

  Jocelyn

  * * *

  From:

  VIM

  To:

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  Subject:

  Your birthday

  * * *

  Howdy Sis!

  I think Mama will be calling you later today, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. She and Daddy are fixing to come down to Houston for Frank’s photography show at the end of the month instead of going to Hibiscus for your birthday. It’s Frank’s first exhibit, and it’s really important to him, so they decided it was a higher priority this year. I hope y’all understand. You can always have a birthday again next year, but a first show only happens once. I just wanted you to know so you don’t get your plans all cattywhompus when Mama calls. We’ll make it up to you later, okay? There ya go.

  Love,

  Veronica

  * * *

  From:

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  To:

  SAHM I Am

  Subject:

  [SAHM I AM] TOTW April 4: Ordering Our Priorities

  * * *

  Women of integrity,

  Don’t you just love the arrival of spring? I know in only a few weeks, Hibiscus is going to live up to its flowery name and be awash with color and fragrance. But with the arrival of spring comes a busy whirl of activity. So before the roller coaster begins its descent, let’s take a moment and discuss our PRIORITIES.

  As SAHMs, it’s tempting for many of you to become distracted by all the things that we fill our lives with. MOPS, Bible study, play groups, lunch dates, church events—all these compete for our time and attention. And then there are the time-wasters: watching TV, surfing the Internet, reading novels, shopping and so on, that cut even further into our already short days.

  We must always remind ourselves what is most important. I do this by making a list and posting it by my bed so that it’s one of the first things I see in the morning. It helps me focus on what I SHOULD be doing each day, and not get distracted by anything else. My priorities are, in order of importance: God, Chad, the children, household management, church, and lastly, friends. Not that you all aren’t important to me—you’re on the list, after all! But I have to keep you in the proper place in my life, not allowing you to become more important than the other items. If I had to choose between you and the rest of my list, any other thing would win first. That’s just the way it has to be.

  You, too, can be this disciplined if you work at it. The first step is to make your list of priorities. Next, order it according to CURRENT importance in your life. Put the least important item (like all of you) at the bottom. God SHOULD be at the top, but don’t just put Him there because it’s the right thing to do. At this stage, you order your list according to what is actually true in your life right now. I doubt many of you will have God at the top of your list, because if you did, you wouldn’t be spending so much time e-mailing one another! :)

  Then you can create a second list with the order your priorities SHOULD be in. This is the time to put God at the top, and Friends at the bottom (or somewhere down there). You’ll likely have things from the first list that won’t even make it to the second list—you don’t REALLY have time in your life to make EVERYTHING a priority.

  Notice on my list what was NOT there: Myself! That’s right—in the spirit of humility and unselfishness, I do not make myself a priority. That means that I care very little about my own hobbies, accomplishments, dreams or desires. My life is poured out in completely selfless service to others. And that’s what all of YOU should aspire to, as well! It’s the most satisfying, fulfilling sensation in the entire world—to be NOTHING.

  Totally yours,

  Rosalyn

  “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

  Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW April 4: Ordering Our Priorities

  * * *

  Good old Rosalyn—she always knows how to make us feel great about ourselves.

  Brenna (whose current priority for the day is mopping the floor! It’s been raining, and I really am starting to think the mud is alive and sneaking into my kitchen and oozing itself all over my clean floor in shapes that look incredibly like my husband’s boot-prints! Grrrr…)

  * * *

  From:

  P. Lorimer

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW April 4: Ordering Our Priorities

  * * *

  Hello girls!

  I just ran over to Brenna’s house to check my e-mail (no Internet access at the cottage) and I can attest to the creeping mud issue in her kitchen—except I’m afraid that now the mud is forming itself into shapes that look like my shoes, too! The nerve…

  I am really enjoying Oklahoma and farm life. So is Jonathan. I hadn’t realized how near to burnout he was in Wisconsin until we got here and started settling in. He is still sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day. At first, I was worried he was depressed. But now, it appears it’s just his way of recovering from what happened. He isn’t talking to me much about how he’s feeling, but I’m hoping we’ll have some time to check out Brenna’s camping pasture. She and Darren offered to babysit the children some night after it dries out a bit.

  What amazes me most is how quiet it is here. I thought small-town life was quiet, but this is silence on an entirely new level. You can stand outside on a still day and almost hear your heart beating. I spent most of the afternoon yesterday while Bennet and Julia were napping, sitting on a “big, round bale” in the field near the house just listening to the quiet and letting peace seep into my very bones. It was a balm to my spirit.

  We haven’t even discussed Jonathan’s job situation yet. I don’t think he’s ready to work on it at the moment. But the Lindbergs aren’t letting us pay any of the bills, despite our protests, not even groceries. And the car was (thankfully) paid for. So our only real concern is health insurance. We really should get the children on Medicaid, and just pray neither Jonathan nor I get sick or injured. But other than that small worry, we are loving it here.

  Blessings,

  Phyllis

  * * *

  From:

  Brenna L.

  To:

  “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject:

  Phyllis

  * * *

  I hate to sound like I’m rubbing it in, gals, but I love having Phyllis here! You should have seen u
s when they pulled up in the drive. She got out of the car and I ran out of our house, and we squealed and gave each other a hug. Our poor guys were standing behind us looking at each other, like, “Hi, I don’t know you, so I’m not going to hug you.”

  And then, Phyllis and I were all, like, “You don’t look anything like I expected!” For some reason I thought she’d be tall, with short blond hair, sort of a squareish face, and blue eyes. But Phyllis has this elegant, oval face and long, straight brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes. When she wears her hair up, you’d swear she was a ballerina, she’s so graceful looking. (She’s looking over my shoulder now, and just slapped me on the arm, saying, “Oh, please!”) :)

  Hi, girls, this is Phyllis writing now. Brenna exaggerates. I’m hardly graceful. She had me fooled, too. I was expecting she’d be really short, petite, with glossy light brown hair cut in a pageboy. But she’s taller than I imagined, willowy (e.g., zero body fat, which I’m trying not to be envious about), with curly hair that is long and dark brown, and a sparkly smile that lights up her whole face. No wonder Darren was swept off his feet when he met her! :)