I walk into the arena where the competition is being held and find all the Parker siblings right up front with an empty seat saved for me. As I make my way to my seat, I see Brielle peek out. When she sees me and smiles, I notice she is pale with dark smudges under her eyes. I immediately feel myself get tense. I hope to hell she starts listening to what her body is telling her. Right now it is telling her to QUIT. Granted those could be my thoughts projecting on her, but I am worried about the beating her body is taking lately. I smile back at her and blow her a kiss, then slide into my seat and wait for my torture to begin. Luckily, they compete third so I won’t have a long time sitting here and worrying. She said she didn’t want to wait with the rest of the squad for results, but wanted to head back and pack up the puppy and his things to get ready for my surprise tonight. I am down for that. All the time I can get with my girl I will take.
As the competition begins, the first two squads perform, and they aren’t anywhere near the level of Brielle’s squad. When Brielle starts, I notice she is still pale, and I know it is not nerves: she is in her element out there. Some of her stunts seem shaky. Not to the outsider eyes, but I know how solid she performs because I watch her constantly. I just can’t shake the feeling that something is off. I know the routine is about to come to an end and they are coming up to the stunt where she dislocated her shoulder, and I am a ball of nerves. Addy leans over and grabs my hand and nods at me letting me know it will be okay. The performance is over, and I know they did well. As they are all celebrating and leaving the floor, my heart stops as I watch from afar as Brielle just collapses. Addy and I rush to her as fast as we can, but the medics are already there and calling for an ambulance. I start to worry because they cannot wake her up. Addy starts screaming, “Where is the blood coming from?” I feel like my heart will pound out of my chest.
The ambulance arrives and Addy says she is riding with her to the hospital. She needs me to get Cambree and Dustin home. I want to argue with her, but that will just waste time. I grab the kids and tell them to hurry up. It feels like it takes forever to get them to the house and tell Amelia what happened. Finally, I am running through the hospital doors. Nothing could prepare me for what I hear when I am outside her room.
Her doctor has just walked out, and he must see the panic in my eyes because he stops and tells me. “I am sorry, son. She was about five weeks along. There will be no damage from the miscarriage.” He pats me sympathetically on the shoulder as he walks past me.
What? Surely he must be mistaken. I push the door open and one look at Brielle and I can tell he wasn’t mistaken. I feel sick. I don’t know where this anger is coming from. It isn’t like I knew she was pregnant. I am pissed, and I am pissed at her, and I react.
“Did you know?” I ask her in a voice I didn’t even realize I was capable of. She looks at me and looks crushed that I asked her.
“No, Colby. I have been on birth control. Do you think I would honestly risk my child?” That doesn’t make me feel any better because I remember all the times I begged her to quit.
I look at her for a few minutes and then speak the words that will haunt me forever. “I don’t know, Brielle. Just a few days ago you said you weren’t sure if you wanted kids. Now you are in the hospital after suffering a miscarriage, all because you had to compete today. I don’t know if you are any better than your mom.”
Before I can take a step, my head swings to the side from the force of the blow her sister just gave me. “How dare you, Colby? Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back. You are an asshole. I can’t believe she gave her heart to you. Go to hell.”
I turn to leave, knowing I deserve that. I catch Brielle’s face and my world crumbles. She didn’t deserve what I just said to her. I was angry, hurt, and just lashed out. I know after seeing her face that I crushed her. She wasn’t broken before, but I just broke the girl I love. I can’t move, can’t react.
Addy screams “LEAVE!” and shoves me out the door.
Before I take a step away, I hear Brielle sob, “I love him, Addy. He doesn’t want me either. I killed our child, and he will never forgive me.” I have to get out of here. I can’t breathe, I just killed us, and she said she loved me. I am going to be sick.
Chapter 31
Brielle
In the weeks that have passed since the hospital, I still can’t will myself to give a fuck about anything. I know my siblings are worried about me. I don’t know how to explain to them how I feel. I am numb and in pain at the same time. I just can’t seem to find the light to get out. I know I didn’t kill our child. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I would give anything to have that piece of Colby back. Any piece of him would be better than nothing. I cling to Badger like he is a lifeline because it was the last thing Colby gave me. I take that back. The last thing Colby gave me was a broken fucking heart. I would forgive him for that if he just asked. Instead, I have gotten nothing. He dropped off the puppy stuff sometime that night, and the next day Tyler brought me everything I had left at his house. I knew then that he was done. I had not done anything. The truth was what I always knew it to be; I was not enough for Colby Mason James. I was not enough to keep our baby safe. I was not enough to keep him forever. Just when he made me feel like I was enough and we were going to make a life together, he showed me really fast that it was an illusion I had created. I still miss him. I ache for him every second of every day. Funny thing out of all this, I quit cheerleading. I had finally given him what he wanted, and he wasn’t around to reap the benefits.
I get out of bed and head to the shower, so I can get ready. Cooper and Melanie are coming in town tonight, and they have something to tell me. I haven’t seen either of them in months and Coop is done with Officer School. I wanted to go to his graduation but he and Melanie refused to let me, saying they would be in town the next night. He did get stationed in Ft. Bragg and Melanie transferred colleges. When Addy called and told him what happened to me and how Colby had reacted, it was all I could do to calm Coop down and not come down and kill Colby. It would be a tough fight. I just reminded Coop that I wasn’t worth a fight and to leave it. I learned my lesson about love and relationships. There was nothing he could tell me to prove me wrong. Addy and Tyler had been fighting, and I was worried it was over me. She assured me it wasn’t. She doesn’t seem to hate Colby anymore, anyway. In the past two weeks she has quit cussing about him every day and gone to telling me that he turned in his notice at the gym and looks like hell. She quickly reminds me he deserves it. I told her last night to quit mentioning his name to me, that I don’t hate him, but it hurts to hear about him. I still love him.
I need to hurry up and get ready because everybody is meeting up at the bar in a little while. I put the finishing touches on my make-up and realize by the way my clothes are hanging on me that I have lost weight. I look like a ghost with black eyes. Sleep and I haven’t been friends lately. I run downstairs to have some time with Cambree and Dustin before I leave. One thing I have tried to do is hide how much I hurt and how empty I am. We didn’t tell them what happened that night. I could tell they had questions, but they didn’t ask thank God. They are playing with my puppy, and even though I haven’t been eating this dog sure has. I swear with him being black and white he now looks like a cow. They need to quit feeding him every time he begs. He is huge, but still just as cute. In a month, he has gained almost ten pounds. The vet was less than impressed yesterday when I took him in for shots. I told her I would limit his food intake. I was wondering how I was going to do that with Cambree and Dustin around. Addy still barely tolerated him, but she let me keep him. I give them both hugs and scoop my puppy up and kiss him, then head out to the bar.
When I get there, I head right for the bar and order alcohol. I am going to need it to get through the night. Usually by now the bar isn’t packed because kids are at school. Business here always drops, but I notice it is packed tonight. That makes me nervous because I have been able to avoid Colby up until now. I am w
orried he will show up here. I do a shot, then sip on my drink while I wait on everyone to get here. I see Addy make her way in, and right behind her are Coop and Melanie. My feet take off before I realize it, and I throw myself into their arms.
Melanie gives me a quick hug and says, “I missed you. I am going to the bar with your sister, and you take all the time you need with Coop. He is worried about you.”
She grabs Addy’s hand and pulls her behind her to the bar. Coop grabs my arms and pulls me to him. “Brielle, I have missed you so much. I have been so worried about you. Sit down with me.” Right then, one of the waitresses walks by, and I order another shot and drink and notice Coop lift his eyebrows at me. I just shrug. “How are you?”
I just look at him letting him know how stupid that question is. He knows me well enough to not ask me that. “I am miserable Coop. I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much it hurts to breathe, and I haven’t seen him in almost a month. Every day I pray that today is the day, but yet I dread it too, because I don’t know what to say or how he will react. What if he has moved on? I don’t ask about him because I am afraid of the answers.”
Coop just gets up and comes in front of me and hugs me. “Baby girl, whatever you need I am here. Just don’t close yourself off. You are too special for that to happen.” I just laugh at him and slam my shot back. I am getting dizzy. Alcohol on an empty stomach does not work for me. “You want some happy news now?”
“You know it, Officer.”
He just smirks at me. “Melanie and I got married three days ago. We eloped and didn’t tell anyone. Don’t be mad, it is what we wanted, and it was perfect. That girl, the love of my life is my fucking wife now.”
I jump up and throw myself in his arms and give him a big, wet, loud kiss on his cheek. He spins me around, and I laugh out loud, I am so happy for my best friend.
Coop finally puts me down, and I am about to suggest we get drinks to celebrate. I really want to go find Melanie and hug her, but the DJ breaks in “We have a special request tonight and this goes to Brielle Parker from Colby.” “Redneck Crazy” by Tyler Farr starts playing. I look at Cooper and shrug. Why the hell is Colby sending me a song, and this one, to top it off? I start searching for him, and at first I don’t notice him. I see him head into the storage room. Before he disappears he turns and looks right into my eyes. What the hell? Before I realize what I am doing I take off in that direction to find out what that was for.
Addy grabs my arm, “Don’t. He isn’t in his right mind right now.”
I throw her hand off and keep on going. When I get to the storage room, I throw the door open and freeze. I blink a few times to make sure what is before me is real, and then I feel the bile rise into my throat. Colby is on the couch and between his legs and on her knees is Felicity. She has his dick in her mouth giving him a blow job. He looks up and sees me right then. He just puts his hand on her head and says, “Yeah, just like that, I am so glad you aren’t an amateur, baby” as he throws his head back in ecstasy.
I run from the room as fast as I can and make it outside before I lose everything in my stomach. How could he? With her? He promised me he would never do that to me. We aren’t together. He knew how bad that would hurt me, and he still chose to do it, anyway. Haven’t I been hurt enough? Then his comment about an amateur came to mind. I realize he was talking about my sexual history. I thought he liked that about me, yet that is one more area I was not enough for him. I scream at the top of my lungs and stare up to the heavens, and cry “When? When will I have suffered enough?” Then I feel arms around me, and it is Melanie.
“Shhh Brielle, I have you. Let it out, and then we are going to clean up your face, and you are going in there and showing everyone what you are made of. Nobody knows what you walked in on, just me, so don’t worry.”
I sob. I sob for the baby we made, and I lost. I sob for the love I have for him. I sob for the loss of my grandparents. Then I sob for the realization that this is entirely my fault. I tried to be enough and failed, yet again. When I feel like I am done, I stand up and walk in the door to the bathroom. Melanie is right behind me and helps me redo my face. I walk right to the bar and order a drink with two shots this time.
Chapter 32
Colby
These have been the longest weeks of my life not seeing Brielle . . . not holding her, not getting to tell her I love her. I know everything I said at the hospital was wrong. More than wrong, but I don’t know another word for it. The first time I heard her say she loved me was the day I ruined us. I tore her heart out and crushed her. My girl was never broken, maybe a little lost, but when I said what I did to her that night, I broke her. I saw it in her face, and the pain in her eyes gutted me. I don’t know why I did it. I spoke before I could process anything and seeing her unresponsive scared the living hell out of me. I knew I should have apologized and explained it to her, but I promised her and myself I would not hurt her. The first opportunity I got that is exactly what I did. She is my world, and I was not going to make it any worse, so I stayed away. I told myself over and over it was for the best. Seeing her tonight, I don’t know if it was the right choice.
I was coming home from the parts house when I saw her car parked at the bar. Before I knew what I was doing, I had pulled in and was heading inside the bar. I saw her talking to a crowd of people and decided to order a beer and wait. When I looked back and saw her at the table with that guy, I was pissed. I ordered another beer. When he came around in front of her and then she jumped in his arms like she had mine so many times before, I lost it. I was heading over to tell her what I thought and punch that guy, when Felicity stepped in front of me. Fuck. I have been avoiding this girl like the plague ever since she found out Brielle and I were over. Damn it; she is relentless. She raked her hand down my chest and said, “Meet me in the back storage room. Don’t make a fool of yourself. She isn’t worth it. She was never yours. She has always been his.” She was never mine? Who is this guy? I need to get out of here and figure this out. First, I had a message to send. She loved music so much, she could listen to the song I requested for her, and then she will know how I feel.
As I walk in the room I know I am wrong, but I could not stop self-destructing. As Felicity pushed me on the couch, she undid my jeans, then dropped to her knees. I knew I should stop this. I could not even get hard for her. She tried her damndest though sucking and stroking, but nothing was working. I heard the door open and looked up and saw Brielle’s face. Right then, my cock decided to get hard. Just looking at this girl made me weak. Brielle’s face said it all. She was crushed and yet again it was my fault. I put the final nail in the coffin when I praised Felicity. I meant it to be a sarcastic dick move towards Felicity being so good at giving head, because she does it so often, but as soon as the words came out, I saw Brielle thought I was talking about her inexperience. Fuck, when would I stop hurting this girl? As Brielle runs out, I push Felicity off me. I am disgusted with myself. I pull my jeans up and walk off to the bar. I need to figure out how to fix this but right now I need a beer.
A little while later, I notice Brielle walk over to Addy and that guy. She has some girl I have never seen with her, and I can’t stop watching her. She is drinking a lot more than she usually does, and I don’t like it. I don’t want some asshole taking advantage of my girl. Get it together, Colby; she isn’t your girl, anymore. You are the asshole she needs to worry about. I think about heading home and decide to order water. I have only had three beers, but I always like to make sure I should drive. I hear Brielle let out a laugh and see her jump off the barstool so fast it tips back. Addy grabs it shaking her head ‘no’ at Brielle. Wonder what that little vixen is thinking of doing? Then she takes off towards the stage. I sit down, so I can see this show. She tells the DJ to quit playing and then grabs the microphone after talking to him for a minute.
“So I have a surprise for y’all tonight. I know I have never sung up here, but there is a first time for everything. I was going to do
this on my birthday and sing to a very important person in my life, but that is history. Now I am going to sing a song for someone special to me.” This was her surprise? She was going to sing to me, and now she was singing to this asshole? I stood up just as she starts talking again. “This song is dedicated to my best friend, Cooper, who just married the love of his life Melanie. I would like them to have their first dance right now. C’mon up guys” She glances at the DJ and the music starts. She starts singing “You and Me” by Lifehouse.
Holy shit! That asshole was Cooper? He was married? I knew they were only friends. I can’t believe I just fucked up even more. I don’t know if I can come back from this. How do I even begin to explain myself? Oh God, if I ever had a chance I blew it when I let Felicity blow me in the back room. As she sang that song, her words sunk into my soul. She had the voice of an angel, and she was staring at me the whole time. She was wordlessly telling me this could have been us. I can’t even inhale. I don’t feel anything, and I am stuck in this spot staring at her. The song is coming to an end, and I have to get to her, talk to her. When I go to take a step Felicity steps into my path. I am really considering hitting a girl for the first time in my life, and I don’t think I would regret it. She knew the whole time who that guy was and she lied to me. I couldn’t blame her because I was the dumbass who fell for it and followed her into the abyss of hell.
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 12
