Right away both of them start with the “shouldn’t you wait until you have calmed down?” or “is it smart for you to be on the road right now?” I knew it was coming, so I did my typical Brielle move. I flipped them off and turned around to walk back to the house. This was why I needed space right now. I would never be able to survive this smothering all the time. Everybody has their own life, and I need to get back to mine, wherever that may be. I am going to be like a regular Lifetime movie, discovering myself. This should be really interesting.
I walk into the kitchen and see Amelia has already fixed lunch. I walk up to her and give her a hug and make my way to find Cambree and Dustin. Leaving them is breaking my heart. They are playing some video game, so I sit and watch for a minute before they decide to quit and come join me on the couch. Cambree is just looking all around and refusing to make eye contact. Dustin just sits in silence. Guess I am starting this chat fest.
“Listen guys, I am only a phone call away. We will see each other at least every couple weeks. Addy said she would bring you to me. I will be at as many games and competitions as I can. I am not leaving for forever, just long enough to get myself together, so I can come back and be what y’all need. You are both getting older, so I know you aren’t clueless about everything that has been happening. Regardless, you need to know how much I love you guys.”
Dustin says, “I hate Colby for hurting you. It is his fault you are leaving.”
Cambree adds, “He is a cocksucker, and I hope his next girlfriend gives him an STD.”
I have to sit here for a minute to get this shit under control before I speak.
“Sorry you guys feel like this because Colby loves you both. I just talked to him, and he still wants to be a part of your life. I know you are talking more out of hurt than anger. I am not innocent in all this. You need to be mad at me, too.”
Cambree starts crying. “You are leaving. He isn’t.” Dustin refuses to say anything. This is breaking my heart.
“I am not leaving, just traveling. I promise you both I am not leaving for good. I am just going to drive and spend some time with me. We all know how great I am to be around.” I get both of them to crack a smile. Then I get serious and look at both of them. “I am serious. I may be gone for a week, a month, or a few months, but I will be home for Christmas. If not for good then for a while. Remember to always give Addy hell because she is going to miss me so hard.” I had added that last bit because Addy had come in the room. She gives me the finger, and Cambree and Dustin actually start laughing. I get up and we all go in the kitchen to eat.
Lunch was actually better than I thought. I think I actually got through to them that this wasn’t forever. I loved my home and siblings too much to leave for good. My house would be ready by January, and then I would hopefully be strong enough to be back full time and give Addy a break with everything. I wanted my life back. I had to figure out how to put it back together on my own. I finish loading my car and hug everyone goodbye and make them go inside. I don’t want a damn freak show outside when I am just going on a trip, of course that set off comments about who the real freak was.
Just as I am about to pull out of my driveway, the phone goes off, and I can’t catch my breath when I hear that song. His ringtone. Please, I said all there was to say, and I am not ready for this again. I contemplate not looking at it, but know I won’t be able to resist. I grab my phone and open the text: All it says is:
“Just know I will forever love you. I don’t want this to be hard on you. I want you to do what you need to and be careful. Always know the option of me is here. No matter when or where you need me, I will be there. I hope you don’t mind, but I will send you messages every once in a while. If that isn’t okay let me know and I will stop. I just don’t want you to forget me- I love you, Colby You will always be my Belle, XOXO”
I see there is another link for a song. I need to get myself under control before I open it. I don’t know how I feel about him sending me messages, but I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it.
I take a deep breath and open the song he sent me, and I smile for the first time today. I hear “Highway Don’t Care” by Tim McGraw and it makes me feel happy with how much he truly knows me. I take a deep breath and pull out of the driveway. I don’t know where my first stop is going to be, but I just drive and listen to music and everything will come together. It has to.
Chapter 39
January 2014
Colby
It has been six weeks since I have seen Brielle. I know she came home for Christmas, and I went home to North Carolina so she could be with her family. My parents were less than thrilled when I explained what happened between us. I felt like not only did I hurt myself and Brielle, I devastated my mom. My dad was pretty pissed off and told me exactly what he thought of my actions; my mom just cried. I get that I hurt Brielle, but I was their son. Could I not get a little sympathy?
We have been texting here and there, and I am hoping she will answer the next time I call. Usually she sends me to voicemail. I text her a lot more than I get responses, but I am just glad she didn’t cut off all communication. I still send her songs hoping to connect with her. I have been working on getting trust back with Dustin and Cambree. They blamed me for Brielle leaving, and I told them they were right, but I was hoping I would be the reason she came home. I miss her so much; I just want her back here, with me. I know that is asking a lot, but love conquers all doesn’t it?
Her house is completed now. Dustin can’t stop talking about the dog he is going to pick. From what he says, Brielle is still okay with that. I don’t know how Badger will be with another dog, because from the photos and stories about that dog, he is spoiled ass rotten. I am supposed to go ride with Dustin today, but first I need to stop by and see Tyler. He has been a real asshole to everybody lately, and I heard from Cambree that Addy was crying last night after a big fight with him.
I pull into his driveway and walk inside, to a complete mess. What the hell? This isn’t like Tyler. He is passed out on the couch and I kick his foot to wake him up. He just glares at me.
“What the fuck is your problem, dude?” His response is to ignore me. Great, I see we are dealing with mature Tyler today. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is or what is going on in your relationship, but if you want to talk I am here. Look what I did and how I fucked up. You don’t want that, Tyler. Addy loves you, and you love her, so whatever it is, man the fuck up and fix it before you can’t.”
He jumps up and is in my face before I can react. “Well Dear-fucking-Abby thanks for the advice. Now tell me how I explain to the love of my life that when I broke up with her in college and broke her heart, I possibly got someone else pregnant. I just got the DNA results that show the kid isn’t mine, I have been dreading telling her. She found the envelope, and I lied about it. Now she is suspicious of everything I say or do, and I don’t blame her. Through all this I realized I don’t want kids. And she said that was a deal breaker.”
I stand there and take it all in; then I punch him right in the jaw.
“You disgust me, man. What happened back in college was fucked up, but y’all were broken up. Yes, she would have been hurt, but you don’t know how she would have reacted. I can tell you it won’t be pretty because now you have lied to her. Then you tell the woman you love and have for six fucking years you don’t want kids and expect her to be okay with it? I know this isn’t you, Ty. Before you blow your life to hell you need to figure this shit out.”
I storm out of his house. If I know one thing it is what NOT to do in a relationship and he is doing the same thing. God, I miss Brielle. She would kick his ass for sure.
My phone alerts me as soon as I get into my truck that I have a text waiting.
Pretty Girl: What the fuck is wrong with my sister and your cousin?
Me: Hello to you too. Tyler is being a prick but I think I just straightened him out
Pretty Girl: Thank you. Didn’t mean to be
a bitch or drop this on you. It isn’t your job. I just feel disconnected not being there.
Me: I told you whatever, whenever, and wherever you need me I am there. I still mean it. I love you
Pretty Girl: That scares me more than anything, because after all this time when you say it I still want to believe it
Me: If you believe in anything, believe in my love for you. Always.
About thirty minutes pass by, and I get my response. A song, of course. I open it and Cassadee Pope “You Hear A Song” starts filling my truck.
Chapter 40
January 2014
Brielle
I have been gone for almost three months, and I am less than an hour from home. I really didn’t travel that much. I went to Nashville and worked on songs and my writing. It really helped me. I could pour out my pain and emotions in the lyrics. Getting to spend time with famous people, who are really down to Earth and have known me for eight years helped a lot. I got a different perspective from people who aren’t family. One question really helped me figure out everything was, “If none of this bullshit happened where would you want to be?” That was simple. I would want to be at home with Colby and my family. So the response I got was, “Shit happens every day in life. What matters is how you handle that bullshit. There is nothing you can’t get through or get over as long as you want to.” I realized that was it. I needed to get over this shit in my head and see where my life would lead without running away.
Colby had been texting and calling me daily. I wanted to hope that he meant everything he said. He always sends me songs and words were wearing me down. I sent him Cassadee Pope “One Song Away” last night. He responded with “Challenge Accepted.” Now I find myself heading home to him.
I walked into my house a little over an hour later. My house, not Addy’s. I realized I am home. Little things I had mentioned to Colby about what I wanted in the house, but never got around to changing on the plans, were all there. The extra pantry on the wall in the kitchen for all my baking supplies was there. The window seat in the bedroom upstairs that would be Cambree’s was exactly as I imagined. He did that for me, I know. I wonder now how I could have doubted his love. Yes, he gave me reasons, but he gave me so many more to trust in his love too. I just need to figure out how to fix this. My biggest obstacle is getting the image of him on that couch in the storage room out of my head. I have tried everything and it has not worked yet. I keep telling myself that is the “bullshit” that can be fixed. I am just waiting on my head to retain that.
I wonder where everybody is. School is out for the day and nobody is at Addy’s. I didn’t tell anyone I would be home. I call Addy’s phone, “Hey sl-ore, miss me?”
“Not really. Dustin and Cambree don’t swear as much anymore, and I am eating all the frozen pizzas I want now.” She laughs. “Yes hooch, I miss you. We are all at the gym finishing up Cambree’s practice then heading home. Want me to call you when we get home and you can talk to the kids, dear?”
“That would be great and why don’t you have EVERYONE with you, so I can say hello.”
“EVERYONE?” I know she got my hidden message.
“Yep,” I answer and end the call. I make my way to the embarrassing thing Addy calls her kitchen and start cooking. I am really going to do this.
Two hours later everyone walks in, and I can hear them all talking. Dustin says, “Oh thank God Amelia made dinner. I am starving.” I laugh to myself. Amelia didn’t make shit. They are still all laughing and talking when I walk in the kitchen and shock the shit out of them.
Addy is jumping up and down, but that bitch already knew what was up. Cambree and Dustin both attack me at the same time, then just as quick bend down and scoop up my fat little puppy. Then I am forgotten.
Tyler comes and gives me a hug. “You home?”
“Very observant, dipshit.” I just nod and start laughing. Colby still hasn’t said a word, he is just watching me, and I can see the doubt in his eyes.
I walk to him “Hey stud, can’t say hello?”
He bends down and picks me up, and I feel the tears streaming down my face. He holds me to him like he will not let me go. I don’t know why I am always reduced to tears around this man, but I think they are tears of relief and home.
I don’t know how we will fix us. I just know I want there to be an us. I look over to Addy, and she just fist bumps me. I turn to Colby, “Let’s go to my house and talk.” He nods and takes my hand.
We make our way down to my house and when we walk in I tell him, “Thanks for putting all my plans together for the house. It makes it home to me.”
“You are home to me.” Damn if I don’t cry again. “Please Belle, no more tears over me. I am so sorry I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Just tell me what to do.”
“These are good tears. They are for a mixture of reasons, Colby. I want so much to be in your arms forever, but I don’t know how to forget what happened. I know you are worth it. I think our love is worth it. I thought I had it all figured out in my head, but seeing you again; it hurts, but feels so right at the same time. I am going to need time. I need it with you.”
He just stares at me. He starts to speak and has to stop because his voice is shaky. Once he has his composure he says, “No matter where you are, my heart is already there with you. I will do whatever you need, just please don’t leave me again. I will spend the rest of my life making up for all the pain I caused you. I live for your love.” Slowly, he kisses me. It isn’t that passion we once had, but the love we still have.
He pulls back and stares at me. “I have said I am sorry and told you I loved you. I have begged for your forgiveness. All of that seems pointless. I have searched for days trying to figure out what to say to you. I realize it is this simple.”
He pulls out his iPod and plays “Stay” by Florida Georgia Line. My head and heart are finally on the same page.
3 weeks later
We still haven’t had sex yet, and it is driving me crazy. I want him. I feel we are closer than ever. I still can’t get the picture of her between his legs out of my mind. I can’t get the words he said to her out of my mind, either. He doesn’t push the issue. I know he doesn’t know what is running through my mind. Cambree and Dustin are staying with Addy tonight, they have been here more lately, and I think that is helping with Addy and Tyler. Tonight I am going to try and erase that memory from my mind. We have talked so much about our mistakes, our future, and I know we both want the same outcome. Damn it, I will fight every day for that outcome. I want this and I think I finally deserve this. I know he does, and I want to be the one to give him his future.
When Colby walks in the door I meet him in nothing but a lacy blue bra and matching thongs. He is speechless. I don’t get a word from him, but his eyes tell me all I need to know. He growls, and it is sexy as hell. He then stalks to me. He throws me over his shoulder and carries me upstairs to the bedroom. Once there, he lays me gently on the bed and kisses me. I have never felt more connected to him in this moment. He is telling me how much he wants me and how sexy I am, how he is going to make love to me over and over. I can’t get that image out of my head. I know I am a dumb ass. I try to force myself to respond to him and he must notice something is wrong because he pulls back. He looks down, “Are you sure, pretty girl? This is all at your pace.”
I just start sobbing. I know he doesn’t know what is wrong with me, and it is scaring him. I know I have to tell him. I sit up and climb off the bed. I can’t get the words out. I don’t want to let him down. I don’t want to punish him anymore for past mistakes. Deciding action is better, I drop to my knees and grab his dick in my hand and start stroking it. I barely lick the tip of it and hear him hiss. I bring the head of him in my mouth and swirl my tongue around him, barely applying suction while stroking him up and down. That image won’t get out of my mind. Did he enjoy it more with her? Why do I have to be so insecure? I hollow out my cheeks and take as much of him in my mouth as I can. When he hits the ba
ck of my throat I start working him over, trying to please him like nobody else has. I don’t even realize I am crying until I feel the teardrops hit my fingers. He must notice, too, because he pushes my hair back from my face and forces my mouth off of him. Staring at me he slowly lifts me up to his lap. Begging me for an answer. “Please Brielle, talk to me”
I know communication has been an issue, and I don’t want any more issues. “Colby, I love you so damn much. I crave your body and want to be connected to you. But I can’t get the image of what I walked in on out of my head. Did you enjoy it? I can’t quit seeing it every damn day. It is killing me. You basically told her I sucked and was an amateur.” I start sobbing and can’t breathe when I see the tears streaming down his face. I cling to him and hate that I hurt him.
He doesn’t even try and hide the pain in his eyes. As the tears fill his eyes he tells me, “Every damn day I live with that regret. I didn’t enjoy it, Brielle. I couldn’t even get hard for her until you walked in the room. As soon as you left and I realize how bad I fucked up, I left. There is no excuse for what I did, but I will tell you I didn’t enjoy it. The comment was meant as a dig on her for being a whore, and I can see how you took it. I saw every emotion across your face that night, and to know I was responsible for bringing you such pain, made me sick. I hate myself enough for both of us.”
I don’t see that image anymore. All I see and feel is him. I put my legs on each side of him. “I get it now. In this moment I understand what you feel because I feel it, too.” I crash my lips to his. Our tongues start caressing each other, and then he starts kissing down my neck across my collarbone and my hips start rocking against his dick.
He flips me off him and lays me down and crawls on top of me. “Only you. Only your image is ever in my mind.” He pushes the top of my bra down and starts sucking and biting on one nipple while pulling the other one in his fingertips. My hands are all over his body. I feel like I can’t get close enough. His hand runs down my stomach into my panties. Ripping them off my legs, he tosses them over his shoulder and runs his hand back up my thigh. As he strokes my clit and sinks a finger in me he whispers, “So wet for me.” I can’t respond with words, but I grind against his finger trying to find my release.
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 14
