How in the hell does she do that? I swear she knows me better than I know myself. I don’t need her defending him to me. I know that isn’t what she is doing, but it is how it feels to me. I can feel myself already getting defensive, and I don’t have the energy to fight with her stubborn ass. She and Colby had their own list of problems they had to get through. The difference was that Colby didn’t leave.
I have never stopped loving Tyler. Through all the shit he gave me, I have loved him and forgave him for his transgressions. This time it is different. I can’t overlook how he left, knowing I was pregnant. He stayed away almost a year. When I told him there was not a pregnancy for him to worry about, I knew how he would translate that. But I told myself it was okay because I wasn’t lying. He didn’t need to worry about it because I was doing it on my own. Semantics I know, but I don’t regret it. I didn’t want him to come back just for that reason. What I do regret is that he doesn’t love me like I do him. He never called to see how I was handling anything. If he thought I had a miscarriage he should have at least called once to see how I was. That has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I thought we had a special kind of love. It broke my heart that there obviously wasn’t anything special about it.
I tell Brielle, “I love those kids upstairs. They are what got me through this. I haven’t accepted the fact that he is back. I don’t even know for how long this time. I don’t want you to feel bad, but remember how you felt when you thought you weren’t enough for anyone? I don’t want my babies to feel an ounce of the pain you did. Call me selfish or what you want, but I just don’t think I can allow him the power to do that to them.”
Brielle gasped in shock or pain. I hate bringing that up to her, but she struggled for years and still does. Our parents did a number on her, and thank God for our grandparents and Colby, because she was lost. Their love brought her back to us. Of course she was always loved, and more than enough for us, but she never saw it until Colby. I just don’t want my own children to go through that.
“I understand,” she whispers to me with tears in her eyes. Damn it, I didn’t say that to hurt her.
“B, none of it was true, but it was how you felt. I didn’t bring it up to make you upset. I am sorry.’
She shakes her head at me. “I know, Addy, but I needed to see it through your eyes. What are you going to do?”
“That is the million dollar question, sister. I have not a fucking clue. I guess I have to meet with that dildo.”
She scrunches up her nose at me and says, “Ewww. Don’t call him a dildo that is like saying he is good enough to get you off.” We both start laughing. That is just what we needed to get through this moment. I feel lighter and a bit more at ease about what this situation will bring.
My front door opens, and Tyler walks in, and all my good feelings leave. Now I just feel a stabbing in my chest where my heart used to be, and I am not sure I will be able to get through this. Brielle reaches over and squeezes my hand, silently telling me she will always be here. She nods at me, giving me encouragement, and turns around to leave.
Chapter 8
Tyler
As I walk into Addison’s house, it feels surreal. All the memories come flooding back, and it is suffocating. I don’t want to run from these memories, but knowing how bad I fucked up is stealing my breath. Not to mention the one girl who has always held my heart is staring at me, almost in fear. She is so damn beautiful. After only giving birth two weeks ago, she takes my breath away. I can see the toll it is taking on her, she has dark circles under her eyes, and I don’t know if it is from the girls keeping her up or me being back.
I walk into the great room where she is standing and ask, “Where are Shiloh and Cheyenne?”
“I just put them down for their mid-morning nap,” she tells me. I notice she won’t look me in the eyes, and she is fidgeting. This is out of the ordinary for her. Is my girl nervous? I use to be her comfort, and now I am making her uneasy. I don’t like making her feel that way.
I clear my throat to draw her attention to me. “Can we talk now, Addison? I think there is a lot to cover, and I would like to start with why the hell you lied to me. Then I would like you to tell me all about their births and what we can expect at each stage. Kind of like a dad crash course.”
I am guessing that was the wrong thing to say based on her facial expression. “Are you fucking kidding me, Tyler? You want me to give you a dad course when you couldn’t wait to get the hell out of Dodge to avoid being a dad? I didn’t lie to you, so quit accusing me of it. Lying was your specialty, so don’t try to alleviate your guilt. You don’t get to come in here making demands. I would like to sit down and figure out what you are thinking and what role you think it is you will be playing.”
“Addison, calm the fuck down. My role is father, and that is the role I will play. Not this other guy you’ve got here. Those kids are mine, and if I had known about them, I would have been here. Woman, you are trying my patience right now.” She used to like when I got stern with her, and I am praying that hasn’t changed about her.
She walks over to the couch and sits down. “That is laughable. I can’t believe you are going to walk into my house after almost a year and tell me you are Daddy. You would not know how to be a daddy if it was a dick and it smacked you in the forehead. As for another man, we aren’t together. I can have as many men here as I wish. You act like you wanted to be a family with us, and I took that choice from you. You did know about the pregnancy Tyler. You chose to leave, you made that decision . . . always your decision. And I just have to sit back and watch you leave time and time again. What the fuck else do you want from me? You left and basically told me to abort my baby. Who does that? I heard from you one time in a year, and you assumed that I miscarried the pregnancy, and then I never heard a word from you. Excuse me for trying your patience, but you have no moral ground to stand on.”
I always knew Addy could spar with the best of them, but she just took me down a few notches. Every bit of her word-vomit was the truth. Putting blame on her let me avoid my guilt in this. I didn’t contact her because I was selfish. It hurt too bad to hear her and not be with her. It was never that I didn’t care. I have so much I need to tell her, but I don’t have the words. I love her, and I hurt her. Hurting her killed me, but it seemed I was good at it. I was all she ever wanted. Granted, when the idea of kids was brought into the equation, it scared the shit out of me. But being gone this past year made me realize that being without her scared me more. I came to the realization that I wanted a family and future with Addison Parker. I debated with myself for months about coming back and claiming her. I talked myself out of it more times than I can remember because I felt she deserved someone better. When I got the pictures of my babies, my decision was made, and our fate was sealed. She would be mine again. I never realized how much she loved me until I took inventory of our relationship. This girl was amazing and stood by my side every second and was proud to be with me. I was the douche who gave her my sperm and took off. FUCK!
Through all I put her through, she still chose those names for our children. Back in high school, when we were still naïve about the world, we used to talk about what we would name our children. I never thought then we would have been in this situation. We chose Shiloh because it was the name of our high school, and Addison loved that name. I joked with her I would call the baby, Low, as a nickname if she was like her mom and a low-rider. Thankfully, Addison didn’t get pissed at jokes about her tiny size. We never discussed Cheyenne, but it was the name of the hotel we stayed at after prom, our first time together. I can’t believe she named our children anything that reminded her of me. That has to mean something, or at least I am praying it does. Maybe she isn’t as immune to me as she wants me to believe.
I look up to her and see her just staring at me. I know all my emotions are in my face, and she can read me like no other. “Addy, I don’t want to fight about this now. I am in the wrong, and I am so fucking tired
of apologizing to you. That is all I ever do. Right now, let’s focus on a plan to get me acquainted with Shiloh and Cheyenne and their schedule, and when the time is right, we can try and talk about what a fuck-up I am.” Little did she know, this was the plan to buy me some time. It was all true. I screwed up so many times, and now I was going to fix it. I could tell she was too closed off for me to be blatant about winning her back, but I would do it under the radar. I did want my girls, all three of them.
“Tyler, fine. There isn’t much to tell right now. They eat, sleep, and shit. Oh and cry. I don’t breastfeed because there are two of them, and I am not that talented. Plus, call me selfish, but I wasn’t giving up my wine either. I waited almost nine months to have a glass of wine, and there you have it. I put them down for naps when they are tired usually twice daily, and they sleep about four hours at night in between feedings. I don’t take them out in public yet, because they were a bit early and are too young. Plus, it is a damn miracle to remember all the shit they need, and I have had to stop one too many times to buy what I forgot.”
Wow. That sounds like a blast! She doesn’t even realize what a natural she sounds like. While bitching about my daughters you can hear the love in her voice. While it’s a lot of work for her, you can tell she wouldn’t trade a second of it. I get this overwhelming feeling in my chest, and it feels like it is going to rip open. I know without a doubt that I love Addison with all my heart, and it feels like my heart is growing inside me to accommodate all the new love I am experiencing. Is that even possible? Just as I am about to thank her, he comes strolling down the stairs fresh from the shower. What the hell is he doing here, and why is he showering in her house?
He glances between us, and I can tell he knows he is interrupting. He walks over and sticks his hand out and says, “Mitch Baird. Good friend of Addison’s, and you must be Tyler. Nice to meet you.” Is he for real right now? No way in hell I am shaking this asshole’s hand.
I stand up and look him right in his eyes. “I remember you from Daytona a few years ago. You were hitting on my girl even then. I don’t know what you are after here, but let me spell it out for you. It. Is. Not. Happening. My girls, all of them, live here and you don’t.” I turn and look at Addy and see her slack jawed and staring at me. I tell her, “Not playing about this Lil’ Bit. Not playing at all. Get him and his shit out of your house and away from my family. Don’t push me on this issue.” Before either of them can say a damn word to me, I storm out of her house. I need some distance before I lose my shit all over that house. I can’t do that if I want Addy back, and I don’t want any of that around my babies. She could try the damn patience of the Pope. Jesus!
Chapter 9
Addison
I glance up at Mitch to see if he is as flabbergasted as I am over what just happened. He has a slight grin on his face and is staring at the door that Tyler had just slammed. He is lucky he didn’t wake up the girls, or I would have beat his ass. Mitch turns to look at me and just starts chuckling. Am I living in the Twilight Zone?
“Seems we got your boy a bit riled up, Addison.”
“He isn’t my boy, Mitch. Why do you find this funny?”
“Oh, because that boy is so worked up, he is kicking his own ass. Saves me the trouble. It isn’t my business here, but what are you going to do?”
He cut right to the chase. “I have no clue. He says he wants to be here for his kids, and I want to believe it. Stupid girl. He has broken my heart too many times. You know that. I just don’t know what to believe anymore. This is all so sudden, and I am spinning from confusion.”
“I know, girl. He obviously thinks there is something going on between us, and you didn’t correct him. Are you protecting yourself or trying to make him jealous?”
I ponder that question. “I don’t have an answer for you. I don’t want to cause problems for you. You have been such a wonderful friend during this. You stepped in and let people assume you were my baby daddy. I know you had your own reasons to disappear to here, but thank you anyway. What am I going to do?” I know I sound like a whiny school-girl, but I feel like I am so far out of my element. I like control and order. I like schedules and organization. Having twins blew that to hell, but now add an ex-fiancé, who is the real baby daddy in the mix, and I am reeling.
“Addison, be honest to yourself. You still love him and won’t ever stop. Ya’ll have the fairytale, high school turned adult love. It isn’t going away, and I don’t think he will either. He has made mistakes, but don’t we all? I am not saying to forgive him just like that. But you have to decide if you can forgive him. Do you want your family together? That boy still loves you and is about to step up his game. You can thank me later.” He walks into the kitchen like he didn’t just rock my world even more.
I follow him, “What? Thank you for what? I don’t know if I can ever trust him again, let alone forgive him. Mitch, he didn’t forget to put the toilet seat down or dry my shirt and shrunk it. He fucking left me after eight years, an engagement, and his child in my belly.” I am practically hyperventilating after this conversation. I start looking through the drawers. I need a brown bag to breathe into.
He grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug. “I know, Addy. It will be all right. I didn’t mean to make it sound so little, what he did to you. But in the grand scheme of things, it is little. He loves you, and he wants his family. He is going to fight for this, so you need to be prepared. If it is what you want, then you need to give into it. I would do anything in the world to have the love you two have. I have my own demons I am running from, but I want you to face yours.” I can’t respond to him. Tyler better not be planning on fighting for me because I can’t give in to him.
What happens in five years when he decides he is done playing house? It won’t just be me that breaks; it will be my girls. I can’t do that to them. “I don’t think I can. When I got pregnant and then held my babies for the first time, it changed my whole outlook on life. I know I can’t protect them from everything, but I can protect them from what I know. I can’t let him destroy their spirit before it is already developed. I just can’t.” I need that brown bag now.
“Damn, Addison. You make him sound like a monster. He isn’t my favorite person, but he doesn’t set out to hurt you. He just doesn’t know better. I am not saying go into this blind but maybe less guarded. He is their dad, and like it or not, he has rights to them. You denying them of that relationship isn’t fair to them either.” He must see me searching and asks, “What are you looking for?”
“A brown bag so I will stop hyperventilating. I think I need medication, but that isn’t smart when I have babies to take care of.” He starts laughing at me. Fuckhead.
“You are not hyperventilating. You are trying to run from your mind. You and your sisters crack me up with your dramatics.”
I am seriously thinking of kicking him in the balls right now. It used to work when Cambree got pissed at Dustin, and I am thinking she was on to something. “He isn’t a monster, and I don’t want to make him out to be one. He doesn’t have staying power I guess. I won’t deny him of a relationship with them, but I won’t give any of us false hopes that we can be a family. I am dramatic, not delusional.”
“Whatever you say, Addison. I am going to pack and be out of your hair. My house is ready today anyway, and I don’t want to upset Tyler anymore.”
“Mitch, don’t leave for that reason. He can’t dictate what I do under my own roof.”
“Oh, you aren’t doing anything. And really it is time. My brother will be here in a few days for police academy, and I want to be settled.” He looks at me and smiles. He has been such a great friend.
“Mitch, whatever hurt you, I am sorry. I know we are just friends, but I also know what a great guy you are. Thank you for everything. This is not goodbye. You will always have a place both here and in my heart.”
He sighs and wraps me up in one of his hugs. He is the best hugger and an even better friend. “No w
ay is this goodbye, sweetheart. You and I are BFF’s or whatever shit you chicks write in your diary.” I swear he is a pain in my ass. I will actually be glad to get the house to myself. It has been great having him here, but I am ready for personal space.
I shove off him and tell him, “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.” He just laughs at me as he jogs up the stairs. I realize that for the first time since Tyler and I broke up, I will be on my own. Yes, I have the twins, but let’s face it, how many conversations can I have with babies? Cambree and Dustin are so busy with their social lives and stay with Brielle most of the time. I haven’t been there for them as much as I could, but I have my own issues.
Chapter 10
Tyler
I am in serious need of a drink with a lot of alcohol. It is five o’clock somewhere, right? I cannot believe that guy just walks around her house like he lives there. There are some major changes on the horizon, and the first is that dickhead is not part of my girls’ lives. I slam the door to Brielle and Colby’s house and head to the refrigerator to see if there is any hard shit in there to drink. I don’t even see Colby sitting there, and as I pass him, he says, “Easy on my door. Brielle will have your balls in a sling if you break anything or wake up Riley.”
I don’t stop because I am a man on a mission. I search the refrigerator and don’t find what I need, so I start on their cabinets. “Dude, do you not have any alcohol?” I ask him, annoyed.
He just stares at me. “It is like 10:45 in the morning, Tyler. I take it your conversation with Addison didn’t go as planned?”
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 19
