“Dude, first Addy and I aren’t like that. I am trying to earn her trust back. Hell, I don’t even touch her, and it is killing me. Second, I would give a million bucks to see Brielle go crazy over Dustin and CJ. I have missed so much, and I am now realizing how stupid and immature I was being. What is up with Daytona? Addy said your parents were coming to help with the kids.”
“Yes, Mom and Dad will be here a few days before we leave. Addison and Brielle missed last year together, and they are excited about it.”
“I am not okay with Addy leaving the girls,” I tell him honestly.
He responds, “I am calling bullshit. You are not okay with her going without you. You know the twins will be fine, and they both need some sister time to be themselves for a few days. Motherhood is a lot of work, or so Brielle tells me everyday.”
He has a point. I think I am bothered because I didn’t get invited to Daytona. I ask Colby, “Is Mitch going?”
He shakes his head. “Not that I know of. His younger brother just moved here, and he is busy getting everything in order. Why don’t you just come with us?” I think about that for a minute. Can I just invite myself?
“Do you think they will mind?” I ask him.
“Hell no, Tyler, and if they have a problem with it, I will play the ‘I need someone to hang out with’ card, and it will be fine.” Score. I wonder how Addison will handle this news. Colby lifts his finger up for me to listen out in the great room. I hear those two laughing about something, and every few seconds I hear a male voice. I get up when Colby does to go and see what is going on.
Both of them are on the couch dying laughing with Addy’s phone between them. Brielle says, “Oh damn, they didn’t call security on him, but his lines were better than Colby’s.” Then I hear what they are listening to. Addison apparently recorded my whole rant at the doctor’s office, and those two are having a few laughs at my expense.
I look up to Colby, and he nods his head in silent agreement and mouths, “Revenge.” And oh how sweet it will be.
We go back to the kitchen and act like nothing is going on when both of them walk in. Brielle and Addy start getting dinner ready, and Dustin and Cambree come strolling in. “Operation Piss Brielle Off” begins now. I look at Dustin and say, “Hey, player. How are things with the ladies? Colby says you are quite the superstar with them.” Dustin just smirks, and Brielle throws a pan lid at my head.
“Shut the fuck up, Tyler. You sleep in my house. One more word out of your mouth, and I will be warning you to sleep with one eye open,” she tells me from across the room. I just chuckle and wink at Colby, and he shakes his head and puts his hands up like he is neutral. Pussy.
Addison walks in front of me and says, “Stop. You know riling her up won’t get you anywhere but castrated.” I just smile at her. She goes for the kill, “And if you want to talk about Dustin’s love life, Cambree can also fill you in on her dates and boyfriends, so you know what to look forward to with your two girls. Whatever she tells you, just double that fun.” She walks over to high-five Brielle. Damn that woman, she went below the belt.
I just turn to Colby and tell him, “Fuck this. I give up. I can’t take hearing that shit. Just make it stop.” We all start laughing around the table, and I feel like I am home again.
Chapter 13
Addison
While today was fun and eventful and I even managed to relax a little around Tyler, I am ready for it to be over. Seeing him sit around with my family and our children, it almost feels like he belongs. It feels like he never left, and if I let myself forget that, then I will have to go through the heartache and pain all over again. I don’t delude myself in thinking I am strong enough to do that and take care of my babies, so this familiar feeling needs to cease.
“What are the plans for Daytona?’ I ask Brielle.
“Colby still hates to drive, and with all the kids at grandparents and with Amelia, I have to agree it will cut down on time. I say we fly out Thursday morning and fly home Sunday. That still gives us the time to do what . . .” Before she can finish, Tyler jumps in.
“Where are the girls going to be?” Like he needs to question my parenting. I have already explained this to him once. He is being difficult on purpose.
“Well, CJ, Riley, Cheyenne, and Shiloh will be with Colby’s parents and Amelia. Cambree will also be here to help, but they have it covered. Although, since all of a sudden you want to question my parenting decisions, you can keep them.” I know I am being a bitch, but I don’t want to get used to him being around. His past proves otherwise. I can tell from the look on Brielle and Colby’s face and the way Tyler is just staring at me, that I really overreacted.
“Addison, I wasn’t questioning your parenting. You were born for this, and from what I see, the girls are thriving and healthy. Well, except for the appointment today, I don’t question you. I was just curious where they were going to be.” Tyler tries to use his best “I don’t want to argue” voice on me.
“They will be right here so you can see them whenever you want. That is if you are still here then. I never know when the breeze will carry you off.” I stand from the table and walk towards the back door. I just need some air. I can see Tyler shaking his head from the corner of my eye, and I want to turn and ask him why he is so surprised that I doubt him. Besides the hole in my heart, I only have doubt where he is concerned. I make it outside to their deck and gulp in the fresh air. I have to get my attitude in check. If, and that is a big if, Tyler decides to stick around for his girls, I don’t want them to pick up on this animosity from me. They don’t deserve that.
I hear the door open and wonder what words of wisdom Brielle will spew at me. That girl has no filter. To my surprise, Colby is standing there. He walks over and joins me on the edge.
“Addy, I am not going to tell you everything will be fine. I have no fucking clue what the hell he was thinking when he left. I am going to tell you, no matter what, you have us, and we love you.”
Damn, he cuts right to the chase. “Colby, I know you have loyalty to him. He is your family. But I don’t know how to behave around him, what to think or feel, and all I can think about is, what if he hurts my babies like he has me? I can’t allow that.”
He just nods at me. “I know he is family, but I promise you, Addy, you are my family, too. There are no excuses for what he did. He isn’t even trying to make any. I think there is more to it than he will admit. We both know his childhood wasn’t a bed of roses. Regardless, I promise you, if he walks away again, he can stay gone. I will make sure of that. My nieces don’t deserve it, but more importantly, you don’t deserve it, again.” He reaches over and wipes the tears from my cheeks that I didn’t even realize had fallen. It is a sad day when you find out you are immune to your own tears falling, like it has become a normal part of your day.
“My sister sure got lucky. I appreciate everything you have done for us, and thanks for being one of the good guys, Colby.”
“Just remember, Addy, I wasn’t always that way. Sometimes we have to fall before we soar. It just takes some of us more tries to get our wings than others. Just don’t overthink the situation. Things will fall in place.” He kisses my forehead and goes back inside.
I take another deep breath and decide to try and feel my way through this situation day by day. Hell, maybe minute by minute. No matter what, those babies inside are my priority. I know they need a daddy, but they need a daddy who won’t leave at every obstacle.
Chapter 14
Tyler
I don’t know how to get through to Addison. I get that this whole clusterfuck is my fault. I can’t stick around, but I can’t seem to walk away for good. Damn it, I am here, and I won’t leave again. I have two beautiful girls and their mother who need me. I won’t have my kids wondering if they are loved. I won’t have them feeling useless like I did. They are what matter now. I know I hurt Addison and made her lose all trust in me, but what she doesn’t realize is that every ounce of pain she fe
lt, I have tenfold because not only do I deal with my own pain but hers, too. And that cuts me deep.
Colby disappeared outside after her, and I know Brielle is waiting to say something. I don’t need to give her an invitation because she will speak her mind either way. I look up to her and actually see something other than hate in her eyes. Is she actually feeling sorry for me? I don’t need that either.
“What Brielle? Just spit that shit out!”
“Tyler, you hurt her. Actually, it was more than that. I don’t know how to explain to you what it was like. I know you love her and always have, but your actions obliterated her. If it wasn’t for her pregnancy I don’t know what would have happened to her. I know you hurt, but I can’t excuse your actions. I can’t fathom what would make you leave when she told you she was pregnant . . . that is a conversation for you and Addy. I will say, I honestly don’t know if she will forgive you this time. It was different, Ty. I just can’t put it in words.” Brielle is tearing up remembering her sister’s pain, and that makes me feel like a bigger dick.
“I get it, Brielle. I don’t know how to put in words that I am not leaving. I know my past actions have proved otherwise, but let my actions from here on out speak for themselves. I can tell you and Addy until I am blue in the face, but that doesn’t mean shit. I will prove it to you.”
“Tyler, you don’t have to prove anything to me. My sister and nieces are the only ones you have to be there for. I love them, and if she wants you back in her life, then that is what will happen. I will be honest. I don’t trust your word. So yeah, you have a lot of groveling and proving your worth to her. She put you above everyone, even herself. Now, the twins are her priority. So, good luck on winning back her forgiveness – not her love, because you have never lost that. Just don’t hurt her again.”
I just nod at her. God, I hate this. I am not leaving, they need to figure that shit out. What do I need to do? Tattoo that shit on my forehead. Jesus, I know I fucked up, but fucking Brielle left for months and Colby was crushed. Granted, he brought that shit on himself, kind of like me and my fuck-ups. I just need to show them that I am here for good.
Colby walks in and looks at me. “Get up. Let’s go for a walk, Tyler.” Oh God, what the hell happened outside?
Once we make it outside, Colby doesn’t hold back. “Bro, I don’t know where the fuck your head was when you walked away from her . . . for the third fucking time. I am telling you, no more. You are my family, and I love you, but that girl is my family, and I love her, too. You did a fucked up thing, not just as a man, but a father. I won’t even ask why because there is no reason or excuse you could give me. She wasn’t in the right with her lies either, but I don’t think you gave her much of a choice. If you are here then you need to make sure it is for good, if you are going to leave again, then do it now. And this time don’t fucking come back.”
I knew Colby loved his family, and I knew he was a family man, but damn. I am his blood. “I am not leaving.” I tell him simply. I don’t need to explain anymore to him; he gets it.
“That’s what I wanted to hear. Now, figure out how to fix this shit. She is worried about you and the kids. You have to break yourself down and build yourself back up. Like I told her, sometimes you fall before you soar. You need to pick yourself up and learn to fucking fly, dude.” Colby leaves me outside.
I walk back to the back deck and approach Addy. “You ready to go home? I will help you with Cheyenne and Shiloh, and then maybe we can talk?”
She looks hesitant. I cannot believe I have made her this guarded around me. We used to be as easy as breathing. “Sure, that needs to happen,” she replies in a small voice before turning around and going inside to start getting their stuff together.
After telling everyone good night and letting Colby and Brielle know that I would be back later, we finally make it to Addy’s house. I help her change and feed the girls, and once they drift off to sleep, I turn to her. “Are you ready for this coming to Jesus conversation we need to have?”
“Tyler, I have never been the one to walk away, that is your specialty. I will say right now I am thankful for not breast feeding because I need some wine.” She walks downstairs, and I follow. Once we are settled in the living room, I can only stare at her. How did I let her go? I feel so much for her, and we have so much history. I just can’t wrap my head around my actions.
Chapter 15
Addison
Once I fixed my wine I sat on the loveseat and stretched my legs out, partially because I was tired, but mostly so Tyler wouldn’t sit next to me. I cannot be in close proximity to him. As much as I want to hate him, I crave him. He is my heart . . . but offers me no security. That song “Tomorrow” by Chris Young comes to mind. As much as I tell myself this isn’t good for me, my dumbass goes back to him every time. This time has to be different. I have to make wiser choices, be stronger and not listen to my heart, although that has been missing for the past months.
“What did you want to talk about, Tyler?”
Tyler sighed. I knew he was not good about feelings or what he perceived as weakness. He always picked on Colby for being so mushy with Brielle, but he forgets he used to be like that with me in private.
“I am trying to figure out what makes me want to run. I know it isn’t because I don’t love you. I do love you, and I can never imagine stopping. Now those two angels up there fill my heart with more joy than I thought possible.”
“Which time are you trying to figure out, Tyler? You have left so many times, I am not sure you can remember. Those two little angels are my life now, and they are the same two little angels you told me to get rid of.” I see him visibly flinch. I don’t know why I am constantly throwing these digs at him. I think it is like my coat of armor, so he can’t penetrate me. The last thing I need is penetration from him . . . to my heart or vagina.
“I get it Addison.” Oh damn, when he uses my full name I know he is irritated. This makes me want to giggle, and I don’t know why. “I hurt you too many times to keep track of. You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know. You can’t ever doubt I love you. I know I have a shitty way of showing it, but every time I hurt you, I hurt myself worse. Not only do I feel your pain, which is my fault, but I have my own pain from being without you. I just don’t know how to fix this.”
He is right. I know that he loved me at one time. He was always so passionate and loving towards me. We met so young and grew up together; he was the one to take my virginity, and I never thought I would be with someone else. After our “break” in college I did fool around with other guys, but it never satisfied me. I just don’t know what changed for him. To see him here in front of me, and pleading with me to not doubt him, it just feels like a broken record . . . same shit just different year.
“Tyler, I don’t know what you want me to say. I can tell you, I can’t trust you not to leave. Maybe we just outgrew each other. Things started changing back in college for you, and I think maybe you just came back to me because I was safe . . . comfortable. We all know you aren’t good with change.”
The outburst he gives me next is like a temper tantrum I am expecting the girls to have in a few years. “God damn it, Lil’ Bit, don’t ever say I came back to you for any reason other than I fucking love you. Woman, you are trying my patience, and I am trying to make you understand. I AM NOT FUCKING LEAVING, EVER AGAIN! Is that clear enough for you? I know you are about to spew some, “actions speak louder than words,” bullshit at me, and fine. I will prove it to you. But you have to listen to me. I don’t know how many ways I can say it. You are so damn exasperating sometimes.”
I can’t help but to laugh at him. I mean laugh my ass off at him. He thinks yelling at me and getting riled up, when he is at fault, will somehow bring me over to his side. He is fucking delusional. Maybe I am the delusional one though because that was pretty damn hot, him all mad and passionate like that. Okay, note to self, no more Moscato when dealing with Tyler, because that wine glass mixe
d with Tyler’s passion is like an insta-flame to my panties. They literally are trying to melt off. Tyler is looking at me like he knows what I am thinking, so I start shaking my head.
“Deny it all you want, Addy. I can see that flicker in your eyes. You miss us.”
“Cocky asshole. I don’t miss us, I just happen to miss getting laid.” Oh holy hell, did I just admit that to him? Now he has more ammunition to get me to relent. Fuck a duck.
“I can help you with that.” He smirks at me as he just offered to fuck me. Hmm . . . stop the madness. Did I just consider that for ten seconds?
“Tyler, go home. I am not having sex with you. I have a vibrator and an e-reader. I can be my own pleasure palace.”
He starts laughing. “Lil’ Bit, don’t you remember how it was between us? Not just the sex, but this . . . the friendship, the laughter, the love. This is what I want. Along with your heart and my family.”
“You forgot the lies, deceit, leaving, and broken hearts. Those are important, too, Tyler.” I can’t help being a bitch. I can’t seem to stop myself, and that is pissing me off because this is not who I am.
“I keep fucking up with you, Addy. I am sorry. I am going back to Colby’s for the night, but we still need to talk. Please. This is important, if not for us to work out, but for us to co-parent. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, but I can tell by your attitude, that is all I am doing.” He stands from the couch and walks over to me. He bends down, kisses my forehead, and whispers, “Always. You will always have my heart.”
Once he makes his way out the door I allow myself to crumble. I have to stop wishing that one day this might work out. Not only did he make me doubt him, but he has caused me to have so much self-doubt and self-blame. It is hard to think of him and not feel this ache in my chest. But, he is right. We have to get past this if we are going to co-parent. I have always dreamed of introducing people to my ‘baby daddy’ said no one ever. In my fantasy, it was always ‘Meet my husband, Tyler.’ Reality sure can be a bitch.
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 21
