After a rigorous fuck-a-thon, I walk her to the door and tell her to text me when she gets back to her dorm. I don’t worry because there is plenty of security on campus, and it isn’t all that late. I get her text about ten minutes later, make plans for tomorrow, and complete my ritual of staring at Teryn’s face before falling asleep.
October 31, 2019
Tara has become a permanent fixture whether I invite her or not. It isn’t all that bad. She isn’t whiny or clingy but always there. When she showed up to my game with my jersey number on her shirt, I decided we needed to have a conversation. We haven’t said what we are, and I figured friends with benefits; exclusive to each other while we are fucking, and that is as far as I have thought. She tried to be there and ask me what was going on when Teryn’s birthday came around, but after the bottle of whiskey I had, there was no talking to me, and she hasn’t brought it up, again.
I figure we will go to the Halloween party at Ramsey’s fraternity house, and then I will talk to her about backing off. No wearing my jersey number, that means something, and I don’t want that. I am going home for Thanksgiving, and tomorrow Tyler is flying up in the morning and going apartment hunting and car shopping with me. We all decided I could always sell the car if I don’t come back next year, and as long as my grades stay up and I can keep up with soccer, I can keep the apartment.
Making our way over to the party she starts talking about color schemes and furniture for my apartment. I know that whatever we had, it ends now. There is no way in hell this is going on.
“I am not really feeling this party, Tyler will be here early, and we have a big day tomorrow, so if you want to go, I will walk you over, but I am not staying.” I hope this buys me some time.
“That is fine, honey. We can spend some time together and see what we can get into.” She giggles at herself.
We walk quietly back to my room, and I evade her holding my hand by putting it in my pocket. The less contact the better. As soon as I shut the door she is all over me. I push her off and turn my head so she can’t kiss me.
“Tara, we have to talk.”
“Now? I had other things in mind we could do with our mouths.” She keeps trying to reach my mouth.
“Stop it, Tara,” I tell her firmly and pick her up and set her to the side. I make my way to the middle of the room where there is nothing she can push me against. “This isn’t working anymore.”
“What do you mean? What did I do?” She is shocked, not upset. I can tell by the look on her face.
“I told you in the beginning I wasn’t in this for anything serious. You came to my game wearing my number like you are my girlfriend, and now you want to discuss decorating my apartment.”
“Well if I am not your girlfriend, then what am I?” The fake tears are starting now.
“You know what we are, we both get what we need.”
“So I am your fuck buddy? I am not a two-bit whore, Dustin Parker. I can’t believe this. Is there somebody else?” She is on the verge of a full-on female freak out moment, and I don’t deal with those.
“No, there isn’t anybody else, and I never treated you like a whore . . . I took what you offered, no more. It is time for you to go.”
She breaks down in hysterics, yelling at me that I will regret this, and she will never forgive me, before I open the door and wait for her to walk through it.
I dodged a bullet with that one. She is the meaning of ‘bitches be crazy.’ I won’t have to see her around campus much, if all goes well tomorrow, I will have my own space . . . perfect timing.
Tyler arrives bright and early full of news from home, and I told him about Tara, and he agreed I was lucky with that. I am excited to go home next month. I miss everyone, but being here has made me realize I am going to pursue law enforcement. I will finish out this year of school and transfer closer to home. I love playing soccer as part of a team again, and maybe will look into a recreation league or coaching CJ’s team when I get home.
I know it is a waste of time for seven months of rent, but I can’t be in the dorms anymore, personal space is a foreign concept to those guys. I ask Tyler’s take on it, and he says not to worry about it, it is no big deal, but suggests doing a short-term lease on a car instead of buying outright. Being the typical guys we are, I look at three different apartments, decide on the condo since it has a back yard, walk in the furniture store, pick out the black leather stuff for the living room, bedroom furniture, and bar stools. I told him not to bother with kitchen shit. I can buy paper plates and plastic utensils.
The dealership is where our day is eaten up. I always thought I was a car guy, but being behind the wheel of a Jeep Wrangler changed my mind. They worked out a lease that works for us, and I am on my way. Everything will be delivered later this evening, and we decide to go grab a pizza and beer. I almost wept when he pulled my PS4 out of his suitcase.
“Addison packed it, she figured you missed it.” I just laugh at him and tell him to tell her thank you. His trip is short, and when he leaves in the morning I feel homesick. Only about twenty more days, and I will be home for a week. As I am about to head out on a run, my phone rings and it is an unknown number, so I hit decline. It dings alerting me there is a voice mail, so I listen to it.
“Dustin, this is Laura. I am Tara’s roommate. She never made it home last night and when I went looking for her, I found her beaten up. She is at the hospital. She keeps asking for you. Can you come?”
“Listen, Laura. I am sorry that happened. We sort of split up, last night so I don’t think it is for the best.”
“Dustin, she was raped. You could at least come see her, make her feel cared for since you sent her out on a holiday with drunken college guys to prey on her. If she was with you where she was supposed to be, none of this would have happened.”
Shit! I didn’t even think about her safety last night. “I will be there in twenty.” I hang up. I forget where my keys are and my hands are shaking. I know what we had wasn’t long term, but I have three sisters and no woman deserves to be violated or beat up. I feel sick to my stomach and the guilt starts eating me alive. I replay everything I said to her last night and not only did she leave my dorm in tears and defeated, she was raped and beaten by scum. One more woman I have let down. I can’t believe I let this happen again. I never made her any promises, but I never wanted her in harms way. I pray she can heal from this and I promise I will help her however she needs it.
When I see her for the first time I am transported back to seeing Teryn beaten and battered. Whoever got ahold of her did a number on her. They were relentless. She sees me and starts crying. I do the only thing I can and go to her side and comfort her.
Chapter 21
Cambree
Thanksgiving 2019
We were all on edge for this holiday. When Tyler came home from California he was telling us about some psycho girl and Dustin. We all got a good laugh about it. We all know he doesn’t deal well with girls like that. What shocked us was later that week, he informed us she had moved in with him and was coming home with him. From the second they walked in the door I have wanted to claw her eyes out. She clings to him, and he lets her. I don’t know what she has on him, but he lets her lead him around like a trained horse.
I asked straight out if she was pregnant. She laughed at me, fucking laughed, and said, “Not yet, but once he asks me to marry him, we can talk about it.” There is no way in hell, but the problem is, the more we question him about it, the more defensive he gets. The last three days have been hell, and definitely not what we all wanted when he came home to visit.
Sitting down at dinner, I walk past Brielle and smack her on the back of the head.
“Ow. What in the actual fuck do you think you are doing, C?”
I just glare at her and nod towards my place at the table and how she artfully arranged that bitch to sit next to me. She snorts at me and can’t control her laughter. Addison is right there joining in.
“Fuck y
ou, both.”
“Camy, you need to calm it down. My parents are here,” Max warns me.
Bless his mom. “Max, hush. Sometimes saying fuck just makes your point crystal clear. So let your wife say whatever the fuck she wants.” I giggle and do a dance in victory. He gives me the look, and I swear I want to take him home and jump his bones. That has been happening a lot lately. I call him home at least twice a week for a quickie. I love being a newlywed.
“So how is the season going, D?” I am going to remain neutral at dinner, or I will stab her in the eyes with my fork.
Right away that girl answers for him, “Oh it is so exciting to see him on the field. He is the top-scoring freshman and took the starting spot away from a junior. There is no better forward out there.”
I politely tell her, “Yes, I am well aware of my brother’s capabilities, but I was asking him. Dustin, I thought you were going to ask about playing sweeper?’
“It isn’t where they need me. It is fine, really. I like the position I play, and I am only there for this season, anyway.”
“What?” Tara screeches. I think the paint peeled off the walls.
Riley covers her ears and asks, “Why does she talk like that?” I can’t help it. I laugh at her.
“Tara, I never had any intention of staying past his year there. I made up my mind a while ago. In June I am going to transfer to a school closer to home and pursue law enforcement.”
“I am not going to be a cop’s wife.” Then realizing her mistake she looks at Kayleigh and me. “No offense, it is just he has so much more potential.”
Wrong thing to say to me, sister. “By potential you mean a career that he makes more money?” I can see right through her.
“Stop it, Cambree.” Oh, he did not just take her side.
“No, she just insulted me, your sister in law, your brother in law, and your brother. She needs to stop it. Better yet, you both need to stop this charade of a relationship.”
Tara starts crying, really, I am sure she had to stab her leg with a steak knife to drum up those tears. Dustin immediately rushes to her side and takes her out of the house.
Brielle breaks the tension. “Well it isn’t a family dinner unless someone leaves in tears. Another successful year. Who wants cake?”
“Screw the cake, I am going to find out what is going on.” I hear all the calls and warnings telling me to stop, but I ignore them.
Both of them are sitting on the porch, and when Tara sees me she sniffles and lays her head on his chest. “Not now, Cambree. Let me have a minute.”
“Fine, meet me at my house in five.” I storm off.
When he walks in he looks defeated. “What in the hell, D?”
“It is a long story. When we broke up she left my dorm. I didn’t think about it being Halloween, and the campus crawling with drunks. She was beaten and raped, and it was my fault.”
“Oh my God! Stop being a fucking martyr. It wasn’t your fault. Is she holding this against you? Using your guilt on you?” His silence is the answer I need. “Dustin, come on. You are smarter than this.”
“This is the smartest decision I have made. She is safe, Camy. I don’t love her. I can’t ever love her. That way she gets what she wants, I get what I want, and I won’t get hurt.”
“I never thought I would say this to you, but you are a coward. If you expect any of us to be happy with this and sit back while you ruin your life because you can’t admit you still love Teryn, then you are wrong. She won’t be accepted in this family. Don’t do this, Dustin.”
“Don’t you give me ultimatums, Cambree. That isn’t how this family works. What works for you doesn’t always work for me. Let me have this, and stop harping about it.” He slams my door on the way out, and Max appears right behind him.
“How much did you hear?” I ask him.
“Every fucked-up word.” He opens his arms for me. Immediately in my safety net I let go and cry for my brother. Someone needs to tell him that we have all talked to Teryn, and she is getting better. It isn’t a secret, but there hasn’t been time to bring it up.
I pull back from Max, “What do you think?”
“He is being played.” I just nod in confirmation. Bitches like her give women a bad name.
I pull my phone out and tell Brielle to talk to Dustin. I tell her to take Colby and make him listen, tell him Teryn is getting better, and she misses him. She agrees it is the best time for it, before he screws up his whole life.
Three hours later, it isn’t any better. Brielle told him, he didn’t react well. He says that she doesn’t miss him; she misses what he represented in her life. He refuses to forgive her, and he is hell-bent on moving forward with Tara.
When they leave a few days later, nothing is resolved and we seem to be further from him than a year ago. I didn’t think that was even possible.
Chapter 22
Teryn
Thanksgiving passed, and I was lonely. Having no family and still working on myself left me with a lot of time to think. Things aren’t easy here, but I have come such a long way, and I keep telling myself that. Therapy is still intense, and some days I have to stop in the middle of a session. Just last week, I was talking about the first night my father brought the men home. That was the first time I just couldn’t deal; I feel it was the downfall of me. We have moved from me just talking and reliving it, to discussing how I felt in that time. The therapists think it will help move me forward.
“When they forced you to touch them, how did you feel?”
“Dirty.” Such a simple word, but it evokes so much pain. “After they were done with me, I scrubbed my body in the shower for over an hour. I was bleeding in some spots from rubbing so hard. Then, when that didn’t work, I brushed my teeth obsessively. I remember even getting bleach and dipping my toothbrush in it. Every part of me felt violated, not just my body, but my mind, too. It stayed with me, and when things progressed I felt the physical pain, but I refused to allow myself to accept or acknowledge what had happened.”
“Which is what got you to the state you were in when you came here, Teryn. You have to allow yourself to feel, good, bad, or indifferent. Feeling it is what makes you human.”
“I understand that now, but even discussing it, I feel there is something I could have done, or should have done, to make it stop.”
“We don’t say this much in therapy, because we always feel there are options, but in your case, you had no options. You did what you did so you could escape, so you could go on day to day. Your option was to hide and bury everything. Now it has to be your choice to talk about it, evaluate your feelings, and find a way to cope with them.”
So that is what we have been doing every single day. I watch current movies. I watch the interactions with strangers and take in my surroundings at all times. Not out of fear, but curiosity. I don’t necessarily want to be anyone else, but I do want to fit in. The last time I talked to Brielle and Addison I could tell something was different with them, but I can’t ask them to open up to me when I wouldn’t do that with them. I decided the only way to gain their trust is to earn it.
December is halfway over, and I am almost ready to leave. Of course I will have to continue outpatient therapy; maybe for the rest of my life, but I am okay with that. I feel normal for the first time ever. I don’t associate touch with fear or abuse, and that was an obstacle in itself. We started small, with Julia sitting close to me during therapy; then she would occasionally lay her hand on my arm or some other body part. Then when they brought numerous male therapists in we would try that over and over. I didn’t get over it on my first try; it took time and trust building. I like to think of my therapy as a group effort, all involved have blood, sweat, and tears in it.
I keep envisioning my reunion with Dustin. I will be able to run into his arms, to prove to him that my past, present, and future are all his. My past, because if he wouldn’t have saved me, I would never have been able to work through it, my present, because he owns my hea
rt, I feel love, and I am not afraid, and my future because he is all I can see in my thoughts. Discovering the depth of my feelings for him was an uphill battle. I had to learn what hate, love, security, and fear are. Each evokes a different feeling in me, but his is the strongest.
Today we are discussing my action plans for triggers and anxiety and how to cope. I have everyone’s cell phone number, and I may be able to be in Tennessee by Christmas. I talked to Julia about not telling them I am coming. They have made it a point to tell me I am always welcome, and I explained to her that by me taking the initiative and going on my own, without their help and guidance, I will show how far I have come.
She did warn me that I have to prepare myself because I am envisioning a perfectly happy reunion with Dustin, but he may have some anger issues with me. Julia told me to be prepared and not to depend on him for my happiness, make it myself. I tried to form the words to make her understand that I wouldn’t have a future if it wasn’t for him, and so therefore I felt my future was based on him. She reminded me if I fall back into habits of letting my feelings and needs be dependent on others, that would be another form of abuse, but I would be inflicting it myself this time. This is the area I struggle with, the go with the flow attitude. I have always been a planner, whether the plans came to fruition in my mind or not, it was a control thing. She reminds me life happens, it can’t be planned out all of the time.
So for now I am going to continue therapy, get the outpatient sessions set up, and count down the days until I walk out the door on my own, just like I walked in. But when I walk out, my demons are staying here. I won’t give them power over me anymore. The demon that started all this is six feet under, rotting in hell, which is where he belongs.
Chapter 23
Dustin
Since coming back to California after Thanksgiving, Tara is relentless. Moody and volatile. She accused me of forcing my life choices on her, and I reminded her that she could walk out the door the same way she walked in. When she threw, “You would like that, maybe the monsters will finish what they started,” and tears, I allowed the guilt to consume me and I gave in to her.
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 64
