“The best things in life don’t come free. Would you rather have your heart or your sanity? To me, it’s an easy choice. Sanity is overrated, you usually lose it in old age.” He winks at me and announces he is leaving. I berate myself over and over about not being able to fall for him. He is so damn understanding and genuinely cares about my happiness, whether it is with him or another man. Hopefully, one day, he can find a woman worthy of that heart of his.
I wonder, is he happy? Does he love her? I have too many questions and no answers. I know who to get them from, and as far as I have come in healing, I don’t know if I would recover if I looked at him in love with someone else. That look was mine.
Chapter 29
Brielle
The wedding planning is in full swing. I can’t believe Dustin is going through with it. He will be home tomorrow, and Tara is not coming for another week. She has fittings and shopping to do for a wedding in two weeks that I pray doesn’t happen. I don’t know how to stop it. We have all tried talking to him and begging him. I wasn’t against bribery, but what did he want that I could give him?
Cambree is now four months pregnant and those hormones combined with this wedding are a disaster. Max is keeping a tight leash on her, and I think it is amusing because he is as bad as Colby was. She fights him tooth and nail about everything and the poor guy has to be exhausted from telling her no so many times a day, but she is relentless. She swears she is going to lock Tara in a room until Dustin thinks she stood him up and then whisk him away to an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii. I am not necessarily against that idea; it is just that pulling it off without the guys finding out would be difficult. They are all, “you have to let him make his own choices, make his own mistakes.” Sometimes I wonder if they realize that is against our nature.
Now that Mitch and Kayleigh have finished their house and are near us, we all get together to give them something. It is more for Mitch and Max, but Kayleigh will love what we have done. Having Mrs. Baird here and so willing to talk about Hope with us has given us a bond to her. Even though we never got to experience those things with her, keeping her memory alive is important to all of us. I planned a special dedication for tomorrow, when the whole family is together again, before this farce of a wedding begins.
My phone rings, and it is a blocked call. I usually don’t answer those but today I am feeling frisky. “Hello.”
“Hey, Brielle. It’s Teryn.”
“Oh gosh, it is so good to hear your voice. How are you?” I don’t know why she is calling today of all days, but I am torn about telling her what is going on with Dustin. Will it set her back?
“I am good, healthy and surviving.” She hesitates like she wants to say more and then thinks better of it.
“When are you finally coming home? It’s been a year, Teryn. I want you whole, but we miss you.”
“I’ve been in Tennessee for almost six months, Brielle. I am in Knoxville, working, living on my own, and taking care of myself.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell us? You haven’t been back to see us.” I hate my voice catching, I don’t want to push her into being a part of our family, but we all love her. We all miss her.
“I know, Brielle. The week before I was coming home to you, I saw the news. I couldn’t do that to him, to myself. I just want him happy, but I missed you all so much.”
Oh, beautiful Teryn. She read about the fiasco in the paper and stayed away. It isn’t a him or her thing in my life. If he wants to cause his life to implode with that bitch, that is on him, but he is not doing this to Teryn. “Honey, you always have a place here. Please don’t think it is a one or the other thing with you and Dustin. He is our brother, but you have a place in our lives, too. Nobody will ever replace that, and we always want you to feel welcome here.”
“How about y’all coming down here in the next week or so? We could do lunch and catch up?” God, she knows he is engaged, but I don’t think she knows he is getting married in two weeks.
“I know we would all love to get together. Things are crazy right now, so we may have to put it off for a few weeks.”
“Oh, okay. Just let me know when it’s a good time, and we can make it happen.” She sounds so rejected, and I have to tell her why I am pushing lunch it off for now. I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want her to feel unwanted by us.
“Teryn, he is getting married in two weeks. Any time after that is good; I am sure we will all need alcohol after it’s over. Except Camy, she is pregnant.” I hear her voice catch when she speaks.
“That is wonderful news . . . on both accounts. I bet Cambree is over the moon, and I can’t wait to see her. The situation with Dustin hurts, but if anybody deserves happiness and someone to love, it is him. I really do wish the best for him, but I can’t talk about it.” She is crying now and I know she is trying to hide it. “I have to go, I am at work on my break. I will call soon.”
Before she hangs up I have to tell her. “He isn’t happy, Teryn. She isn’t you.” I am met by silence, but I know she is still on the line. “There is only one you and one him, and together you are a puzzle that fits together. I don’t know how to join you two, but you deserve to be together.” I hear the click of her hanging up, but I know she heard me. Maybe this is the one thing I can give him that he wants. Will he be receptive to her or will he hide from his pain, from his feelings? I should feel guilty about trying to derail my brother’s wedding, but I can’t muster up that feeling.
I tell Addison, Cambree, and Kayleigh about my conversation with Teryn today, and I see a glimmer of hope in Addison’s eyes. Cambree is in full-on planning mode, and asks, “Can any of you distract Max for a few hours later?” Oh no, this isn’t good.
“I will,” Kayleigh says with a smile on her face. She may be a sweetheart, but Tara really pissed her off.
Cambree turns to me, “You stay here. If you are gone they all will know something is up. Addison, you are coming with me.”
“Hells yea, finally I get to be in the thick of things again. Things were getting boring.” Addison, bless her heart.
Cambree looks at Addison. “We are going to look at breast pumps, I quote those words to Max, and he will not say a word. It is like mentioning tampons. They freeze and lose all train of thought.” I am so proud in this moment. My baby sister is a force to be reckoned with.
I look to Addy. “We did good.”
“Let’s not forget I was the only one in this circle that was married well before I was knocked up, so for a bunch of hoes, you did okay; ask Max, he says we are anything but normal.” We all start laughing, and I tell Kayleigh to go and get Max and Mitch and meet us outside.
Dustin arrived earlier this evening. He surprised us so I haven’t gotten the run down from Cambree and Addison. All I got was a shake of her head and Addison looking defeated. I don’t know why I let the amateurs do a job clearly a professional needed to do.
The next morning we all meet at our prearranged time to give Mitch and Max their tribute. I just hope they realize how cemented in our family they are. We all climb on the golf carts and head down to my spot. The lake. Before they see what we have done, I want to say something.
“Mitch, you were an unexpected addition to our family, and I hate that we have so much lost time to make up for. I try not to dwell on what we lost, but all that we have to gain. Life brings you unexpected tragedies, and then fills those spaces with new memories. I couldn’t be more proud to add you to the mix as a big brother. Max, you brought love and security into Cambree’s life when she was searching for something. She had no idea it was you she was searching for. You can be the man she needs, while still being her best friend, her lover, and now baby daddy.” I wink at him. “We didn’t get to know Hope like you did, but through you, we have gotten a glimpse of her life, how strong and amazing she was. You have brought her to life for us, and we want you to have a place to honor her. We have created a memorial for her, down here with our grandparents and our angel in heaven. Thi
s is for you, for all of us when life gets crazy, we all come here and stay grounded.” I lead them to the memorial off to the side of my grandparents.
I kept it simple with just a cream, marble cross statue that reads, “Hope Elaine Baird, beloved daughter, sister, and friend. In our hearts forever,” and I had it written in green, the color of her eyes, and of Cambree and Mitch’s eyes. Looking at my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help but feel regret for Dustin standing alone. Colby walks to one side of him and squeezes his neck and whispers something to him, and for a second there is a glimmer of surprise in his eyes, and then he shuts down his emotions again. Mitch goes and stands on the other side of him, and in this moment, I again realize how blessed we are. Yes, the road isn’t always easy, sometimes you have to make a new path, but friends, family, love, and support will always lead your way and help you forge ahead. Life isn’t perfection. It is what you learn from it that makes a perfect lesson.
I decided not to sing today, I just wasn’t sure I could pull it off, but I do ask everyone to sit down and enjoy each other, our past and present loved ones in one place, and I put on ‘With Hope’ by Steven Curtis Chapman.
Chapter 30
Teryn
To see Cambree and Addison at my door yesterday was a shock. I had just gotten home from work and was about to relax on my patio and read. I didn’t know they were coming and was taken aback that they found me, but then they pointed out my utilities are public record and Google is their friend. They were on a mission and didn’t sugarcoat anything.
“Teryn, please stop this marriage. We don’t know what else to do,” Addison pleaded with me. Seeing her big gray eyes overflowing with tears about gutted me. These women are exceptional. They love with their whole hearts, and there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for their family, consequences be damned. It makes me sad that I was so close to being a real part of it, and I lost my chance.
“Addison, I don’t know what you want me to do. He is getting married in two weeks. I can’t change his mind. I know your brother, he would not ask her to be his wife if it wasn’t what he wanted.”
“You are what he wants,” Cambree interjects. “It has always been you, and it will be until his last breath. The question is do you want to be by his side when he takes that last breath? Do you want to be the one who filled every moment in between? He doesn’t love her, he is with her out of some fucking martyr syndrome.” She explains the events of how they ended up together, and my heart breaks a bit more.
He felt he couldn’t save me, so he is rescuing someone else. He did save me, he is the one who made me face that I needed help. Thinking of him every day is what made me push myself to get better. I did it for myself, because I wanted to be able to give myself to him, fully.
“I can’t take his choices from him. I had my choices stripped from me my entire life, and one thing I have learned is you and only you are responsible for your actions. Others can indirectly force you into decisions, but there is always another way. In my life I was at the mercy of my father, and your brother took that option away from him, and for that I am eternally grateful. I made the wrong choice in hiding what happened to me instead of processing and dealing with it, and in doing that I destroyed his faith in me. I destroyed the purest love I have ever known, and I won’t be the one to open the wound. He needs to do this, and we may never understand his reasoning, but we have to allow him to make the choice.”
“Please. He loves you, and you need to fight for him this time.” Cambree won’t give up.
“There comes a point in your life when you have to decide what you are fighting for. I don’t know that he loves me; he promised me forever, and he broke that promise within a year. Do I put my faith and trust in that? I get that I left, I get that I hurt him, confused him, and I am sorry for that. But he didn’t give me the chance to apologize or explain things to him when I was able to. He should have exercised a little more trust in the love he had for me, and what he was so sure I had for him, before putting a ring on another woman’s finger, sad story or not. So what am I fighting for? More pain? No thanks. I think I have endured enough.” I am firm in my decision. I know it isn’t what they want to hear, and I hope it doesn’t change our relationship, but one thing I have learned is you cannot control others around you, only yourself, and I have to stick to my beliefs on this one. If he wanted to find me, he could. His sisters did, so if he was so in love with me, then where is he?
They eventually leave after a little while. They promise that this changes nothing, and we will all get together soon. Walking past the mirror in my hallway, I stop and study myself. I may have lost some sparkle in my eyes tonight, because I finally put Dustin Parker to rest. I released him from my heart to live his life. I needed this as much as he needs to release himself from guilt and doubt. I hope he doesn’t get married, not for me, but for him. In the end, you are all you have. Some of us get that once in a lifetime love, and while you have it you should embrace it, treasure it, help it grow, because life can be fickle, and you never know when it will be taken away from you. You should enjoy the time you are given, and remember the times you lost, but never lose yourself.
The next few days pass in a haze and I replay the last conversation I had with Dustin in my mind, and I question everything. I replay the conversation with his sisters, and while I was sure in my decisions that night, I now have doubt. For so long I question why he gave up, but now I wonder if I gave up on him long before by not telling him my intentions. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, and I have gained so much insight into myself and life in the past year, but I put myself in his shoes for a moment and realize he may think I gave up on him. I never fully expressed myself to him. I couldn’t because I didn’t know my own mind, but how was he supposed to know that. I could have written him when I started getting stronger. I could have taken the steps to ensure his belief in us, but I didn’t. He was so sure of his love, of what he knew would happen, he must have been lost and confused when I left him. The Dustin I love would never give up on life, though. Why is he not putting himself first? Why don’t I cross his mind anymore? Another day has ended, and I decide to stop wallowing and actually read on my patio. Before I can make it back to my living room there is someone ringing my doorbell. Well, not necessarily ringing it, but holding it down so it is a non-stop shrill sound that is about to make my greeting not a very pleasant one.
I see Timothy at my door, looking apprehensive and happy at the same time. “What are you doing here? By the way, the doorbell works by you pushing it once and waiting for someone to answer.” He chuckles at me.
“Hopefully I am about to complete you. And not in the cheesy Jerry McGuire movie way. Can I come in?” I open the door fully and allow him to enter. We head to my living room and sit down.
“What are you talking about?’
“The other day after you found out about your mom, and you opened up a little bit about Dustin, I couldn’t get your pain and regret out of my head. Believe me, I have lived it, and it is a bitter pill to swallow. So I decided to do some digging, and I just got in from California.” I look at him and raise my eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t know your whole story, but I know it isn’t pretty, and you deserve something beautiful. Even if I am not the guy for you, and I know I am not, I want you to have the full story and make your own choices.”
“I am at a disadvantage here, you are talking in circles,” I snap. I am at the end of my rope with surprise visits and people wanting to talk about him.
He throws a manila envelope on my lap and says, “Let the papers in there do the talking. Call me if you need a date to crash a wedding.” He kisses my cheek, and whispers, “make the right choice for you, don’t let the past control what you want in your future.” He walks out my door leaving me staring at him wondering what in the hell is in the water around here, because people could not be more cryptic.
I place the envelope down on my table and make my way to the kitchen to get something to eat. Determined t
o still get some reading time on my patio I decide chips and Dr. Pepper will work just fine. I may still rebel in small ways, and I probably always will, but I missed so much. I grab the envelope and make my way outside. Reading the first page makes me forget all about dinner, doubts, and releasing Dustin.
This bitch named Tara Montgomery just met her match, and loaded with the ammunition in this folder I am going in guns blazing. And I won’t wait until the wedding, and with that thought formulated I pick up the phone and call Addison, Brielle, and Cambree for back up. They quickly conference in Kayleigh, and when I share all I have learned, Cambree says, “If I wasn’t pregnant, this bitch would be mine. Teryn, I am passing the torch.” We hash out the details and it looks like in twenty-four short hours Dustin Parker won’t be engaged anymore.
Chapter 31
Dustin
Why my sisters decided to embrace this wedding overnight I will never understand. The way Cambree is attempting to befriend Tara is confusing me. If she wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have Max standing guard I would worry about her making Tara disappear. Everyone seems to be more relaxed tonight, and when they suggest we all go to the bar and celebrate I am all in. Tara isn’t happy, clearly thinking our last days before the wedding shouldn’t be bar hopping, but she finally relented when I told her I might be able to fit Mexico into our schedule.
We are all having a good time, even with Tara standing on the side shooting daggers at us. Friends from high school show up, some wishing me well and others questioning my sanity. Colby and Brielle start their war of songs, and when he plays ‘Ready, Set, Roll’ by Chase Rice the girls start dancing. This is what I have missed, and two days before I marry a woman I don’t love, I can’t help but think of the one I do love. Where is she? Is she happy? Why didn’t she ever come for me?
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 67
