The day was inconceivably perfect. Jacques was so wonderful—so normal and caring. I thought that all my dreams had finally come true. The only damper on the whole day turned out to be from Nette. When time came for her nap, she refused to sleep and cried and cried. The only thing that made her feel better was to nurse, but she soon became full and cried because there was too much milk. “What’s wrong with her?” Jacques asked, looking as frustrated as I felt. I knew he’d been hoping for romantic time alone that Nette’s nap would have permitted us.
I shook my head. “I don’t know; she rarely does this. It could be that she’s finally teething. Marguerite says it’s quite painful for some babies.”
“Don’t you have anything to give her?”
“At home I do. But she’s never needed it. I certainly wasn’t expecting her to do this today.”
Jacques sighed. “We could give her some of this wine.” He motioned to the half-empty bottle in the picnic basket. I shook my head vigorously. He sighed again and put the bottle back into the basket. “Well, the taxi driver won’t be back for an hour yet.”
“Let’s go for a walk,” I suggested. “Maybe she’ll calm down.”
“It’s worth a try.” Jacques jumped up.
I carried the whimpering Nette in my arms and followed him down a small path. The trees still hid us from the mid-afternoon sun, making the heat tolerable and even pleasant. It was beautiful there, but I found it hard to enjoy myself through Nette’s cries. Occasionally Jacques cast a worried glance at us, holding stray branches back so that I wouldn’t have to duck or push past them.
We had walked only a short way when we spied a small stream. Immediately, I made for the water. “This ought to do it.” I took off Nette’s shoes and socks, as well as my own, and put our feet into the water. Nette stopped whining abruptly and stared, fascinated, at the stream. It was all I could do to keep her from plunging in altogether.
Jacques and I relaxed and sat with our feet in the coolness, talking quietly. The area was peaceful and undisturbed, the silence broken only by our voices, the birds chirping, or the unhurried movement of the little stream. We seemed to be the only three people in the whole world. But eventually the taxi driver came, and we went home, listening to Nette’s renewed screams nearly the whole way. At our apartment, I found the teething remedy and immediately gave it to her. She screamed for another half hour, nursed again, and finally fell asleep. With a sigh of relief, I put her into bed.
“Whew! I didn’t know she could be like that,” Jacques said.
I laughed. “Neither did I. She’s full of surprises, that’s for sure.” I sat down on the couch and laid my head back, exhausted.
Jacques sat down beside me. “You still have Mondays off?” he asked hopefully.
“Normally I do. But Marguerite is leaving on vacation, and she wanted me to be there the first few days to make sure her sister and niece can manage. So this week I agreed to trade for Thursday. It works out so I can take my tests.”
“What about in the morning?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ve got to study, Jacques, really I do. This is very important to me.”
“But I’m back now, and I’m going to take care of you.”
I sat up stiffly. “Oh, Jacques, that has nothing to do with my going to school! I like school, and I want to finish. Plus, I’m going to take a college accounting program in January so I can get a job at a bank or someplace when Nette is old enough for school. That way I can be here for her when she comes home. But it’s something I want to do for myself, as well as for her.”
“But you can stay home all you want now, because money’s not an issue anymore,” Jacques insisted.
“Did you suddenly get a job that pays millions?” I asked, a little angry. He didn’t seem to understand that not only did I want to further my education but that I still didn’t trust him.
“Not quite, but I make about ten times what I used to.”
I regarded him suspiciously. Could this be another one of his lies? I wondered. Aloud I said, “What do you do, Jacques?”
“I’m self-employed.”
“Doing what?”
He shrugged. “Nothing out of the ordinary. I sell things door-to-door. And I have people who work for me.” He moved closer and put his arm around my shoulders. “But the point is that I can get you anything you want now, even a bigger apartment. With room enough for the three of us.” He leaned over and nibbled on my ear.
For the first time, I noticed Jacques was wearing clothes of the finest make, similar to the clothes I had been accustomed to when I had lived with my parents—clothes I now saved for special occasions like school, appointments with the doctor, or college registration. I glanced down at my own worn jeans. Could he be telling the truth? I wanted to believe in him, but I was so afraid. I needed time to think.
I pulled away. “I need time, Jacques. I—I’m still not certain things will be different from the last time. Give me time, please?”
He studied me for a minute and then nodded once, sharply. “Okay, we’ll leave it for now, Ariana. But I will win out, you’ll see.” He stood up, leaned down to kiss my forehead, and made his way slowly to the door. “I’ll be by again. See ya.”
After he left, I went about straightening the apartment and getting Nette’s bag ready for the next day. As I set it by the door where I wouldn’t forget, I noticed that my extra set of keys was not on the hook near the door. I wondered briefly if I had put them in my purse or perhaps given them to Nette to play with as I sometimes did. But tiredness overwhelmed me, and I shrugged the matter aside. They would turn up eventually.
On Monday I didn’t see Jacques at all. It was a normal day for me, yet I longed for the light and love his presence had brought back into my life. Work at the café went smoothly and efficiently under the firm control of the massive Françoise. I didn’t take to the woman, but I readily liked her daughter, Colette, who at twenty-one was two years my senior.
“She is so beautiful!” Colette had exclaimed the minute she caught sight of Nette. She eyed me up and down. “And looking at you, I can see why. I wish I had smaller bones. But, alas! I inherited my mother’s large ones. Oh, well, I guess I’ll make do.” She sighed dramatically, and her mother rolled her eyes. I laughed. Colette wasn’t lying when she said she had large bones, but she was very pretty, regardless.
That night after work, a strange depression settled upon me. I knew that I had been hoping to see Jacques. Nette’s sleeping form felt heavier than usual, and I wished he were there to carry her to my apartment. Like the day before on our picnic, she had cried and cried all day at the café. I was sure she was teething because her gums were red and sore-looking. I had given her two more doses of the pain remedy, and it had helped a little. Not for the first time, though, I wished I didn’t have to work at the café at all but could stay home and take care of my baby properly. I was so tired.
Nothing felt different when I put my key into the lock of my apartment. But when I opened the door, I gasped. At first I was so shocked that I wondered if somehow I had entered the wrong apartment by mistake.
The entire room was filled with my favorite flowers—pure white roses. Everywhere I looked there were vases and more vases of white roses in all shapes and sizes. A bit of red caught my gaze. On the short coffee table in front of the sofa stood a large vase with two dozen long-stemmed roses of the darkest red.
I went to put Nette down in the bedroom, where more white roses adorned my dresser and even the floor. A quick scan around the apartment showed that the kitchen and the bathroom held more of the flawless blossoms. I returned to the living room and sat down on the sofa to read the short note that accompanied the vase with the red roses: “To Ariana with love, Jacques.”
Suddenly, I knew what had happened to my other set of keys.
I sat speechless, looking around the room in amazement. This was every young girl’s dream. But I was a mother first and an impoverished one at that. Instead of enjo
ying the flowers and basking in the love with which they had been given, I swiftly calculated that the roses cost more than two months’ rent, which I actually could have used a lot more. That made me laugh. Still, if Jacques could waste money like this, maybe he had changed.
The next day I gave some of the roses to Jeanne, telling her what Jacques had done. “You should hang on to that one,” she said laughingly.
“We’ll see.” I wasn’t quite so ready to trust him yet.
I also took some of the flowers to the café, where I worked halfheartedly, hoping Jacques would visit me. He came in shortly after noon, wearing dark sunglasses. Two wealthy-looking gentlemen were with him. “Hi, honey,” he said. “I wanted to come and see you earlier, but I’ve been working.” He motioned over his shoulder to the men. “These are some of my . . . clients. Could you get us the best meal you’ve got and bring it to the table? These guys are used to posher places, but I couldn’t wait to see you.” He counted out various bills and laid them on the counter. “And keep the change, love.”
I tried not to show my surprise. The “change” would be more than half the money he had given me. “Keep it for Nette,” Jacques urged when he saw I was going to refuse.
That made sense. He was, after all, her father. “For Nette,” I said. “And thank you for the roses, though it was way too much, Jacques.”
He grinned. “Nothing’s too much for you, Ariana.” I wished his eyes were uncovered so I could see his expression, but the glasses hid them well. I couldn’t help the dark suspicion that he was hiding something from me—and perhaps from his clients as well.
I smiled anyway and motioned him to the corner table. “Sit down, and I’ll bring it out to you.” I rang up the special order and then slipped into the kitchen to give it to Colette. I stopped briefly to kiss and hug little Nette, who was deeply involved in playing with a set of spoons that Colette had given her. Beside her on the blanket, Paulette was trying unsuccessfully to build a tepee with some of the spoons.
I tucked Jacques’ extra money into the diaper bag. “That’s from your daddy, Nette. It sure is easy to act like a queen when that’s how you’re treated.” The baby grinned, her mouth opening to show the sliver of a tooth that had nearly broken through. For the moment, she seemed to be free of pain and content. I hoped she stayed that way. But at least Paulette would be there to help for a while if she did start screaming.
When I returned to the counter, the lunch rush began in earnest. I worked feverishly to clear the customers so I would be free to take the food to Jacques’ table. But people kept coming, and when Colette was finished with their plates, I couldn’t get free. Françoise was also very busy and unable to take my place at the register. I shrugged and motioned for Colette to carry the food to Jacques’ table, hiding my disappointment. I told myself there would be plenty of time for us later. The rush of people continued for hours, and I didn’t even see Jacques when he left or have time to ask him for my keys.
* * *
I didn’t see Jacques again until the next morning, when he arrived at my apartment door unannounced. Like the previous day, he wore his dark glasses.
“Come in,” I invited. “Care for some orange juice?”
Jacques shook his head. “I’ve got to run. Business, you know. I just wanted to come by and give my girls a kiss.” He kissed me quickly on the lips and reached down for Nette.
“Mamma,” Nette gurgled.
“No, I’m your daddy, silly girl.” Jacques kissed her, and Nette smiled. “Hey, she’s getting a tooth!”
I nodded. “And more coming. I hope she doesn’t keep being so ornery. At least yesterday I had a rest, though. She was an angel.” As I spoke, Nette reached up for Jacques’ glasses and pulled them off before he could stop her. My heart pounded furiously as I saw what Jacques had been hiding: he was still using drugs.
Jacques shoved the glasses on again quickly as if nothing had happened. He gave Nette another kiss and handed her to me. “Well, I’ll see ya. Have a good day. I’ll come by tonight.” He left, and I stood in the doorway, watching him go. At the same time, Jeanne and her two children left their apartment. They entered the elevator with Jacques, laughing and talking.
I shut the door slowly. Nothing had changed, not really. As long as he was using drugs, things would be exactly as they had been before. Eventually he would lose or give up even this latest job that seemed so lucrative.
Tears came rapidly as I slid down to the floor with my back pressed against the closed door, arms tightly wrapped around my innocent baby.
* * *
“I wish he hadn’t come back,” I told Paulette later that afternoon. I wanted to strangle Jacques for giving me hope and then failing to live up to my expectations. To make things worse, Nette had been screaming constantly almost all day. The only time she even stopped for a breath was when I was holding her. I had given her the baby medicine to no avail and had finally strapped her to my chest until Paulette had shown up sometime after the lunch rush ended. My back and legs ached, and I felt miserable.
“Hey, at least he can give you some money to help out with Nette,” Paulette said.
“But what about me?”
Paulette shrugged. “He isn’t good enough for you. You’re special, Ariana. Even I know that.”
“I don’t want to be special, Paulette. I just want to have someone to depend on.”
But it seemed I couldn’t depend on Jacques, even to come and see me when he said he would. That night I had planned to tell him it was over between us, but he didn’t show up at the apartment. Nette screamed for hours before we both finally fell asleep on the couch, exhausted.
In the morning, I awoke to find Nette nursing. I didn’t remember pulling up my nightshirt, but there she was, gulping down milk as if there wasn’t going to be any later on. She appeared rested despite the horrible night we’d shared and smiled up at me as I looked at her. Returning her smile, I tried to stretch my stiff body. My neck ached from sleeping on the couch, and my back was still sore from the day before. I sighed. At least I didn’t have to go to work. Today was Thursday, the day I would finish school.
I took the morning easy, not even opening a book until I got Nette to sleep after lunch. She was cranky but tired and fell asleep quickly. I was relieved because I had used the rest of the pain medicine the night before. After she dozed off, I began reviewing the test material, but I already knew it well and found my mind wandering. Soon, I too was fast asleep.
Hours later, we awoke together. I nursed Nette again and got her ready to take to Jeanne’s house. “It’s only for a little while,” I chattered to Nette nervously. “And when you see me again, I’ll be a graduate—or near enough, anyway.” I hugged her and covered her face with kisses until she laughed with delight. “Oh, I love you so much, Nette,” I whispered against her cheek. “And no matter what, I wouldn’t take back a second of my life if that meant I wouldn’t have you.”
I glanced at the clock and saw it was time to go.
“I hope she doesn’t scream for you, Jeanne,” I said as I dropped the baby off. “I ran out of that teething medicine, but I fell asleep after lunch and didn’t have time to buy more.”
“That’s okay, I have some if it’s needed. And I’m used to babies crying. Just go on and do a good job on your test.”
“Thanks, Jeanne. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Well, you’d manage somehow, I’m sure. Besides, it doesn’t seem as though you’ll be needing me for long, with that handsome husband of yours back in the picture.”
I didn’t have time to tell her the truth about Jacques, but I would tell her all about it later when I picked up Nette. As I left the apartment building, warm rain started falling lightly and then more heavily. By the time I reached the school, I was soaked.
The tests were long but not especially grueling. The first was mathematics, and I flew through it, finishing early. That meant I had to wait an hour to even start the last one. But soon I wa
s on my way back home, anxious to see Nette. It was still raining hard, odd for August but greatly needed by the dry earth. I hurried quickly through the wet streets, trying to avoid the deep puddles on the cobblestone and cement sidewalks, hating the rain for the memories it brought of Antoine’s death. The cloudy sky was darker than usual, and there was lightning nearby, thunder sounding loud and threatening like a dire warning. My heart began pounding loudly in my chest and in my ears. I started running.
The hall seemed eerily quiet when I arrived at Jeanne’s door. For no reason I could define, I felt my heart constrict in fear. I rang the bell quickly. “Hi, Ariana,” Jeanne said brightly when she opened the door. “What do you need?”
I blinked. “What do you mean? I came to pick up Nette.”
“You did?” Her face showed surprise. “That’s strange. Your husband came to get her hours ago. He said you told him to and that he was going to take Nette to wait in your apartment. He had your keys and everything. I thought it would be okay, so I let him take her. I even stood here and watched him go into your apartment. Did I do wrong?” she asked anxiously.
“I hope not, Jeanne.” But I couldn’t stop the horrible worry that clutched my breast or the pressure that had begun in my head. “Did you hear her crying or anything?”
Jeanne nodded. “My husband did. You see, I left to visit my mother for a little while, and when he came home he heard the baby crying. He went to pick me up at my mother’s, and when he told me Nette was crying, we came right home. But we couldn’t hear her crying anymore. I guess she’d fallen asleep.” She paused a moment. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have given Nette to Jacques, but I thought everything was worked out between you two.”
“I should have told you,” I mumbled and started quickly down the hall. It seemed to take forever to reach my apartment. The door was locked; I shoved the key in and opened it quickly, hoping that everything would be all right.
But I already knew, deep inside, that my world had changed forever.
The Ariana Trilogy Page 8
