Gunn

by Jayne Blue

  “You sure it’s just mud?” Charlie laughed. “Could be dog shit from the way you smell.”

  This earned a chorus of obscenities and ball busting all the way around the room. It was like a raucous family holiday dinner. I realized that was a pretty apt description for what this was. There was an undercurrent of tension. Everyone knew Sly asked the members and friends of the club here for serious business. But even I could feel the excitement running through them all.

  “Have a seat next to Charlie,” Mo told me. “He’s least likely to cause you trouble.”

  “More like he’s most likely to get his ears boxed if he tries anything,” Dex said. He wolfed down another pancake barehanded and grabbed a cup of coffee.

  “You’re lucky Ava didn’t see you do that,” Mo said. “You’re a bad influence on that boy of yours. He eats with his fingers more than a fork, Dex.”

  Dex shrugged. He put his back against the swinging doors leading to the main bar. He shot Mo a wink as he shoved his way through them. Most of the other full members took their cues from him and excused themselves from the table. This left me, Mo, and Charlie alone in the huge kitchen. I started clearing the empty plates they left behind, not giving Mo the chance to tell me not to. I realized her opinion of me mattered. A lot.

  I rinsed the plates and stacked them in the dishwasher as Scarlett came in from the bar. She was followed close behind by another woman I’d seen with Dex. Ava, Gunn had told me. She was a beautiful blonde with Scandinavian features. Pale skin. High cheekbones and a set of striking blue eyes. She wore purple scrubs and a hospital ID badge. I vaguely remembered Gunn saying she worked in the emergency room as a nurse.

  “Glad they haven’t scared you off yet,” she said, offering me a bright smile and a firm handshake. “I’m Ava McLain, Dex’s wife.”

  “Right,” I said. “I remember.”

  “Have a seat,” Mo ordered. “Now that the dogs are fed, we girls can maybe have some civilized conversation.”

  Charlie coughed into his mug. He took the hint and made a show out of scooting from behind the table and heading for the doors. He brushed by Mo on his way and gave her a big, sloppy smooch. She half-heartedly tried to fend him off, but her deep blush gave away her true thoughts.

  I swallowed past a lump in my throat. This is what healthy families were supposed to look like. They were supposed to laugh and joke with each other over breakfast. Mothers and fathers were supposed to make their children groan with mild disgust with their PDAs. I never had that. I just remember sitting rod straight in my seat and holding my breath through meals. There would always be a fight. Dinner wasn’t hot enough or cold enough or the right dish. My mother’s smile was never genuine, but forced. Like the rest of us, she lived in constant fear of the next time my father would blow. It could happen at any moment, over nothing. If we were lucky, there’d just be yelling. If we weren’t, there’d be fists.

  “Sorry about that,” Mo said as she finally made her own heaping plate of pancakes and sat down. It was just the four of us now at the big long table. Deep laughter and dirty jokes wafted in from the main bar, but it was quiet and calm here in the kitchen.

  “I don’t mind,” I said. “It’s kind of wonderful, actually.”

  Ava reached across the table and grabbed the syrup. “It is,” she said. “But those boys can be a lot to take all in one place.”

  “They’re loud, rude, rough,” Scarlett added.

  “But any one of ’em would cut his arm off for ye if ye needed it,” Mo finished.

  “I get that,” I said. I felt tears rising. I hadn’t expected this to be so hard. Being here. Seeing what Scotty tried to have.

  “You took care of him.” I looked at Mo, blinking rapidly. Her soft smile told me she knew exactly what I meant. Of course she did. Mo was old and wise and I knew immediately she never missed a single trick. She reached over and put her hand over mine.

  “He had a mouth on ’im, your brother,” she said. “But such a sweetheart. Of all the boys who’ve come through those doors trying to wear that patch, Scotty was the one I wanted to take home with me most.”

  I stabbed my fork into a stack of pancakes. “He probably would have gone. There wasn’t much at his real home for him.”

  Mo stared straight through me. I saw a glance pass between Ava and Scarlett. “He talked about you a lot, honey,” Mo said. “All the time, actually. He worried about you and your ma. I suppose it’s out of turn for me to say this, but I don’t mind if I do. He’d be proud of you.”

  “Thanks.” I wiped a napkin under my eye. If I started crying now, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop.

  “Gunn worries now.” I just kind of blurted it out. I felt those old, familiar walls inside me trying to rise up. But there was something about Mo and these other women that made me feel safer than I had in a really long time. “He worries if Scotty were here ... he’d …”

  “He’s not here, lass,” Mo said. “And I know damn well what he’s worried about.”

  “Man code,” Ava said.

  “Right,” I said. “Little sisters are off limits.”

  Scarlett let out a sigh. “Are you worried about that?”

  “I was,” I said. “Actually, no. That’s not true. I mean ... I sure didn’t plan any of this. Gunn and me ... I mean. It just kind of happened.”

  Again, Ava and Scarlett exchanged a look. “Neither did we,” they said in unison.

  “Ain’t that the truth,” Mo chimed in. “We thought Scarlett here would be the death of Sly. Not like she didn’t try hard enough.”

  This brought deep laughter from Ava. There was some secret between them I didn’t feel it was my place to ask. Then they grew more serious. Mo set her fork down and turned to me. I had a sneaking feeling this was about to turn into an interrogation.

  “I’ve never seen him quite like he is,” Mo said. “Whatever else is going on, Gunn Thompson is smitten, honey. Head over heels.”

  I felt the blush creep into my face. I had so many questions and I knew it wasn’t delicate of me to ask them. I also knew it probably wasn’t my business. But the things I’d found in Gunn’s room nagged at me, even though I hated that part of me. I wasn’t a jealous or petty person by nature and Gunn had every right to his life before me.

  “I care about him an awful lot too,” I said, not sure I wanted to reveal too much to these women, despite how welcome they made me feel.

  “Well,” Ava said, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “You’re sure getting a trial by fire, Brenna. Life’s never dull around the Great Wolves M.C, but I’ve gotta admit, it’s currently a little extra exciting.” Her tone was light, but it was Scarlett who caught my eye. Her expression turned grim.

  “Mo’s right. Gunn’s different with you, Brenna. I know it’s not my business ... any of our business ... but Gunn ... we love them all, but he’s pretty special. It’s good to see him so happy.”

  I understood the implication. They were happy to see him happy, but they also didn’t want to see him hurt. I didn’t know how to feel about the power they felt that gave me. I didn’t want to hurt Gunn. Not ever.

  Mo drove the point home. “You have to decide whether you’re cut out for this life,” she said. “Not every woman is. It’s better now than it was a generation ago. I can attest to that firsthand. But you of all people have also seen firsthand the danger this club can bring. You know that all too well, Brenna.”

  “I hear you loud and clear,” I said, feeling those walls slam into place.

  “He’ll kill and die for you, if that’s what it takes,” Scarlett said. “But there’s no halfway. Not for any of us.”

  I felt the weight of each of their gazes. Their message was clear. If I wanted Gunn, I had to take the club with him and everything that came with it. My heart twisted inside of me. It was no easy answer. Because if I closed my eyes, I was right back there, standing on wet, green grass as they sealed my brother’s coffin and lowered him into the ground.

  Chapter
Nineteen

  Gunn

  The news from Josh wasn’t good. I stood at the end of his hospital bed. Angel sat in the chair next to him. The kid was good, but he was scared. Another couple of inches, and the van would have crushed his spine. He knew it. I tried not to let it get to me, but being in this place brought back a lot of shitty memories I’d rather avoid.

  Scotty died in my arms, but the paramedics thought they had a pulse when they brought him into the E.R. It was in a room like this just down the hall where I’d had to tell Susan Rose that her son was dead.

  “You don’t remember anything about the guy’s face?” Angel asked. Josh shook his head. I knew he looked a lot worse than he felt but it was hard not to see Scotty’s face superimposed with his.

  “Nah,” Josh said. “It all happened so fast. But like I told Sly, it’s different than what I told the cops. He was aiming for me. The minute he saw me, that driver swerved and made sure he got me.”

  Sly wasn’t crazy about the idea that Josh had been less than forthright with the detectives, but I could see the advantage in it. We all could. If this was the Hawks stirring trouble, Sly would want to deal with it off book. Though the club made its money through legit means, club retaliation was different.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “You did good. All you gotta focus on is getting out of that bed and back to work. We’ll take care of everything else. We’ll take care of your family.”

  “It’s just my ma,” Josh said. “She’s in Denver visiting her sister. I’d rather not tell her about this. She’ll just freak out. Better to wait until I’m the fuck up out of here and on my feet again.”

  “If that’s what you want,” I said. “You sure your Uncle Benny can keep his mouth shut though?”

  Josh gave a little shrug. A nurse came in and started checking his vitals. She was older, mid-fifties. She gave Angel and me a hell of a scowl. I knew we were way past visiting hours. Angel got up out of his seat and gave her that killer smile that earned him his nickname. Face of an angel. Of course it worked on her. It always did. But it was easy to see Josh was getting tired so we said our goodbyes and cleared out. With any luck, he’d get discharged tomorrow.

  Angel and I walked out together. It was dark again when we walked outside. “Shit,” I said. “Didn’t realize it had gotten so late.” It meant I’d left Brenna at the clubhouse for almost twenty-four hours. Never mind what Sly said, at this rate, she’d want nothing to do with me.

  “You okay?” Angel asked. “You seem a little distracted.”

  “Nothing wrong with my head, man. How’s yours?” He didn’t deserve the shit I just gave him. I couldn’t help it though. I didn’t like the implication. Sure, Brenna was on my mind, but if anyone thought that meant I couldn’t do my job or stay sharp, they were wrong.

  “Sorry,” I said. “It’s just been a long damn day. I’m anxious to get back.”

  Angel smirked. “I bet you are. You know, if that girl’s still there when we get back, that ought to tell you something about her.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

  Sly slapped his helmet on. “That this ain’t casual for her either.”

  I mounted up beside him. Angel and I went back almost as long as I did with Scotty. We’d gotten even tighter after I lost him. He was the first to bring my name up to the table nominating me for a patch. But I wasn’t ready to talk to him or anyone else about Brenna. Not yet. It would be easy to think it was because I needed to sort shit out with her. That wasn’t it though. As we peeled out of the hospital parking lot and headed toward the clubhouse, I knew the truth was even more complicated.

  I wanted her. She was mine. She was the one. I just didn’t know if I could keep my promises and keep her safe. Not now.

  Angel knew me well enough to leave things there. As the last of the bachelors in the club, I knew he wouldn’t give me a pass forever. With every mile we covered, I felt my insides churn. Brenna might be furious with me. I wouldn’t blame her if she was. I’d basically abandoned her at the club without much of an explanation. Part of me thought it might be easier if she had just decided to leave on her own. But the rest of me held a furious hope that she hadn’t.

  We pulled into the lot together. I parked my bike and sat for a second, not knowing how things would be when I went inside. I didn’t have to wait long to find out. Mo came out. She made a beeline for me, her red hair flying.

  “Shit,” I muttered. I knew that look. She was about to give it to me with both barrels. I put my hands up in surrender.

  “I know, I know,” I said.

  “Hmm. You do, huh?”

  “Save me the lecture. Just tell me straight. Is Brenna still here? How pissed is she at me?”

  My heart soared as Mo gave me a sly smile. “Pissed? Honey, for a smart guy, you can be pretty dense. That girl’s not pissed. That girl is made of stronger stuff than that. But you’re starting to make me think she doesn’t deserve you. She put up with us all day.”

  “She waited.” My smile broadened.

  Mo held a kitchen towel in her hand and swatted me with it. “Of course she waited. Now get in there and smooth things over with her. I like this one, Gunn. Don’t fuck it up.”

  I dismounted and put a big, wet kiss on Mo’s cheek.

  I was done for. I could barely fucking breathe as I bounded the steps to my upstairs apartment. Twenty-four hours felt like years. When I opened the door and saw Brenna standing there looking gorgeous, my heart twisted. Her face brightened when she saw me. Fuck. She had me turned around and upside down. But the timing couldn’t have been worse.

  “Hey,” I said. I went to her and slid my arm around her waist. More than anything, I wanted to toss her on the bed and pick up where we’d left off yesterday. But we had some things to discuss. She had questions and I knew I owed her answers.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  “Baby,” I said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you here like that and just bail on you. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d decided to split.”

  Her eyes flicked over me as she worked something out for herself. “You asked me to stay.”

  “I know. But …”

  “But.” Brenna slid out of my arm and sat on the edge of the bed. I took in every detail of her. I loved the way the light caught her hair, highlighting little flecks of gold. She wore one of my old t-shirts. It was huge on her but she’d tied the bottom into a knot just below her breasts. It showed off her flat, tanned stomach and the tiny little rhinestone she had in her belly button. A flare of protective fury went through me. Had she been downstairs looking like that? I couldn’t stand the idea that any of the guys would see that much of her. I knew what it did to me. I knew what it would do to them.

  I also knew Mo and Charlie would never have let anyone mess with Brenna.

  “Are things okay?” She looked up at me. “With your friend ... and the shop?”

  I didn’t know how to answer that. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to keep her all to myself. I just ... wanted.

  “For now,” I said. It was as much of the truth as I could give her.

  “You know,” she said. “When Scotty was alive, he told me there would be times like this with the club.”

  My throat felt like sandpaper. I had enough of my own reminders about Scotty today. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Brenna might too. Which only made me feel like that much more of a shit.

  “I know,” I said. I sat beside her on the bed. I did know. We’d talked about it a hundred times. Maybe she forgot, but I’d been there for a few of them when Scotty told her what to do.

  “He said there would be times when he would tell me to do something and that I should just do it. No questions asked. It scared me then. It scares me now.”

  “It’s under control,” I said. Fuck. So here I was, already lying to her.

  “Don’t say that,” she said. “I mean ... say it if it’s true. But don’t say it because you think it’s easier for me to hear.”

&nbs
p; “So what has Mo been talking to you about today?” I asked.

  Brenna’s smile lit me up inside. She turned to me and put her hands on my shoulders. “She loves you,” she said. “I think she loves you like a son. All of you. You know, I don’t think I ever really understood it before today. This club. The draw. When I was a kid, I thought it was just the flashy motorcycles and thrill rides. Scotty was a danger junkie, just like our dad. But that’s not it, is it? I mean, it’s not all of it. These men, Mo, Charlie. They’re your family. They were becoming Scotty’s second family too.”

  A tremor went through her. It was as if I could feel her heart beating then breaking a little.

  “Yes,” I finally answered. “It’s never just been about the bikes.”

  “I get that now. And I get why Scotty was willing to die for it.”

  I dropped my head. Her words hit me like gunfire. She put a finger under my chin and lifted my head. Her eyes glistened with tears as I met them, but she wasn’t sad. Wistful, maybe. But she got some answers today I never realized she’d needed. I only wish I’d been here.

  “Club life,” she said. “You asked me what Mo and I talked about. She was great. But she doesn’t sugarcoat things. I like that about her.”

  “Yeah. Just watch out. You stick around her long enough, someday she’ll give it to you straight between the eyes. Then you’ll wish for a little sugarcoating.”

  Brenna laughed. She leaned in and kissed me. It stirred me. Again, I wanted to throw her over the bed and just keep her there. It wasn’t fair to her. Sly’s words hung heavy in my head. This was shitty timing, to say the least. I didn’t know what was coming down the pike, but it was better for Brenna if she were far away from it. No matter what else this club was, people around me had a history of getting hurt.

  “Come on,” I said. “Time to get you back home.”

  “Are you serious?” Her face fell. “I thought …”

  “I told you, this was temporary. We’re not on full lockdown. I’ll take you back. Just, do me a favor and don’t do anything crazy, like heading off to Rowdy’s again.”