by Kim Black
The Doctor assured us that she would have answers for us soon, and stressed that it would be unwise to give Emily any indication that anything was wrong. As she turned her back to open the door, we each walked over to Emily. I drew back the pink and blue curtains and stood at her side. This was going to be interesting.
JULIEN
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there arguing with myself. A part of me wanted to check in on Emily one last time, but a larger part of me screamed in protest. It didn’t feel right while unsure she would make a full recovery. For all I knew, she would need physical therapy, or maybe speech therapy, given the sound of her small, frail voice.
Steeling my resolve, I rose from the cold, blue chair and made my way back to the room. With each step, I commanded the next to proceed. Dread formed in the pit of my stomach, as the white door loomed closer. The hospital’s normal chatter was hushed by the frantic thumping of my heart in my ears. This was it! The last time I would see Emily before leaving her forever.
I hesitantly reached for the doorknob, and paused mid-way. Just give up, man! Walk away!
I tried to listen to the voice screaming inside of me, but instead I shook the thoughts out of my head. I needed to do this. I needed to be sure she was ok. Although Emily did not love me, I still loved her.
I turned the knob, the door flew open, and a stunned Dr. Avery stood before me. Assuming that she thought I had left, I gave her a small forced smile, trying to make light of my embarrassment. She must think me a child to storm off that way.
“Is she ok?” I whispered as she stepped out of the doorway, pulling the door closed behind her.
She sighed and gestured for us to walk together before taking the lead. I followed behind her, aware of the discomfort in the air. Please say she’s going to be ok!
She was silent at first, until we reached the end of the hall to the far right of Emily’s room away from everyone. She stood, clutching her clipboard so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and shifted from foot to foot. My stomach churned nervously while I waited for the news.
“Just tell me, Dr. Avery. Whatever it is, I need to know,” I grunted and immediately regretted my tone. I rolled my eyes; for once again, I was unable to control my emotions.
She exhaled sharply, and lifted her head to meet my gaze, which had not left her from the time she had opened the door. “It seems that Ms. Roberts had suffered a bit of memory loss. She has amnesia. It’s too early to tell if this is permanent, of course. It might all come back to her soon, but I have to tell you that there is a chance that it won’t…” she trailed off before reaching over and touching my arm.
I didn’t say anything at first, my mind tried to process what Dr. Avery just told me. The sad, concerned look in her eyes spoke volumes and, though I knew what all this meant, I needed to hear it from her.
“So, she doesn’t remember any of it. She doesn’t remember who I am at all?”
She slowly shook her head no, and my heart sunk. All of it... Our first night together, our time spent talking afterwards, our encounter at her job’s parking lot - followed by one extraordinary night of passion… All of it was gone, and I couldn’t help but feel the earth crumble beneath me. A shuddering breath rumbled through me. I reached over and dropped into the only nearby chair, outside of a patient’s room, and gripped the arm rest hard enough that my knuckles turned white. The feeling of complete and utter turmoil left me frozen in the chair.
“I’ll give you a minute alone,” Dr. Avery said, her voice laced with sympathy.
I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Instead, I sank back despondently, letting my head fall to the back and closed my eyes. The woman I loved had somehow managed to leave me yet again. Twice in one day, though this time she not only left physically and emotionally, but mentally as well. She thought me so insignificant that she had pushed me out completely, leaving me to deal with my loss alone. I knew it sounded irrational, given what had happened to her, but my heart couldn’t move past the fury it harbored against her in that moment. Emily’s mind had chosen to throw me away.
There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do. The feelings that roared through me, upon the realization that my relationship with Emily was truly over, consisted of rage and hurt; pain like I had never felt in all my years of living. Agony squeezed at my heart and a deep ache settled in the pit of my stomach. I needed to get the fuck out of the hospital and as far away from Emily as possible; for fear that I would lose it completely.
EMILY
Something was wrong. My friends looked at me like I had two heads, and Adam seemed distant as well. The doctor swore that she only needed to talk to them about my recovery time, but that made no sense to me. Wouldn’t the patient need to know her recovery time?
When they finally drew back the damned curtains, I looked from one to the other, and each had the same stupid expression plastered on their faces. Something was definitely going on and I needed to know what it was.
“So… which one of you is going tell me what’s going on?” I demanded, looking directly at Diana, knowing she was a horrible liar.
Diana avoided my gaze, but squirmed under my glare, confirming that something was amiss.
Adam jumped in stuttering, “Uh, nothing baby girl. It’s just been one hell of a week and we were so terrified at the thought of losing you. You gave us all one hell of a fright there, baby.”
He brought his hand to my right cheek and gently brushed his thumb across it. I instantly inhaled the fragrance of a mixture of fresh fruits, sandalwood, and musk on his hand and smiled. I loved that cologne on him. It drove me absolutely insane with lust each time he wore it. I once made the mistake of telling him how it affected me, and now it was the only cologne he wore.
“I’m sorry I scared you guys. I don’t know what happened. I mean I can’t remember anything past getting into the car. Who’d I hit? Was anyone else injured?” It hadn’t occurred to me to ask about anyone else injured until that moment. I would die if there had been a fatality.
“No, sweet girl, no one else injured. You were hit by a drunk driving a fucking truck,” he hissed at me, understandably annoyed.
I sighed in relief, but as I mentally replayed his words, something seemed off.
“Don’t you mean ‘we’?” I asked, looking up to him.
“Huh?”
“We… don’t you mean we were hit by a drunk driver?”
Chapter Four
“I felt the kind of desperation, I think, that cancels the possibility of empathy...that makes you unkind.”
~ Sue Miller, While I Was Gone ~
JULIEN
Fuck it to hell! The ride from the hospital did nothing to calm me down. In fact, I was more upset now than I was before. I was furious! I could not tell you whom I was the angriest with. Her, for repeatedly running away from me; or myself for letting one woman cause so much havoc in my life. When the hell did I become this… soft?!
I didn’t want to go home. The memories of Emily at the house would surely come rushing back, and hit me squarely in the chest. The mere thought of her, laid out on my bed or propped up on the desk in my office, pierced my heart. I needed time to put this woman behind me and move on.
I reached for my cellphone, which I had tossed onto the passenger seat after climbing in, and I dialed Shane. If there was any day I needed my younger brother, today was that day! I wanted to clear my mind, and for that, I needed alcohol.
“Well, if it isn’t my confused brother! What’s up? Feeling any better, bro?” his tone poked fun at me in the beginning, but became more serious with my sullen silence.
“Where are you?” I barked, not wanting to get into the anguished details over the phone.
“At your desk, actually?” he responded matter of factly.
“What the fuck are you doing at my desk? Don’t tell me father put you up to taking my job?” I growled, thoroughly pissed.
“Dude, take it easy,” he said dismissively, pausing before continuing
, “Look, after our last conversation, I thought I’d help get dad off your back. You know he had planned a trip to New York, so I simply told him that you were coming back to work and that he need not worry. I’ve been at the helm for the last few days. Go ahead…Thank me now, so that you don’t have to do it later,” he jested.
I shook my head, thankful for a brother that cared enough help me at a time like this. I was certain he had handled all my clients perfectly, since the man had graduated at the top of his class with a Master’s in Business. A degree he hadn’t used once since graduating - until now. Instead, he travelled the world in search of the next adventure; His ‘adventures’ often landed him in trouble.
Women… women were my brother’s business. He dedicated a lot of time and money to the women he frequently dated. He took lavish trips all across the world dating countless women. The Belmont men drew women with ease, and Shane took advantage of that.
“Pick you up in five,” I replied before disconnecting the call.
ADAM
Leaving Emily’s side was not an easy task. Because of the amnesia, she was sure that we were still involved. So, we told her whatever we could to keep her oblivious to her memory loss, but I needed time to think. A part of me wondered if the amnesia was a gift from the universe for our untimely break-up…Another part, a bigger fucking part, feared that - if I played along - she would hate me once her memory came back.
Emily had serious trust issues when we first got together. It took a few months, and countless frustrating arguments, before she finally opened up about her past. She did not have the best childhood. Scratch that, she had a fucked up childhood. It took everything in me not to search for her horrible mother’s grave and scream at the woman on Emily’s behalf.
Her mother was bipolar and an alcoholic, who blamed Emily for her father’s abandonment. He left them when Emily was six. Six! She was just a little girl and was the victim of countless beatings. She would often run from her mother, hiding for days in the woods close to her home. Each time she noticed the unmistakable signs that her mother had come after her, she’d run. She hated her mother for destroying her childhood.
I couldn’t lie to Emily, not after working so hard to gain her trust. But I didn’t want to abandon her, either. She had suffered greatly at her mother’s hands because her father had abandoned them; most likely to escape the crazy woman he’d married.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I couldn’t think clearly at the hospital. I needed a day to step back from the situation and come up with a plan that would work for her – one that would not destroy me if her memory returned.
Reaching my apartment, I climbed out of my Honda Accord two-door coupe and made way inside. I tossed my keys on the mahogany coffee table, fell onto the grey couch in the living room, and dropped my head back. It had been one hell of a day, and I felt both mentally and physically drained. Unwilling to make the journey all the way to the bedroom, I lay my exhausted body on the couch, and willed my mind to settle. I would deal with everything tomorrow, for now all I wanted to do is sleep.
It didn’t take long for sleep to welcome me, but my ringing doorbell intruded on my desperate attempt at rest. I found myself, once again outside of sleep’s reach. I jumped up, glanced at the clock, saw that only thirty minutes had passed, and groaned. I was not expecting any visitors and almost wanted to ignore the high-pitched sound shrieking throughout the house, but thought better of it. For all I knew, it was important.
I rose off the couch and slowly made my way to the front door. I didn’t think to look through the peephole, my eyes still halfway closed.
“What?” I barked through heavy eyelids as I opened the door to find the very last person I wanted to see. What the fuck is she doing here?
“Hey. I’m sorry to disturb you, Adam. I just … well … I wanted to talk about Emily.” Diana said, shifting nervously.
At the sight of her, sleep had left me. I was now wide-awake and livid. I had warned her about coming to my house again. She had some fucking nerve after all the shit she had put me through, showing up here.
“I told you to never come here,” I growled through my now clenched teeth. Seeing her at the hospital was bad enough, but at my door, asking to talk was a fucking slap in the face. How dare she think that I would want to talk to her?
“I know you hate me… Heck, I hate me right now, but this is really important Adam. Five minutes… That’s all I ask for,” she muffled, biting her nails.
“Four minutes left! And no, you may not come in!”
She took a breath and brought her hand away from her mouth. She looked scared, but I really didn’t give a shit. No one asked her to show up at my door.
“What I did to you and Emily was inexcusable, I know. I don’t know how it happened, But that night…I just snapped - you know? I fell so hard and couldn’t seem to get a grip on my feelings. Then, when I went by the restaurant we talked and laughed, and…” she trailed off, wiping a single tear from her cheek.
Fuck! She knows I hate to see a woman cry.
I signed and moved aside, and nodded for her to come in. She lifted her head higher and shook her head no.
“I can’t… Not after… I just can’t. I wouldn’t survive having to leave,” she confessed.
A small – very small - part of me wanted to hold her, to give her comfort, but I couldn’t be her comfort anymore.
“Two minutes,” I said coldly.
“I wanted you to know that I planned to tell Emily everything. I really did. Even while we were growing closer after the breakup, I wanted to tell her. But I didn’t want to lose…” she trailed off again, snuffling back the fresh waves of tears.
“You manipulated me, Diana. You broke us up with your lies and then manipulated me! I thought… It doesn’t matter what I thought. Yes, you comforted me after the breakup. But it was only so you got what you wanted.” I scolded, my anger now causing my chest to heave.
She nodded slowly and allowed her head to fall in shame. “I know you think that. I don’t blame you for feeling like that.” She slowly lifted her head, meeting my deathly stare.
“Initially, I wanted to just be there for you. I thought I could be a good friend. I didn’t expect anything to happen between us. But when things shifted and you started to finally see me, I couldn’t give that up. I couldn’t tell you what I had done,” she confessed.
I wanted to believe her, because that meant the last year I’d spent with her wasn’t a complete lie, a total waste of time. But, how could I? She had told lie after lie, and for what? A crush? What in the hell did she expect of me now? To go back to the way things were? Not gonna happen!
“Times up! I have to go. I don’t know what you were expecting here, but I hope you get some help Diana, I really do. Goodbye!” I went to shut the door and, just as it was about to close all the way, I heard her.
She was practically sobbing, but in a hushed kind of way. She was always so quiet. Even when she was upset the woman couldn’t scream. This was probably why she felt she needed to lie and manipulate to get people’s attention.
“I love you,” was the last thing I heard before I flipped the deadbolt. A month ago, I would have loved to hear those words, but now they meant nothing to me.
Chapter Five
“Some people come and go and are forgotten. But there are other people who share a part in our destinies. They come, they go, but they are never forgotten. They come, they go, but even after they go... they're still here. They never really went anywhere.”
~ C. JoyBell C. ~
JULIEN
Emily was all I could think about, even as Shane and I watched a young and nearly naked brunette dance in front of us wearing only a red lace thong. When I arrived at the office, Shane took in my disheveled hair, my blood-shot eyes, and the bags underneath that accompanied them. He immediately took my keys, and informed me that I was in no mental condition to drive. Too exhausted to fight, I relented.
I allowed myself
to sink into the passenger seat of my Mercedes, and tried my best to enjoy the new piece of machinery, but found it impossible. Not today. I had ordered the car a few days ago via my ever-trusty assistant, Sylvie, thinking that Emily might feel more at ease in a more practical vehicle. My mind wandered to the first night we met and, though the thought normally caused me to smile uncontrollably, today it caused my stomach to twist in agony.
We walked side by side in silence. The light, warm breeze provided me with a deliciously enticing smell of her sweet, floral perfume, which did nothing to cool my ever-growing lust for this woman. She smelled like a warm, summer’s day in a meadow. Oh belle, what are you doing to me?
Just as we reached my car, I she stiffened “Is something the matter?” I asked, as I opened the passenger door for her.
“This… this is your car?” she said in a tone that was more of an accusation than a question.
“Yes, is that a problem?” I did not mean to chuckle, but she was so charming that I just could not help myself.
“You drive a Porsche?” she asked, sounding less than pleased.
Leaning against the car, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared down at her.
“Well?” she said, impatiently, awaiting a response from me, only I wasn’t sure which answer she would find acceptable. Why are you so difficult, woman?
“Yes, I drive a Porsche; yes, this is my car; and yes, I would like to drive you home in it.”
I could still see the adorable expression on her face as she realized that Julien Belmont, VP of Belmont International, and I were one and the same. It was also then, I believed, I had started to fall for the woman. The realization that I had subconsciously given her my heart even then shocked me, making it hard to breath. Unable to move, I allowed my head to fall back as I fought to take slow, steady breaths.
