The Armchair Detective and the Peculiar Pocket Watch: Series Three

by Ian Shimwell

  SERIES THREE

  Play Two

  www.thearmchairdetective.moonfruit.com

  The Armchair Detective and the Peculiar Pocket Watch is Copyright Ian Shimwell © 2013

  ALSO AVAILABLE:

  The Armchair Detective Series One – The Complete ‘Boxed Set’

  The Armchair Detective Series Two

  AND IN SERIES THREE:

  The Armchair Detective At Christmas

  The Armchair Detective In London

  The

  Armchair

  Detective

  and the

  Peculiar

  Pocket Watch

  Ian Shimwell

  Contents

  Cast List

  Act One

  Act Two

  Act Three

  Cast List

  TRENCH

  OLD TOM

  DEBSY

  EDITOR LAW

  RICHARD

  RHONDA

  LORD REAVES

  MAVIS

  ASSISTANT

  Act One

  OPENING MYSTERY MUSIC

  OLD TOM: Come in, young man, the door is open.

  (TRENCH enters OLD TOM’s flat, walks into the living room and slowly sits down.)

  TRENCH: How are we, old timer?

  OLD TOM: How many times have I asked you not to ask ridiculous questions?

  TRENCH: Sorry.

  OLD TOM: Drink your tea, it’s just cold enough.

  TRENCH: But how did you..? Oh, never mind – I know, just in case…

  (TRENCH sips his tea.)

  TRENCH: Brr, freezing.

  OLD TOM: Trench, don’t exaggerate.

  TRENCH: Now, how many times have you told me that, Old Tom?

  OLD TOM: (Says with warning:) Trenchy.

  TRENCH: Sorry – again.

  OLD TOM: Now, do you have anything for me?

  TRENCH: Funny you should say that, because in a manner of speaking – yes, yes I do.

  OLD TOM: I am at your mercy then.

  TRENCH: Come again.

  OLD TOM: Get on with it, Trench.

  TRENCH: Oh, right. I suppose the purpose of my visit starts with the Stokeham Herald.

  OLD TOM: More tea?

  TRENCH: No, thanks.

  OLD TOM: You don’t mind if I do?

  TRENCH: Err, no. In fact help yourself, it is actually your tea anyway – even if it is freezing, I mean cold.

  (OLD TOM pours himself more tea.)

  OLD TOM: You were saying, Trench?

  TRENCH: Yes… Editor Law, in his infinite wisdom, has resurrected a series of features from many a year ago, which invites readers to bring an item that they don’t really know either how they got it or where it comes from.

  OLD TOM: I see – put simply, something with a mystery behind it.

  TRENCH: If you like. We investigate and hopefully write a feature on the history of the previously and relatively unknown object.

  OLD TOM: I am with you so far.

  TRENCH: I wish Debsy was.

  OLD TOM: Meaning?

  TRENCH: Never mind. And I have brought an object with me that we’re having a particular problem with. You’ll never guess what it is.

  OLD TOM: Is it a pocket watch, by any chance?

  TRENCH: Oh, come on – you couldn’t possibly have known that.

  OLD TOM: Following simple deductive techniques provided me with the answer. You sat down more carefully than usual, indicating that you were carrying something valuable; you said that you actually had something for me – and there is a slight bulge in your shirt pocket.

  TRENCH: Even so, I still don’t see how you could…

  OLD TOM: And besides, I can hear a faint ticking sound emanating from your persons.

  TRENCH: Ah hah – no, what about my watch?

  OLD TOM: It is one of those new-fangled gadgets – it doesn’t even tick.

  TRENCH: Oh, yeah.

  OLD TOM: Now, come on, show me the pocket watch. Let’s see which trail this timepiece will lead us…

  (Ticking, combined with mysterious music changes the time, oh – and the scene.)

  TRENCH: Debsy, have you finished that article on local attractions yet?

  DEBSY: I’ll have a salad barm – with plenty of mayonnaise.

  TRENCH: Daydreaming again, are we?

  DEBSY: Sorry? No, of course not. I’m concentrating on a story – and I’m sorry if that’s a crime at the Stokeham Herald. And I finished that dull attraction thing earlier.

  TRENCH: Very funny Debsy – you working on a story – or were you thinking about Richard again?

  DEBSY: Don’t be ridiculous, Trench. Richard, is he coming back?

  TRENCH: See – you were.

  DEBSY: Mind reader now, are we?

  TRENCH: Now, that’s a point. Where’s the pocket watch? Hah, here it is.

  (There is a slight swish, as TRENCH swings the pocket watch to and fro.)

  TRENCH: Look deep into my eyes. You will not even see the moving pocket watch, just my eyes. Now, do you fancy this Richard?

  DEBSY: I do… think you’ve completely lost it, Trenny.

  TRENCH: Well, fear not sweet child. I’m sure ravishing Richard will return – if only for his pocket watch.

  DEBSY: Hah.

  (The office door swings open.)

  EDITOR LAW: What’s going on in here? And put that watch down, Trench.

  TRENCH: Sorry, I wouldn’t want to hypnotise you by accident, Editor Law.

  EDITOR LAW: That would be impossible, I’m made of sterner stuff than that.

  TRENCH: (Whispers:) You are feeling sleepy…

  EDITOR LAW: Now, why do I feel tired?

  DEBSY: Stop it, Trench.

  TRENCH: Right, I’ve put it away.

  (TRENCH puts the pocket watch back in a drawer.)

  DEBSY: We were… err discussing the possibilities of the pocket watch.

  EDITOR LAW: Exactly when should you be finishing off those local features?

  TRENCH: Excuse me, Editor Law, it was your decision, was it not, to investigate the origins of forgotten bric-a-brac etcetera from readers?

  DEBSY: And besides, I’ve finished the features anyway.

  EDITOR LAW: Oh… err yes. In that case – keep up the good work! And I’ll leave you to it.

  (EDITOR LAW leaves the office.)

  TRENCH: I give up – he’s getting worse.

  DEBSY: Richard! Richard, he’s back. I’ve just seen him in the car park.

  (TRENCH opens the drawer and retrieves the pocket watch.)

  TRENCH: Probably came for this.

  DEBSY: No, no – forget that silly watch. He’s come to see his favourite journalist – me!

  (Expectant music moves things on.)

  DEBSY: Oh Richard, do come into my office.

  TRENCH: Hah hum.

  DEBSY: I mean our office.

  RICHARD: Thanks.

  (RICHARD enters the office.)

  TRENCH: Here’s your pocket watch back, then.

  RICHARD: Oh no, I’ve not come here for that.

  DEBSY: Oh, really…

  RICHARD: I’ve come to see if you have discovered where the watch is from yet.

  DEBSY: (Says crestfallen:) Oh.

  RICHARD: Oh, and to see you again, Debsy.

  DEBSY: (Says gushing:) Oh.

  TRENCH: Actually, we are still working on the tickers origins. Are you sure you’ve no idea yourself, Richard?

  RICHARD: Like I said before, I simply came across it when I was rummaging in the attic. Never seen it before but, of course, I think it would b
e fascinating to work out how the pocket watch got there…

  DEBSY: Well, Richard – that’s what we intend to find out.

  RICHARD: Thanks, Debsy. Will you be writing an article about the watch for Thursday’s edition of your paper?

  TRENCH: Err… I hadn’t planned to. We’ve really not that much to report on… yet.

  RICHARD: (Says disappointedly:) Oh.

  DEBSY: But we could still write an article in time of course.

  RICHARD: (Says upbeat:) Oh. (Then normally:) That’s why I want to leave the watch with you – at least it gives you something real to go on.

  TRENCH: (Says slightly cross:) Do you have any suggestions on what we should put in this article then?

  RICHARD: Yes… if you put something like, oh I don’t know: ‘Stay focussed on the pocket watch, and we will wind up.’ or something exactly like that.

  TRENCH: Sorry, what on earth does that mean?

  DEBSY: I think it’s sweet – I’m free tonight. Err… if anyone’s interested.

  RICHARD: Alas, I’m not, I mean free – I am interested, of course. I have a meeting at the Rotary Club. Another time perhaps, Debsy? Goodbye.

  (RICHARD leaves.)

  DEBSY: I… I’ll take you up on that offer.

  (DEBSY begins typing.)

  TRENCH: Debsy, what are you doing? You’re not putting that ridiculous quote Richard gave us in the paper?

  DEBSY: Of course I am.

  TRENCH: Unbelievable… Pocket watch, pocket watch – where are you from?

  DEBSY: (Says distracted:) What?

  TRENCH: Never mind the watch, Debsy – it’s you whom I should be giving a good ticking-off to…

  DEBSY: Hah.

  (Music laced with ticking, changes the scene.)

  (TRENCH and DEBSY are walking through the streets of Stokeham.)

  TRENCH: The cheek – I thought we were supposed to be journalists.

  DEBSY: Trench, what are you ticking about? I mean talking about?

  TRENCH: The one you like, Richard. Insisting we put in his pocket watch passage… Might as well hand over the whole article to him.

  DEBSY: He didn’t insist, he suggested. I don’t know, maybe it’s a little joke… or sometimes a strange line gets people thinking. You know, invites interest…

  TRENCH: Maybe…

  DEBSY: Anyway, where are we going?

  TRENCH: Old Tom noticed a pawnbroker’s mark on the back of the watch and suggested our first port of call should be him.

  DEBSY: All right, how do you know which pawnbrokers to go to?

  TRENCH: That’s easy, Stokeham has only one bona-fide pawnbrokers left – so that’s the one we’re visiting, funnily enough.

  DEBSY: Have I ever said you’re a genius?

  TRENCH: Come to think of it – no you haven’t, never.

  DEBSY: Well I won’t – well not until the pocket watch strikes thirteen!

  TRENCH: Funny. Hah, here’s the pawn shop – The Jewel in the Crown Pawnbrokers. We’ve arrived.

  DEBSY: Oh good – I couldn’t sell you there, could I?

  (Loud ticking moves things along.)

  (A tinkling bell sound can be heard as TRENCH and DEBSY enter the shop.)

  ASSISTANT: How may I help you? Are you buying or selling? As you can see, there are plenty of watches, rings and bangles, bracelets and necklaces to catch your eye.

  TRENCH: We’re not buying.

  ASSISTANT: Ah, so you’re selling then.

  DEBSY: (Who whispers to Trench:) A brilliant deduction that rivals your Old Tom’s.

  TRENCH: But still wrong.

  ASSISTANT: Sorry, Mr… err?

  TRENCH: Trench. We actually just want you to have a look at this pocket watch.

  (TRENCH retrieves the watch from his pocket.)

  ASSISTANT: I see. You require a valuation?

  TRENCH: Not exactly. Would you examine the pawnbrokers’ mark, and tell us if it’s been handled by this establishment?

  ASSISTANT: Hmm, let me see… (He examines the watch.) Yes it’s definitely one of ours. Does that help you?

  DEBSY: Yes, but what would help us even more, is the names and, while you’re at it, the addresses of the person who pawned it – and the subsequent purchaser. Did I just say all that in one go?

  TRENCH: Yes, you did Debsy – congratulations.

  ASSISTANT: Ironically enough, the details you are seeking are likely to be in this bookkeeping volume here, that I am in the process of reviewing.

  DEBSY: That’s handy.

  ASSISTANT: I’m afraid it isn’t actually. All our customer records are strictly confidential, so I couldn’t possibly…

  TRENCH: A shame.

  DEBSY: While we’re here though, my fiancé Trench here would love to have a look at your wedding rings.

  TRENCH: (Who coughs.) Would I?

  DEBSY: Yes, you would, dear. But I can’t see any on display.

  ASSISTANT: That’s because they’re in the back. I’ll just fetch the tray for your perusal.

  (The ASSISTANT goes into the back.)

  TRENCH: Call me old-fashioned but shouldn’t I first buy you an engagement ring – and perform that quaint little custom called proposing?

  DEBSY: Never mind all that, quick let’s look at this book.

  (DEBSY and TRENCH furiously flick through the book.)

  DEBSY: It’s not that entry.

  TRENCH: Why not?

  DESBY: Gold necklaces tend not to tell the time well.

  TRENCH: Come on, get on with it – he’ll be back any moment.

  DEBSY: Hah, that could be it – it details a pocket watch.

  TRENCH: And the code corresponds with part of the pawnbrokers’ mark.

  DEBSY: That’s it!

  TRENCH: How odd, the person who pawned this, and later bought it back are one and the same person.

  DEBSY: Maybe he had an upturn of fortune. Quick, close the book – he’s coming back.

  ASSISTANT: I am right in assuming the ring is for the lady?

  DEBSY: No, you’re not right. In fact I’ve gone off the whole idea – I wouldn’t marry him in a million years. Ignorant as a pig.

  (DEBSY storms off, slamming the shop door behind her.)

  TRENCH: Women.

  (Comical music merges into a more mysterious theme as the scene changes.)

  OLD TOM: Debsy did really well – deliberately asking to see the one type of jewellery that wasn’t on display, which gave you both a chance to delve. Brilliant – I am impressed.

  TRENCH: All right, old timer – don’t go on. I’m sure I would have thought of the idea… eventually.

  OLD TOM: Even so – credit where credits due.

  TRENCH: OK – I get the message, I’ll nominate Debsy for the honours’ list.

  OLD TOM: Yes, Trenchy. So, the previous owner of the pocket watch, thanks to Debs… I mean both of you, is R. Abbot.

  TRENCH: We even have his address – so Mr Abbot will be our next port of call.

  OLD TOM: Very good – assuming it is a man of course.

  TRENCH: Well, yes – but you don’t see many women attracted to pocket watches.

  OLD TOM: Point taken. Be a dear, Trench – and wind up my mantle clock, would you?

  TRENCH: (Who gets up.) I would if I could find the key.

  OLD TOM: It is situated underneath the clock. I can even see it from my armchair.

  TRENCH: Ah, here it is.

  (We hear TRENCH winding the clock up.)

  TRENCH: There.

  OLD TOM: Don’t forget to wind the chime up too.

  TRENCH: What?

  OLD TOM: Place the key in the other slot – and turn.

  TRENCH: Oh yes. (He turns the key.) I had worked out the turning bit.

  OLD TOM: I know. Would you like anymore tea?

  TRENCH: (Who sits back down.) No, one cup of cold tea is more than enough – thank you very much.

  OLD TOM: Please yourself. Now, let’s take another look at the pocket watch.

  (TRENCH p
asses OLD TOM the watch.)

  OLD TOM: Eighteen carat gold throughout, seventeen jewels – this is awfully valuable, you know? With a very proud pawnbrokers’ mark, hmm..?

  TRENCH: Significant?

  (OLD TOM flicks the pocket watch open.)

  OLD TOM: That’s curious – the watch has stopped, dead on eleven o’clock.

  TRENCH: But, like your clock, I’ve only recently wound it up. So, that shouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t really make any sense, does it?

  OLD TOM: And it is still ticking…

  TRENCH: But, could it mean anything?

  OLD TOM: I’m not sure…

  TRENCH: Come on, Old Tom – what are you thinking?

  OLD TOM: Maybe… maybe the pocket watch is trying to tell us something more than just the time…

  (A longer piece of mystery music indicates the end of Act One.)

  Act Two

  (TRENCH and DEBSY are walking along a quiet road.)

  TRENCH: At least now I know why you so suddenly broke off our engagement, dear Debsy.

  DEBSY: And why did I, Trenny?

  TRENCH: Well, if you’d married me – you would have made ravishing Richard desperately jealous.

  DEBSY: Absolute non… Actually, you’re right – I think that would have really upset Richard, come to think of it.

  TRENCH: Dream on, Debsy.

  DESBY: What’s wrong – don’t you think a man like that could be attracted to me?

  TRENCH: Nah, it’s not that – I just think you’re too good for him.

  DEBSY: So, who are you now – my father?!

  TRENCH: Oh look, we’re here at the Abbot household.

  (TRENCH rings the bell.)

  DEBSY: Saved by the bell.

  (Music accompanied by ticking changes the scene.)

  TRENCH: At least Abbot’s name isn’t Richard.

  DEBSY: Hah, hah. Oh, lovely tea and biscuits, thanks Rhonda.

  RHONDA: Well, it’s not every day, investigating journalists descend on one’s home.

  (RHONDA places the tray on the table, and everybody helps themselves to the tea and biscuits.)

  TRENCH: Look at the tea, there’s actually steam coming off it.

  RHONDA: Debsy, has your colleague never seen hot tea before?

  DEBSY: It’s complicated, Rhonda - best to humour him really.