Past Imperfect

by Alison G. Bailey

  I reach over and place my hand on her thigh. “Hey,” I whisper.

  That’s all it takes before the tears start flowing down her face. Turning to me, she tries, but loses the battle to keep her composure. A faint tremble takes over her entire body. I fight the urge to pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her. If I do, I know I won’t let her go and I have to let her go. I blow out a deep breath. Giving her thigh a quick squeeze to draw her attention up to me, I gaze directly into azure blues, trying to convey to her that everything is going to be okay.

  “Let’s do this,” I tell her.

  Her chin trembles uncontrollably and tears continue to flow for several seconds before she takes in a few deep breaths of her own, trying to calm down. I get out of the car and walk to Mabry’s side. Once the door is open, our hands immediately reconnect. Mabry hesitates before getting out of the car. I can feel the nervousness radiate off of her body as her gaze darts around.

  Leaning down, so that we’re only an inch apart, I reassure her, “You look beautiful. No one can tell you have stiches.” She’s pinned her hair up in such a way to conceal the large spot the doctors had to shave when they stitched up her injury.

  “Okay. Thanks,” she whispers.

  We grab her luggage from the trunk and head slowly into the airport. As we approach the ticket agent, I look up to see if the flight schedule is on time. Unfortunately, it is. As Mabry finishes getting checked in, I produce a ticket from my pocket and hand it to the agent. Mabry’s eyes shoot up to mine when she notices what’s happening.

  “You’re going with me?” For a moment her sadness fades away and is replaced with a sparkle of hope.

  “No, Sweetness. I bought a ticket, so I could go through security with you. I want to spend every second I can with you until I can’t anymore.”

  Tears fill her eyes in a split second and the sadness returns.

  We make our way through security as quickly as possible. There’s a little time left before her flight. We sit quietly, our fingers still laced together. Mabry and I have expressed all our dreams, our fears, concerns, desires, and how we feel about each other over the past few days. But there’s one thing I haven’t been able to say to her and I have to tell her before she leaves.

  I’ve been concentrating so hard on the feel of her hand in mine, the smell of vanilla, and how beautiful she is, that time slips away, and before I know it her flight is being called. I’ve run out of time.

  We stand to face each other and I can’t pretend anymore. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, trying to keep the tears from falling, but there’s no use. I can’t hold it together any longer. Mabry’s tears match mine. We still don’t say a word to each other. We just hold hands and stare through blurry eyes.

  I attempt to speak several times, but my emotions stop me before I can get the first word out. Roughly clearing my throat, I finally start. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” I pause, swallowing my sobs. “God I’m so in love with you.”

  Raising her hand, she traces the stubble along my jaw with her fingertips. “I love you too. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

  I close my eyes again, trying to summon the courage to say what I need to say and not chicken out. “Mabry, I desperately want you in my life, but I want you happy in your life more.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?” she says between sobs.

  I stare at her for several seconds. “I don’t want you to come back here and be with me if it’s too hard for you. I want you happy, healthy, and safe more than anything else, even if that means I have to let you go forever.”

  “I will come back to you. I promise.”

  A voice blasts from the speakers announcing her flight.

  Mabry launches herself into my arms. I wrap them tightly around her, burying my face in her neck. Our bodies shake with sobs.

  With her lips to my ears, she whispers, “Thank you for saving my life.”

  “Thank you for saving mine, Sweetness.”

  I place kisses frantically up her neck, over her cheek, to her forehead, and back down the other side until I reach her lips. My hands move, framing her face as hers grab hold of my upper arms for balance. When our lips touch all the franticness of the previous moment evaporates and everything slows. Our tongues take turns slipping into each other’s mouths, exploring the space we both know so well. I commit every detail of the moment to memory. The placement of her hands on my arms and how firm the grip is. How many times she allows a whimper to escape from the back of her throat. The sweet scent of vanilla. The smoothness of her skin as my thumbs run over it. How soft her lips are.

  The voice blasts through the speakers again for final boarding. We linger for a split second longer and then hear the voice of an actual person, “Miss, you need to board now or you’ll miss the flight.”

  Reluctantly we pull away from each other. Mabry’s face is drenched in tears and blotchy, her eyes are red and swollen, and she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

  Taking one step back, she says, “I’m coming back to you.”

  “I’ll be right here with open arms.” I do my best to give her a smile.

  She grabs her purse and slowly steps backward. Our eyes remain locked on each other. She walks this way until she’s forced to turn the corner and disappear. I stay in that spot for I don’t know how long. Part of me was hoping she’d walk around that corner and back into my arms. It wasn’t until I noticed the plane taxiing past the window that it sunk in, she wasn’t coming back. I walk to the window and watch the plane glide down the runway. Resting my forehead against the window, I whisper, “Have a fantastic life, Sweetness.”

  I can’t keep my foot from tapping while I stand here and wait. I tug the cuff of my white shirt out from under the black material of my suit jacket, fiddling with my silver cufflinks for a few seconds before moving to obsessively straightening my tie. Every part of my body that has a gland is sweating. I thought I was nervous the night I planned on telling Mabry I loved her, but those nerves are nothing compared to what I’m experiencing right now. I pace, alternating between checking my watch and the end of the aisle. She’ll be here any minute. We have everything planned out to perfection for tonight.

  There was never a question as to where our ceremony would be: Middleton Place Gardens, at sunset, down by the lake, between two large moss-covered oak trees. The decorations are simple and minimal. The surroundings are already breathtaking, especially with the fall colors. Four huge arrangements of tiger lilies are placed at the four corners of the space, as well as two smaller ones upfront where Mabry will meet me. Different size lanterns and candles outline the perimeter of the grounds. A handful of white chairs with big orange bows tied around the back of them are placed on either side of the orange runner. It’s a small gathering, but frankly I couldn’t care less who else is here, as long as Mabry shows.

  My hands run through my hair a few times as I try to breathe. I glance at my best man, who is focused more on flashing the smile at the single women here than helping calm my nerves. With Mabry’s prompting, Peyton and I have made more of an effort to be closer over the past couple of years. I slap the side of his arm and he reluctantly turns his attention toward me.

  “What is it?” he whispers, glancing back at some blonde in the third row.

  “Is everything tucked in and smoothed out?” I ask, as I continuously lick my lips and swallow.

  Leaning in close to my side, confusion crosses his face. “What the fuck are you talking about, tucked and smoothed?”

  “Do I look okay?”

  “Yeah, you look like a million bucks.” Scrunching up his face, he asks, “What’s with the lip lickin’? You look like a goddamn lizard.”

  “My mouth is so dry. I can’t get any spit going.”

  Peyton slaps me on the back and says, “Well, hock up some lubrication, brother, because it’s show time.”

  Boyce Avenue’s acoustic version of “A Thousand Years” flows
through the air. I turn and look up the small hill leading down to where I stand. I notice Sylvie for a split second before I see the reason I’m here. That day I let her go at the airport, I was terrified I’d never see her again, but she was determined, and worked hard to overcome her past. She fought for us and our future together. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. She kept her promise and came back to me.

  My breath and all nerves simultaneously leave my body when I see her. She’s exquisite. The white dress is poofy from her hips down, but hugs her upper body perfectly, exposing her creamy shoulders, and the very top of her phenomenal rack. Her hair is pulled back at the sides and has a slight wave to it as it falls over her shoulders and down her back. I guess she’s got makeup on, but all I see is a gorgeous glow radiating off of her. My heart pounds faster against my chest the closer she gets to me. Our eyes lock and everyone else disappears from my awareness. It’s just me and Mabry.

  After she takes her place by my side, I lean in and whisper, “Wamfu, baby.”

  A small giggle escapes her lips, and then she whispers back, “Wamfu to you too.”

  She’s so close and smells so damn good, I just need a quick taste. I close my eyes and let my lips skim across her cheek. Before I know it, they’ve moved to her lips and the tip of my tongue slips into her mouth. A loud clearing of a throat startles me. I straighten up, look at the minister, and give him a sheepish grin.

  “Sorry, Father,” I apologize.

  Smiling at me, he says, “I’m not a priest, Son.”

  “Oh, yeah. Right.”

  “I’ll get through this as quick as possible.” Directing his attention to our guests, he starts the ceremony. “We are gathered here today to take part in that most time-honored celebration of the human family, uniting a woman and a man in marriage. Mabry and Brad have come to witness before us, telling of their love for each other. We remind them that they are performing an act of complete faith, each in the other; that the heart of their marriage will be the relationship they create. In a world where faith often falls short of expectation, it is a tribute to these two who now join hands and hearts in perfect faith.” He looks between the two of us. “I believe you’ve each written something.” He nods in my direction, indicating I’m up first.

  I turn and look into beautiful misty azure blues. I haven’t said one word yet, and I can already feel the moisture build up in my eyes and my throat close up. Taking her hands, I start. “Mabry, when I met you, the world changed for me. I was able to breathe easier, see clearer, and feel for the first time. You opened my heart and entered my soul. The moment I looked into your gorgeous eyes I knew why I was put here on earth. It was to be with you. I will protect you, support you, and catch you if you fall. I promise to be the best husband to you. I’ll try not to embarrass or annoy you too often.” I could hear chuckles coming from our guests. “You’re not just the love of my life, Mabry. You are my life.”

  Tears run down her cheeks as she mouths, “I love you.”

  We stare at each other until the minister clears his throat and says in a low voice, “Mabry, it’s your turn.”

  She swallows hard, trying to compose herself. “When I was a little girl I would dream about my Prince Charming. The boy who would eventually come rescue me. He didn’t have a name or a face, but I knew in my heart that I’d recognize him when we met. The very first time I saw you, I felt a connection. The first time I met you, I knew I had found my hero. Not a fictional character who would make all the bad things disappear, but someone who would love me through whatever life handed me. Someone who’d be strong when I couldn’t be. Someone who’d hold my hand, letting me know I wasn’t alone. I promise to be the best wife to you, Brad. I’ll learn how to cook more than spaghetti sauce from a jar and soup from a can.” More chuckles fill the air as I raise my hand to her cheek, wiping away her tears. “I will show you every day how much I love you, want you, and need you in my life.”

  “Every day?” I ask flirtatiously. I can’t help the huge grin that crosses my face.

  “Every day,” she says, smiling back at me.

  Not taking my eyes off Mabry, I instruct, “Let’s wrap this up, Rev. My wife has things to show me.”

  “Certainly. Will you now give and receive a ring?”

  “We will,” Mabry and I say in unison.

  “May I have the rings, please?” the minister asks. The maid of honor and best man hand him our rings. “The circle of this precious metal is justly regarded as a fitting symbol of the purity and perpetuity of marriage, having neither beginning nor end; and cannot be tarnished by use or time. Brad, please place this ring on Mabry’s left hand and repeat after me.”

  He feeds me the words. Gazing at Mabry, I not only see my future, I see exactly where I belong. “Wear this ring forever, Mabry, as a symbol of my love and of all that is unending.” I let out a deep sigh as I slip the ring on her finger.

  Mabry repeats the same words to me, her voice and hand shaky with emotion as she glides my ring on.

  The minister speaks again. “In the years which shall bring Mabry and Brad into greater age and wisdom, we pray that their love shall be ever young; that they shall be able always to recover from moments of despair, and they will forever hold on to the passionate ways of youth.”

  I wanted to jump Mabry and devour her the second I saw her today, but managed to control myself up until the word “passionate” came out of the minister’s mouth. I don’t know what happened, but something in me snapped, and I could no longer keep my hands or lips off of her. Cupping the sides of her face, I brought our lips together and invaded her mouth.

  The minister’s pace speeds up and his volume rises over the laughter of the crowd as he finishes up the ceremony. “In this hope, may they keep the vows made on this day… bah, bah, bah… Inasmuch… bah, bah… Mabry and Brad have declared their love and devotion to each other before family and friends, by the authority vested in me by the State of South Carolina, I pronounce them to be husband and wife. You may now… um… continue to kiss the bride!”

  “It’s a four bedroom, three and a half bath, with the master on the main floor. Hardwood floors throughout. The kitchen has top of the line, stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. There is also a fantastic bonus room upstairs that would be great for a playroom,” the realtor says, tilting her head to one side as she smiles at us.

  “Hear that, Sweetness, our very own playroom.” Brad flashes a sexy grin my way. “Tell me, Mrs. Taylor, is the ceiling sturdy up in the playroom? Say, if we needed to hang chains and whatnot,” he says, deadpan, swatting me on the ass before walking away to look around.

  I don’t know whose face was redder, mine or Mrs. Taylor’s.

  “He’s joking. We aren’t into that kind of… um,” I stammer.

  Thankfully, her phone rings, breaking the awkward silence. “Excuse me for one moment,” she says, walking away.

  I walk up to Brad, who is looking out the French doors into the backyard. “Thanks for leaving me back there with that, buddy.”

  Leaning down to my ear, his warm breath floats over my neck, as he whispers, “I bet she’s picturing us doing things right now.”

  “Brad!” I say, popping his arm. We continue to stare out to the backyard. “I love this house,” I tell him.

  “It is an awesome place.”

  “I’ve fallen more in love with it each time we’ve driven by it. And, there won’t be anything built behind us. The woods will stay as is. It’s very private.”

  “That’s good to know. Means we can swim nekked anytime we want.” He sends a wink and the smile my way. I simply shake my head in response.

  “Oh my god, Brad! Look! There’s a joggling board out there. I wonder if it comes with the place.” I don’t even pretend to try to contain my excitement.

  We hear the click of Mrs. Taylor’s heels on the floor as she walks back in the room, causing us to turn around.

  “I’m sorry folks for the interruption.
That was another client. They’re able to come now and see a house in the neighborhood right down the street. I don’t want to rush you. If it’s okay with you, I’ll go meet them and then come right back here,” she offers.

  “That would be great,” I tell her.

  Once the front door closes, Brad turns to me. He has that look in his eyes that causes my heart to beat faster and heat to spread over my body. I try to divert his wayward thoughts.

  “So, what do think about putting in a bid?” I ask.

  He leans in and nibbles across my jawline and down my neck. My head swirls, but I stay in control, completely mindful of where we are and the fact that Mrs. Taylor will be back soon.

  “Brad…,” I say, breathlessly.

  I feel his hands slip under the bottom of my shirt and graze over my bare stomach. “Let’s christen the place, Sweetness,” he says against my neck as he backs me up toward a wall.

  I shove on his chest, but he doesn’t budge. “Brad! No.”

  “Unbutton your shirt,” he growls.

  My back hits the wall and I feel the snap of cool air touch my skin as the bottom of my shirt pulls apart. All coherent thoughts fly out of my head as my fingers find their way into his hair. More air hits my bare skin as the rest of the buttons come undone. I feel the lace of my bra slide over one of my hard nipples just before Brad’s lips close around it, sucking hard.

  I shut my eyes as my back arches off the wall, and I moan, “Brad… Baby, we need to stop. She’ll be back any minute.”

  He pulls away from my nipple, but continues to place slow open-mouth kisses across my breasts. “She’s not coming back,” he mumbles.

  Brad’s hand travels up my side to my chest. Suddenly, I feel something cold and hard between my tits. He gives me one deep kiss before backing away from me, leaving me completely disoriented and breathless. Opening my eyes, I see him standing in front of me, desire still evident on his face, but amusement now accompanies it.