The Truth About Family

by Kimberly Van Meter

  She barely had time to take a step back before Mrs. Gottaleri, wife of Paul Gottaleri, the owner of the pizza joint, grasped her gloved hand and patted it warmly.

  “You must be Erin,” she said, sorrow in her voice. “Lovely service, darling, your aunt would’ve been proud and that’s a fact.” Erin visibly flinched at such praise but Mrs. Gottaleri didn’t seem to notice as she continued. “It’s always the good ones that get taken much too early. But God has a plan, you know. Trust in that. God has a plan.”

  Erin stiffened and Colin knew that was the last thing a grieving person wanted to hear, no matter how earnest the sentiment. He smiled at Mrs. Gottaleri. “How did you know Mrs. Walker?” he asked, politely sending the conversation in a different direction.

  Mrs. Gottaleri pursed her lips and shook her head. “Oh, she and I go way back. Caroline and I have been on the Winter Festival committee since I can’t even remember when. I’m the only one she trusted her cocoa recipe with, and that’s a fact, I promise you.” She leaned toward Erin and whispered as if sharing a great confidence. “It’s the fresh cream brought over the night before from Roanin Farms. Fresh as fresh can be. Makes it smooth as silk.”

  And twice as fattening, he recalled Erin’s wry comment and nearly smiled at the memory.

  Mrs. Gottaleri went on, sighing heavily. “Yes, right shame. I suppose if it’s your time to go, it’s your time, but I wish I’d known what had been bothering Caroline so much the last time I saw her. She was in quite a dither…very distracted, if you ask me and that’s just not like Caroline. She always had a smile for everyone. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever heard her utter a cross word as long as I’d known her. Sweet as her own mincemeat pie. Sweeter even.”

  Colin knew no one was that perfect, but death had a way of bringing out the best in people. Still, the praise wasn’t that far off the mark. He’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who’d offer an unkind word about the woman. He looked to Erin to gauge her reaction and noted a troubled expression on her face.

  “What did you mean…something was bothering her?” Erin asked.

  Mrs. Gottaleri nodded vigorously, obviously tickled to have something of importance to share. “Distracted is the word. In fact, she missed our last committee meeting. We were supposed to discuss strategy for recruiting new volunteers for the cocoa booth. It’s just been a handful of us for years and I’m not as young as I used to be.” She shook her head, frowning. “And, of all the bad timing, not that it could be controlled, because as I said, God has a plan, but we are shorthanded at the festival tonight.” She turned a speculative eye toward Erin. “Of course, you wouldn’t be interested in filling Caroline’s spot, would you?”

  Erin was saved from making any comment as another woman came barreling over to them, a stern look of annoyance in her eyes.

  “Delores Gottaleri, land’s sake, stop badgering the poor girl!”

  Delores managed to look offended and hurt at the same time as she bracketed her generous hips with both hands. “I was doing no such thing! I was merely—”

  “Merely pressuring her about things she could care less about in her time of grief,” the woman said huffily before turning to Erin with a sad smile. “I’m Vera Hampton, dear. I was friends with your Aunt Caroline, too, and I can’t tell you how much she’ll be missed.”

  Tears pricked Erin’s eyes and she couldn’t hold them back this time. “Thank you,” she managed to choke out, the emotion rolling over her, causing her cheeks to flame in embarrassment. “How did you know my aunt?”

  “I met her through various committees, the Winter Festival being one of them, but I like to think that we became friends…as much as Caroline would allow, of course. For all her generosity, she was a private person, after all. But I do know you were the light of her life,” Vera said, her comment making Erin’s gut pitch as if she might lose the coffee she’d gulped down earlier that morning. “She used to talk about how talented you were and how prestigious the magazine you work for is. Her face would plumb shine with pride when she talked about you. Always talked about how she hoped someday you might come back home.”

  Erin managed to shake her head, feeling undeserved of such praise. She was too ashamed to admit that she never once followed through on her promise to send Caroline a subscription. It wasn’t that she hadn’t planned to, it was only that time had always seemed of short supply and frankly, other things had seemed more important. A hiccup of grief burned under her breastbone and she had to look away for fear of what the women might read in her eyes. A wave of vertigo followed and as she reached a hand out to steady herself, she felt the strength of Colin’s arm close around her shoulder for support.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, allowing her to pull free only once he was sure she was steady on her feet again. Despite her embarrassed assurances, he continued to eye her with concern, causing an unexpected warmth to heat her body. It wasn’t her style to act like a fluttery woman who needed a man by her side to function, but she hated to admit that leaning, even for an instance, on someone stronger than she, made her hunger for a solid shoulder to rest her head against.

  Disconcerted by her own reaction, she avoided his eyes as she fended off an immediate attack from Vera, who had at that moment taken it upon herself to be Erin’s caretaker despite having been a complete stranger only moments before.

  “Oh, dear!” exclaimed Vera as she gestured toward the awning overlooking the funeral home. “Get her out of this wind. She needs to rest, not catch pneumonia standing out here with the likes of us.”

  “It’s all right—” Erin started to say, but Vera was not to be deterred and before Erin knew it she was being herded under the shelter of the awning like a lost chick needing a safe place to roost.

  “I’m fine…really,” she cut in quickly, trying not to be rude as the two older ladies fussed over her, arguing with one another over the best course of action. Just as Delores suggested she see a doctor for a prescription to help her sleep, Erin rushed to ease their worries for fear of ending up medicated or hospitalized. “Ladies, I appreciate your concern, really, but it’s just too much coffee and not enough sleep.”

  “And more than likely not enough food,” added Delores, her keen gaze making Erin acutely aware of her sparse curves. “Colin Barrett, promise me that you’ll see to it that this girl gets some food in her stomach before the next storm blows her to Canada. It’s the least that we can do for Caroline,” she added staunchly, leaving little room for disagreement, but Erin tried anyway.

  “Really, I appreciate your concern but—”

  “How about Sammi’s for some chowder?” Vera said to Colin, ignoring Erin’s protests, causing her to stiffen just a little.

  Vera turned, smiling despite Erin’s guarded expression. “Trust me, it’s just the thing to warm you up and put some meat on your bones at the same time. Colin, I won’t take no for an answer. Tell Roger I said that you were to personally see to it that this girl get some food. I’m sure he’ll understand. Now—” she drew herself up with a satisfied expression, pinning Erin with her sharp gaze “—that’s settled and I don’t want to hear another word about it. It’s what Caroline would’ve wanted, I’m sure.”

  Erin closed her mouth, further protest dying on her lips. How could she argue with something like that? She could almost feel Caroline’s approving smile at the woman’s clever manipulation. She suppressed a sigh and sent Colin an apologetic look for being thrust upon him without warning or invitation, but he didn’t look like a man being pushed into anything that he didn’t want to do.

  She frowned. Were his actions merely professional courtesy, or was he motivated by something else? Don’t make a federal case out of it, the voice of what couldn’t possibly be her better judgment argued in her head. Grabbing a bite to eat after a funeral was hardly a social occasion. It was simply fulfilling a basic need—hunger.

  “I guess I could eat something,” she admitted, looking quickly to gauge his reaction. He nodded in agreement, as if
her answer were just plain good sense and she was confused by her disappointment. “I mean, if you were planning to grab a bite anyway, I could tag along,” she clarified.

  “That’s the spirit,” Vera said, satisfied. She gestured to Delores, who was adjusting her belt loop and looking decidedly uncomfortable in her outfit. “Quit fiddling with that thing,” she admonished as they turned to leave. “That’s what you get for insisting on wearing clothes that stopped fitting during the Reagan era!”

  Erin let out a pent-up breath as the two well-meaning ladies followed the dispersing crowd. She turned to Colin with every intention of letting him off the hook, but her stomach took that opportunity to yowl like a cat in heat and she knew saying something like she really wasn’t hungry would come out sounding ludicrous. Still, she hated the idea that his actions might be purely motivated by the older women’s comments.

  “Please don’t feel obligated—”

  “I don’t,” he assured her, the serious look in his dark eyes giving Erin pause. There was something unreadable reflecting back at her, something that almost looked like concern and that wobbly feeling returned to her knees. He continued, pointing at a small deli directly across the street, and gestured for her to follow. “That’s Sammi’s right over there. Follow me.”

  Her stomach growled again, reminding her that the last thing she ate was a few stale red licorice strips washed down with a steady stream of coffee, and she hustled to catch up.

  Annoyed at herself, she quickened her pace until she was just outside the deli and hastened to get inside before he tried to do something like open the door for her. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy a man who acted like a gentleman, it was that she didn’t want him to act that way with her. It made her feel…off-center. She stole a quick glance while he was reading the menu on the wall. So, he was attractive. Big deal. So are half the men on her block. Of course, half of those men are also gay, she countered in the next breath, causing her to wonder whose side her inner voice was on.

  “Know what you want?” he asked, gesturing to the menu.

  My life back the way it was. Wasn’t that the truth? She wanted to be back in San Francisco, running herself ragged on an endless stream of assignments, and she wanted Caroline on the other end of the phone telling her in detail about things that had stopped interesting Erin years ago. For goodness sake, forget all that other stuff, she just wanted Caroline back.

  She looked away before the shine in her eyes became obvious. “Turkey on rye,” she croaked, nearly shoving a crumpled five-dollar bill into his hand before escaping to a table. As she slumped into a chair, she wondered if she was ever going to feel normal again.

  Of course, normal was a relative term. She was sure the word normal had never really applied to her, but at least under average circumstances she didn’t break down in front of total strangers. Wiping away at the tears that betrayed her at every turn, she heard Colin’s voice lighten as he gave the boy behind the counter a firm pat on the shoulder.

  “Hey, Brian, how’s your mom doing these days?” he asked, his expression dimming appropriately as Brian divulged details about his mother’s current battle with ovarian cancer. “Well, you tell her to listen to the doctors and hurry up and get better. We need her around here.” He patted his midsection with a wink. “Tell her no one makes corn chowder like she does and my shrinking waistline is proof.”

  Erin caught herself glancing at his waist to check the validity of his statement but averted her eyes when she felt she’d been staring a tad longer than necessary.

  “She’ll like to hear that, Officer Barrett,” Brian said, offering a smile with a mouth full of braces. “What’ll it be today? The usual?”

  A feeling of envy invaded her system as she realized that she wished she had that kind of familiarity with someone. If she tried that back in San Francisco the person behind the counter would probably just stare at her like she’d grown another head. She used to love that about the city. The anonymity had been a salve to her wounded psyche. Now, it just felt cold and impersonal.

  Colin approached and Erin was startled to find her thoughts reverting to his midsection. She’d read somewhere that extreme grief often created a magnet for misplaced attraction. Well, she could certainly attest to that.

  “So, what’s the ‘usual’?” she asked in an attempt to put her thoughts on more stable ground.

  “Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl,” he answered with relish, sitting down across from her. “Just like Vera said, it’s the best thing to warm a person up. With this storm coming in, I feel like my insides are frozen.”

  “Sounds good,” she murmured with a nod.

  “I took the liberty of ordering your turkey on rye toasted. I hope that’s all right with you.” He looked apologetic as he added, “You looked like you could use a little warming up, too. How long were you standing out there?”

  Erin didn’t want to tell him that she had fled the receiving room as soon as she was able, because the thought of Caroline lying in that box had made her nauseous. “Not long,” she lied. “Probably about ten minutes or so, but I’d forgotten how cold it gets here.”

  A server came by offering to fill their coffee cups and both obliged. Erin wrapped her hands around the mug, closing her eyes as the warm liquid heated her hands. She’d been wearing gloves but they were more for show than actual warmth.

  “Thanks for coming with me,” she said, suddenly very grateful she hadn’t backed out on lunch. Her stomach was truly growling and having something warm in her hands was doing wonders for her disposition. She wasn’t ready to do somersaults but she didn’t feel like bawling, either. That was progress.

  “No problem,” he said, offering her a genuine smile that made her wish they had met under different circumstances.

  What difference would that make? the voice in her head challenged. Although the question caused a subtle frown to pull on her eyebrows, she knew where it was coming from. She didn’t date often. It was one of the many lamentable situations that Caroline had been itching to change. First, the zip code; then, the love life. Trying to explain her usual table-for-one status had only illuminated one clear fact about herself: she wasn’t cut out for relationships. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the idea of having one, it was that the reality of sharing your future with someone also meant revealing your past and Erin never felt compelled to do that.

  “Have you had much luck in finding Butterscotch a home?” Colin asked, breaking into her turbulent thoughts and dragging her back to the present. She shook her head and blew out a frustrated breath. Honestly, she hadn’t been able to give the search much of her time. Right about now, the dog seemed the least of her problems. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she’d been exhausted beyond coherent thought the first night, and she’d spent much of yesterday on the phone making arrangements, being surrounded by memories of her childhood might’ve cost her the tenuous hold she had on her ability to keep it together. Now, another night loomed ahead of her and she wasn’t sure how well she’d handle it.

  “No,” she answered, pausing long enough for the server to set down their food. For a moment hunger overrode anything else and it was several bites before she was ready to talk again.

  “I’ve barely had time to do much more than make sure she’s fed and walked at fairly regular intervals.” She swallowed a mouthful, absently wondering if she should order one to go since she wasn’t much of a cook. “Plus, I have to admit, I can’t let the poor girl go with just anyone. She deserves a good home. Caroline wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “It’s good of you to see that she gets that,” Colin said, tearing away a piece of his bread bowl to dip in his chowder. “Most people would just dump the dog off at the nearest shelter and let the dog take her chances.”

  Yeah…people like me, she reminded herself when she began to warm under his praise. The next swallow of sandwich seemed to stick in her throat. “That dog was my aunt’s world. I wouldn’t put it past Caroline to c
ome back and scold me from the grave if I did anything less,” she said, trying for levity despite the sadness that seemed her constant companion. She wiped her mouth with her napkin and leaned back to watch the snow as it drifted lazily to the ground.

  “Well, I don’t doubt Butterscotch held an esteemed spot in Caroline’s life, but by the sounds of it, you were her world,” Colin observed. “At least if what those ladies said was true.”

  “I suppose,” she said, feeling low because she knew it was true. Caroline had never remarried after her husband had died and Erin had become her surrogate daughter due to circumstance.

  “What kept you away from Granite Hills for so long?”

  It was an innocent question, but her nerves were stretched to the point of snapping and that particular spot was always sensitive even under the best of times. She avoided his gaze and attempted a flippant shrug but her shoulders were too tight. “My work,” she managed to finally answer, wishing that being a workaholic had been the sole reason she’d stayed away for so long.

  “Your work,” he repeated slowly, obviously disappointed in her answer. “Anything else?”

  She gave a shaky laugh and fidgeted with her napkin. “Boy, you’re full of questions. What about you? I don’t remember you growing up here. What’s your story?”

  “I moved here from upstate New York shortly after I graduated from the academy with my daughter, Danni, when she was still in diapers.” He pushed his empty bread bowl away and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.

  “What made you pick Granite Hills?” she asked, despite the warning bells that had rung in her head at her interest. If she delved too deeply into his personal life, he’d no doubt feel entitled to do the same.