Broken Bases

by Nikki Pennington

  "That's' great man, I can't wait. The team needs someone like you." He seems genuinely happy.

  "I moved into some crappy apartment across town. The website definitely made it look a lot better than it is."

  He definitely has a shocked look this time. "Jimmy, what's up? Why do you look so panicked right now?"

  "What, oh it's nothing man, hey come meet the guys, I have to head to the locker room I'll be back out in a minute."

  He runs off the field, something is going on, not sure what it is, but maybe he will tell me when he's ready. It's been a while since we've been around each other, it may take some getting used to so we can get back to where we were before we left for college.

  I can tell immediately that me and these guys mesh well together. We throw the ball around and I just feel at ease. I'm almost so relaxed that I let Shay slip out of my mind, but it doesn't happen. She's always there, in the back of my mind. I'm always thinking, wondering what she's doing, who she's with, and how she is. I don't think I'll ever get over that girl.

  Chapter TWENTY-NINE

  Shay

  "What's up Jimmy?"

  "Um, I think we are going to have a big problem, and a lot of explaining to do."

  "What do you mean?" I ask.

  "Well, Luke just showed up at the ball field. Apparently, he was transferred here, and I'm about 90% sure he moved into your apartment building."

  I stare blankly at the phone. My heart feels like it's falling out of my chest, I can't breathe.

  "Shay! Shay! are you there?" I hear him as the phone hits the floor.

  I haven't stopped thinking about Luke since I moved, but I'm not ready to face him. What are the odds of this happening? What are the odds he picks the apartment building I'm living in? And what is he going to say and think when he finds out I moved down here with Jimmy and nobody told him. He will feel so betrayed. Why did I ever think he wouldn't find out? Why did I ever think it was a good idea not to tell him? I feel terrible right now. And completely sick to my stomach.

  "I'm okay, Jimmy sorry. You caught me off guard, everything will be okay. Don't say anything and I will do it all. None of this is your fault. I asked you not to say anything to him. Just don't worry about it."

  "Okay." He sighs. "I feel so terrible Shay, he is my best friend. I don't want him to get the wrong idea."

  "It will all work out Jimmy, it will be fine."

  After I get off the phone with him, I hope he doesn't realize I was saying all of that to make myself feel better. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to figure out how to approach him without him finding me first. The last thing I want is for him to be blindsided. In my mind I was doing the right thing, I was making a clean break from him that I thought would be best for the both of us. I never imagined that he would end up here, and I am so mad at myself right now for this situation I have put Jimmy and I in.

  My shift ends and I'm on my way to Tammy's to get Ryder when she calls and asks if he can spend the night, they are in the middle of a major movie marathon and they both want to finish. I laugh and say sure. Maybe I can get some rest tonight then. I stop at the grocery store and I'm finally home a couple hours later.

  I'm getting bags out of the car when I hear someone behind me say "Here miss let me help you with those. I live here too."

  My whole body stills. I know it's him. I know it's Luke. I can just feel his presence. We have always been in tune with each other this way. Even in the short time we spent together. This isn't how I wanted him to find out. I'm starting to panic. My breathing gets heavy, and I need to remember to take a deep breath, because I don't want to have a panic attack out here in the parking lot. He slides up next to me and then I hear him gasp.

  "Shay, Shay what are you doing here?" He looks genuinely confused.

  "Look let me explain." I stammer.

  He gives a rough laugh.

  "Yeah, let you explain like you let me explain, right? So, you moved down here with Jimmy and neither of you thought to tell me. Are you kidding me right now? I don't think you need any help from me, right? You never have anyway." He sits the bags down and walks away.

  "Luke wait, please wait."

  He gets in his car and drives away. I sink down to the ground and cry. I knew this would happen. I knew this was a bad idea, and I've just screwed up a friendship. I'm always screwing up everything for everyone.

  How many mistakes am I going to make in this lifetime? How many times am I going to continue to drag other people down with me? I manage to get myself into the house before I crawl into bed to cry myself to sleep. About 2 hours have passed when I hear someone knocking on the door.

  "Open up Shay, I know you live here, Jimmy told me after I punched him."

  I sit up panicked. What is he doing here? Why would he punch Jimmy? I throw open the door and Luke is standing there. He rests both hands on the door frame and stares at me. His blue eyes feel like they are looking right through me.

  "Why do you keep running from me? Why wouldn't you tell me where you were going? What are you afraid of?" I stare at him. I owe him the truth. I owe him something, I owe him an explanation that isn't bullshit.

  "I'm afraid of being hurt again. I can't do this. I can't let you in and let you hurt me, because even after only a couple weeks with you the pain was unbearable, and I know it will be even worse if I let myself fall in love with you."

  "Your wrong, you have no idea how much it has killed me since that night at the ice cream shop with Valerie. She meant nothing to me, she never has, and she never will. It's always going to be you. I can't get you out of my head. I can't get you out of my life." He pushes off the door frame and just as I think he is going to walk away he walks towards me, grabs the back of my neck and kisses me. Then he turns and walks away. Leaving me standing, staring, and breathless.

  I shut the door and sink down to the floor with tears in my eyes. He must be crazy. He doesn't love me; he doesn't even really know me. I can't love him. I can't fall in love. I'm incapable. Why, when I felt like everything in life was coming together, does it feel like it's falling apart again? My phone rings from the other room and I push up to get it.

  "Hey Jimmy."

  "Shay, I'm sorry, Luke was just here, he punched me, I explained everything to him, but he still punched me. I told him what apartment you’re in. I'm sorry, I know you didn't' want him to know like that."

  "It's okay Jimmy, he was here, he's gone. I'm ok." I lie.

  Because that's what I do best. Lie to people about my feelings. And lie to people and tell them I'm okay, when I'm really not. I am the master at avoiding my feelings, I am the master at pushing people away when I should really be asking for their help.

  I hang up with Jimmy, get myself into the shower and lay down in bed. This day has been exhausting. I just can't wait to get Ryder back tomorrow. I need my boy right now.

  Chapter Thirty

  Luke

  I slam my apartment door and stomp over to the couch. How could these two do this to me. Why would they do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I know I screwed up, but it was so long ago. I haven't even heard or seen Valerie since that night. That girl meant nothing to me, she never has, and yet she still had the power to absolutely ruin my life.

  I'm here now, and Shay is right downstairs, and it's absolutely driving me crazy. How can she be that close, but so far away from me? Jimmy has been my friend since we were kids, how could he hide something like this from me? I'm not going to even try and deny that my first thoughts were that they were together. They came down here, as far from me as they could possibly get, and started a relationship.

  The pain I felt in the parking lot when I saw her for the first time in so long was complete and utter heartbreak, but it was also like a fire had been lit inside of me that had been out for so long. How does a person have that power of someone else? How can someone make you feel so much pain, yet so much love with just a look in their direction.

  That's how I knew this wa
s love. That's also why I told her I would wait for her to figure it out, because I will. Now that she is so close, I'm not giving up. I'll give her time to process what I just said to her, and then I'm not going to give her the chance to run from me again. I'm not letting her get away for a second time.

  I hop in the shower and then lay down to try and get myself some rest. This has been a crazy 24 hours, in the span of a day I’ve transferred to a new college, started practicing with a new team, found the love of my life again, and then felt completely betrayed by the two people who mean the most to me.

  I underestimated how hard it would be to fall asleep knowing how close she is to me. My phone dings on the nightstand and I pick it up to see a text from Jimmy.

  Hey man, I'm still sorry. I'm sorry for everything. You’re my best friend. I'm sorry.

  I sigh and sit the phone back down and turn my back on it.

  I don't feel like talking anymore tonight.

  The next morning, I go out for a jog, I need to get back in shape, and I need to clear my head. About a half mile up the road I see her. When did she start jogging? I can't clear my head with her running right in front of me. I am so frustrated. I run up next to her.

  She looks shocked to see me. She looks over, gives me a slight nod and turns her concentration on to the road ahead of her. For a moment it looked like she wanted to say something to me, but then changed her mind.

  She is still so beautiful. Her thick, dark brown hair pulled up into one of her messy buns and her bright green eyes shining. I want to pull her close to me and kiss her like I did last night, but I know she would push me away. I want to speak to her, let her explain, but I’m still feeling the effects of finding all this information out the way I did.

  What I need to do is figure out how to get back into her good graces. Maybe it can start as a friendship? Even though a friendship is the last thing I want. What am I going to have to do to prove to this girl that she is it for me? I want to get to know her better, get to know Ryder better. I want to have a family with them.

  After the run, Shay heads right into her apartment, without even saying a word to me. She stops and looks at me before she opens her door, and I wonder if she feels some of the same regrets that I do. I wonder how things got so out of control that we got to this point where we can’t even find the words to say to each other, especially when there is so much that needs to be said.

  I do the same and jump in the shower. How can a person feel so much sexual tension from just a run? This girl will be the death of me. I can't quit her, but I can't get her to understand that we are meant to be together. I can feel it in my bones. I know I sound crazy to everyone. I feel crazy, but the short time we had together felt like a lifetime, and I felt something there. I have a magnetic pull to her that I just can't ignore. I know she feels it too.

  I have ball practice in an hour, so I didn't really have time for an altercation with her, even though I desperately want to storm over to her place and make her listen to me.

  I feel good about relocating after practice with the guys. Me and this team seem like we will really mesh well together, and I just didn't feel like I had that at Vanderbilt. It also helps to have Jimmy back on my team. We have always played well together, ever since we were young. I need to give him the opportunity to explain why he did what he did, I know that will help the morale of the team.

  I pull him aside after practice and ask him if he wants to grab a beer with me after practice and he agrees. He looks so relieved that I’m speaking to him, and I feel bad that I lashed out at him the way I did without giving him the opportunity to explain anything.

  Once we get settled into a booth at the bar, he tells me that Shay wanted to start a new life with a clear head. She was accepted into Miami before he even got his letter for ball. And when they found out they would be in the same place he asked if she wanted to ride down with him. He said she hangs out with his girlfriend and he spends time with Ryder sometimes, so he has a male presence in his life.

  I can respect that, but I'm still not happy that they just didn't tell me from the start. I might not have understood, but it would have been better than keeping a secret like that. I'm glad we talked it out and I feel better when I leave that night, than I did when I woke up this morning.

  I know that since I’ve given Jimmy the opportunity to explain himself, and now that I know the truth, I owe Shay an apology. I acted on instinct, and I did the same thing she did to me back in high school. Her not ever giving me the chance to fully explain the situation with Valerie cost us so much time we could have spent together. Instead of being petty like I was, I should have let her speak, and then maybe she would have finally let me in and let me tell her what was going through my head back then.

  Chapter THIRTY-ONE

  Shay

  It shocked me, when Luke just ran next to me like that, and didn't even say a word. I wanted to speak to him, and I think he wanted to speak to me too, but neither of us knew the words to say. I wanted to fall into his arms and let him kiss me like he did last night, but I can't be that girl anymore. I can't let any more men walk all over me.

  I don't know what kind of game he is playing, but I already feel bad enough about everything that went down. I can’t let him being here ruin what I already have going for Ryder and me.

  I hop in the shower to get ready for work. I'm excited to get off today so I can see Ryder. Once I clock in Jacob, my coworker, comes up.

  "Hey Shay, how is your morning going"

  "It's fine Jacob, thanks for asking."

  I try to walk past so I can get to work, but he doesn't take the hint He has been trying to get me to go out with him since I started here, and I keep turning him down, but it doesn't seem to work.

  I almost want to say yes, just so maybe he will leave me alone. He doesn't know about Ryder, so I'm hoping maybe that will make him back off. There is also a part of me that wonders if I might like him if I give him the chance, but then I think about how Luke has blown back into my life and what does that mean for me?

  Do I want to give him another chance, are we meant to be like he thinks, or has that ship sailed? Do I want to start something up with someone new now that Luke is here? It might be good for me to give someone else a chance, aside from Gunner & Luke I've never even had a relationship with anyone, and I don't even know if I would call what me and Luke had a relationship.

  I head into the girl’s restroom, hoping Jacob will get busy elsewhere. I just don't feel like dealing with him today. I need to get my head cleared and figure out what I'm doing in my life. Is it really the right time to let any man into my life?

  After my shift I head over to Tammy's to pick up Ryder. I am so happy to see him, and he is equally as happy to see me. I promise him we can go to the park and play and then go home for our own movie night. The kid loves movies.

  After we spend about an hour at the park, we head home. Just as I'm pulling into the parking lot hoping we will miss running into Luke, I see Jimmy pull in. Ryder jumps out of the car.

  "Jimmy, you came for movie night?"

  Jimmy smiles, and says "Sure buddy, you know I love movie night."

  I smile and grab Ryder's hand. I call for a pizza when we get outside, and the boys pick a movie. I know it will be a superhero movie; it always is. If it were me choosing it would be a sports movie, so I guess I can't complain.

  I look over the boys and smile, regardless of everything, I am so thankful for Jimmy and his influence on Ryder's life. A few hours later Ryder and Jimmy have fallen asleep, so I just throw a blanket over them and head to bed. I shoot Jimmy's girlfriend a text to let her know he fell asleep on the couch again.

  The next morning after I'm up and around I wake the boys up and get Ryder ready. This was just another typical weekday night, and I wouldn't have it any other way. After everything that has happened the past couple days it's nice to just have a relaxing night at home with my boy.

  Chapter THIRTY-TWO

  Luker />
  I'm on my way out to my car, to head to do some conditioning before practice, when I see Jimmy leaving Shay's house.

  It's 6am, why would he be at her house at 6am, unless he's been there all night.

  What is going on between these two?

  I felt good after our talk last night, I know he has a girlfriend, he knows how I feel about her, and she knows how I feel about her. Surely, they wouldn't have something going behind my back, behind his girlfriend’s back, would they? I don't know who to trust anymore.

  I want to win Shay back and become an important part of her and Ryder's lives, but I will not step on anyone's toes. I think for now I'll just focus on ball. I told Shay everything I needed to say. I laid it out on the table, and the ball is in her court now.

  I throw a wave up to Jimmy, see the panic in his eyes, and hop in my car to leave. That might just be all the clarification I needed on whether there was something going on there.

  Some of the guys invite me out to the bar after conditioning, and I figure it would be good for me to hang out and get to know some of these guys. I already have that relationship with Jimmy, but I need to make sure I can make relationships with the rest of the team too. Not to mention, after what I saw this morning, who knows what kind of relationship is left between me and Jimmy.

  We hit one of the bars up town, and I'm having a decent time. It's nice to get out and not be held up in the apartment the whole time. We've been at the bar for a while now, playing pool, and just hanging out. I'm starting to feel like it might be time for me to head home when a leggy, blonde walks in and gives me the eye. After some thought, I think maybe I should enjoy myself, after all Shay has Jimmy spending all night and playing house with her.

  I walk over to the blonde, intending to ask her name, but not caring what it is either way. She smiles and gets right to the point, "I'm Sam, and I'd like to go home with you. She grins.