Suddenly Forbidden

by Ella Fields

  And that part had me opening the door. “But you did,” I whispered, my words thick as they rolled over my tongue. “And you even said you loved her.”

  Hesitation and wariness were plastered all over his face. “Dais.”

  Shaking my head with tears sliding down my cheeks, I stepped back inside and closed the door.

  “You didn’t tell me about the paint.”

  “What?” Toby panted as we ran around the outside of the field.

  “The paint,” I breathed out. “Alexis painted on Daisy’s dorm room wall.”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute, and we overtook Ed, who cursed us out. “Honestly? I didn’t know. What’d it say?”

  My teeth gritted. “Not important. It isn’t true anyway.”

  Glancing at him quickly, I saw him nod and knew he’d probably figured out what it said.

  Or something close enough.

  “Less chitchat, Burnell! Or you can do twenty more while everyone else hits the showers.”

  Cringing at the coach’s booming voice, I shut my head off as much as I could and picked up speed.

  The locker room was abuzz with talk of the upcoming away game against Allenby Heights, one of our greatest rivals, but I didn’t really give a shit. My stomach wouldn’t stop curdling, as if I’d drunk spoiled milk. The look on Daisy’s face before she closed the door remained on the forefront of my mind. Shutting off the shower, I grabbed my towel and padded out to my locker to get dressed.

  The last thing I felt like doing was heading to a day of back-to-back classes. I’d rather be at home, nursing my wounded pride and trying to figure out what to do next.

  “So,” Toby said, catching up with me outside, “you saw her last night?”

  I kept walking. “Yes, for all the good it did me.”

  “Aww, you got your ass turned down for once, Quinny boy?”

  Flicking some damp hair from my face, I muttered, “Shut the fuck up.”

  Toby chuckled. “You know, some might say you’re crazy for jumping right into another relationship anyway. Or at least trying to.”

  That had me stopping and turning to face him. “Why?” The look he gave me was full of amused surprise. I sighed and continued, “I tried to move on. Hell, I thought I damn well did.”

  “And there she was again.” Toby nudged my shoulder, and we started walking again.

  “Yeah. Made me feel like all I’d done was put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. What’s the point in trying to ignore that kind of ache? It only gets worse. It’ll always be there.”

  “It’ll always be her, you mean?”

  I liked Toby for a lot of reasons, the main one being that we could discuss shit like this without getting called a pussy or being met with awkward, stilted answers or silence.

  “Yeah, just her.”

  We walked into the cafeteria; the smell of pancakes, sausage, and bacon filled my nose and made my mouth water.

  “Well then,” he said as we joined the short line. “Why you still moping about it?”

  “What do you mean? I’m not moping.” My shoulders pulled back defiantly.

  With laughter in his voice, he said, “Yeah, man. You’re totally moping. Looking like someone stole all your presents on Christmas morning.”

  “That bad?”

  “Yep.”

  I ran a hand through my hair, tousling the wet strands. “I don’t know what to do.”

  After ordering, I stepped to the side to wait. When Toby joined me, he asked, “About Daisy? Why?”

  “What do you mean, why? She shut the door in my face.”

  He shrugged, shaking his head like it was nothing. “You haven’t been shut down much in your life, have you?”

  When I thought about it, I realized that no, I hadn’t. “Don’t give me shit. Just tell me what I should do.”

  Toby smirked, walking over to grab a few napkins. “You simply keep knocking, dude.”

  “Hey, Quinn,” some brunette said, wiggling her fingers at me as her and her friend stepped by me to walk inside. I had no idea who she was, so I gave her a small smile and returned my attention to my phone.

  Waiting outside Daisy’s dorm on the steps didn’t exactly feel like my finest moment. The rain didn’t exactly help matters either, but whatever. I’d do what I needed to.

  The only problem was, I’d been here since three, and it was now nearing six p.m. I had no idea where she was, if I’d missed her, or if she’d seen me and decided to avoid me.

  I thought about seeing if she was at work, but then I worried if I moved, I might miss her coming or going.

  Looking down at the game I’d been playing on my phone, I watched as it hit six o’clock and got up. I’d been sitting under the small awning, so I wasn’t completely drenched, but I was fucking cold.

  My ass felt numb, and my backpack was kind of wet as I slung it over my shoulder. Ducking my head, I stepped down the steps then stopped when I saw another brunette running down the sidewalk toward me.

  No, not toward me, toward her dorm.

  “Pippa,” I said, stepping back out of the rain, my chest filling with relief.

  She froze, her hand going to her chest. “Jesus, don’t scare me like that.”

  Smiling apologetically, I asked, “Is Daisy in?”

  Pippa studied me, her brows lowering over her green eyes. “No, she’s not.”

  Okay then. This would be harder than I thought. “Can you tell me where she is?” I gave her my best pleading look. “Please?”

  Sighing, she looked around, then leaned against the doors. “Making her wait after what you guys did was a pretty shitty thing to do. No, what you guys did was pretty shitty. A lot shitty. But she felt bad enough. She’s been torn up about you ever since we started here, and then this?”

  “I know,” I murmured, looking away as my guilt manifested into something big enough to rip me in half. But I couldn’t give in to it. Or else I might miss out on another chance—what could be my last one—with the person who’d always mattered most to me. “I want to fix it. I’m trying to. I can’t do that if she won’t see me.”

  “How long have you been sitting out here?”

  Scratching the back of my head, my cheeks grew warm. “Uh … a few hours.”

  “A few hours?” Her voice rose high above the pattering of rainfall.

  “Yeah.”

  She bit her lip, looking unsure for a second before saying, “She’s at work tonight.”

  I cursed roughly, feeling like an idiot. “Right, I’ll head there then.”

  “Quinn,” Pippa said, halting me at the bottom of the stairs. Raindrops splashed onto my cheeks, sliding down my neck and under my hoodie. “Don’t fuck it up again.”

  Giving her a hopeful smile, I said, “I won’t. I can’t.” Then I marched off in the rain to find my girl.

  Leaning over the counter, I watched the rain come down outside in silver sheets that shimmered in the darkness. The parlor was dead. Probably due to the weather. I’d been cleaning for the past two hours and served only two people.

  Tim was in the back, reading a book at his desk, and I was fast running out of things to do.

  Drumming my short nails on the stainless countertop, I leaned my head on my other hand and tried not to think about Quinn. Touching Quinn. Kissing Quinn. Or how I got so lost in Quinn that I didn’t even think about the repercussions.

  I was not only a bad person, but I was also an extremely confused one.

  And as if the universe wanted to rub that in a little harder, a figure appeared at the door, pushing it open and walking inside.

  He was soaking wet. His jeans dark blue and his usually light gray team hoodie now charcoal and hanging from his large frame. I straightened, adjusting my glasses as my breath left me in a nervous puff.

  His smile turned into a grimace as he glanced down at the water droplets he was leaving on the clean floor. “Well, uh, this wasn’t exactly a well-thought-out plan.”

  Smirking, I said, “One
sec.” I went into the back room, causing Tim to look up from his book when I asked if I could borrow a towel.

  “Sure.” Leaning back in his chair, he glanced out the door. “You have a friend here?”

  “Yeah, he’s a little soaked from the rain.”

  Tim nodded, rubbing a hand over his chin. “Why don’t you get out of here then, yes? We’re not going to get a lot of traffic with this weather anyway.”

  I stopped in the doorway. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. I’d rather you walk home with your friend than alone.”

  Giving him a thankful smile, I clocked out, grabbed my bag, and made my way back out front.

  “It might not help much, but here.” I passed the towel to Quinn, then grabbed my umbrella from the stand near the door. “You want anything before I go?”

  He looked at my bag and umbrella. “You’re off?”

  “Yeah, Tim said I could go early, what with the lack of customers tonight.”

  “Right, okay. No, I came to see you.” He wiped the towel over his face, tiny droplets falling from his hair and running over his forehead before he trapped them with the towel. “Can I walk you home then?”

  I should’ve said no, not knowing where the hell my head or his was at, but I didn’t. “Okay.”

  The wind blew my umbrella inside out and sent it flying as soon as we stepped outside, and I laughed, squealing a little as the icy rain peppered my face. “We’re just gonna have to make a run for it. Ready?”

  He grabbed my hand, and I took a deep breath. “No, but okay.”

  Laughing, we ran through the water over the sidewalk, and I prayed to God we didn’t slip. It was raining so hard that my glasses were completely fogged over, the lenses covered in splashes of water by the time we reached campus.

  We cut through the grass instead of using the sidewalk, and I shrieked as mud and water flew up my legs, covering my shins and soaking my Chucks and socks. “Jesus,” I said with another laugh as we reached the small awning of my dorm building.

  “Yep.” Quinn held up the towel, which was almost dry.

  “How on earth?” I frowned at it, and he let go of my hand to remove my glasses.

  “Tucked it under my hoodie.” He carefully wiped the water from my lenses, inspecting them before handing them back. He knew I didn’t like to be without them for too long for fear of one of my eyes turning in.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, taking them from him.

  He shifted closer, brushing my hand away when I went to put them on. “I still remember when your first pair broke.” His voice was decadently soft, and I glanced up at him with slightly blurred vision. After sliding my glasses on, his hands grabbed my face, his thumbs gently stroking underneath my eyes. “John Newman used to call you the wonky-eyed girl.”

  My lashes lowered. I didn’t like being reminded of that. “I know.”

  “It was only for a day, and you went home from school early, not wanting anyone to see you.”

  “What are you getting at?” I wanted his hands off me before I dissolved into him.

  A smile edged his lips, and he brought my face closer, whispering, “Your mom was home sick, and your dad had no idea what kind of frames you’d like. You refused to leave your house until you had them, even going as far as trying to tape your old ones together.”

  My mind twirled backward, my sorrow and embarrassment over something I could never help jumping into my chest, making it hard to breathe. “Masking tape. It didn’t work. But then Dad came home with a purple pair, and they had rainbow arms.”

  “I wanna paint until I’ve used every color in the rainbow, Quinn. Every single one.”

  “You’ll be painting forever, Dais.” He poked me in my dimple.

  “I know. Isn’t that just the greatest?”

  The memory hit me so hard, my knees quaked. “You went with him?”

  “I did,” he said, pulling me to his damp chest.

  Salt filled my nose, my throat closing as I gazed up at him. “To this day, they’ve always been my favorite.” A little laugh fluttered out of me.

  “Just like you’ll always be mine.”

  “Quinn,” I said when his head lowered.

  His lashes bobbed, and he blew out a rough breath that fanned over my cheek as he stepped back, dropping his hands. “I know, I’m sorry. I just … I needed to see you. And whenever I do, everything else kinda runs away from me.”

  My eyes caught sight of his truck out on the street. “You’d better get home, get dry.”

  He didn’t move. “I’d rather talk to you. See you.”

  His eyes pleaded, but not only was it freezing out here, I also didn’t know what to do. “Another time?”

  “I’ll hold you to that.” Before I could move inside, he stepped forward and grabbed my face again, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead.

  I watched him jump the steps and jog to his truck before going inside.

  “Hey, you.” Glancing up from my table in the library, I found Callum.

  I closed my textbook. “Hey, how are you?”

  “Have coffee with me and I might tell you.” Shifting his books under his arm, he nodded at a guy walking past.

  I chewed my lip for a moment, thinking I could sure use a coffee. With midterms behind us and end of year exams approaching, I wondered how much studying I could take before my brain exploded. “You’re not going to make me pay up on my debt, are you?”

  I tucked my notebook and pen into my bag, then stood and tossed it over my shoulder.

  “Maybe, maybe not.”

  Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I grabbed my textbook and followed him through the aisle of tables, heading to the lower level, where we walked past rows of books until we reached the entrance. “I must warn you, though, I’ve got the hangover from hell. I kind of just want to stare at you and hope some of your freshness rubs off on me.”

  That made me laugh as we headed out into the quad. “I’m not feeling so fresh, but thanks, I think.”

  Glancing at me, he asked, “Burnell?”

  I moved my gaze straight ahead. “I guess. Mostly studying.”

  I was surprised he didn’t comment on what had happened until we reached the cafeteria and ordered. “You doing okay? I heard about …” He waved his hand around, a pack of sugar clutched inside it.

  I stirred some sugar into my cup. “Define okay.”

  He looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged, prepping his drink. “I think that definition is different for everyone.”

  I mulled that over. “I think you’re right.”

  He took a sip of his coffee. “For what it’s worth, I don’t agree with what you guys did, but I don’t think you deserved what happened to your dorm room.”

  “It wasn’t. We didn’t plan—”

  Smirking, he raised a hand. “No need to explain. Besides, it’s obvious to everyone that Quinn’s head has been all over the place since you showed up.”

  I didn’t know why, but I felt compelled and comfortable enough to tell Callum a bit of our history. “We grew up together.”

  “Yeah? How cute.”

  Sighing, I took a sip of my coffee and continued, “It was more than that, though. It’s hard to explain. We just … we were kind of inseparable. Our friendship progressed into more, and right when we’d just started to comprehend how seriously we felt about each other, my dad got a new job, and my family left Clarelle.”

  Callum stared down at the table, his finger running through sugar granules. “And you lost contact.” Rubbing his fingers together, he glanced up. “Must have been a huge blow to discover he’d moved on.”

  My lip quivered, and I bit it. “Huge is an understatement. And yes, we kind of fell apart when I left. I just stupidly thought we’d end up here, where we’d always planned to go to college, and somehow find our way back to each other.”

  “Then you saw him with Alexis.”

  “Yep. She’s known us since elementary school.”

&n
bsp; “So she was your friend?”

  Wrapping my hands around my coffee to warm them, I nodded.

  He sat back, a disbelieving sound leaving him.

  “I know.” I laughed. “And now I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions. It doesn’t seem right to just … take what I want.”

  “That makes sense, especially after the way they’ve hurt you.” He grabbed my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. They looked so pale next to his tanned skin. “Burnell is probably one of the most decent guys I’ve met.” He chuckled. “Some of the guys call him mama’s boy. The dude pays for a stranger’s coffee and rarely has a bad word to say about anyone. I don’t think he did what he did, knowing he’d see you again.”

  I was still staring at our hands but looked up at that. “You don’t?”

  His head shook. “No. It sounds to me like you’re imbedded in the guy so deep, that he maybe took the next thing closest to you both, and thought it’d help him keep going.”

  Shocked, I sniffed, pulling my hand back. “College feels crazier than high school.”

  Callum snorted. “Tell me about it.”

  “So, how was the away game last weekend?”

  “Good.” A smirk lifted his upper lip. “Which you probably already know.”

  Shrugging, I took another sip of coffee.

  He continued, “As always, he was on his best behavior.”

  Some of the tension left my shoulders. “I didn’t ask about him.”

  “But you wanted to.” He grinned, and I tried in vain to hide my smile.

  Tilting my head, I watched his eyes skim over the people in line behind us. “Have you been doing okay?”

  Brown eyes met my own. “No need to worry about me. Incoming …”

  Confused, I was about to turn around when a sketchpad landed on the table with a resounding thwack.

  “Welsh,” Quinn’s voice came from beside me, a hint of annoyance in it.

  Callum’s smile was goading. “Can we help you, Burnell?”

  Quinn grunted, grumbling something under his breath as he dragged the chair next to mine out and dropped into it. “For you,” he said, pushing the sketchpad toward me.