Clean Slate

by Heidi Champa

  I got in my car and drove out into the suburbs. Even though it was only about twenty miles from the city, I rarely got out there. Daniel constantly invited me over, and I went more than I wanted to, but my visits were always short. Leaving the city always felt weird to me, even though I’d only lived there a few years. When I got to Daniel’s, I grabbed the key from under the mat and let myself in. Collapsing on the couch, I fell asleep almost instantly, the fight and its aftermath taking everything out of me. When I woke up, it was nearly four in the afternoon, and for the first time in a long time, I had nowhere to be and nothing to do. I thought about work and all the projects that were left undone. Too late to worry about that now. That was Nick’s problem. Nick. I wondered what he’d told everyone at the office. It was a small team, and I could only imagine what they’d heard that morning. More people I’d never be able to talk to again.

  After zoning out on the couch for a while, thinking of the tatters of my life, I decided to clear out my car; to unpack my life in the basement. It only took me about thirty minutes to unload my stuff, the small pile of boxes and my suitcase stacked at the bottom of the basement steps.

  I placed the black-and-white photo on top; the frame looked too broken to repair. I knew how it felt. I looked around at my depressing new home. I hated to admit it, but I almost missed the apartment more than I missed Nick. I heard footsteps above me, and soon I heard Daniel chuckling as he descended the steps.

  “It’s lucky you called when you did. We just redid Kelsey’s room a few months ago, but we didn’t get the chance to throw away her old mattress yet. So you have a bed to sleep in. It’s small, but it’s better than nothing,” Daniel said, leaning against the wall.

  “Yeah, lucky me.”

  “Sorry, dude. Not the best choice of words. I was trying to look on the bright side.”

  “Well, fucking quit it. I’m in no mood for the bright side.”

  Daniel laughed, which only made me feel worse.

  “Then the basement will be perfect for you. No natural light. Kelsey thought of moving down here, but she said it was too dank.” His smile made me want to punch him.

  “Thankfully dank is perfect for her uncle.”

  “Indeed. Hey, maybe you can help us get rid of some of the crap down here. Earn your keep. You know, now that you don’t have a job.” His attempt at humor was anything but funny.

  “Sure. No problem,” I said, again, not intending to actually do it.

  I flopped down on the old couch Daniel and Tina had banished there a few years back. They were going to throw it out, but since they’d moved into the bigger house, throwing things out had become a thing of the past. I used to make fun of them for keeping stuff, but now I was kind of grateful. Their castoffs gave me a place to put my stuff. I closed my eyes and sighed.

  “God, I’m such an idiot.” I cradled my head in my hands.

  Daniel set aside the box I’d put on the cushion and sat next to me.

  “I thought you wanted out of your relationship with Nick.”

  “I did.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “Really? Were you even listening to me when I explained what happened?” I asked, my frustration growing.

  He slapped me on the shoulder and leaned back.

  “I was. And, I have to say, you are always good for a story, Wes. You really know how to fuck things up good. I thought you’d changed a bit more than that since we were kids. But, here you are, still pushing people, just to see how far you can go before they break.”

  Daniel had called me on my shit more times than I cared to count. He was right, of course, and I was too tired to defend my ridiculous practices.

  “It seems to be my specialty.”

  “You had to see this coming,” Daniel said.

  “Of course I did. I guess I didn’t think the fallout through.”

  He stood up and walked to the minifridge that sat buzzing in the corner. Pulling out two beers, he started laughing.

  “Man, I have to say I never thought you and Nick would last, but I didn’t think that you’d resort to trying to move out without him knowing. That’s bold, even for you.”

  “I was gonna leave a note. I just hadn’t gotten to writing it yet,” I corrected, as if it mattered.

  “As if that would matter.”

  “Fine. Whatever. I tried to get him to dump me for the last month, but he wouldn’t take the bait.”

  “You are such a child.”

  “Funny, Nick said pretty much the same thing.”

  “Trying to make someone dump you to avoid doing it yourself is very juvenile. As is running away and not talking about things.”

  “I know,” I insisted.

  “You really should have moved on from that technique by now. Provoking people into getting mad at you is stupid. And incredibly counterproductive.”

  I surveyed the basement, feeling even more depressed than I had a moment ago.

  “If you’re going to keep lecturing me, I’ll go and stay with someone else,” I said, an idle threat if there ever was one.

  “Like who?” he scoffed.

  Daniel looked at me and swigged from his longneck. He had me there. I was stuck and he knew it.

  “Fuck you, man.”

  “You’re my brother and I love you, but you’re an idiot.”

  “Thanks,” I said, resigned.

  Tina came down the stairs, eyeing my stack of boxes with a shake of her head, her honey-colored hair swaying. She was tiny, barely over five feet tall, which only served to make Daniel look even taller when they stood next to each other. Despite her size, sometimes I was more afraid of her than I was of him. But most of the time, she just made me laugh.

  “Wes, honey, how is it you have so little? I mean, a few boxes for your whole life?” she asked.

  I smiled at her before drinking from my beer. Most people didn’t view a portable life as a good thing like I did. It was easy to forget that I was the weird one.

  “It’s a gift. What can I say? Unlike you two, I don’t like having my space stuffed to the gills. Like your closet, for example,” I pointed out.

  She moved a box aside before she grabbed Daniel’s beer.

  “Don’t believe anything he tells you,” she said, gesturing to Daniel. “Our closet is full of his junk as much as mine. Honestly, it could use some work. Maybe you can help me with that.”

  “Is that why you agreed to let me stay here? Slave labor?”

  “Pretty much,” she said with a grin.

  She disappeared with Daniel’s beer. He looked at me and smiled.

  “She’s happy you’re here, man. Maybe not so thrilled about your behavior, but….”

  I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed.

  “In all seriousness, thanks for taking me in. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said, deciding to try and curry favor. I couldn’t afford to alienate any more people.

  “I can’t very well let you be homeless. Our parents would never let me hear the end of it.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think Mom or Dad would care very much. Especially Mom.”

  Daniel didn’t respond, though, ignoring my comment. Usually, he’d jump at the chance to challenge me, but for some reason, he let my words slide right by.

  “Buck up, man. Things will get better.”

  “If you say so.”

  “They can’t get much worse.”

  His voice got quieter as he ascended the stairs, leaving me alone, surrounded by the remains of my life.

  I’D JUST finished putting my clothes into the pink particleboard dresser that had clearly lived in Kelsey’s old room when she appeared, her face buried in her cell phone. She glanced up at me, her eyeliner far too heavy. She had the same brown eyes as me and Daniel, but instead of our boring, sandy brown hair, she was a blonde like her mom. It was piled on top of her head in a messy ponytail, strands coming loose around her face.

  “Hey, Uncle Wes.”

  “Hey, Kel
s. How’s it going?”

  She stared at the device, her thumbs patting the bottom of the screen before she glanced up.

  “Cool. You?”

  “Not so great.”

  “Obvi; otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

  I laughed at her slang, the sound of it making me nostalgic for the days when saying “rad” and “totally” was all the rage.

  “No, I guess not.”

  “Wanna talk about it?” she asked, even though she didn’t sound at all interested.

  Her words made me laugh. As if a teenager should hear about my life. But the sentiment was sweet. She always was a good kid. My favorite, and only, niece.

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  She shrugged and sent another text, her face lighting up when the phone beeped a few seconds later.

  “And who are you talking to, young lady?” I asked with fake concern in my voice.

  She crinkled up her nose and shook her head. She looked just like Daniel when she did it. Daniel always joked that Kelsey took more after me and Michelle, but in that moment, all I could see was her father.

  “No one. And don’t call me that. Dad calls me that and it’s so annoying.”

  “Sorry. So, spill it. What’s the haps?”

  She looked at me with disgust before she smiled.

  “No one says haps anymore.”

  “Humor me; I’m old.”

  The phone beeped again and her attention was stolen. Reaching out, I grabbed the thing from her hand and looked at the screen.

  “Who’s Jonah?”

  She manically grabbed for the phone, but I evaded her. It beeped again, a new text appearing.

  “He says he wants you to HMU after you’re done with HW.”

  Kelsey kept trying to get the phone, but I managed to keep her at bay.

  “Give me back my phone! I mean it,” she squealed, her hands flailing as I kept moving the phone away.

  “What does that mean?”

  She made one more attempt to get the phone before collapsing onto the bed that used to be hers.

  “HMU is hit me up. HW is homework.”

  I stared at her, still not getting it.

  “Jonah wants me to text him after I’m done with my homework.”

  “Oh. How the hell do you talk to people like this?”

  She shrugged and started twirling her hair around her finger. She’d done it since she was a little girl and it always looked so cute. It was hard to believe she was almost sixteen.

  “We’re used to it and because we’re not old like you.”

  “I’m only twenty-eight,” I said. It had never sounded so ancient before.

  She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Like I said, old.”

  I sat next to her on the Hello Kitty sheets and stared at the wall. The silence was broken by her phone, which I had forgotten was still in my hand. I gave it back to her and looked into her eyes.

  “Just make sure if you ever want to break up with Jonah, do it right. Talk to him. Don’t do something stupid. Be honest, even if the conversation is hard.”

  She surprised me by ignoring the phone and putting her hand over mine.

  “Is that what happened with Nick? Did you do something stupid?”

  I thought back to the way I’d behaved and shuddered.

  “Something like that,” I said flatly.

  She bumped her shoulder into mine before she spoke.

  “Jonah and I aren’t dating. He’s a friend.”

  Kelsey looked at the text, and her sly smile gave her away.

  “Yeah, right,” I said with disbelief.

  “Whatever.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Methinks the lady does protest too much.”

  “What?”

  Her confusion made me question the public school system, but I let it go.

  “Nothing. Don’t you have homework to do?”

  After she replied to the text, she groaned and jumped up, heading toward the stairs.

  “Yeah. I have to read some ridiculous book called Slaughterhouse Five.”

  I smiled and laughed, remembering what it felt like to loathe homework.

  “Kurt Vonnegut. I loved that book.”

  “Ugh, you would,” she said.

  “I’m gonna remember you said that, little girl.”

  “Whatever.”

  She trudged up the stairs, the sound of her phone getting fainter. I could hear her talking to my brother and Tina. One happy family. With a loser living in their basement.

  I STARED into the dark, unable to sleep. I was exhausted, but the night before kept scrolling through my mind. Jumping out of bed, I switched on the lights and looked around the cluttered basement. Opening a box with the word books scrawled on the side, I found a pile of papers instead. Leafing through them, I found tax documents, old appliance manuals, and junk mail. It seemed as good a way as any to pass the time, so I dug in.

  “DUDE, WAKE up. It’s time to… holy shit!”

  I smiled when I saw Daniel’s face, the look of shock totally worth the sleep deprivation.

  “Well, what do you think?” I asked, way too eager for approval.

  With his mouth hanging open, he surveyed what I’d done. Instead of answering me, he called out to Tina.

  “Baby. You gotta get down here.”

  I could hear her grumbling as she creaked down the stairs.

  “Daniel, I’m really busy. What is it?” she asked, clearly frazzled.

  The last word trailed off as she took it all in. I stood with my arms folded, waiting for the gushing to start. Tina walked around for a moment, dumbfounded.

  “Holy crap, Wes. How did you, I mean, when did you….”

  I smiled, rubbing a hand through my hair.

  “Couldn’t sleep. So I decided to get to work.”

  In addition to going through all the crap they had boxed up and dividing it into things to keep and throw away, I’d set up my “room” in the far corner, fashioning a nice little space with the old furniture that didn’t fall apart when I sat on it. Tina and Daniel stopped in front of the boxes I’d piled by the stairs.

  “What’s this, bro?” Daniel asked, staring into the abyss of junk and papers.

  I moved next to them and started to explain.

  “Well, this is the stuff you’ll need to go through. I put all Kelsey’s old school stuff in those plastic bins on the shelf. This stuff in the blue box was stuff that seemed important but I wasn’t sure about. The white box is full of stuff that should be thrown away, but you might still want to look at it, and the rest was stuff that I didn’t know what the hell it was.”

  They looked at each other, and I could tell they were doing that thing all couples do, where they talk without words. Daniel put an arm around me and laughed.

  “Man, this is great. Thanks.”

  “I did the hard stuff. The rest is up to you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m disgusting and I need a shower. And some cereal.”

  I left them muttering and fishing through the boxes I’d left. In spite of everything that had happened the day before, I felt good getting something accomplished. Plus, I knew I had to stay on Daniel and Tina’s good side as long as possible. I figured it couldn’t hurt to bank some goodwill early.

  When I got done in the bathroom, I trudged to the kitchen, my eyes getting heavy. The only thing keeping me going was my growling stomach. Kelsey was at the table, her earbuds in, her gaze back on her phone screen. She smiled when she saw me, but her focus was quickly back to her texting. I reached over and yanked the cord from her ear.

  “Morning, Miss Thing.”

  “Right back at you, U Dub.”

  I poured milk onto my marshmallow-filled cereal and felt confusion wash over me.

  “What did you just call me?”

  My question was met with an eye roll, something I was going to have to get used to, being around Kelsey.

  “U Dub. Because you’re Uncle Wes.”

  I was even mo
re confused by that explanation, and she rolled her eyes even harder the second time.

  “Just go with it.”

  I didn’t have the energy to fight her, so I decided to take her advice.

  “Okay. Can do.”

  Daniel and Tina came up the basement stairs, still buzzing about what I’d done.

  “I’ll tell you what, brother, if you’re feeling ambitious, you think you could tackle the garage next?” Daniel asked.

  I spooned some cereal into my mouth and shrugged.

  “I guess I could. Not like I have anything else going on today. Or anytime soon, for that matter.”

  “Great. It’s been years since we’ve been able to get a car in there. And we can’t have you parking on the street all the time. The neighbors will complain.”

  Tina let out a loud chuckle at the mention of the neighbors, and I smiled.

  “Whatever. The neighbors can suck it. Kels, are you ready to go? The bus will be here any minute,” Tina said, switching seamlessly from bitching to mom mode.

  Kelsey groaned and wrapped her headphones around her phone. She looked at me with a devious smile.

  “You should take me to school, U Dub.”

  Her hand was on her hip, and her face twisted into a silly expression. For a moment, I was frozen. She looked so much like our sister, Michelle, in that moment, it was eerie. Shaking my head to clear the memory, I attempted to get out of having to move from the table.

  “Why would I want to do that?”

  “Because you love me.”

  I picked up my bowl and drank the leftover milk. It was something I hadn’t done while living with Nick, and it felt liberating. I didn’t even bother to wipe the stray drop from my chin.

  “Do I, though? Doesn’t sound like me.”

  Kelsey slapped me on the shoulder and laughed, her little hand barely making an impact.

  “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun,” she pleaded, her eyes all big and adorable.

  I looked to my brother, who was picking up his briefcase.

  “She’ll never let it go, so you might as well give in, Wes.”

  I stood up and took my bowl to the sink, still trying to get out of having to get behind the wheel.

  “Is that your parenting strategy? Because it sounds like a bad way to go about things,” I said with a smirk.