Clean Slate

by Heidi Champa

  “Oh.”

  “Can you stop saying that?” he asked.

  He tried to retreat from the bed, but I stopped him.

  “Sam, it’s not a big deal.”

  “Of course it is. I mean, I’ve had sex with a few guys, but not enough to know if I’m a top or a bottom or both or whatever.”

  He pulled away and got off the bed, pacing around in front of me. He seemed ready to flip out, so I tried to calm him down.

  “You know you don’t have to decide tonight, right? I mean, not for good. You can always change your mind. I’m flexible. And I mean that in every sense of the word.”

  That got him to stop for a moment. He gazed at me and smiled, his worried look disappearing. I patted the bed next to me and he sat down.

  “It’s getting ridiculous now, Wes.”

  “What?”

  “You. Saying the right thing.”

  “If you keep complimenting me, I’m going to get a huge head,” I said, trying to soothe his nerves.

  “Somehow I doubt it.”

  I stretched out on the bed, and he lay next to me, propped on his elbow.

  “So do you feel a little better now?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “See, this is another reason that talking is a good thing.”

  “I’ll remember that.”

  We were silent for a while, and I decided it was time to give the night a little nudge.

  “So when you imagined how this night was going to go, what did you picture?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  I rolled on top of him, pinning his hands to the bed, and gave him a long kiss.

  “I mean, did you imagine me on my hands and knees, looking back at you while you pounded me?”

  His face turned bright red, and I felt him getting hard again against my thigh.

  “Um….”

  “Or did you imagine me just like this, looking down at you while I fucked your brains out?”

  He groaned when I moved my hips, our cocks rubbing together for a moment. I released his hands and kissed him, the fierceness of it taking my breath away.

  “Uh….”

  “Or were you thinking about hanging me from the ceiling or something fun like that?” I asked with a giggle.

  I nuzzled my lips against his neck, making him groan, his hands running up and down my back. When I pulled back to look at him, his face was a jumble of emotion. He tried to smile, but I could tell he was still nervous.

  “Uh, well, I don’t have the equipment to hang you from the ceiling.”

  “Too bad.”

  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he looked over my shoulder instead of right at me.

  “I was picturing the second option on your list,” he said softly.

  He finally met my eyes, and I cocked my eyebrow and grinned, trying my best to lighten the mood.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Is that okay?”

  I laughed and kissed his forehead.

  “Yeah, that’s more than okay.”

  “Are you sure, because if it’s not what you really want, then we can….”

  I cut him off with a kiss before I moved off him.

  “Sam, I meant what I said. I want to. The question is, are you sure you want to?”

  He nodded, but I thought I could still see some apprehension in his eyes. His face softened before he kissed me, and he rolled away, reaching into the drawer on his bedside table. He pressed the lube and a condom into my hand with a kiss and a smile.

  “I had to go to the pharmacy to buy those. The last condoms I bought actually expired. The box was still sealed shut and everything.”

  I smiled at the thought of Sam nervously buying condoms at the local drugstore like a teenager after prom. I wished I’d been there to see it.

  “I could have brought what we needed.”

  “Hey, I invited you. Seemed like the right thing to do.”

  I couldn’t stop another laugh from coming out of my mouth. He was so damn sweet.

  “That was very considerate of you, Sam.”

  “And don’t forget incredibly dorky.”

  “It’s not dorky at all. It’s responsible. And completely fitting with your character, by the way.”

  He kissed me, pressing himself against me.

  “There you go again, saying the right thing.”

  “And there you go again, stroking my ego,” I said as his lips swept over my neck.

  “Well, I can stroke something else if you’d prefer.”

  He wrapped his hand around my cock and brought my erection back to life in no time.

  “That’s more like it,” I said through gritted teeth.

  I set aside the condoms and lube and let myself enjoy the sensation for a while. I looked at Sam, and the lust on his face made me feel like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I pushed him onto his back and wasted no time getting his cock in my mouth.

  “Oh God… Wes.”

  I eased his legs farther apart to give me better access. When the tip of my finger touched the pucker of his ass, I felt him tense.

  “Wes, um, I….”

  I stopped everything I was doing and looked up at him. He had an arm thrown over his face. As I figured, he clearly still had some serious reservations about what was about to happen. Ordinarily, with any other guy, I would have talked him into it, cajoling and prodding until I got what I wanted. But with Sam, I only wanted to be with him if he really wanted to. I liked him too much to make him feel uncomfortable.

  “You okay, Sam?”

  “Yeah.”

  His voice was slightly muffled, but I could tell he was anything but fine.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  “No.”

  I rubbed a hand over his thigh but found his body still rigid. His words and his actions weren’t matching up, which was always a huge red flag. The act he’d put on when I first arrived had fallen apart quickly, which was no surprise. Sam wasn’t the over-the-top, take-charge guy he wanted to be. Not that I was complaining. I preferred the real Sam so much more than the guy who’d answered the door.

  “You seem like you want me to stop. Which is fine, by the way.”

  He eased up onto his elbows and looked down at me.

  “I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I mean, I want this. I want you,” he said with a sigh.

  “It’s normal, you know. Especially for people who don’t do this kind of thing all the time.”

  “Which explains why you’re not nervous.”

  I sat up, not sure what to make of his words. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was calling me a slut. I tried not to get mad, but my brain was having a hard time keeping all my thoughts in check.

  “Despite what you might think, Sam, I’m nervous too.”

  He seemed to pick up on my discomfort and tried to make things right.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”

  The whole evening was turning from surreal to strange. It felt like Sam was trying to tell me something that he didn’t want to just come out and say. It fell to me to do what was right and slow things down. Way down.

  “It’s okay. You know what? Maybe this is just all happening too fast.”

  I turned to find my boxers, but his hand clamped around my wrist.

  “Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to go,” he pleaded.

  I let him pull me back onto the bed and we kissed, but I wasn’t convinced things were okay.

  “I don’t want to make you do something you’re not ready for.”

  “You aren’t. I swear. I really want… I really want you to fuck me.”

  He grabbed the lube and condom where I’d dropped them and handed them back to me.

  “You’re really sure? Because we can wait. As long as you want.”

  “I’m sure. And like I said the other night, I’m tired of waiting. Now, where were we?”

 
He leaned in and kissed me before I could answer. When he pulled back, I ran my hand across the back of his neck. I decided to take him at his word, at least for now. I was fully prepared for him to stop me somewhere along the way.

  “Lay on your stomach,” I instructed.

  Sam did as I asked, and I looked at the lean line of his body, taking him all in. With a hand on each hip, I eased him toward me until he was on his knees, his ass high in the air. I could hear his heavy breathing before I even touched him. I started like I had before, with a simple sweep of my fingertip over his pucker. I circled his hole slowly and watched as his back muscles slowly relaxed. When I pressed my tongue to him, I heard him gasp, and his hand reached back and covered mine. It didn’t take him long to get into it, pressing himself back against me as I rimmed him. I closed my other hand around his cock and started stroking, which really got him worked up.

  “Oh, Jesus. Wes.”

  I pulled back and reached for the lube, using my fingers to continue the job my tongue started. When my finger slipped inside him, he tensed up again, and I was afraid I’d lost him. I placed my hand on the small of his back, trying to calm him down.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  He took a deep breath before he answered.

  “Yeah. I just need a second.”

  He continued to breathe and after a moment, I felt his body loosen up. Soon, he was moving back against me, moaning like he couldn’t get enough. After a few more minutes, I added another finger. When he turned his head and met my eyes, I knew he was ready.

  “Roll over, Sam.”

  He flipped onto his back and stared at me as I rolled the condom on and lubed myself up. I leaned over him and kissed him.

  “You sure you want me to do this?” I asked with a smile.

  “Yeah. I’m sure.”

  He opened his legs wider, pulling them high as I reached down and guided the head of my cock to his hole. I kept my eyes on him as I started to push, and when the tip of my cock breached Sam’s asshole, everything stopped. He winced, and I could barely stand how tight he felt. I didn’t move as he panted below me, his eyes pinched shut. I was worried he was in pain but wouldn’t have the heart to tell me. I waited for him to relax, but after a few moments, I got worried.

  “You okay?” I asked with concern, ready to retreat. Sam held me tighter, his eyes fluttering open. He put a hand on the back of my neck and gave a smile.

  “Yeah.”

  I slid myself deeper inside him, going as slow as I could manage. Sam felt like heaven, and once I was in to the hilt, I paused. His eyes were closed again, his mouth open a bit. I waited for him to say something, do something. He grabbed my ass and urged me on, which I took as a good sign. I fucked him slow at first, until he grew more insistent, his fingers digging into my skin.

  “Fuck me harder.”

  I wasn’t expecting him to say that, but I was glad when he did. Holding back with him was getting more difficult by the second. I was happy to oblige Sam and let my passion take over, the anticipation that had been building for weeks finally able to be put to good use. He moved his hands up my back, clutching me close as I fucked him hard, each stroke making him moan louder. He reached between us and started stroking his cock, whimpering out his words.

  “Oh, God. You feel so good, Wes.”

  “So do you.”

  I felt like I should say more, but it was all I could manage. From the moment I first saw Sam, I’d pictured myself in this position, but the fantasy couldn’t hold a candle to the reality. Sam was better than I could have ever imagined. Better than I’d had in a long time. Better than it had been with Nick in the last months of our relationship. I kissed him hard, trying to keep myself from getting too close to the edge. Until his whispered words made it impossible for me to hold on another second.

  “I’m so close. I’m gonna come.”

  Sam’s eyes closed as he came all over his stomach, his asshole clenching around my cock. I barely managed another thrust inside him before I was coming too. He had his hands on the back of my neck, and he pulled me into a kiss as my body continued to quake. I was overwhelmed by how hard it all hit me, how wrung out I felt when it was over. I collapsed on top of him for a moment before rolling away. He was panting and looking at the ceiling.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay,” he said between breaths.

  I retreated to the bathroom, to clean up and to get my head together. After disposing of the condom and splashing my face with some cold water, I stared into the mirror. I had no idea how Sam would react when I went back into the room. I knew there was likely to be another conversation; one I wasn’t sure I wanted to have. Or worse, he’d hustle me out, back to his pathological need to keep things to his definition of casual. With a sigh, I hit the lights and returned to the bedroom, trying to brace myself for the worst.

  “Sam? You okay?”

  He hadn’t moved from his position on the bed, and as I got closer, I noticed his eyes were closed.

  “Sam?”

  He didn’t stir when I said his name, his breathing steady and quiet. Either he was asleep, or doing a very good job of faking it. I thought of waking him up but immediately dismissed the notion. This was perfect. I dressed as quietly as I could and then covered Sam with the duvet that had made its way to the floor. He looked so cute, I had to resist the urge to kiss him. I gave him one last look before I walked out and padded down the stairs.

  CHAPTER 9

  IT CAME as no surprise when I didn’t hear from Sam for days after we had sex. It had been almost a week and a half since we’d slept together and not so much as a text passed between us. I thought a million times about trying to contact him so we could hook up again; just a pithy text about nothing or a quick call. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After all, this was his idea, his game. I had to play by his rules.

  The ladies of the neighborhood continued to keep me busy cleaning out closets and basements. Jocelyn and Doris had both called me twice, wondering why I hadn’t called their setup guy yet. I had kept his card, but I’d barely thought about it. The school bus came around the corner and stopped in front of Daniel’s, Maya and Kelsey jumping out onto the sidewalk. They waved when they saw me.

  “Hey, ladies. How was school today?”

  Kelsey finished her text before she looked at me.

  “Great, but only because it’s Friday and we don’t have to go back until Monday.”

  “Ah, yes. I remember that feeling,” I said.

  I followed the girls into the house and waited until they had finished at the fridge to grab my own drink. They ransacked the cupboards while I popped open the top of my soda can. I took a drink and listened to them giggle.

  “So, you girls have big weekend plans?”

  They looked up at me, and their faces were serious for a second before they smiled.

  “Maya is sleeping over tonight.”

  “Oh, great,” I said, without much enthusiasm.

  Maya shrugged and ripped open a bag of chips.

  “Yeah, my dad’s going out. Meeting some guy for a drink,” she said casually.

  I nearly choked on my soda at the words Maya said. Clearing my throat and getting my composure back, I tried to keep the interest out of my voice, make my inquiry as benign as possible.

  “He has a date?”

  Maya shrugged again, her phone taking most of her attention.

  “Yeah. I guess so,” she said.

  “Oh. Good for him.”

  Kelsey nudged Maya and they started toward the steps.

  “We’ve got homework. See you later, U Dub,” Kelsey said.

  “Sure. Right.”

  I watched them amble away, navigating the steps while still texting. Sam had a date. I guess he was taking the whole casual thing pretty seriously. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Or even cared, really. But a tiny prick of jealousy spread through me. I wasn’t expecting it and it faded as fast as it came, but it shocked me nonetheless. Sam a
nd I weren’t anything to each other. Sam dating someone else was actually great for me. Less pressure on me, and less chance of him coming to me for a real relationship. The logic was obvious. I pictured Sam out with the guy, laughing over a beer. That thought was soon replaced as I reached for my wallet. The business card Jocelyn and her friend had given me sat in front of my credit card. I yanked it free and stared at it for a long second. Without thinking, I dialed the number and waited.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Jerry? You don’t know me, but my name is Wes Green. Your friend Doris gave me your number.”

  “Right. I was beginning to wonder if I’d hear from you,” he said.

  “Sorry, things have been a little busy for me.”

  “No problem. I know the feeling,” he said with a gruff laugh.

  “I was wondering… I know it’s short notice, but if you’re not busy tonight, would you want to grab a drink?”

  I heard papers rustling and waited to get blown off by a stranger I didn’t even want to meet.

  “Well, this must be your lucky day, Wes. I just had my plans fall through. A drink sounds great. How about we meet at Dawson’s? Around eight?”

  My lucky day? Man, he sure thought a lot of himself. I regretted making the call already, but it was too late now. I was stuck. One drink wouldn’t kill me. Maybe he’d at least be cute.

  “Sounds great. Um, what do you look like? So I’ll know who I’m looking for.”

  He laughed and sighed, a banging sound coming through the phone.

  “Don’t worry. Doris showed me a picture of you. I’ll find you.”

  “Oh, great.”

  “See you tonight, Wes.”

  Before I could say another word, he hung up. Doris had shown him a picture. When the hell did she take my picture? I didn’t have time to worry about that. I had a date to get ready for.

  I pulled up outside the bar around ten after eight. I usually hated being late, but with a date like this, I never wanted to be the first to arrive. When I walked into the place, I noticed everyone inside was wearing a suit. Except me. I scanned the faces in the bar, even though I had no idea who I was looking for. There were some cute guys, the kind you’d expect at a place like this. It was closer to the city, catering to the yuppie crowd that lived in the inner suburbs. I’d never been in the place before, although I knew Nick was a fan. I pushed that fact out of my head and kept looking around, hoping someone would recognize me. Just as I was about to give up, I noticed a guy at the bar stand up and wave.