Clean Slate

by Heidi Champa

  The look on her face was one I remembered well—that wistful, hopeful time at the beginning of a crush. When things were still possible, when everything was still balled up with anticipation and excitement. Before it all went to shit.

  “Darren. Nice. And how long has it been since you texted him?” I asked.

  “Like, ten minutes. I mean, what could he possibly be doing that he can’t answer?”

  “Don’t know. Living his life.”

  “Very funny, U Dub. Very funny.”

  She looked like she wanted to say more, but her phone beeped and stole her attention. Her eyes scanned the screen. The look of disappointment was evident, but soon she started to laugh.

  “What’s so funny over there?”

  Kelsey looked at me, but it wasn’t long before she was looking down, her thumbs flying.

  “Nothing. Maya was saying how annoying her dad is being right now.”

  The mention of Sam made my ears perk up, but I tried not to let it show.

  “Oh, really? Why’s that?”

  Kelsey didn’t have time to answer, though, as her phone signaled another text. This time, the elation on her face told me that Darren had come to his senses. I tried to busy myself while she texted, giggling and smiling the whole time. It was really an adorable sight. In a way, I was jealous of her. I feared I was far too jaded to ever have that look on my face over a guy again.

  When she finally slipped her phone back in her pocket, she looked at me, her face blank.

  “What did you say?” she asked, my last question clearly forgotten. Not that I blamed her.

  “You were saying about Maya’s dad,” I prompted her, hoping to jog her memory, but I wondered if anything but Darren would get through at this point.

  It took her a minute before recognition crossed her face.

  “Oh, right. She was saying how he’s been walking around all happy and dopey, but she has no idea why. He’s been whistling. Which is, like, super annoying.”

  I tried to imagine Sam wandering around his house, whistling. The thought of it made me smile. While my brain was a million miles away, Kelsey took the opportunity to throw more clothes at me.

  “Hello? Wake up, U Dub. These clothes aren’t going to sort themselves,” she said, mimicking my voice.

  Her phone beeped again, her eyes wide as she read the latest from Darren.

  “Why don’t we take a break? Seems like you might have more important things to do than hang out with your freak uncle.”

  “Okay,” she said, already halfway out the door.

  I could hear her walking down the stairs, still giggling. I went back to work on her closet for a while, making some decisions on my own about outfits that were clearly too small for her. By the time I’d made my way through the multicolored confusion, the second donation bag I’d started was completely full. After I dragged the stuff into the hall, I noticed the stuff Kelsey had thrown at me, which had landed on her newly cleaned desk. Clearing a glitter-covered T-shirt away, I picked up the stuff that had fallen over, including a toppled picture frame, which also had glitter all over it. The faces staring back at me made my breath catch in my throat. It was a picture of Michelle holding a baby Kelsey.

  I remembered the day the picture was taken, all those years ago. Michelle had just turned seventeen and I was twelve. My parents had decided we needed family portraits, so we spent a sunny afternoon at the photography studio, in our quasi-matching outfits, getting documented. When I held Kelsey that day, she cried and cried, and the picture of the two of us came out more awkward than adorable. Despite it being a lousy picture, my parents had displayed it proudly. The picture of Kelsey and Michelle was a different story. The moment Michelle took Kelsey from me, she calmed right down. And their picture was pure family magic. The photographer even asked if he could display it at his shop as an example of his handiwork, a request my family was only too happy to oblige.

  I looked at Michelle’s face, her smile beaming up at me. I could almost hear her voice, teasing me about my hair or my taste in music.

  “Dad says I remind him of her,” Kelsey said.

  I glanced at her, back in the doorway, and smiled. Daniel had said the same thing to me many times. The older Kelsey got, the more Michelle I saw in her.

  “You do. I mean, you remind me of her too. All those silly, stupid faces you make. The way you laugh. It’s kind of eerie sometimes.”

  Kelsey sat down next to me, tucking her phone into her pocket.

  “I wish I could remember her better. I remember her holding the cake at my birthday party when I turned four, and I remember her that Christmas. But barely.”

  Her words weren’t meant to hurt, but they did. I looked at the floor, forcing the tears that pricked the corner of my eyes to go away. I coughed, even though I didn’t really need to, just to clear the lump out of my throat.

  “I know, kid. Me too. She loved you so much. She said she was gonna have six kids of her own, so you’d have plenty of cousins to play with.” I tried to keep the sorrow out of my voice.

  I could feel Kelsey looking at me, but I didn’t meet her gaze.

  “Sorry, U Dub. I shouldn’t have said anything. I know talking about her can’t be easy for you, considering….”

  I shook my head, putting my arm around her.

  “Don’t apologize. Talking about Michelle is never a bad thing.”

  “You sure? I don’t want to make you upset. I mean, Dad told me not to bring it up with you, but….”

  Again, she trailed off. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel bad. I looked into her eyes, giving her a smile.

  “I’m absolutely sure. Your dad’s just trying to protect me, but he doesn’t need to. I’m really okay. Even though it hurts sometimes, bringing up Michelle is never a problem. After all, you’re two of my favorite girls in the world.”

  “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” she said, her voice so small.

  The last thing I wanted was Kelsey trying to make me feel better. It was too big a job for such a young girl. We were silent for a moment, until her phone beeped, breaking the tension. She reached for her phone but stopped, looking back at me.

  “Take it. I think we’re done for the day anyway,” I said, getting up from the edge of the bed.

  “You don’t have to go. We can keep going. You’re not mad, are you?” she asked.

  I stopped at the door, giving her a grin.

  “Not even a little bit. I told you, it’s fine. You don’t want to keep Darren waiting. I mean, what else do you have to do but talk to him?”

  She closed the gap between us and gave me a big hug.

  “Thanks, U Dub. You’re the best.”

  I TURNED down the blaring music, much to the chagrin of Kelsey and Maya.

  “Hey, you two. Keep it down for two seconds. I have to order the food. Then you can return to your caterwauling.”

  “What the hell is caterwauling?” Kelsey asked.

  I was about to answer when the restaurant finally answered their phone.

  “I’ll explain later,” I said quickly, before turning my attention back to the girl on the other end of the line.

  After ordering the Thai food, the girls had lobbied Daniel and Tina so hard for, I navigated the minivan through town, trying to kill the fifteen minutes before the food would be ready for pickup. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror. There I was, piloting the suburban dad-mobile, having just picked up Kelsey and Maya from their Friday afternoon soccer practice. Things ran late, so it was after seven by the time we got on the road. Then I had to spend ten minutes listening to Kelsey on the phone, badgering Daniel into letting her pick what we had for dinner. At least it wasn’t me who had to decide.

  I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and killed the engine.

  “Turn the music back on, U Dub,” Kelsey said with a whine.

  I sighed, feeling far too much like a parent for my taste. God, how did people do this every day of their live
s?

  “Fine. Try not to go deaf until I get back,” I said, but they weren’t listening to me. Kelsey leaned forward from her seat behind me and turned the radio back up to earsplitting levels as I shut the door.

  The delicious smells of Thai food hit me in the face as I opened the door, my stomach growling immediately. As I approached the counter and gave my name, I heard a voice behind me.

  “Wes?”

  Turning around, I saw Sam. For a moment, I smiled. Until I saw who was standing next to him. It was Jerry, my blind date. And apparently, Sam’s as well. I guess I was wrong about Jocelyn getting better at fixing people up.

  “Hey, Sam. How are you?” I asked, not knowing what else to say as I looked back and forth between them.

  “Good. We were just about to sit down for dinner. You getting takeout?”

  “Yup, the girls won another argument with Daniel, so here I am.”

  “I told you. They are far too persuasive for their own good,” Sam said, smiling.

  Jerry looked at me, his face blanching in recognition. Sam looked at him and then back to me. Jerry met my eyes and shook his head subtly, clearly afraid I would spill the beans to Sam about our failed attempt at courtship.

  “This is Jerry. Jerry, this is Wes. He’s, uh, he’s helping me clean out my house.”

  I wasn’t sure what I expected Sam to say, but that seemed as good an introduction as any. I thought of playing along, but then I decided to have a bit of fun.

  “Oh, Jerry and I have met,” I said with a grin.

  I could almost see the flop sweat form on Jerry’s upper lip as Sam’s expression changed to one of shock. Sam looked to Jerry for an explanation, but as he stuttered out a few syllables, I put the guy out of his misery. I’d exacted enough revenge for the night at the bar.

  “Jocelyn had told Jerry about my organizing services. We’d talked about me doing some work for him, but I’ve been so busy, we never actually set anything up. Isn’t that right, Jerry?”

  The relief that crossed Jerry’s face was palpable. It shouldn’t have been so much fun fucking with the guy, but it was. He nodded, taking a deep breath as he did.

  “Yup. I guess I need to get on that, huh? Otherwise, you’ll be too booked up to ever help me,” he said with a chuckle.

  Sam joined in his laughter, but I just smiled.

  “Well, let me know. You have my number, I think,” I said, getting in one last dig.

  Jerry nodded again as Sam shoved his hands in his pockets. We stood there in silence for a moment before the girl at the counter returned with my order.

  “Well, that’s me. I better get going. You two have a good night,” I said, fishing my wallet out of my pocket.

  “Thanks. See you around,” Sam said, as the two of them followed the hostess into the dining room.

  I watched them sit down, the two of them chatting and laughing as they unfolded their napkins. They looked like they belonged together; like they made sense. The same way Sam had looked with the hot guy from the bar. Maybe Jocelyn was better at matchmaking than I gave her credit for. Jerry would love Sam. He was just his type. And, Sam—well, Jerry was exactly the kind of guy Sam should end up with. Smart, stable, together. Mature. Just then, Sam looked up and caught me watching them. I quickly turned my attention to the cash register and paid for our food.

  I pulled open the car door and had my ears assaulted by an awful noise. Kelsey leaned forward, turning down the horrible song a fraction.

  “Sorry, U Dub,” she said as she buckled up.

  I lowered the volume almost all the way, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

  “For what? The terrible taste in music? You’re forgiven,” I said with a smile.

  IT WAS nearly nine, and I was hungry again. I pulled open the fridge, searching for the extra pad thai I’d ordered because I knew I’d want it later, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Sam’s name appeared on the screen, his text short. He wanted me to call him. Having no idea what he might want, I did as he asked, still confused as I waited for him to pick up.

  “Hello?” he said, as if he had no idea it was me.

  “Hey, Sam. It’s Wes. You wanted me to call,” I asked, my voice wary.

  “Oh, hi. Can you hold on for just a minute?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  I waited, listening to the muffled noise on the other end of the line. Tapping my foot, I finally closed the refrigerator door and leaned against it. There was a crackle and a bang before I heard Sam’s voice again.

  “Hey, thanks for calling,” he said, his voice full of relief.

  “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

  He laughed, which should have put me at ease, but it didn’t.

  “Yeah, it is now. I had to get away from Jerry for a minute. After nearly two hours of listening to him talk about finance, I needed a break.”

  “Oh. So you guys didn’t hit it off?”

  Sam laughed again, as if I’d said the stupidest thing in the world.

  “Not really. I mean, he’s nice enough, but he’s so boring. And this is coming from me. While he was rambling on about his years at Wharton Business School, I thought of your escape plan and thought I’d put it into effect. I’m pretending you’re Maya, and it will give me the perfect excuse to end the evening. He was talking about going for a drink, so I had to do something.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Sam didn’t like Jerry either. I didn’t think it was possible, but it made me respect Sam even more. Kelsey and Maya giggled upstairs, the thump of their music increasing just a bit.

  “I’m glad I could help. I guess I’ll see you soon, so I can get back to work on that basement,” I said, as nonchalantly as I could.

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and for a moment I thought I’d lost him.

  “Well, if you’re not doing anything in about fifteen minutes, I have some leftovers. And plenty of wine.”

  “I could eat,” I said, knowing that eating was probably the last thing on Sam’s mind.

  “Great. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

  The line went dead. His presumption should have made me mad, but it didn’t. Thankfully, Daniel and Tina were upstairs watching a movie in their room, so I could get out of the house without answering any questions. I didn’t bother to change out of my ratty jeans and old T-shirt. It was nice knowing that impressing Sam didn’t come down to my outfit.

  When I got to Sam’s place, I didn’t bother to knock. I just walked in and found him on the couch in the living room. He stood when he saw me, and I expected a hug but instead he walked past me into the kitchen.

  “So, I got some extra food for Maya, but there’s plenty if you want some,” he said, reaching into the fridge.

  I thought for sure the promise of food was just a ruse to get me to his place and get me naked. My stomach made the decision for me.

  “Sounds great. I was actually about to raid my leftovers when you called,” I said as I watched Sam gather the containers.

  I grabbed the plate and silverware he’d set out on the counter and followed him back to the living room. Before he sat, he filled two glasses with red. I filled my plate, but Sam stuck with just the wine.

  “Thanks again for saving me, Wes. I really appreciate it.”

  He handed me a goblet, then clinked his against mine.

  “No problem. But I’m surprised you’re not angry with me.”

  “Why would I be mad at you?” he asked before taking a sip.

  “Because, clearly, I gave you lousy advice. I told you to go out on the blind date, after all,” I said with a shrug.

  He laughed as he set his glass down.

  “I don’t blame you for that, man. Besides, your advice was good. And in fact, it turns out you were right.”

  I raised my eyebrows, my sip of wine getting stuck in my throat.

  “I was? That doesn’t sound like me,” I said.

  Sam bumped his shoulder against mine, the playful contact bringin
g a smile to my face.

  “You were right about me getting out there more. Sure, Jerry wasn’t the right guy, but I kind of knew he wouldn’t be. But it felt good to go on a date, to talk to a guy. Even a boring-ass guy. It was a good start, though. So thanks.”

  His grin made my face go hot, but I tried to ignore that fact.

  “Well, you’re welcome.”

  “And without your brilliant escape plan, I’d be at some bar right now, being bored to tears,” he added.

  “Like I said, it was no problem. Happy to do it. After years of dating, you pick up a few things.”

  Sam filled me in on the painful details of his date with Jerry while I ate, which led me to tell him about some of my miserable dating experiences over the years. I liked making Sam laugh, and somehow sharing it all with him made it seem less pathetic. By the time we got to the last guy Sam went out on two dates with in college, my stomach hurt from laughing so much.

  He was about to open another bottle of wine just as the clock struck midnight.

  “Wow, I didn’t realize it was that late,” he said, turning the corkscrew.

  “Yeah. It doesn’t feel like midnight,” I said.

  “With you, time really flies. Unlike some people I was stuck with tonight.”

  I waited for him to say something about it being time for me to go, but when he didn’t, I knew what I had to do. He was trying to be subtle, and it was on me to take the hint.

  “You know, I should probably go, Sam. This was fun.”

  I moved to stand up, but as I rose from the couch, my balance faltered. The wine had affected me more than I realized, my head a bit cloudy.

  “You don’t have to go, Wes. Besides, you’ve had too much wine. You shouldn’t drive.”

  The sparkle in his eyes revealed his intentions. My mouth got ahead of my brain, the words coming before I could think better of them.

  “You know, I don’t think I’m up for fooling around tonight, Sam. Sorry.”

  He set the wine bottle aside and stood in front of me, wrapping his arms around my back.

  “That wasn’t what I meant. I mean, when I called, I thought we might, but I don’t think I’m in any shape either. I usually don’t drink this much. Or really at all.”