Turned Out by His Hood Mentality 3

by Diamond D Johnson

  “But Denim was saying that she was going to move and take Khari far away. What if she takes her away? Yeah, Khari be getting on my last nerve sometimes, but I don’t want her to leave here,” he said, basically letting me know that he actually did hear the conversation that Denim and I had in her hospital room.

  I released a sigh as I pulled my car into the mall.

  “Denim is going through something right now, and she was talking crazy. You know your daddy is crazy as hell, and he won’t let nobody take his kids from him,” I said in a joking way, making my son laugh from the backseat. He knew his daddy was bat shit crazy, so he had every right to be laughing because he knew it was true.

  I parked the car and then got out and opened the back door for him next. He climbed right on out. I pulled my son into my arms and kissed him on top of his head multiple times.

  “Let the adults figure out this situation. You don’t have anything that you need to stress about because, like I said, you and Khari will always have a relationship. You’re a kid. Stay a kid and worry about kid things like football, video games, and all the other things that you like. Alright?” I asked.

  I wanted to keep him in my arms for as long as I possibly could because I swear, after my son’s birthday, he hit that stage where he didn’t want me hugging and kissing him in public. I wanted to take advantage of him letting me hug him and not pushing me off him.

  “Okay, ma,” he said.

  I eventually let him go, and then the two of us walked into the mall together. The whole time I was at the mall with my son, all I could think about was the conversation I had in the hospital room with Denim. She just gave me vibes like she was about to be back on her old bullshit. Not only did that I get that from her, but I also got that she was talking from a place of hurt. I just got the impression that her actions would be reckless. That girl ain’t never said that she wanted to leave Miami a day in her damn life.

  No, Denim and I had never been the best of friends, but that girl brags on her city, and I’ve heard her say on multiple occasions that she would never leave Miami. I could be wrong, but a big part of me felt like the only reason Denim wanted to get the fuck out of dodge was so she could have one up on Billion because he was married now. She had bigger shit that she needed to be putting all her energy to, though, like getting her mind and body right for the new baby she was carrying, being a good mom to the two kids she had now, learning how to walk again, and just mentally getting herself together.

  “I love you, bruh. Everything gonna be straight,” I said to Billion with my hand on his shoulder. I wanted to give him a little bit of encouragement as we stood at the gravesite, watching the workers lower his uncle’s body into the ground.

  The funeral had just ended about twenty minutes ago, and I swear there wasn’t a dry eye in the building. Malcom was a funny, Kevin Hart ass nigga who could make anyone who came in contact with him laugh their ass off. He wasn’t a street nigga like me, Billion, and Billion’s father. Malcom actually did the right thing by going to college to get his education, and instead of working for some ivy-league, top of the line kind of school, once he graduated, he came right back home and opened his track league right in Miami.

  I’ve always had big respect for Malcom and looked up to him as a big brother. I used to joke with him and tell him that I aspired to be like him because he let it be known that he wasn’t settling down with no bitch, so he messed around a lot. I would only use that joke when Twinkle and I were going through some shit, and I would think that it was easier to just live life and not be committed to anyone.

  Billion used to tell me how he was scared that a day would come when his uncle would be set up by a bitch, and some niggas would come and do him dirty. Although the shit didn’t happen like Billion had feared for years, it was damn near similar because he did die behind a bitch. A bitch in a full-fledged relationship. Now, I can’t speak for Malcom and say he didn’t know that shorty was cuffed because, honestly, I didn’t know. We probably would never know because all three of them were dead; Malcom, the bitch ass nigga Mack, and his bitch.

  I can’t even say I was surprised that Billion and his daddy handled that shit because they loved Malcom on some real shit, and I knew they would go to war over him. I think that shit shook every nigga in the church today when we all had to witness Billion drop to his knees and break down in front of the whole church. For a man who didn’t even cry in front of one single person to just lose it and cry in front of everybody, I knew my nigga was hurting. It took me, his pregnant wife, his daddy, who was fucked up himself, and a few other niggas to help the situation.

  Now, here we were, watching a life get buried into the dirt, and all I could do was stand there and wish that all this shit was a dream. The roses were dropped down onto the casket, and people started walking back to their cars. Out of everybody standing out there, my eyes landed on Twinkle. I still loved shorty; shit, I would always love her, but I swear, my stomach ain’t even do that thing it used to do when I saw her in the past. I used to get butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever she came around. A lot of that had to do with the fact that she was really engaged to that basketball nigga and walking around with that big ass, unnecessary rock on her finger.

  She wasn’t standing that far away from me, so I could see the hickies all on her throat that looked like it was going in a pattern. Twinkle wore big Chanel frames, which took up the majority of her face. Although my body didn’t react to her in ways it used to, I couldn’t even lie and say she didn’t look good because she did. She was dressed in a black pantsuit that clung to her body just a little bit. Her weight was up, but that shit looked good on her. She wore long, jet black, straight hair that touched her ass, and from her stance alone, I could tell that life was good for her. I would have to walk past her to get to my car, so I would have to speak.

  “What’s good?” I asked once I neared her.

  She removed her sunglasses. It was a little awkward to be in this moment with her because I was so used to walking up on her, squeezing her ass, and literally trying to shove my tongue down her damn throat. Now, it wasn’t any of that.

  “Hey,” was all she said. It wasn’t a dry hey, but it was real short and simple.

  “Sorry about your loss. I know you loved him just as much as Billion did. Malcom was a good ass dude,” I said, and she nodded at my words.

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  I stood there for a few seconds, and when I couldn’t think of shit else to say, I was prepared to walk away.

  “So, you’re not going to tell me the news out of your own mouth? I mean, I already know what it is, but for closure, I would just love to hear you say it,” Twinkle said, grabbing my arm, so I couldn’t walk away from her.

  She jumped in front of me and stood there with her arms folded across her chest. Although we were no longer together, I could still see that she was somewhat hurt because I’d had this baby on her. If that had never happened, I knew that Twinkle and I would have still been together. When we broke up, I wasn’t fuckin’ around on her; I swear I wasn’t. The only thing she competed with was the streets, and it would not be that way for long, because all I needed was a chance to tie up some loose ends.

  When Trinity told me she was pregnant, she was already a couple of months, so the shit didn’t define what I was doing and how I had changed. I could plead to Twinkle until I was blue in the face and tell her I fucked around with Trinity when we were on one of those stupid ass breaks, but I knew that it wouldn’t make the shit right.

  “That’s my daughter. I’ll admit that a part of me was talking in circles when I told you because I ain’t want to hurt you, and—”

  “No, a part of you was lying because you wanted to have your cake and eat it, but go off,” she said, cutting me off.

  I released a sigh, trying to be thoughtful of the fact that, for one, I was wrong in this situation, and two, she’d just lost her uncle. So, I didn’t want to jump down her throat right no
w.

  “If I had to lie to protect your feelings, then yeah, call it that. Twink, I don’t think you understand how much a nigga loved you, yo. You think it made me feel good to know that I did the ultimate fuck up and got another broad pregnant? Not only did I get somebody else pregnant, but you found out about it damn near right when you miscarried our baby, and for that, I’m sorry. At one point in time, I was drinking every fuckin’ day, just to cope with the way that I hurt you. I had niggas in my ear and my mama, telling me how I lost a good woman, and I was just trying to find a way to come to a full understanding of that.

  “The night I took you to the hospital, and it was confirmed that the baby had died, I knew I lost you then. I swear I saw that shit in your eyes. I love you in a way that I want you to be happy, regardless, and I’m at a point in my life now where I’m okay with the fact that it ain’t going to be me who makes you happy. You a beautiful woman, you made a great ass girlfriend for me, but I was just too immature at the time to really accept all of you and the love you were giving me. When you go back home to that nigga, you make sure to tell him I said that he’s a lucky man to have you.

  “I got a daughter. A daughter who literally has my entire face, and I know you ain’t about to accept that. I’m not even going to put you in a situation to have to accept it anymore. Shit ain’t gotta be awkward between us, though. Billion is my family, which makes you family too, so we can speak when we see each other. It ain’t gotta be beef when we come around each other,” I told her, and she nodded her head up and down.

  “I think being cordial is the only thing that I’m willing to accept. I wouldn’t want to be friends. That wouldn’t do anything but complicate this even further. I wish you the best with your family, and that little daughter that you have, she’s adorable. Take care, Monterius.” Twinkle leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and then she walked away.

  I watched her until I couldn’t watch her anymore.

  After lingering around for a few more minutes, talking to more of the family, I headed out. I was getting ready to pick up Trinity and Tegan. Trinity hardly ever left the house because she was letting Mommy life consume her. Today, I was looking into potential spaces because I wanted to take this restaurant thing that I had been talking about more seriously. I couldn’t cook shit to save my life, but I had a good taste for some good food, so one thing I was looking forward to doing was opening some soul food restaurants/bars in Miami because I didn’t feel that we had much of that here.

  I wanted to go for the old, hole in the wall kind of vibe. I had an image in my head of what I wanted to do, and now it was just time to bring it to life. I’ve accepted the fact that I was out of the streets for good now. Although I had enough money to last a couple of lifetimes saved up, I still wanted to do something that would keep me busy, so I wouldn’t miss that street life and jump back in headfirst.

  For the first time in my life, I wanted to do some shit that would make my mama proud. Yeah, I done brought her a few exotic cars over the years, and yeah, I had her living in a nice spot, but all that was done with drug money. I wanted to do some legit shit, where she could brag on me because I knew how much it meant to her for me to get out of the streets.

  Once I pulled my car into the parking lot of the apartments where Trinity lived, I got out with my gym bag in my hands, so I could change out of my funeral clothes. The shit I was doing with Trinity was similar to the shit that we had been doing since Tegan came home from the hospital, which wasn’t shit but co-parenting, and of course, getting to know each other on a deeper level. I fucked with the type of woman that Trinity was when it came to running her business and being a mother. Next week, she was planning to go back into work, doing her dance classes, so I would have to actually start picking my daughter up and taking her with me for a few hours. My mama had gladly jumped at the opportunity to be our personal babysitter.

  I made it to the door and knocked a couple of times. In a few short moments, I heard the locks turn from the other side. The door opened, and Trinity stood there, already dressed, which was good because I knew how women could take forever and a damn day to get ready. She flashed a quick smile then rushed back to finish putting Tegan in her car seat. I could hear my baby fussing from the door.

  “I’m right here, Mommy. I had to open the door for your daddy,” Trinity said to our daughter in her soft voice.

  I walked over and looked down at my daughter. She was nicely dressed in a Gucci romper with some pretty sandals on her feet. I reached my finger down and let her cuff onto it like she always did when I came around.

  “Are you okay? How was the funeral? I know that’s not a proper question to ask, but I’ve been to some funerals where people would show out,” Trinity said and stood, now that she had Tegan strapped in her car seat.

  Trinity looked good. I mean, shorty didn’t even look like she had a newborn baby at the house. The gray, cotton dress she wore clung to her body, and her stomach was back to being flat like it was before she had the baby.

  “Nah, ain’t nobody bring that shit there. They sent him out in style, though. Drove him through his old hood that he grew up in, we passed his youth park, and then we took him to the cemetery. He was laid down right next to his mama,” I told her, and she nodded.

  She was staring at me strangely until she smirked.

  “I take it that you ran into a few old flings out there as well. The leftover lipstick is still on your cheek. You can pick up her car seat. Let me just run to the back and get her diaper bag and her blanket,” Trinity said as she pointed to my cheek where Twinkle had kissed me, and then she left to go to the back.

  I walked into her kitchen, grabbed a napkin, and wet it a little bit, so I could wipe the lipstick off my face that I didn’t even know about. By the time I finished, Trinity was joining me in the den. She had the Gucci diaper bag on her shoulders, and her arms were folded. I reached out and pulled her into me.

  “How you know my mama or some old lady ain’t kissed me on my cheek?” I questioned.

  She sucked her teeth and then rolled her eyes.

  “Your mother doesn’t give me the impression that that pink is her color, neither does any other older lady,” she said and then let out a sarcastic laugh. “Monterius, you don’t owe me any type of explanation, though. I already told you, I ain’t about to nag you about shit because we ain’t together. Have your bitches, have your fun, just don’t have no bitches around my baby. I’ll knock their fuckin’ head off,” she told me.

  I lifted her and sat her down on the kitchen counter. I could tell from her eyes that she was shocked by what I’d done because since I brought her home from the hospital, I hadn’t touched her.

  “What if it’s you that I want to have fun with?” I asked with my hands on her thighs.

  “In other words, what if it’s me that you want to fuck? Monterius, move! We not doing this! I thought you said you were taking us to see some spaces,” she said and tried to push me from in front of her.

  “If I wanted to fuck you, shorty, I would have done the shit already. Chill. I ain’t even on that with you,” I said.

  “You’re so fuckin’ cocky. You will not fuck me, and I mean that. All I am to you anyway is a bitch you got pregnant by accident,” she said and then released a hurt laugh before a couple of tears fell from her eyes.

  I was so fuckin’ confused because I was only fuckin’ around with her.

  “I’m sorry. I just never really said the shit out loud. I know that I’m not the woman you wanted to have your first baby with. I know you look at me and see Twinkle. I know you wish that I was Twinkle. You wish that it was her who gave you this beautiful little girl. The way you are with me now, you’ve never been like this with me before. All I ever was to you was somebody you would use to get your dick wet. It’s like you are giving me the leftovers of what you would have given to Twinkle because you know she doesn’t want you anymore. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but every time you say something nice or do somethi
ng nice for me, I just always think that if you and Twinkle had never broken up, I wouldn’t have you in the way that I have you now. Be honest with me, Monty. Would you have even been the least bit interested in me if you were still in a relationship with her?” she asked, looking up at me with big, watery eyes.

  It was crazy because, on most days, Tegan looked just like me, but with Trinity having this sad facial expression, she looked just like our daughter. I sighed and then ran my hands down my face.

  “Trinity, if I was still with Twinkle, I wouldn’t have looked at you or no other woman in that type of way because, how the fuck was I going to be in two relationships? I fucked around on Twinkle; that’s what I did, and I did that shit a lot. I wasn’t fuckin’ bitches to make them my second girlfriend. I know you said that I’m cocky, but Trinity, I can have just about any woman out here, so don’t think that I’m here with you since me and Twinkle ain’t together no more.

  “I could always go to somebody else, but I’m choosing to pursue you because now that I’ve been around you more these days, I like the type of woman that you are. You got it made up in your mind that I’m trying to make you Twinkle’s replacement, and a nigga not even on that type of shit. I want something new. Why can’t you understand that?” I asked.

  She raised her hand to wipe her eyes, and then she stared me dead in my eyes.

  “Because I know how love works, Monterius. If Twinkle decides to leave her nigga today and come back to you, you’ll leave me in a heartbeat. I just don’t want to get hurt, so yes, my heart is guarded. I won’t let you hurt me, because then I’ll have to kill you,” she said, laughing through her tears.