Wild Desire

by Cassie Edwards

  It was then that Adam realized how he could, and must break off his affair with Pure Blossom. It had to be done in a way that would hurt her so severely that she would not see any chance of them ever reconciling their differences. She would hate him. And that was how it had to be.

  “Pure Blossom, you so often misjudge people,” he said. “Especially me.”

  Pure Blossom eased from his arms, her eyes wide yet guarded. “What do you mean?” she said, her voice shallow.

  “You trust too easily,” Adam said, reaching to brush a lock of her hair back in place at her brow. “You give of yourself too easily.” He paused and forced himself to say the next words: “You gave yourself too easily to me.”

  “What are you saying?” Pure Blossom gasped, scooting away from him. She trembled, but not from the chill of the night—from fear, and not fear of Adam. The true fear was in losing him.

  Adam took her hands and turned them from side to side as he looked at them through his swollen lids. “I knew your aunt Pure Blossom,” he said. “As hers were, your hands soon will be gnarled beyond recognition.” He reached around and stroked the lump at the base of her neck. “Soon this will be so ugly, I would retch if I had to gaze upon it.”

  Shock registered in Pure Blossom’s eyes. She swallowed hard, choking on a sob.

  “No, I don’t want a future with someone who is going to be ugly and repelling,” Adam said, feeling as though a knife was plunging into his heart with each added insult. Only moments ago, he had thought it was impossible to ever lie to her. Now, while telling her how he would feel about her appearance in the future, he was telling the worst lie of all.

  “Tonight is our last night together,” he said solemnly. “You should leave now, Pure Blossom. I don’t think I can stand the sight of you another minute.”

  Stunned speechless, hurting deeply, all that Pure Blossom could think about was what she had been planning to tell Adam tonight.

  About their child.

  She had only realized in the past few days that she was pregnant. They had been together just enough times at the appropriate time of month for her to be pregnant!

  She had looked forward to this love child with such bliss. She had looked forward to being with Adam for the rest of her life. She had even decided to leave her village, if being his wife required it of her.

  Now he would never know, for she would keep the child as her own. She would hold her head high against the ridicule of having a fatherless child.

  At this moment, all that she could think about was the child and its welfare. It was better off not knowing such a bastard father.

  Without further thought, Pure Blossom slapped Adam across the face. She laughed when she realized that she had inflicted more pain to that which had already been inflicted on him earlier in the evening by her beloved brother.

  “My brother was right to hit you,” Pure Blossom said, scurrying to her feet. She grabbed her blanket from beneath Adam, causing him to fall sideways, almost landing in the fire. She rolled it into a knot and thrust it in a leather bag at the side of her horse.

  Then she went back to Adam and spat on him. “That is how this grotesque-looking woman feels about you,” she said, then stamped away and mounted her horse.

  Tears flooded Adam’s eyes as he watched her ride away. Slowly, he smeared her spit all over his face, knowing that he deserved it.

  Pure Blossom held in the body-wracking sobs until she got far enough away from Adam so that he could not hear, then let her feelings spill out as she finally allowed herself to shed the tears that she felt would never end.

  “Adam,” she whispered, choking on the very sound of his name as it flowed across her lips. “How could you? Oh, how could you be so cruel? So . . . so . . . cold-hearted?”

  Her parlor flooded with lamplight, Stephanie paced the floor. She wrung her hands as she went to the window and peered into the shadows of the night. Neither Adam nor Runner had returned from Gallup. She had to wonder if that was good, or was it an omen of what may have happened?

  Where Runner was concerned, she didn’t trust her brother. On the other hand, Runner was quite capable of taking care of the likes of Adam. Still, she wished one of them would return.

  She paced a while longer, then the need for sleep overcame her. Sighing resolutely, she changed into her nightgown. She took the kerosene lamp to the table beside her bed, then climbed in and tried to read a novel.

  Her eyes drifted closed. The book fell from her hands as she eased into a more comfortable position.

  She snuggled and smiled in her sleep as she dreamed about Runner. They were embracing high on a knoll, alone, with only the wind and stars as their audience.

  The air was cool and sweet. The high country loomed against the sky, range after range of mountains, cloud hung, and immense. A stream below was a narrow gleam of a twisting ribbon reflecting moonlight.

  Runner stood high on a knoll, his eyes heavenward. He had been there for some time now, meditating and praying. He was not sure how he could accept what he had been told about Stephanie. He was praying for strength. He was praying for his future, which no longer included Stephanie.

  Runner began to sing, his voice filled with reverence, with wonder and confidence, calling upon the Voice of Thunder above and the Grasshopper Voice below to guide him.

  Runner closed his eyes, binding his mind and will and spirit to the land.

  Chapter 23

  Could’st thou withdraw thy hand one day

  And answer to my claim,

  That fate, and that today’s mistake

  Not thou—had been to blame?

  —ADELAIDE ANNE PROCTER

  The sun was up, just past the mountain peaks in the distance, and Stephanie had already had her third cup of coffee. She had awakened before dawn, with a sudden remembrance that she had not seen Adam or Runner since their time together in Gallup.

  She had also awakened with the deep desire to go to Canyon de Chelley. Ever since Runner had said that because of sacred reasons she must not go there, her curiosity had become more aroused to see it. And not only to see it: to photograph it.

  She had decided to ask Adam to escort her there today.

  She would get her photographs; she would develop the plates; then she would send them with Adam when he returned to Wichita, and Runner would never be the wiser.

  There was no way on God’s earth that Runner would ever see the way these photographs of Canyon de Chelley would be used. Only those who lived hundreds of miles away would be given that chance. Postcards and posters with the lovely pictures of Canyon de Chelley on them that would entice more travelers to ride the Santa Fe than any other railroad line in the country. The Santa Fe would be offering the unique view of the life of ancient Indians.

  Shame engulfed Stephanie for even considering deceiving Runner. She knew that he wasn’t being unreasonable in his demands, for she was seeing more and more how the Navaho and other tribes of Arizona Territory Indians had been used and abused. Yet she also saw that progress could boost their earnings. With the arrival of tourists came the opportunity for selling many lovely blankets, tapestries, and jewelry.

  How could that be wrong? she argued with herself. With the money earned from selling their wares to the tourists, the Navaho could purchase food and clothing, and they could exchange their ancient ways of tilling the earth for their gardens for more modern farming equipment used by the white people.

  “I won’t allow myself to feel badly over what I am about to do,” Stephanie said, setting her empty coffee cup on a table.

  She turned and gazed at the small pendulum clock that sat on a shelf over her sofa. “It will soon be seven o’clock,” she whispered, watching the pendulum moving back and forth, ticking away time. “It will take at least two days to get to Canyon de Chelley. I must awaken Adam now so that we can get started.”

  She drew her hair back and quickly twined it in and out between her fingers until one long braid hung down her back. She slun
g her holster around her waist and fastened it, patting the derringer as she walked toward the door.

  Glancing down at her attire, she grimaced. She was growing tired of wearing the plain, dreadful skirts and the long-sleeved blouses. She hungered for something soft. The thought of wearing long, flowing velveteen skirts and matching blouses, like the Navaho women wore, made her smile. She would soon be wearing them, also.

  “I’m going to marry Runner,” she murmured, ecstatic at the thought. “But I must take these last photographs,” she murmured, determinedly opening the door. She smiled again. “I have saved the best for last.”

  Stepping out into the sweet, cool breeze of morning, Stephanie stopped before knocking on Adam’s door. The shade was still drawn. “He’s still asleep,” she whispered.

  But why wouldn’t he be? she wondered. She had watched and waited for him, or Runner, past midnight. She had no idea when, after that, he may have arrived home. She wasn’t even sure that he would agree to escort her to Canyon de Chelley.

  Without stopping to knock, knowing that Adam might need a shake or two to get him totally awake, Stephanie went on into his private car. She went determinedly from window to window and flipped the shades up, hoping that their racket would do the trick.

  When even that didn’t awaken her brother, Stephanie went to his bed and stood over it. He was covered up with a blanket, from his head to his toes. He was sleeping so peacefully. He would hate her for waking him up, yet time was wasting. She had everything prepared for the journey, except her brother.

  And no matter what argument he gave her when she asked him to escort her today. she would not take no for an answer. He had been given plenty of time to get his own personal affairs in order. Now it was time for him to help her with hers.

  Bending over Adam, Stephanie placed a gentle hand to his shoulder and gave him a shake. “Adam?” she said, giving him another shake. “Wake up. I want you to go somewhere with me today. Adam? Wake up.”

  Adam groaned. He winced when he moved even one muscle. He was quickly reminded of the beating that he had gotten the previous night. Only when he had been making love with Pure Blossom had he been able to forget the aches and pains inflicted by Runner.

  He grimaced anew when he recalled the lies he had told the previous evening, first to Runner, and then to Pure Blossom. He regretted like hell for having to hurt Pure Blossom so deeply.

  And as for the lie that he had told Runner about Stephanie . . .

  “Adam, quit being so pokey this morning,” Stephanie said, interrupting his thoughts. She folded her arms impatiently across her chest. “I want you to go somewhere with me. Runner won’t take me to Canyon de Chelley. Will you? I can take some magnificent shots of the ancient writings. There are so many things to photograph there, Adam. Come on, get up. I have things ready. All you have to do is shave, eat, and then we can be on our way.”

  “Canyon de Chelley?” Adam mumbled, and then his eyes lit up. He knew the length of time that it would take for them to get to and from Canyon de Chelley. That would at least postpone Stephanie’s discovery of what he had told Runner.

  This would also get Stephanie away from Runner, so that he could not come and confront her with the lie that he had been told. Also, knowing how Runner felt about the sanctity of Canyon de Chelley, Stephanie going to photograph it would put the finishing touches on Runner’s feelings for her.

  Runner would end up hating Stephanie, not loving her.

  “Time is wasting, Adam,” Stephanie said, yanking the blanket away from him. In his satin, monogrammed pajamas, his back was to her. “Time to get up. Now.”

  When Adam rolled over and turned his face up to her, Stephanie’s eyes widened and her throat felt suddenly dry. “Good Lord, Adam,” she gasped. “Your face!” She bent to her knees beside the bed and softly touched the bruises around his eye. “How did this happen? Oh, Adam, who gave you such a beating?”

  Adam’s eyes wavered into hers. Then he brushed past her and got up. “If you want to leave soon, I’ll hurry and shave,” he said, running his fingers across his whiskers. He winced when even that small gesture caused pain. His jaws ached, as well. Each time he spoke it was with much effort.

  Stephanie was not to be put off all that easily. She took Adam by an arm and turned him to face her again. “Tell me what happened,” she said. “You were with Runner last night. Please tell me that he’s not responsible for these bruises.”

  With all of her heart and soul, she did not want to believe that Runner had so much anger locked within him that he could give Adam such a beating. When he was with her, he was such a gentle, caring man.

  Yet she knew that Adam had away of antagonizing a person to his limits. She had seen it at the Santa Fe board meetings. His opinion was pushed upon others, sometimes to the point that brawls had ensued at the meetings. Perhaps Adam had pushed Runner past that limit, as well.

  “You know how things can get at saloons,” Adam said, shrugging. “There was a brawl. Runner and I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. The ‘Big Tent’ is known for their knock-down-drag-out brawls. Last night was one of the worst, to my estimation.”

  “Then the fight was not between you and Runner?” Stephanie persisted, gasping anew when Adam slipped the top of his pajamas off and revealed the cuts and bruises on his chest.

  Adam gave her a narrow look, knowing that one more lie must be added to his many, or he would not be able to get Stephanie away from here today. She would immediately demand answers and might even decide to go to Runner to try and set things straight.

  The longer Runner had to sweat over losing Stephanie, the better, Adam decided to himself. The longer Runner condemned Stephanie inside his heart, the stronger the emotion would become.

  Adam wanted like hell to keep his sister away from Runner. He saw Runner as a savage whose skin coloring mocked the man. This “White Indian” did not deserve a woman like Stephanie!

  “Adam, your silence is frightening me,” Stephanie demanded. “Tell me. Was your fight with Runner?”

  “Sis,” Adam said, taking her hands, “the whole damn place broke into a brawl. So quit worryin’ about Runner. All right?”

  Stephanie sighed deeply. “All right,” she murmured. She swung away from him. “I’ll get the horses saddled and the equipment on the pack mule.” She stopped and turned back to face him. “You never said. You are going to go with me this morning, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I’m going with you,” Adam said, holding an aching jaw as he smiled at her.

  “Are you sure you feel like it?” Stephanie said, her eyes absorbing his injuries once again. “Surely you must ache all over.”

  “The long ride will be fine,” Adam said, yanking a clean shirt from the back of a chair. “It’ll do my aching bones good.”

  Stephanie started to turn and leave again, but looked at Adam once more instead. “I hate to ask,” she murmured, “but I must. I need to know if Runner is in as bad a shape as you. Did he get beaten as severely?”

  Adam pursed his lips tightly together. “I’m not altogether sure,” he said, turning his eyes from her. “We got separated during the fight. I came home when I couldn’t find him around anywhere after I managed to get out of the brawl in the saloon.”

  “Perhaps I should postpone my journey to Canyon de Chelley until tomorrow and go and check on Runner,” Stephanie said softly.

  Adam started to insist that they go today, when she broke through his thoughts and added, “Yet if I don’t go today,” she murmured thoughtfully, “I may never get a chance to again. If Runner found out, he would be furious and do everything to stop me.”

  She nodded and walked to the door. “I shall be waiting for you, all packed and ready, Adam,” she said, swinging the door open. “Please don’t take too long. So much of the good travel time is gone today.”

  Adam nodded, then wiped pearls of sweat from his brow. He sighed with relief. He had gotten away with his lies so far. But he knew that
they would soon catch up with him.

  He feared that in the long run the depths of his deceit would cause Stephanie to turn her back on him. And if he lost her respect and love, he would lose half his world. He loved her more than he could ever love anyone, the sort of love that only brothers and sisters felt for one another. But a part of his heart had told him long ago that hers would not be an enduring love for him. He was always trying her patience and trust just a bit harder, like a string that was stretched until it snapped.

  As much as his aching muscles would allow, Adam continued getting dressed and shaved, then stepped outside and smiled down at Stephanie as she handed him a cup of coffee and a roll.

  “You always think of everything,” Adam said, gladly accepting the breakfast.

  “Yes, and don’t you forget it,” Stephanie teased. “What on earth would you ever do without me?”

  Adam’s eyes wavered as he looked quickly away from her.

  Runner had spent the entire night on the knoll, praying and meditating and thinking. At last he had dropped off into a restless sleep. The cry of an eagle had awakened him with a start as it had swept down low over him.

  The sun was creeping up from behind the mountains in the distance. Runner felt refreshed, but not reassured by his time alone. Nothing would take away the pain he was feeling.

  Stephanie. He couldn’t shake away the vision of her face. He couldn’t stop recalling how it had felt when they had reached the ultimate pleasure of their lovemaking. He would never be able to forget what Adam had told him—that he had been duped by Stephanie.

  Knowing not to trust Adam, Runner had started to head his horse in the direction of Stephanie’s private train car many times this morning. But the chance that Adam was telling the truth had stopped him. If Stephanie had already made such a fool of him, he did not want her to have the chance to do it again.