Wild Penance

by Sandi Ault

  I sat, but right on the edge of the seat, ready to break with it, if need be.

  Roy saw it. He sat back in his chair, picked up a pencil. He twirled the pencil like a baton-over his knuckles and under his hand, again, then again. “Will you just settle down? You’re like an unbroken filly!”

  I released my grip on the arms of the chair, tried to find a place for my hands in my lap.

  “Jamaica, you don’t have to make the switch today. I’m just saying I think it’s time we found something better for you, something where you got to be around civilization once in a while.”

  I laughed. “You think I’m uncivilized, huh?”

  He smirked. “I wasn’t saying that. I just want you to have a chance to be around people a little more. I had an idea maybe we’d put in for-”

  I cut in, “I’m okay, Roy. Why are you doing this? Do you think I can’t handle my job?”

  He threw the pencil down on the papers in front of him, but it rolled across the desk toward me, then fell onto the floor. Neither of us moved to get it.

  He broke the silence. “I used to do your job. I did it for years. It’s hard, mean, low-paying, lonely-assed work. Nine out of ten resource protection agents don’t last three years at range riding. You been doing it six. I see all the signs in you: you’re burned out. If I don’t move you, I’m going to lose you. That’s all I know. Besides, I don’t know how much longer that will even be a job classification with the BLM. Things are changing.”

  “You used to be a range rider?”

  “Hell, yes, I was, for almost seven years. It damned near cost me my marriage. I got so used to being alone, out by myself, I got to be like you said-uncivilized. I couldn’t open up and talk anymore. I didn’t have any patience with people. But I was lonely, too, and down. I was real down. I just didn’t know how to reach out to anybody.”

  “I never knew that about you.”

  “Yeah, well, take it from me. You want a change of assignment. And I’m not talking about a desk job, either, so don’t worry about that.” He surveyed his piles of paperwork. “I wouldn’t wish this stuff on a dog I didn’t like! No, I’m talking about one of the other resource protection agent posts, maybe with the Rio Grande Use and Management Division, or liaison with the Ski Valley or the pueblo. Something where you aren’t out by yourself in the backcountry all the time.”

  “Those are all a grade higher rank than me.”

  “I know that. But let’s don’t get the cart before the horse here. I’m just thinking out loud, wanted to see what your reaction would be.”

  “I don’t think so. I see a lot of politics in all those things you mentioned. I’m no good at sucking up.”

  “Well, ain’t that the truth!” He twisted his mouth up at one side and gave a little snort. “I didn’t think I could do the job of field manager either when my boss offered it to me. Hell, I still don’t like the paperwork. But when I get sick of people and these four walls, there’s plenty of stuff to do out there.” He jerked his thumb toward some unknown point behind him. “I’m only here a few hours a day. It’s good to have a healthy balance between the two.”

  “Roy, I just don’t know. This job is pretty much why I came here. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.”

  “You know anyone at Tanoah Pueblo?”

  I thought of Momma Anna-and immediately about the assignment she had given me. “I know a few people with the tribe.”

  “The Santa Fe office wants us to appoint someone to work as a liaison to the Tanoah and manage the public lands that abut theirs.”

  “Liaison? You can sure bet I wouldn’t be any good at that.”

  “Yeah, I remember that first day you come in here with your paperwork to be a range rider. There was a lot of money lost on bets then that you wouldn’t last a month.”

  “Oh, yeah? Who won?”

  “I did. Now get on out of here and let me do my work. You need to rest before you go out tonight.”

  I got up and started for the door. “Roy, can I just say something and you won’t say anything back?”

  He eyed me suspiciously and didn’t answer.

  “If I’ve ever done anything to hurt you or offend you, I’d like for you to forgive me.”

  Roy screwed up his face, as if he’d encountered a bad smell. “What in the hell are you talking about?”

  “Nothing.” I started to close the door.

  “Is this about you showing your ass all over the county on Saturday night?”

  I took a deep breath and blew it out. “Never mind.”

  “It’s none of my business what you do in your time off,” Roy said. “But you could have had your lights put out instead of that other gal. That’s the part that worries me.”

  As I was heading back out the front of the building, Rosa hung up the phone. She motioned me over to the front counter and asked, “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you when you came in before. How was your reunion with your brother?”

  “My brother?”

  “Oh, no, I hope I didn’t spoil it.”

  “Rosa, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a brother.”

  “You mean you… you mean, you don’t-? Tell me the truth now, Jamaica. You don’t have a brother?”

  “I don’t have a brother. I’m an only child.”

  “Ay-ay-ay!” she squealed. “This man called on Friday and said he was your brother. He wanted me to tell him where you live. I told him I don’t know where you live. He said he was just back from overseas in the service.”

  “What did he sound like?”

  “I don’t know. He sounded like an Anglo, like you. I didn’t tell him anything, Jamaica. I promise. I don’t know where you live, and Roy wasn’t here. You know, all you got for an address is a rural carrier box.”

  “What did he say when you told him you didn’t know?”

  “He just said, ‘Thank you very much, I’ll find her,’ and then he hung up. He sounded like a nice man. But, ay! That don’t sound so good, a man trying to find out where you live and saying he’s your brother, when you don’t have a brother!”

  25

  Just a Kiss

  That night, after I’d ridden the fence line in my section, I returned to the base camp that I had established a few days before. I gathered some wood and kindling and put them near the circle of stones I had set up for a fire. I took my saddlebags off of Redhead and then removed her saddle and blanket. I got a curry comb out of my kit and started brushing her down. Not only did this give me a chance to clean the horse so chafing didn’t occur under her tack, but it helped create a bond between Redhead and me that carried over into handling and riding. Without this, I might not have been able to manage a stubborn mare like her. Redhead did not communicate with me as she sometimes did by nibbling at my arms or hat, flipping her head or tail, or even nodding her head and whinnying and blustering. Instead she made funny snorting sounds as she kept busy pulling at some dry grass. These little appreciative snuffles kept rhythm as I brushed the bits of duff and dirt from her coat, telling me that Redhead was enjoying this attention immensely. An occasional quivering at the withers gave me clues as to when I was working a particularly good-feeling spot.

  In the quiet night, my mind began to worry over the puzzling set of circumstances that had occurred over the past five or six days. Someone stabbed Father Ignacio, crucified him, and threw him over the gorge bridge. What a gruesome and horrific deed! Three men I had never seen before stole my book. Why? How did they know about it? Who was the driver who came to get Father Ignacio when we met, and could he be involved in all this? What about the Lexus that followed me from Santa Fe after I’d been to the library? The library! The librarian knew I was researching the Penitentes. What was that problem she said she’d had with my library card? Could that have had something to do with the car following me? Or was that whole thing with the car tailing me just a coincidence? Should I have told Jerry Padilla about the Lexus? Did someone really try to kill me an
d injure Nora instead? Somehow, all of this had to tie together. In the pit of my belly, I could feel an ooze of fear begin rising. I bit my lip and held back the anxiety, brushing Redhead’s rump and running the curry comb through the tail as best I could.

  The air was sharply cold. I pulled up the collar on my coat and buttoned the top button. There was little wind, only a faint breeze. Coyotes whined and yipped occasionally, and the cottonwoods down in the draw made a sound like sheets of rough paper being rubbed together when the breeze picked up.

  I stood at Redhead’s side, facing her tail, then ran my hand down her leg to the fetlock. She was well trained and responded to this by picking up her foot so that I could examine it and pick out any rocks that might cause stone bruises. As I checked the mare’s feet, I mulled over the only thing that my book, the icons, and Father Ignacio had in common-the Penitentes. The brotherhood was a group of lay brothers-peace loving, humble, and charitable-whose only violent acts were against themselves in penance as they emulated the suffering of their Savior. Although they had been known to throw rocks at uninvited observers during their ceremonies, tales about their “stoning” others to death, as Regan had feared might happen to her and her friend when they were children, or the reata that Jerry Padilla had mentioned, had never been substantiated. The Penitentes’ most earnest wish was to be left alone.

  What if they wanted me to leave them alone? I had tried to talk to some villagers who lived near shrines and moradas I had mapped and sketched. Maybe I had unknowingly approached hermanos vigilantes. My questions, taking notes, and drawing their shrines might have been seen as an intrusion. Even so, surely they would not have resorted to murder to deter me.

  And what about Father Ignacio? Los Hermanos would never kill a priest. They were staunch Catholics and members of their local parishes as well as the local morada. Imagine the penance for murder, especially murder of a priest! No, I couldn’t believe the Penitentes were responsible for Father Ignacio’s death.

  Then, who?

  Father Ignacio and I were both studying, writing about the Penitentes. That’s all we had in common. He knew much more than I did. He had more resources… Resources! Could there be a clue in the two resources he told me to bring together for my book? Could that be why my book was stolen? Or why someone had tried to kill me, as they had killed Father Medina? What did the tract by Padre Martínez have to do with any of this? And what was that other name, the man’s name I had written down? I tried to fathom this, and the information that Christine Salazar had inadvertently given me-that there was an investigation into stolen icons. Could Santiago Suazo have been involved in the theft of those icons? Was that where he was getting all that money? I had heard that religious icons sold for huge sums on the black art market.

  A high, shrill whistle sliced through the quiet night. It made an eerie shrieking sound that seemed to find my spinal column and travel right down the stem from neck to tailbone, jangling every nerve. I started, felt a jolt of fear surge through me. Redhead drew up from the grass and flared her nostrils. Then I recognized the sound. It was the pito! It was a pitero playing his flute! I grabbed my rifle with the night scope that Kerry had loaned me, threw the mare’s reins over her neck, jumped up and mounted her bareback, and kicked my heels gently into her sides. We tore off in the direction of the whistle.

  I guided Redhead back through the woods, aiming for the Boscaje morada, certain that the procession had originated there. Just short of the thickest growth, I stopped the horse and dismounted. I tied her reins to a branch and made my way forward again on foot, carrying my rifle. I heard the raspy metallic whir of the matraca in the distance-a wooden instrument similar to an old-fashioned party noisemaker. I approached the edge of the meadow where I had hidden last week. The pito whistled shrilly again, to my right. I followed the sound through the trees; I did not have to go far. Above me, higher up the slope, a small procession was in progress.

  I looked through the night scope on the rifle. A body was being dragged by two men, each holding one of his arms over a shoulder. I drew back in alarm, then looked again through the scope. As I studied the scene, I saw that it was not a body, but an Hermano who had been doing penance and was now unconscious from the self-inflicted torture. His lolling head was covered with a black cloth bag. His feet were bare. His back was torn and bleeding, and a cold cloud of steam rose from his wounds. The seat of his white cotton pants was black with the blood draining from his back.

  Behind this trio came three more Hermanos. One carried a large crucifix in one hand as he steadily plodded, head down. Another whirled the matraca with one hand as he dragged the blood-soaked whip that had probably been used by the unconscious Penitente in the other. The third, farthest behind, was the pitero. He was an old man, thin and bony in his long black robelike coat and black pants. His blue-white hair stuck out like thick thatch over a black bandanna he had tied across his forehead.

  The moon, nearly full and directly overhead, illuminated the cavalcade like a spotlight as they marched up the slope and across the meadow, leaving a wide silver trail in the frost-covered grass. They approached the morada, where, once again, two men armed with rifles stood outside. One of the sentries opened the door and leaned out of the way as they dragged the unconscious Penitente through. The door slamming after them sounded like a muffled shot echoing across the meadow grass, breaking like waves on the silent shore of the cold, still night.

  I watched for ten or fifteen minutes, but nothing else happened. The two hermanos vigilantes pulled blankets around their shoulders and hunkered against the adobe walls on either side of the morada door. They looked to be settling in for the night. I headed back to my camp to do the same.

  When I got back to my campsite, the tiny, downlike hairs on my forearms seemed to be standing up and reaching out like sensors to detect any danger. I slid off Redhead’s back, still holding my rifle in one hand. I looped her reins over a branch and stood stock-still as I scanned the area. A tingling sensation ran down my shoulders and gave me gooseflesh on my arms. Had my gear been moved? Was that where I left my backpack? The saddlebags? Or was I just unnerved by the grim scene I had just witnessed?

  The moon had climbed higher and I could see all the way down the slope to the draw, where the crevice in the earth made a black shadow. If someone had been in my camp, they could be hiding in there, or behind those cottonwoods, or even farther up the slope from me, in the denser thicket of junipers and piñons. I heard a noise behind me, raised my rifle to my shoulder, and whirled around, wondering at the same time where I should go for cover.

  “Jamaica? It’s me!” He was coming through the low growth of some sage scrub on his way down from the forested land above my camp-the same way I had just come.

  “Kerry! What are you doing? You’re lucky I didn’t shoot!”

  He took long steps down the slope and reached my camp before I finished speaking. “Easy there. Hold on. I just came over to check on you and found you gone and your horse’s saddle and your gear still here. I was worried. I thought you might have headed up toward that morada by Boscaje, so I went back through there looking for you.” I noticed he was carrying a rifle, too.

  “We must have barely missed one another. I just came back from there. I saw a small procession. That’s why I left camp-I heard the pito.”

  “Yeah. I heard it, too. Eerie sounding, isn’t it? I’ve heard that before. It really travels across the mountains, and sometimes it echoes. The first time I heard it was over in the Mora Valley, and I thought it was a wild animal cry or a woman shrieking. It nearly drove me crazy. I tried to follow the sound, but it seemed to move all over, and the way it echoed, I couldn’t tell if I was after the sound or its twin. I finally gave it up. So, you’re okay?” He dusted off his jeans.

  “I’m okay. I just had the strangest feeling.” I looked around my camp area again. “I thought we weren’t going to meet up until morning.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t know. I just thought I ought to see
how you were doing over here.” He fidgeted with a tiny nest of cedar needles that had attached themselves to the cuff of his coat. “I keep forgetting to ask-how’s your… where you fell off your horse? You seem like you’re all better.” He looked at me and grinned, his hat brim casting a moon shadow across his eyes.

  “Oh, that.” I blushed. “Yes, all better, thanks. And I forgot to ask you: how was your trip to Santa Fe?”

  “It was good. There’s a gallery there that carries some of my photographs. I sold two last month. So I dropped off two more and picked up a nice little check. Helps pay for my equipment, printing and framing, stuff like that. Hey, that reminds me.” He reached into his coat pocket and held up something. “This should work for that memory card you found.” He moved in closer and turned slightly so the moonlight would shine on the item in his hand. “You plug that card in this slot here, see?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Then you plug this end into the port on a computer. It should open up on your computer’s desktop like another drive. If there are any photos on that memory card, you’ll be able to open that drive and see them.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking the device from him and holding it up to examine it more closely. “I’ll have to try that the next time I’m in the office. I don’t have a computer myself, but maybe I can use the one there that I do my reports on.”

  “Good. Now, come on and let’s get a fire built, what do you say? It’s cold tonight.”

  We worked together and quickly built a fire. While Kerry nurtured the first flames, I once again unrolled my extra horse blanket and spread it on the ground. I brought my bedroll over to use as a back cushion, sat down on the horse blanket, and offered him a seat beside me. He sat down beside me and then stretched out his legs and leaned back, one elbow on the bedroll, his arm so near it was touching my side. I could smell that scent of his. I leaned back, turned onto my side to face him, and put my elbow right beside his on the bedroll. “Did you move any of my stuff?” I asked.