“I’ll teach you, but it’s not hard. Come on. We’ll take it slow.”
Rufus joined them as they walked back into the surf. Will saw Nick and Stu already lying on their boards, paddling farther out. Suddenly, they stopped, and a second later, a large wave lifted them. Stu’s face lit up. Nick whooped. “Hurry up, you guys!”
Will smiled. He was doing a lot of that lately. He, Tony, and Rufus made their way to Stu and Nick. Carson sat out, sprawling on the sand next to Syrus. It didn’t take long for Will to feel confident racing the others on his board. Surrounded by laughter in the midst of everyone at a time that wasn’t dictated by Malcolm, Will realized this group of men was becoming his family. It was new and strange and entirely welcome. He had never considered that one of the things the Geneticists had taken from him was family. His life had been too concerned with surviving. For the first time, he was learning why Betas valued family so much. It was wonderful.
“Come along, freaks. Alarm just went off. It’s time to head back for dinner.” Syrus’s voice floated to them. It felt like less than an hour had passed since they’d arrived. Reluctantly, Will followed the others to shore.
“Here.” Carson tossed him a towel from the vehicle. “Did you have fun?”
“That was amazing! Do you guys do this often?”
“When the weather allows it.”
Will shook his head as he toweled off his hair. Slowly his mind accepted that this was his new reality. They loaded the boards back into the vehicle, and Rufus climbed behind the wheel. Will didn’t know how he managed to fit his bulk in the tiny space, but he seemed to manage.
Syrus settled in beside him. “We’ll see you boys back at the house. Don’t be late for dinner. There’s plenty of time for you to make it back to the house and get changed.” The vehicle left. Will wrapped the towel around his waist before slipping on his shoes. The swim trunks dripped water down his legs, making it impossible to get all the sand off his feet. He’d have to wipe his feet and shoes in the grass before going inside the house.
“I don’t see why we got to be on time for dinner if Malcolm’s not going to be there. He’s the only one who cares.” Nick’s voice was unusually petulant.
Carson boxed his ears. “It doesn’t matter if Malcolm’s there or not. We obey him anyway. You really want to start disobeyin’ one of the only rules he has?”
“The only reason he has it is because he wants us to feel like a family. Well, I don’t feel like he wants that anymore. When was the last time he didn’t come to the beach with us? Especially after such a long stretch of bad weather? If it’s so fuckin’ important to him, he should be at dinner.”
“Now listen to me, boy. It ain’t none of our business what Malcolm does with his time. He’s the Alpha, and we’re the Zeds, or have you forgotten that? He keeps you, feeds you, lets you do damn well whatever you please even though you’re missin’ a hand, and you dare talk about him this way?” Carson was shorter than Nick, but he had his barrel chest a hair’s breadth away from Nick’s narrower frame. The fire in Carson’s hazel eyes hinted at a temper Will had yet to see.
Nick hung his head in shame, avoiding contact with those hot eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“As you should be.”
“Now, now. There’s no reason to keep it going when the boy has said he’s sorry. We all make mistakes, Carson. Besides, it’s hard not to be frustrated when we worry about him the way we do. I’m not saying it’s any of our business what he does, but we don’t just stop loving him because he’s busy. We’re used to seeing him, knowing he’s all right. Our little family’s not complete without him. That’s all Nick meant by it, even if he could have used a more graceful tongue to say so.” Tony walked between Carson and Nick, his left arm around Nick’s shoulders and his right arm grazing Carson’s. The left side of his mouth curled into a smile while the right drooped, as if trying to pull his whole face down, but it was no use. He didn’t look exactly cheerful—more serene. His calm brown eyes had a way of soothing almost anyone.
Stu and Will followed the reconciled trio silently into the house. As Will changed clothes, he couldn’t help replaying Tony’s words. They had all been a happy family until Will arrived. It was easy to dismiss Stu’s pouting about Malcolm’s absence as the spoiled outpouring of a Zed who had grown accustomed to the easiness of life here. That wasn’t the case with Nick or Tony. In order for the perpetually positive Nick to say something, it had to have been weighing on him for quite some time. It wasn’t like him to ever indulge in negativity, especially in front of Will, who they all knew was the cause of Malcolm’s absence.
There was nothing he could do about any of it. He was a Zed. All he could do was be where he was told to be. After a quick look in the mirror to tidy his damp hair and make sure his clothes were straight, he was off to the dining room, hoping with everything he had that it wouldn’t be as awkward as he feared.
It was worse.
As soon as Will entered, the conversation stopped, just like that first evening. The room was heavy with unspoken confirmation that they had been speaking about him. All he could think to do was walk to his seat beside Carson and act as if he hadn’t noticed. The meal commenced as usual, but the conversation was muted. They should have been joking, talking about their day at the beach. Or they should have been too tired to talk, worn out by the sun and salt water. Instead, there were half-hearted attempts at normalcy, but no one knew quite what to say. It would be so much easier for Will if they hated him. Hatred he could take. Hatred he could understand. If they hated him, then there wouldn’t be this blasted uncertainty in the air. No, they all liked him. Will even thought they might love him. And it made this so much harder because Will loved them too, at least as much as he knew how. Deep inside, a part of him was waking up, suggesting that, with time, he would learn to love these men more than he had even known was possible.
And it was wrong, because his very presence hurt them. The weight of that vacant chair pressed on him until he thought he’d scream. He couldn’t go on this way. He was the intruder, the interloper. Better for him to fix this before he got any more comfortable, before he grew to love these men even more. No one else could do it. Will had the least to lose.
It was settled. Will was going to force the matter.
8
Eight
After dinner, Will excused himself from the lounge. If he left, the others might feel free to continue the conversation that had abruptly halted when he’d entered the dining room.
Besides, Will had something to do.
His heart pounded so hard he momentarily considered the possibility he’d have a heart attack before he even got there. That would solve the problem rather neatly. Will smirked and shook his head. It would have been nice to talk to the others first, to get some idea of what to expect, but they would have only talked him out of it. Will continued up the back stairs to the third floor, trying not to think even a second into the future. There were dozens of ways this could play out. He could mend the rift that his appearance had caused. Malcolm could thank him for bringing the others’ concern to his attention. Will could end up punished. He shuddered. He didn’t know what punishment here entailed. If it followed the same pattern as everything else in this crazy place, it would probably amount to being denied dessert. No, the memory of Malcolm’s eyes still sent a shiver down Will’s spine. He was foolish for hoping for so much. In all likelihood, he would find himself back at Emporium. It would solve the problem, and Malcolm wouldn’t want to keep a Zed who didn’t stay in line.
So much for not thinking ahead.
Will had no idea where Malcolm might be. Given the hour, he figured he would check the Alpha’s bedroom first. He made an educated guess as to where that would be and headed in what he thought was the right direction. He reached the door much more quickly than he would have liked. This was it, his last chance to turn back. He knocked before he could change his mind. Like all the other doors in the house, it was an ol
d-fashioned hinged door made from richly carved wood. He would miss the doors.
“Go away!” Malcolm’s raised voice was loud enough to be heard clearly through the door. It was an opportunity to retreat, to escape unscathed. However, it would only be borrowed time. The situation couldn’t continue as it was. Will let out a shaky breath and grasped the doorknob, relieved when it gave way and the door opened. He didn’t relish the thought of jiggling a locked door.
A figure in black scrambled to stand. Malcolm had been sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, next to the massive black bed. The entire room was black with only accents of silver and white to keep it from devouring the dim light. As Malcolm stood, there was a clatter. A Glass Tab fell to the ground. Will was too far away to see it clearly, but it appeared to be a feed from the security cameras.
“I believe I told you to leave.” Malcolm stood stiffly, his cold eyes boring into Will.
“I’m sorry. I must not have realized it was you. It’s been so long since I heard your voice, I didn’t recognize it.” Will did nothing to hide the disgust in his tone. He didn’t care what the others had said. He had never really met the man they all but worshipped.
Malcolm’s eyes narrowed. No doubt he wasn’t used to being spoken to this way, especially by a Zed—a Zed whose life he controlled. “Now you do know. Please leave.”
Everything about him was polished, impeccable. Somehow that made it even worse. It riled Will in an unexpected way, maybe because everyone in this damned house felt such emotion for him, and he seemed incapable of any emotion at all. “No. I’m not leaving. Not until you kick me out and take me back to Emporium.”
A flicker of something passed through Malcolm’s eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Will crossed the room to face Malcolm directly. He was painfully aware of his limp with every step across the stillness of the room. “I’m not leaving, not until I’ve fixed what I’ve broken.”
“And what exactly have you broken?”
“The boys. They’re all miserable now that I’m here.”
“They seem to enjoy your company.”
“But it’s not my company they want. For some mysterious reason, it’s you they want. I don’t understand it, but they were here first, and so I’ve gotta go.”
“What exactly do you think this has to do with you? Whether or not I spend time with the Zeds I own is my affair. I don’t have time to indulge a bunch of boys at mealtime.”
“I didn’t realize it took longer to eat with them than it does to eat alone.”
Will caught the slight tensing of Malcolm’s jaw. If he could push him just a little further, the problem would be solved. The fact that Malcolm hadn’t forcibly removed him already, or at least backhanded him, surprised Will.
“It’s cruel, what you’re doing. You have them all convinced that you love them, but then you withhold that love whenever it suits you so that you can see them in pain. You’re nothing but a sick sadist.”
There was a slight upward twitch of Malcolm’s lips. His eyes slid closed. It would have been a welcome respite from their icy coolness if Will wasn’t concerned about what they were hiding. When they reopened, something had changed. Will couldn’t determine exactly what it was, but a cruel smile curled Malcolm’s lips. “What do you want from me?”
“I want—”
“You want what? To not be a Zed so you could hit me? Make me hurt? Well, guess what, Will? I do too.”
“What?” Will couldn’t imagine being any more shocked. Those were not the words he expected from that cruelly twisted mouth. Unconsciously, he backed up a step.
“I wish you could beat me more than anything.” Malcolm stepped closer, and Will backed away in confusion. “It’d relieve this intense pressure inside me.” Malcolm kept walking, and Will kept stumbling backward. “I’d get everything I want if you’d take my belt in your hand and bring it down on me over and over. But I can’t have that because you’re only a Zed, and you’re my Zed.” Will’s shoulder blades hit the wall behind him. They had crossed the entire width of the room.
“I—”
“You want it. I can see it in your eyes.” Malcolm was right. Will did want it, but that desire scared him. He had been prepared to die back at Emporium, or at least he thought he had been. Now was a different story, and if he gave in to what he wanted, death would be the only result. “Well here, take it.” In one furious motion, Malcolm ripped his belt from the loops of his perfectly tailored trousers and thrust it into Will’s trembling hand.
Will’s fingers tightened around the leather. Would the outpouring of a lifetime of anger be worth the certain end? Will wanted to say yes. He wanted more than anything to be able to destroy this Alpha, this entire damn system that treated human beings like possessions and lab rats, but he couldn’t. There might have been a time when it would have been worth death. Now though, after meeting Syrus, Carson, and the other freaks, he couldn’t relinquish the hope that life could get better. Suddenly, life seemed the most important thing in the world, even if he did get sent back to Emporium.
Will threw the belt to the ground. He feared the consequences if he held it a second longer.
“Now you know how twisted I am, Will. Does that make it easier on you? Have you ever wondered why I only buy freaks?”
Will’s mind rushed to the moment when Carson had told him Malcolm hated them using the term.
“Oh, I know you call yourselves that, but it’s not true. I’m the freakish one. What happened to all of you wasn’t your fault. You’re not to blame. The real freaks are the Alphas. You know it. You’ve always known. So now you know the darkness that curls inside me. Are you happy now? All I’ve ever done is try to give all of you a safe place to live, a place to heal, to escape people like me. I can’t have what I want, Will, because I’m an Alpha, and it’s pain I crave. So if you’re not willing to do it now, just leave.”
One blue and one amber eye stared at Will, swirling with something Will couldn’t decipher. His purpose for coming here fled. The cool intensity of those eyes consumed him. The wall pressed against his back as he tried to escape the chill. There were no words for him to say, and they probably wouldn’t have been welcome anyway. Will scooted along the wall until he was no longer trapped by Malcolm’s body. Malcolm made no move to stop him or follow him. In fact, he stayed perfectly still, not even tracking Will’s movement with his eyes. Once Will was satisfied that he’d be allowed to leave, he ran out the door and didn’t stop until he was back in his room. His private room, where he was allowed to stay whenever he wanted as long as it wasn’t mealtime. Where he’d be able to collect himself after being asked by his Alpha to beat him.
Will leaned against the closed door and slid to the ground, shaking. He couldn’t even begin to process it. There was no frame of reference for his mind to anchor itself to. The only thoughts that made coherent sense were that Malcolm had been right, he was the ultimate freak, and that Will desperately wished he had possessed the nerve to take that belt and give Malcolm exactly what he wanted.
9
Nine
Malcolm didn’t move until he heard Will’s uneven steps disappear down the hall outside his door. As soon as he knew Will wouldn’t return, he crumpled to the ground and turned to rest his back against the wall. Dammit, why had he done that? How had one Zed so effectively destroyed years of carefully cultivated restraint?
He hit the polished marble floor with his closed fist, letting the pain radiate through him, a sip of the tonic he craved on a constant basis—pain that only hurt those closest to him.
It hadn’t worked. In his effort to spare the ones he loved, he had only inflicted a deeper pain. It wasn’t right. He was being selfish. From the moment he had purchased Will, he hadn’t thought about how his actions affected the other Zeds under his care. That needed to change.
“Malcolm?” The concern in Kaleana’s voice only served to remind Malcolm how unworthy of it he was. He was in a house surrounded by peo
ple who had real problems and absolutely no recourse to address them. Meanwhile, he was an Alpha who could do virtually anything he wanted, and here he was feeling sorry for himself, putting his own needs ahead of those he purported to love.
“I saw Will leave. What happened?” Kaleana placed a hand on his shoulder, using the other one to lift his face to meet hers where she knelt next to him.
“Nothing.”
His head snapped forward with the force of Kaleana’s slap. “Oww.” Malcolm rubbed the back of his head.
“Don’t give me that, Malcolm. The only problem I’ve ever had with you being a masochist is that it makes it impossible to slap sense into you when you need it most.”
“That’s never stopped you from trying, though, has it?”
“Not in the least. Now tell me what’s going on with Will. Actually, I don’t even care. I want to know what’s going on with you. I should have never let you purchase him.”
Malcolm quirked his mouth to the side. She was probably right. “You ought to care about him. He’s the one who needs the help.”
“And he has plenty. He has everything to lose and finds it easier to trust and let people in than the man who risks nothing.”
Truth was a brand of pain Malcolm didn’t take kindly to. “He has nerve. The boy’s braver than I’ve ever been.”
“You’re plenty brave. Brave enough to face things you won’t let the rest of us share.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
“What did he say to get you in such a state? He ran out of here looking pale as a sheet.”
“You should go to him.”
“I plan to as soon as you’re taken care of.”
Malcolm rested his head against the wall. “He came here to let me know that it would be better for all of us if he were taken back to Emporium.”
“He might not be wrong there, Malcolm. He’s had an effect on you unlike anything I’ve seen.”
[In Distress 01.0] In Distress Page 6
