Seeking Sanctuary_A Shelter Me Novel

by Annie Anderson

  Wait a minute. That thought was not supposed to be there. What the hell was I thinking?

  I was still scolding myself by the time we made it to Connie’s and grabbed a booth. There were other restaurants on the strip that I hadn’t tried, but Levi led us here – and me, the lost, lustful puppy, followed.

  The diner smelled heavenly – sautéed onions mixed with the mouthwatering scent of cooking meat. The sweet tang of syrup and pancakes from the breakfast rush seemed to combine with it to make it even better.

  Well, hello, pregnancy cravings. Good of you to make yourself known.

  My tummy yowled in aggravation, and the room spun for a second. Shit. I was lucky I was sitting down.

  Suddenly, my tongue got heavy in my mouth, and the room started a sort of catawampus tilt. If I didn’t eat soon, I was going to pass out.

  “Isla, hon, are you okay?” Constance’s voice filtered through my dizzying panic.

  I had to swallow twice before I could answer her.

  “I need some juice, please. My blood sugar is too low,” I murmured as I rested my head on the cool table. I knew I was probably making a scene – which I hated more than freaking anything – but at that moment, there was nothing for it.

  “Sure, darling. Be right back.”

  “Are you a diabetic?” Levi asked, his gravelly voice not coming from across the table, but right next to me.

  I turned my head to the side and opened one eye to look at him. Levi was crouched next to my seat at the booth, his brow furrowed in concern. But that wasn’t what made the whole room stop.

  It was his large palm rubbing up and down my spine. That coupled with the look on his face – the wide-open worry, the fact he even got his ass up off the vinyl booth to be so close to me, the way he unexpectedly gave a shit. Even through the haze of dizziness and nausea, I felt the gentle heat of him beside me and through the thin cotton of my shirt – it warmed me in so many ways. His touch stilled something in me that had been twisting in the wind for a long time. His touch centered me when for so long I’d been off-kilter.

  For the first time in a very long time, I felt safe. And I didn’t trust it. I didn’t know if I’d ever trust myself again.

  “No. I’m not diabetic,” I huskily answered him, swallowing down my stupid feelings.

  It didn’t matter if I felt safe and warm with Levi. I wasn’t going to let myself fall into that kind of trap. I had more than myself to worry about, and I wasn’t going to fuck it up.

  Or at least I hoped I wouldn’t.

  The way Levi was looking at me, though, I had a feeling I just might.

  9

  ISLA

  “Here’s your juice, hon.” Constance’s voice broke the hold Levi’s eyes had on me. Her presence was a welcome respite just then. I took the tall glass of orange juice from her and started gulping it down. Though it did little to break the tension around my heart, it did make the room quit spinning.

  “Now, I know you need food in your belly, so tell me what you’re feeling and I’ll put the order in.”

  I didn’t even look at the menu, but I knew I needed red meat STAT.

  “I need a burger as big as my face. Cooked medium well. No lettuce, no cheese. With bacon and guac if you have it. No worries if you don’t.” I said this but didn’t mean it. A part of me would actually hurt if there were no guacamole.

  “We have guacamole. Made fresh a few minutes ago. You want fries? We have sweet potato and regular.”

  “Sweet potato.”

  “Done. The usual for you, Levi?” Constance asked him as he made his way back to his seat. She didn’t use a pad or pen, the order so ingrained in her head that she knew it by heart.

  “Yes, ma’am. That will do just fine,” he said, his voice thick with an emotion I couldn’t place.

  “You feeling better?” Levi asked when Constance left us.

  I couldn’t help the rising blush – the bane of my pale existence – that stained my cheeks at the thought of my near-fainting scene. Jesus. Could I be any more dramatic?

  “Yeah. Sorry about that. I get light-headed when I don’t eat,” I said to the nearly empty orange juice glass instead of him. I didn’t know why I couldn’t look him in the eye.

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  “Breakfast at 7:30,” I replied, but gave it a little more thought. “Wait. No, it was a snack at nine.”

  “Wow. Two whole hours without a meal. You sure you’re okay?” he asked, his tone disbelieving.

  “Yep. Just a fast metabolism.”

  Lame, Isla.

  Fast metabolism. Right. And the bun currently cooking in my oven wasn’t there or anything. I didn’t know why I couldn’t tell him I was pregnant. It wasn’t like it was his baby or anything. He didn’t have to care.

  But I still couldn’t.

  It probably had a little something to do with the truly spectacular beating I got the last time I told a man I was expecting – which was irrational, I know – but at that second, it didn’t really matter.

  I was keeping it to myself for a little while longer.

  Levi nodded at me, his lips screwed into a half smile like he was letting it go, which I was glad for. Honestly, I just wanted to confirm it with a doctor before I went around telling people. Not that I’d tell people. I mean, honestly, who would really give a shit?

  Smitty might give a shit about me, but he was probably the only one. I was still holding off on telling him I’d made a temporary home in a small town. He would probably yell my ear off for being so stupid, and I didn’t want to open that can of worms until I was sure I was staying.

  “So,” Constance’s voice broke into my thoughts once again, “The job part is secure, we need to get you a place to stay. You can’t keep forking over the dough for The Inn, that’s just crazy.” She said all of this as she set down our plates and scooched Levi over so she could sit beside him.

  “Have you looked at what’s available?” she prodded.

  “Not really. I’m not even sure I’m staying. I mean come on,” I stalled, shaking my head. I probably didn’t need to explain what shame felt like to this woman who’d experienced the exact same bitter pill the aftermath of abuse had to offer. Even the most casual glance felt like a slap when my face looked like this. I felt stupid and weak, and all those things I probably shouldn’t feel but did. The ones that the talk shows tell us not to feel but we do anyway.

  I decided not to explain at all. Instead, I picked up the steak knife, cut my burger in half, and shoved a corner into my mouth. Instantly, a rush of buttery toasted bun mixed with crisp pickle, sharp onion, tangy bacon and beef and the fresh guacamole hit me all at once.

  Holy mother of god. Yes.

  This is precisely what I wanted. Fuck leaving. I needed this burger to be my husband. I needed to marry it and pledge my undying love to this burger.

  I managed to hold in the moan of ecstasy, but it was so close to falling out of my mouth. Still, my eyes probably rolled back in my head as I chewed.

  “You need a place to stay?” Levi asked, his words breaking the tenuous peace the burger from heaven brought. My mouth was full of yummy goodness, so I held up a finger.

  “Yep. She’s been staying at The Inn, but you know how expensive that place is. If she’s settling here, she’ll need a more permanent spot,” Constance answered for me.

  I chewed faster trying to get a word in, but Levi and Constance kept going.

  “I actually have a place. I’ve been trying to rent out a converted barn on my property, but since it isn’t high season, it’s been empty for a few months.”

  “I remember you showing it when you and your brother finished renovating it. It’s furnished for vacation rentals, right?” she continued.

  Seriously? Was this an ambush or what? But still, I had a mouth full of food. Hell, I was tempted to keep eating and just pretend they weren’t talking at all.

  Best. Idea. Ever.

  I took another giant bite and ignored
the pair of them deciding on where I would live without my input. They were off talking about butcher block countertops and farm sinks. Blah, blah, blah… Fuck that noise. I wanted to smother my sweet potato fries in guacamole and hot sauce, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me.

  “So, what do you think?”

  LEVI

  At Isla’s raised eyebrow I had the glowing realization that Constance and I might have overstepped. Her silence – except for a few happy moans at her food – had been thick. It was then that I realized that Isla ate like Cookie Monster. I swear the food could not get into her mouth any faster. I had munched as I tried to fill her in on the property, but Isla’s half-pound burger was nearly gone. Given the way she reacted after not eating for only two hours, I gathered she was hungry, but holy shit.

  I knew college football players that didn’t eat as much or as fast as she did.

  “So what do you think?” I asked, trying to get a read on her. I wasn’t even sure she was listening, but I patiently waited until she was done with her bite. Isla delicately wiped her mouth with a napkin before answering me.

  “You two won’t let this go until I go see it, will you?” Isla asked as she mopped up the last bit of guacamole with a sweet potato fry and popped it in her mouth.

  “Not likely, no,” Constance answered for me, and at that moment I wondered if Isla realized this whole lunch thing was a ruse.

  I already knew from Constance that she didn’t have a place to stay, and since I had a place for rent and already knew Isla was the proud sort… I may have begged Constance for help in broaching the subject of Isla staying in town.

  Was I usually such a stalker? No, but this felt important – no, Isla felt important enough for subterfuge.

  “Fine, boss, how much time do I have left in my lunch break?”

  It turned out Constance and I didn’t have enough time to show Isla the ‘barn house’ as I liked to call it before our lunch hour was up, but I did convince Isla to follow me out there after work.

  I watched in the rearview mirror as her Explorer followed me on the winding roads, glad that the sun was still up, so she didn’t have to find her way with the switchbacks.

  My property was further down the mountain outside of Evergreen proper where the land flattened out a bit, and you could see out for miles. The land had been in my family for almost a full century, through developer land grabs, hard times, and my mom’s decision to up and leave her boys with no explanation.

  It was peaceful here. Few neighbors and forest on three sides, the gently sloping terrain boasted a fishing pond, two outbuildings, a giant farmhouse, and a slightly smaller – but no less kickass – converted barn.

  My family used to keep animals – horses, sheep, goats, and cows – on what used to be considered a farm, but over the years we sold them off to help pay off the rather exorbitant Colorado property taxes and keep the family flush. It was one of the reasons Orin and I turned the old horse barn into a rental property in the first place.

  I turned off the main road onto the winding driveway that twisted between the main house and the other outbuildings and parked, my tires butting up against a half cut log that served as my parking spot. Isla pulled in right next to me but didn’t get out. Instead, she sat there, mouth agape at the sight of a true Colorado skyline at sunset.

  That sunset itself probably sold her on the whole idea, but I still had to show her where I hoped she’d live. Amused, I gently knocked on her driver side window.

  “You coming out?” I teased, snapping her out of her trance. I actually hated to do it. It was the first time I’d seen the pucker of her eyebrows smooth out.

  “Keep your pants on,” Isla grumbled, disembarking from her car without moving her eyes from the beauty Colorado had to offer. I just hoped I could sell her on a few more.

  The barn house barely looked like the outbuilding it used to be. Orin and I poured blood, sweat, and tears into this place for a solid year before it was ready for renting. Constance helped us poor bastards decorate it because there was no way I’d trust Orin – or myself to be honest – with making it a home. What the fuck did we know about pillow shams or curtains? Nothing, that’s what.

  Ninety-eight percent of the architecture was already there, and with the simplistic, rustic styles becoming more popular, it didn’t cost us a mint to invest into it. It had even made us a pretty penny for the last couple of years. But this year was one of the lean times, the lodge taking the bulk of the rentals and the barn house was free.

  I just hoped she liked it.

  10

  ISLA

  There was no way I could afford this place. No freaking way.

  I was expecting a tiny little carriage house. Well, really, I don’t know what I was expecting, it just wasn’t this. I had no frame of reference for the size of a barn, and apparently, I vastly underestimated how much space a horse needs because holy fucking shit this was the biggest place I’d seen in my life.

  In Florida, the house would be considered a mansion. Maybe that was just me. I’d never lived in anything bigger than a two-bedroom condo, and before that a one-bedroom apartment, and before that a freaking group home, so what would I know? I didn’t know what a real house was like. Sure, I’d dreamed of a few in my lifetime, but I never thought I’d have the opportunity to live in something this grand. And it was.

  The exterior was painted a beautiful marine blue, the windows and eaves trimmed in a bright white, but that wasn’t the half of it.

  Levi opened the wide glass-paneled French doors to the barn house – not that I could tell it had ever been a barn at all – and I fell in love. Wide-planked distressed wood floors flowed into an open concept living-dining-kitchen area, and the kitchen was so pretty it actually made me tear up a little. Butcher block counters topped antique white cabinets gently bisected by a farmhouse sink I could practically bathe in. Further down was a gas range and oven with a giant stainless-steel vent hood. I swear this whole place was straight out of a home and garden magazine.

  The living room was elegant yet comfortable, done up in creams and tans with pops of that same marine blue as the exterior. But the ceiling – that was a real showpiece. Thick wood beams ran up the peaked ceiling with matching headers every twelve feet or so making the fifteen or twenty-foot vault seem almost cozy. In between the kitchen and dining area was an open-planked staircase with modern black metal railing. The stairs lead to a balcony and the second level where I assumed the bedrooms were.

  I was sold. I didn’t have to see the rest. I never thought I could bring my baby home in something like this. Hell, my brain was still stuck on the land. The foothills at the base of what I assumed was Evergreen Mountain rolled through the property.

  I was in awe. Just dream house, hope-to-god-this-is-in-my-budget awe. But I needed the details.

  “How much is it a month?”

  “A thousand. Utilities included.”

  I narrowed my eyes. That was less than half of what the average rental cost was in the area. Plus utilities? This was a steal.

  “Why so cheap?” I asked, but my words came out more like an accusation. Look a gift horse in the mouth, why don’t I? But Levi looked like he was expecting the pushback. A half-smile curved his lips for a moment as he crossed his arms, facing off with me.

  “A few reasons,” he answered. “One, the rental game in this town with the lodge is tough. I’m not getting a steady income from this property since it reopened. I’ve only done vacation rentals with the barn, and those are becoming more sporadic, so even though I’m giving you a deal, in the long run, I’ll be making more money.”

  Valid reason, but when he didn’t continue, I wondered if his answer was bullshit.

  “And two?” I pushed.

  “I figure if I give you a deal, you’ll be more inclined to stay in town and work for me. I’ve been without a bookkeeper for months, and I know you know it shows. I can’t keep doing both jobs, and my guys are taking on too much work. If I
don’t keep you on, I don’t know when I’ll get someone new.”

  This was another excellent point. From a business standpoint, it made sense. But I needed more information to make my decision – crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s.

  “How many beds and baths? Are the electricity and fireplaces up to code? Where do I park when it snows? How does this place heat in the winter?” I rattled off the top questions at the forefront of my brain.

  “Three bedrooms, two baths. Everything is up to code and inspected by a licensed electrician and the county building inspector. The fireplace has been recently cleaned, and there is a brand-new HVAC system that was installed last year. And I park my truck in another outbuilding. There should be room for your Explorer since my brother moved out last year.”

  “You have a brother?”

  “Yeah, he helped me renovate the barn. He moved into town last year when my dad retired. Decided living in the same house he grew up in wasn’t helpful in his quest to be Evergreen’s most eligible bachelor. You have any siblings?”

  There was a time in my life when I wanted a brother or sister, but looking back, it was better that it was just me. Mom died, and I went into foster care at such a young age that I knew without a doubt any siblings I had would have been ripped from me. I’d seen it a hundred times and always counted myself lucky that I was alone.

  “Nope. Just me,” I said rather than explain to Levi just how alone I’d actually been. Who really needs an orphan sob story to brighten their day, right?

  “That sucks. Sure, my brother can be a huge pain in my ass most of the time, but at least he’s around, you know?”

  “I guess,” I shrugged. Family and their dynamics wasn’t something I was versed in. When I heard people complaining about their parents not approving of something they did, my brain just didn’t compute. I’ve never had a reason to consult with another person about a decision I made or a course of action to take.