Seeking Sanctuary_A Shelter Me Novel

by Annie Anderson

  I was glad I had a flare for maxi skirts since – to avoid kneeing him in the stomach – I had to open my legs as he situated me close to him. I am a small woman, but even on his knees, Levi was taller than me in my chair. Tilting my head up, I tried to plaster a smile on my face.

  “I’m good.” I finally answered, but my voice totally betrayed me. Of course, it did. I’d used up all my bravado on Orin.

  Levi didn’t call bullshit. Instead, he pressed a quick, hot kiss to my lips. Well, it would have been quick, but somehow tongues got involved, and then it degenerated. His fingers found their way into my hair and mine fisted in his t-shirt. My legs also magically seemed to wind around his legs. Skirts really were the best. Now, if I could get the right angle…

  A rather inopportune clearing of a throat broke us up, but Levi didn’t look away. For some reason, I couldn’t look away either. I just stared at those every-colored eyes and smiled.

  “You’re good,” he said, more to himself than to me, but it didn’t matter.

  Levi was right. I was great.

  17

  ISLA

  A few days after Orin’s visit – or temper tantrum, whatever – we received word Hank had passed. Pippa was released, we knew, but no one heard of a funeral or wake to speak of. For a man as well-liked as Hank, the lack of a goodbye seemed to sting. We didn’t see Pippa, and word around town was that she’d taken her father’s remains back to their hometown in Vermont.

  I couldn’t see her coming back anytime soon, and I felt terrible that I was relieved.

  Over the next few weeks, I settled into a rhythm – working at the shop, checking out the rest of the town one precious little store at a time, and cooking in my brand new kickass kitchen. Oh, and spending as much time as humanly possible with Levi. We couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Despite always being alone in my life, the sudden change from one to couple seemed to flow smoothly.

  Well, almost smoothly. I almost couldn’t trust how happy I was. I felt safe, and in my life, safe was an illusion perpetuated by Hollywood. Safe didn’t exist, and if safe didn’t exist, what was this?

  These thoughts clouded my mind at times, sneaking in at the recesses when I least expected it. Levi seemed to sense when my mind would turn dark because more often than not, his arms would wrap around me or he’d plant a kiss on my lips, and I would beat back the dark again.

  Grocery shopping had turned into a bit of an adventure. I was used to a bigger city, but this little town had a store called Safeway which seemed to be like a Publix back home. It had all the same name brand stuff, a few new local brands, and the best French bread I’d had in a while. Even better than the high-priced shop I’d found that sold all the fancy brands.

  Yes, there may have been free samples, and yes, I took more than my fair share. Sue me.

  In fact, my favorite place in town so far was a little pastry place near the diner called Love Bites. I had made it my life’s mission to recreate their tomato basil bread. It had a brown sugar glazed crust that spoke to my soul.

  The one thing I put off was a visit to the doctor. I really didn’t want to answer questions about the bruising on my face from one more person – especially if that person was required by law to report any domestic-related injuries. Plus, after being poked and prodded by paramedics after the Pippa incident, it took a while to get my nerve up again.

  But I couldn’t put off a visit any longer. My dizzy spells were getting only slightly better, and I couldn’t figure out why. I doubted it had to do with the knock on the head since I knew I didn’t have a concussion. I’d already made the mistake of Googling my symptoms and decided to never, ever do that again.

  Arriving at my appointment at a local family practice, I quickly deduced that the little mountain town was bigger than I’d thought – or maybe it just had more rich people than I initially estimated. The building was new, the cars parked outside were shiny and bought within the last two years, and there wasn’t a single rust bucket or beater in the lot.

  The receptionist, Maude, was a sweet-looking woman of indeterminate age. She was one of those women who quit aging at forty-five, colored her grays religiously, and probably kicked ass at Gin Rummy. Maude took my name, and I waited in a clinical yet comfortable seat and waited to be called.

  I didn’t know what I wanted to hear the doctor say. Did I want the doc to tell me I wasn’t pregnant? Did I want him to say I was? A big part of me knew I was pregnant, knew I needed to take vitamins and eat right and get exercise and all that. But a part of me wondered if the pregnancy test that started it all was a fluke, a false positive. I’d planned on leaving Cole, but was the pregnancy the real kicker? Would I have really left him if I wasn’t?

  The way my nipples felt like they were on fire, I seriously doubted a lack of bun in the oven. That and the still absent period. I was pretty sure what the doctor was going to say.

  “Miss Young?” a perky nurse asked the room, and I stood in answer.

  “How are you doing today?” Her smile was warm as if she actually cared about my answer, so I gave her a polite smile as I followed her down a hall into an exam room.

  “Good, I guess. No one is really fine if they’re here, so…” I shrugged.

  She chuckled. “Good point. Do you want to tell me why you came in today?”

  “Yeah. Umm… I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant, and I’d like to confirm it and get a checkup and make sure we’re okay. I’ve had some pretty severe dizzy spells, so I’m a little concerned,” I admitted.

  “Well, that all sounds doable, and we can get you checked out. When was your last menstrual period?”

  “April twelfth.”

  “Okay. Well, I’m going to take a few vital signs and then talk to the doctor. We’ll see if we can order up some urine and blood tests to confirm pregnancy and then we’ll move on from there. That sound okay?”

  I nodded, and she took my temperature, my blood pressure, and heart rate, keying it into a computer before leading me to their laboratory where another lovely lady stuck me with a dainty little needle and drew a vial of blood. Then I was lead to a tiny bathroom just outside the lab and given a cup to pee in.

  I did my business, washed my hands three times, and passed the urine sample through a little turnstile in the bathroom wall that maintained privacy but was still a little creepy. I was lead back to the exam room, and I waited.

  And waited.

  I’d never wished for a book so much in my life. I was kicking myself for not getting a new e-reader by now. After what seemed like an eternity, a knock came at the exam room door, and a white-haired old man who had to be my height walked through it. He had a solid grandpa feel to him. How I knew that I wasn’t sure because I’d never had a grandparent, but his face was kind, and I felt at ease.

  “Miss Young, I’m Dr. Carpenter,” he said as he squirted hand sanitizer on his hands, rubbed it in and then shook my hand.

  I guess that was better than washing his hand just after.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “You as well. Ready for some test results?”

  “Hit me with it.”

  “Your pregnancy test came back positive. Based on your last menstrual cycle you are about thirteen weeks. Because you are past your first trimester, we should be able to hear a heartbeat on the sonogram, and we can get that done today to make sure everything is looking good. Is that something you’d like to do?”

  I was reeling. I’d known, but I hadn’t known.

  “Yes, I’d like that.”

  * * *

  I couldn’t quit looking at the silky three by five rectangle in my hands. My baby looked like a bean-gummy bear mashup with a really big head, but I didn’t care. He or she was freaking beautiful.

  After getting thoroughly scolded for not drinking enough water, schooled on the do’s and don’ts for nutrition, physical activity, and pretty much everything else, I got to see my perfect little bun on a monitor.

  Best. Baby picture. Ever.
>
  I was waiting for the nurse to come back with a couple of pamphlets with more information about nutrition when I heard the rumble of a man’s voice outside my exam room door.

  I’d only spoken to him directly three times, but I’d know that voice anywhere.

  Deputy Orin.

  “The medical examiner ruled out other injectables and thinks COD points to an insulin overdose. I have a warrant for Mr. Stillman’s medical files to rule out accidental death.”

  Stillman. Why did that name sound familiar? I knew I’d heard that name somewhere.

  “Sure. I’ll have Susan pull his file for you. Hank Stillman. What is this world coming to?” Dr. Carpenter’s voice sounded so sad but resigned to the fact that no one could predict something like this.

  This, I understood wholeheartedly.

  “Who knows what will happen to Harmony Creek now that he’s gone,” Orin commented.

  Harmony Creek sounded really familiar too, but I couldn’t quite place it.

  “It isn’t like Pippa will be up to running it with her father gone – if she ever deigns to come back,” Dr. Carpenter commented, his voice full of a resigned sort of sorrow that held so much weight for an old man to carry.

  Pippa Stillman. That’s where I knew that name from. Oh, how awful. I actually felt sorry for her – losing a parent isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. Even a whacked-out harpy like Pippa. What she must be going through, I couldn’t imagine – or I could, but didn’t want to remember how it felt to lose my own mother.

  It felt weird that I was sorry for Pippa. The last time I saw her, she was half out of her mind and being arrested by Orin.

  A knock came on the exam room door, and my nurse walked through with the pamphlets and a white pill bottle in her hands.

  “Here is the information we talked about today, and I took the liberty of filling your prescription of prenatal vitamins. Take these with food if you can. The folic acid tends to make people a little sick,” she reminded me.

  “Thank you,” I said, grateful for the heads up. I hadn’t had too many bouts of nausea, but any way to prevent it was useful info in my book.

  “Well, you’re all set. Make an appointment at our front desk in four weeks for your next check-up.”

  “I will. Thanks again.”

  We walked out together, and I ran smack dab into Deputy Orin, who was still talking to Dr. Carpenter. I didn’t want to interrupt them, but they were standing in our way, blocking the exit. Orin tried to move out of my way, but we did that awkward little shuffle dance that people do when they’re trying too hard to be polite. Blushing, I took the opportunity to walk around him, but a hand at my elbow stopped me.

  “I wanted to apologize for the last time we spoke,” the soft rumble of his voice hit me in the gut. I didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to see his shitty sorry.

  “You’ve been avoiding me,” Orin remarked, dropping his hand from my elbow.

  “I think that was on purpose. Excuse me.”

  His eyes flitted down to the silky paper in my hand. They widened for a moment then understanding dawned.

  “You’re pregnant,” he announced. As if being pregnant was the worst thing in the world.

  “Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious.”

  “It’s his, isn’t it. The man who hurt you,” Orin accused. As if I wanted to have Cole’s baby. As if I wanted to be tied to that man for the rest of my life. But I wouldn’t trade my baby for another outcome so he could fuck right off.

  “Not that it is any of your business, but yes. What? You don’t want to flirt with me now that you know I’m knocked up? Good to know where I stand.”

  “No that’s not what I meant,” he backtracked.

  “Then tell me, exactly, what did you mean?”

  “Just that it makes sense why you left.” He said it with a shrug as if that just explained everything. The fucking gall. To assume he knew because he’d seen a handful of domestic cases, so he thought he had it all worked out.

  “The ass-kicking wasn’t big enough, right? I needed the baby to make it sink in that being hit was a bad thing?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just that sometimes people need a shove out the door.”

  He couldn’t know that this baby is what got me one of the worst beatings I’d ever had. He couldn’t know, but the rage I felt didn’t seem to give a shit what he could or couldn’t know.

  “Maybe it was being told what to wear or how to eat or how many fucking squares of toilet paper I was allowed to use. Maybe it was that. Or maybe it was being told my cooking was awful even though I know it isn’t or that my numbers were wrong even though I knew they weren’t. Or maybe it was being told I was a slut when I’d only slept with one fucking person on this earth and it was him. You don’t know a goddamn thing about what I survived or why I chose to leave. You don’t know a goddamn thing about me. I chose to save myself long before I knew about my child.”

  I stopped there, but I wanted to spew it all. I wanted to lash him with my truths so his smug little brain would recoil.

  “It’s just...” he trailed off.

  “We don’t know each other. Let’s keep it that way,” I said, my voice like ice.

  “Man, I’m fucking this up. It’s not every day you find out the woman who caught your attention is pregnant with another man’s kid.”

  Arrogant ass. As if me getting his attention was even on my radar.

  “Don’t worry, Deputy, you’re off the hook,” I quipped, giving Orin my back as I headed out to the waiting room.

  “Does my brother know?” Orin asked my back.

  I turned back, confused and asked, “I have no idea. Who’s your brother?”

  It was then that my eyes fell to the black name tag on the buttoned flap of his tan uniform shirt.

  A tag that read ‘Grady.’

  18

  ISLA

  “Shit!” I grumbled as I knocked over my pencil cup for the third time. It’s like it was just trying to fall over now. Rattled didn’t seem to cover all I was feeling. I was still confused at how I missed the fact that Orin and Levi were related. I scoured my brain for clues, and I felt like somewhat of an idiot for not noticing it before.

  They had the same build, same noses. But Levi’s hair and eyes were lighter, and he didn’t have a permanent scowl on his face. Maybe it was because Levi and Orin didn’t really hang out – or at least they hadn’t since I’d been to town. I wasn’t sure if that was weird or not, and a part of me felt terrible if I was the reason the brothers hadn’t had any time together.

  But the brother thing had more than a few other ramifications. Or maybe just the one. In all of the sexing and laughing and cooking and hanging out, Levi and I hadn’t yet discussed why I’d gone to the doctor today. If I hadn’t had the unfortunate luck to run into Orin – Levi’s fucking brother – I could have probably drug my feet a little bit longer.

  Fuck. Who was I kidding? I was past my first trimester. The time to tell him passed about a week after I landed in town. I’d been here a month already. We’d had a boatload of sex. I was clearly withholding pertinent info at this point.

  Isla, thy name is asshole.

  Tonight. I had to tell him tonight. Didn’t I?

  My thoughts were interrupted by the office phone blaring to life. The ringer sounded like a mix between a fire station bell and one of those ancient alarm clocks. Scared the shit out of me every single time it rang, which, luckily, wasn’t often.

  “Grady’s Garage. This is Isla, how can I help you?” I spouted my usual greeting but was met with silence. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. I figured with the mountains, cell reception wouldn’t always be the best. Every once in a while, my cell would drop a call, too.

  “Hello?” I tried again. Nothing. “Okay, I can’t hear you, so I’m hanging up.”

  As soon as I dropped the phone in the cradle, it started its warbling again, scaring me half to death and making me spill my pencil cup f
or the fourth time.

  Goddammit.

  “Grady’s Garage. This is Isla, how can I help you?” I said this time a little out of breath.

  Again nothing.

  “Sorry, I still can’t hear you. Try back later, okay?” I offered, unwilling to be an asshole to a customer even if said customer scared ten years off my life.

  I hung up again, scooped up my pencils only to knock them over all over again when Levi banged in the office. This time the pencil carnage was much more epic. Pens rolled off the desk every which way, pencils gouged my desk calendar, it was a mess.

  “You alright, Sugar? You look a little frazzled.”

  “We have to get a new office phone. This thing is going to give me heart failure one of these days,” I offered, blaming the poor, ancient phone when I knew that wasn’t really it.

  And I wasn’t sure I had the courage to come clean to Levi. Not just about the baby, but about everything.

  * * *

  I pulled a sizzling pair of chicken breasts from the oven. Crushing a sprig of rosemary over the chicken added just the perfect touch before I plated it, adding the bacon-wrapped asparagus, and topping everything with cilantro butter. On the side was a thick slice of homemade French bread. I was overcompensating for sure – of this, I had zero doubt – but I still loved the way Levi’s face split in a grin of absolute wonder once I slid a plate of food in front of him. He was like a kid on Christmas.

  “So what bevy of goodies do you have for me tonight?” Levi asked, rubbing his hands together.

  “Baked chicken, bacon wrapped asparagus, and homemade French bread. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a clause in my lease that says I have to feed you.”

  “Sure there is. Page nine, section four. You didn’t read the fine print, Sugar.” I could tell he was waiting for me to plate my own food and sit down before he ate. It was incredibly polite, but the uncultured part of me always found that bit amusing.