Impossible

by Laurel Curtis

  He rode all the time, but being here and watching made me even more nervous.

  Or maybe it just made me face it head on, unable to blank my mind and hide from the fear that was always present.

  He climbed down onto the big brown bull, Troublemaker. He had told me his bull’s name after the draw, telling me he was a good one, nice and rank.

  Great.

  Only these guys could be excited when they get a bull who jumps higher, bucks harder, and is just generally a meaner son of a bitch than the other bulls. “Nastier bulls mean higher scores,” Coleman had said.

  Fantastic.

  Flipping his chaps back on his thighs and out of the way, he went to work, getting his hand tied down just right, running his hand roughly along the rope a few times before tightening it around his hand just so. When his hand was how he wanted it, he grabbed the metal railing with his free hand and scooted his hips up toward his hand, working himself into his preferred seat.

  If I were on the bull, I would want time to take a deep breath, get my bearings, and prepare myself. These guys were different. Before I was even sure he was settled, Coleman was nodding his cowboy hat clad head, and the gate to the chute was being swung open by the gate man.

  The cheers of the crowd echoed in harmony with the blood thrumming through my ears, and time seemed to slow down.

  Troublemaker bucked with a little something extra, throwing his body into a twisting fit each time, his head going the opposite way you would expect. Coleman’s legs were actively swinging and spurring in perfect timing, a sign that he was in control, and I could swear there was a smile on his face.

  Moments passed, the sound of the bull’s hoofs landing seeming extraordinarily loud and in time with my pounding heart.

  The harsh sound of the buzzer cut through my clouded hearing, and I felt a wave of relief rush through me.

  Unfortunately, I let go of the tension too soon, momentarily forgetting that he still had to get off of the bull, which didn’t go quite as smoothly.

  His body popped off, a move that was clearly part of his planned dismount. What wasn’t planned was that his hand didn’t come with him, the bull twisting and forcing him away from his hand, and his body was savagely yanked back to the still bucking bull.

  Oh God!

  The crowd gasped collectively, the worry and can’t-stop-watching-the-train-wreck mentality a heavy burden that hung in the air like a balloon waiting to be popped.

  The bull fighters jumped in immediately, throwing their bodies on and around Troublemaker, desperate to help Coleman free his hand from the vise his bull rope had created.

  For me, this was a nightmare come alive, watching they man I was in love with being flung around like a freaking rag doll and not knowing how much worse for the wear he was going to come out of it. Or if he was even going to come out of it at all.

  Oh Jesus. I was going to hyperventilate. This was why I kept to myself. This was why someone like me shouldn’t freaking fall in love!

  Seconds away from passing out, my torment finally ended, and Coleman came flying free of the bull, his feet hitting the ground at a dead run.

  It just so happened that when he finally got free and ran it was in my direction. His head shot up immediately, even as he flexed his arm back and forth to try to get the pain out of it. When his eyes met mine, he mouthed, “I’m okay,” and gave me a wink before turning back to the crowd, removing his hat, and giving his best smile and wave.

  The crowd went freaking crazy. He soaked in their reaction for several seconds and then finally turned to leave the arena as the announcer told us his score.

  “It looks like Cade is okay, and he’s probably going to be feeling better pretty soon...Eighty nine and a quarter points, wow buddy...what a score!”

  Immediately, I started climbing down from my perch so that I would be available to see him as soon as possible. I needed to hug him and hold him, and it was more practical to think I’d be able to do that from the ground. Coleman could do a lot of things but flying wasn’t one of them, and I wasn’t too keen on having him climb up to me so soon after watching his massive body being tossed around like it weighed nothing.

  Shitdizzle, I sounded like a panicked, whiny baby, but I absolutely couldn’t help it. I had lost complete control of myself, and I had even started to shake a little from the surge of adrenaline receding.

  Finally, I saw Coleman’s blue chaps breaking through the crowd of cowboys and heading my way. He was moving quickly and efficiently, but he still took the time to say a few words to everyone he passed that addressed him or clapped him on the back.

  Clearly though, he was trying to get to me as quickly as possible. Unbelievably, after all the effort I put in to keep it from happening, he knew me better than anyone. And he knew that I would need to see him with my own eyes up close and personal even though he had taken the time to address me directly from the arena.

  As he came up in front of me, all seventy four inches of him covered in sweaty, dirty, dusty perfection, I found myself unable to move, unable to reach for him.

  But it didn’t matter.

  Because he had no problem reaching for me, settling his hands on my hips like he always did and pulling me close enough so that when I looked up it was right into his face. Remarkably, even though he was a foot taller than me, we fit.

  “I’m fine, Banty.”

  “This time,” I countered.

  He had no argument for that, and he didn’t try to pretend he did. “Can’t argue with that, Roni. But you don’t exactly bike a paper route either.”

  My face softened. I knew it did because I could feel it, could feel the warmth spreading in my chest. I nodded my head, forced myself to take a deep breath, and gave him what he was looking for. “I know. I know that...rationally. It was just scary to watch, that’s all.”

  He smiled a smile so big that it almost overwhelmed his handsome face, and at the same time, spoke soft words. “That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Roni. It means you care if something happens to me. Which really just means you care about me, period.”

  Of course I cared about him. Wasn’t that incredibly obvious?

  I was still here. That meant a lot more than he could possibly know.

  Jesus, I cared about him too much. Way too much.

  Unable to express myself verbally, physically unable to get any words past the knot in my throat, I leaned forward, rose up on my toes, grabbed onto his biceps, and gently touched my lips to his. I let my lips linger for a couple of seconds, his soft lips warm against mine, before pulling back and looking directly into his eyes.

  I wanted to kiss him longer, deeper, wetter, and sweeter, but I knew how we were once we got going and didn’t think making a scene amongst all of the cowboys, and oh yeah, the spectators, was the way to go.

  Coleman was a smart man, though, and he could see the heat and emotion in my eyes. It only took him a split second before he grabbed my hand, turned, and started dragging me down a hallway that led into the bowels of the arena. For the most part, this was untouched at this time in the competition. Other than the medical room, no one really had any reason to come back here at this point, and it was clear he meant to take advantage of that fact.

  He tested a couple of doors, but none of them opened, so he just kept walking, going deeper through the twists and turns of the hallways, stopping after several turns that landed us in a hallway shadowed in darkness.

  My back was up against the wall, and Coleman was fully seated in my space, his hips pressed against mine before I could even blink.

  Whisper soft, his hands skated up my sides, up my arms, around my neck, and into my hair, settling there as he pressed his lips to mine.

  This time the kiss wasn’t brief, innocent, or closemouthed. It was deep and delicious, and his tongue explored my mouth like it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Like if he didn’t caress every nuance of it, I wouldn’t feel the power of his emotion sufficiently.

>   Like he loved me.

  God, how could a thought be so fulfilling and downright terrifying at the same time?

  Because I was messed up, that’s how.

  His lips slowly transformed, from languid and loving to urgent and heated. As his hips ground against mine, it was clear a hasty path toward sex was being carved by both of us. Our hands were moving all over each other, searching for purchase on some body part that would be satisfying enough.

  It didn’t take long to figure out that no such parts existed, that the only way we were going to find peace was when he was seated deep inside me.

  Coleman’s thoughts matched mine, and his hands moved to the buckle of my belt just as mine did the same to him. Unfortunately, he had a shit ton of layers we were going to have to go through in order to this. Though, I guess his pants didn’t have to come all the way off.

  So really, this was going to be harder for me.

  Of course. It’s always harder for the woman.

  A bitter chuckle escaped my mouth at that thought, and Coleman just looked at me like he always did. Like I was a little bit crazy, but that just made him like me more.

  Coleman got my buckle, button, and zipper undone, and started to shove my jeans and panties down my hips. My voice was nearly a whimper as I told him, “Coleman, my boots...”.

  Coleman nodded, muttered an “I know, baby”, and bent down to help me out of them, pulling my jeans and panties all the way off while he was down there.

  It was unbelievable that we were doing this, here, where, quite frankly, it wasn’t all that private, and I was naked from the waist down. I had never been one for exhibitionism, but this was coming from an entirely different, deeper place. I had been scared earlier, and I needed to do something that affirmed life. Something that affirmed his life.

  Clairvoyance wasn’t my specialty, so I couldn’t tell you for certain that Coleman’s need came from the same place, but I needed him as close as I could possibly get him. Unfortunately, if I knew myself, my stupid, scared self, I was going to spend the next undetermined amount of time following this romp trying to push him away.

  When it came to Coleman’s presence, it was becoming a matter of need rather than want, and for someone afraid of losing people, it was the exact last place I wanted to be.

  God, I was really an idiot.

  Running a hand down my stomach, he kept going in order to check that I was ready for him, and when he found me wet and hot he groaned so roughly and deeply that I thought I might orgasm just from hearing it.

  Moving his hands down my hips, around my ass, and under, he lifted, my legs wrapping around his waist automatically. Before I even registered it was coming, he was inside me. I hadn’t even really noticed that his chaps were on the ground and his pants were around his thighs.

  From an outside perspective, we had all the looks of a quick fuck.

  But this was anything but that.

  As if confirming my thoughts, words I both dreaded and cherished filtered through my ears before Coleman even started to move.

  “I love you, Roni. God, Banty, I love you. Every fuckin’ version.”

  My eyes closed tight, a tear escaped, and swear to God, without even a smidgen of movement, I came.

  It was the biggest orgasm of my life, and it was the result of beautiful words, spoken by a beautiful man, with such rugged, heartfelt vulnerability that I could feel the warmth of them coursing through my veins.

  I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to. Jesus, I really wanted to tell him I loved him too.

  But I couldn’t.

  So I kissed him.

  I gave it everything I had, wrapped my arms tight around his shoulders and lifted myself so that I could slide down, starting the delicious movement that we both wanted.

  Tears ran unchecked down my face, and my tongue plundered his mouth for a change. I was completely in charge of the kiss, telling my story, feeding the neediness of his soul by giving with mine.

  He moved in and out of me, his strokes impatient but gentle, and the tips of his fingers dug into my flesh like he would never let go.

  His breaths became more erratic, and I could feel his heart beating against my chest as he came closer and closer to his climax.

  Breaking the kiss, I looked into his eyes, my hands moving to cup his jaw on both sides. I was willing him to see how much I loved him at the same time that I prayed he wouldn’t see it.

  How could one person feel such opposite emotions, such hypocritical ideals, at the same exact time?

  His hands moved from my ass to my hips, a resting place so natural that it was like my hips were made for his hands, and his lips came to my ear.

  Another orgasm was building in me at the same time, and once again all it took were his words to set me off.

  “I love you, Veronica.”

  The Earth tilted on its axis and we both came at once, the only two people that mattered in the world connected in this moment.

  Right there, half clothed in a dark hallway, Coleman sweaty and dirty, and my back pressed unceremoniously against the wall, we made love for the first time.

  Indisputably, one hundred percent, we were both in love. Not like, not lust.

  Love.

  Now I just had to find a way to save myself from it.

  Chapter 12

  I Liked to Pick Fights

  The last few weeks since Atlanta had been spent trying to get rid of Coleman. So far I hadn’t been successful.

  Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a surprise...because I hadn’t tried that hard. It’s difficult to give something a hundred percent effort when a good eighty-five percent of you wants the complete and total opposite.

  I wanted Coleman. I wanted him around. I wanted his body and his love and everything else he had to offer.

  I wanted it all.

  So here I was, at CJ’s rodeo, exerting fifteen percent effort at ditching the Cades, which for all the good it did should probably just be described as zero percent. The Cades were hard to shake. Every last one of them.

  When I looked up and saw a familiar body moving through the crowd, I muttered an abrupt, “Shitdizzle,” under my breath and ducked my head.

  I didn’t know what Max was doing here, but I definitely had an idea.

  Besides my attempts to G-O-Take-it-and-go, I had also been going about business as usual, going on a few chases when things were too interesting to pass up.

  Unfortunately, the gods of fate had seen fit to work against me and kept throwing me into the barrel of fun that was running into Max every five seconds. It was like he was my damn shadow.

  And in addition to seeing him all the time, he just couldn’t get enough of harassing me, to the point where I could just about genuinely say I regretted saving his lousy life. If I hadn’t also saved Tony, a legitimately nice guy, I would without a doubt rue my humanitarianism.

  Of course, the weather had worked against me, keeping the chasers in this area well after I was ready for them to leave. Since this was where the action was supposed to be the next couple of days, and now that he knew I was connected to a family here, here he was.

  The good-for-nothing annoying bastard.

  Turning back to the arena, trying to ignore Max, I caught the tail end of the announcer calling out that it was CJ’s turn to ride. “...Colemannn Caaade, Juniorrrr!”

  Stepping up onto the bottom rung of the fence, I hooked my elbows down over the top rail and cupped my hands around my mouth, yelling, “Whoooo! GO CJ!”

  The chute flew open, and his legs were immediately moving, his spurs perfectly timed with every jump. The bull moved so fast that it was like watching a blur of black and white, mixed with the bright blue of CJ’s chaps as they did their usual dance.

  I was so into watching him ride that I almost didn’t feel someone press up against my back, the fence rails digging further into my chest and stomach. Anxiety took a front row seat in the pit of my stomach, but I forced myself to relax.

  I didn’t want
to make a scene, and as the buzzer sounded, the crowd was so amped from CJ’s ride that I doubted they would notice anyway. I knew it was him, I could smell his cologne, and he’d made me feel this way before. Getting a whiff of the liquor on his breath as he pressed his face tight into my throat went a long way to hammer home the fact that was already rooted solidly in my mind.

  This wasn’t going to go well.

  Trying to move my elbow so that I could ram it into his stomach and failing, I decided to attempt to talk him down. You would think I would have tried words first, but I knew Max. Talking was never effective.

  However, in this instance, I was still willing to try. “Max, get off of me.”

  His hands started to roam my body without permission, skirting up my sides and lingering particularly close to my breasts, and my skin tingled with uneasiness as vomit crept up the back of my throat. His weight was heavy against me, effectively trapping me, and I could feel the unforgiving bite of the metal fence across my thighs, hips, and chest. My body fought, arms and legs trying desperately to get enough purchase to break his hold, but it didn’t seem to help. Somehow he managed to fully contain me while still having his hands free to roam my body.

  Of course. It would have been too much to ask that he would need his hands to contain me.

  When he didn’t move, I tried being louder, “Max, get off of me!”

  The crowd noise had dulled a little at this point, so maybe, even if he didn’t listen, someone else would hear me.

  A little chuckle escaped his mouth right before he semi-slurred, “Oh, come on baby, we both know you saved me for a reason-”

  The next thing I knew, he was gone. Finally free of my trap, I turned around quickly, just in time to see CJ land an unbelievably solid punch to Max’s face before bellowing ferociously, “She asked you to get your nasty fuckin’ hands off her!”

  Every day older that CJ aged, he added muscle and was easily besting Max. My hands flew to my face, just as CJ threw a right hook, blood splattering from Max’s nose in an amazing arc.