PREGNANT AT THE ALTAR

by Claire St. Rose

  I went to my room and got into pajamas. I had to get rid of that tight dress and my filthy underwear. When the night had started out, I’d felt like a million bucks, but now the dress held memories that made me uncomfortable, and Daniel was all over my panties. I didn’t want that after he’d talked about his ex, or whatever she was to him.

  When I’d gotten rid of my clothes and put them in the hamper, I found my phone, curled up on the couch, and called Sarah. She answered just before it rolled over to voicemail, and there was noise in the background like the bar had already opened.

  “Can you talk?” I asked her.

  “Sure,” she said even though the background noise didn’t support that. “Just let me get to the office. The sound guys are here.”

  And a big party, too, I thought. Sound people didn’t just come out to work at night. I heard the office door close, and the music dim, and then Sarah’s voice was clearer.

  “Okay,” she said. “What’s up?”

  I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me.

  “I just wanted to talk about Daniel. If this is a bad time, we can discuss it later.”

  “No, no,” Sarah said. “It’s a great time. Where did he end up taking you? Had to be somewhere spectacular.”

  I chuckled without emotion. “He took me to an empty patch of land with a gazebo at the bottom. We had a moonlight picnic.”

  “That’s a disappointment,” Sarah said.

  “Actually, it was really nice. We ate, and then, you know… and then we fell asleep together.”

  “Did you just omit the bit where you two had sex?”

  I smiled and closed my eyes, shaking my head at Sarah.

  “That wasn’t really what I’d phoned to talk about,” I said.

  “Well, you’re just going to have to give me details, anyway,” Sarah said. I sighed.

  “Fine. He was all seductive and commanding, and he took me hard from behind against the gazebo railing after he went down on me and I went down on him.”

  Wasn’t that an orgasm in a nutshell? I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.

  “God, that sounds fantastic,” Sarah said after a moment of silence. “It sounds like this guy really knows what he’s doing. Does he have a brother?”

  I laughed. “He does, remember? The one I treated.”

  “Oh, right,” Sarah said. “Any chance of hooking us up?”

  I chuckled, but the smile faded quickly.

  “When we fell asleep afterward, he was talking about his ex in his sleep…all the time. He kept on saying her name over and over again. I don’t know what to make of it.”

  “A bit of an anti-climax,” Sarah said.

  “You think?”

  She was quiet for a while, and I heard muffled sounds on her end of the line.

  “Are you working or partying?” I asked.

  “It’s a bit of both. I had a soft opening for the crews that helped me out so that they could experience it the way I want it before we open for real.”

  Right. Well, that made sense. To Sarah, life was a party no matter what you did.

  “So what do you think I should do?” I asked.

  “About what?”

  “About him saying his ex’s name all the time. He’s obviously still got her on his mind, and I don’t know if I want to get serious with someone who hasn’t let go of another woman. What if she’s a bigger part of the picture than I thought?”

  “Maybe you should ask him,” Sarah said. “Ask him where he stands with her and where you two are headed and see what he says.”

  “And you think he’ll be honest about it?”

  “If he’s not, he’ll be like most other men and you won’t really lose much. If he is, then you’re scoring big time.” I could imagine Sarah shrugging and putting on her I-don’t-care face.

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s not really the advice I was looking for,” I said.

  “Then what were you looking for?”

  “I wanted you to tell me that I had to risk being with him and see if it’s worth it because everything else he did was so nice. I wanted you to tell me to give him a chance without getting too serious because maybe it was just one little mistake.”

  Sarah chuckled.

  “You just gave yourself your own answers,” she said. “Turns out you didn’t need me at all.”

  I dropped my face into my hands and shook my head. It was really not the point, but Sarah wasn’t a shoulder to cry on. She was a friend who saw the world in black and white, and if it didn’t fit in either, you left it behind.

  “Tell me again what he did to you, and you have to add more detail this time,” Sarah said, jumping back to the topic of sex. I groaned and gave her a bit of a longer version just to satisfy her perversion.

  When I finally hung up, I felt no less confused than before, but I had Daniel on my mind again because of the chat. I could feel the places on my body where he touched me, kissed me, licked me, fucked me.

  And it was delicious, no matter how badly the night had ended.

  Maybe I had to take my own advice, after all.

  By the time I hung up, I was hot and flustered and I felt like my whole world was supercharged and crashing down on me all at the same time. There was a knock on the door, and for some reason, I knew who it was before I answered.

  There was only one person who didn’t ask to be buzzed up because he had “contacts.”

  When I opened the door, Taylor stood on the other side looking sheepish. I left the door open and walked back into the apartment, making him let himself in if he was so keen to be here. I sat down on the couch, tucking my feet underneath me and folded my hands in my lap.

  I heard the front door close, and then Taylor walked into the room and took his seat opposite me.

  “Does it seem like déjà vu to you?” I asked.

  He chuckled. “I was still outside, and I’ve been thinking… so I thought I would come up and speak to you.”

  “Nice of you,” I said. Taylor glanced at me, unsure if I was being sarcastic or not. I wasn’t even sure if I was being sarcastic.

  “Does Daniel seem like he’s doing okay to you?” Taylor asked.

  I shrugged. “You’re his brother, you know him a lot better than I do, don’t you?”

  Taylor looked down at his hands. “I know it’s supposed to be like that, but he puts on a face for me because he tries to protect me.”

  I understood. That was something I could see Daniel doing. They’d already been through a tough ordeal with Taylor ending up in hospital.

  “Why do you ask?”

  Taylor pulled up his shoulders and dropped them again.

  “I don’t know… he just seems distracted lately, and I don’t think it’s because of you.” Didn’t that just make a girl feel awesome? Taylor didn’t notice my reaction and carried on talking. “We had a rough time growing up. My mom OD’d on drugs a long time ago and after that my dad spiraled even more until he just upped and left one day. We don’t know where he is. Daniel was the one who had to take over and make sure that everything was okay. It’s because of him that I got through school and ended up where I am now and not in the same place my parents are.”

  I swallowed. It was a very short summary of their life, but there was just enough in it to let me know exactly what kind of hell Daniel and Taylor had been through. You didn’t just come out of the other end of that without it changing you as a person. I had a sudden newfound respect for Daniel that I hadn’t had before.

  Maybe I should have gotten to know him better before I’d judged him so harshly.

  “He’s still holding onto his dad’s club though,” I pointed out. It seemed like a good thing when he’d told me earlier. Now I wasn’t so sure.

  Taylor nodded. “I think he holds onto the fact that maybe, just maybe, if he keeps everything the way it was, when my dad comes back, everything will just carry on like he’d never left. To be honest with you…” he took a deep breath and blew it out with a shud
der. “I don’t think he’s ever coming back. I don’t think he’s alive anymore. I think Daniel is killing himself hoping.”

  It sounded like it. I knew all about trying to fix the past, and the fact was that it never worked. What was gone was gone…no matter how hard you tried to change it. It was a hard lesson I was still trying to learn. It was like me saving every life under the sun in the hopes it would bring Chrissy back.

  “Daniel really cares for you,” I said. “I can see how much he looks out for you, even that first night when he came into the ER.”

  “He knows I’m not built for this life,” Taylor agreed. “Daniel is a natural. He knows how to survive, and he’s fought enough for the both of us. Broken Lions are so much better off under his rule than they were under our dad’s. They respect him, and he’ll never get them into serious trouble…partly because he knows how to stay out of trouble and partly because he’ll never make them do anything that’s going to cost them.”

  The more I heard about Daniel, the more he sounded like a legend. I understood the gang’s loyalty to him, the fierce protection I’d seen on their faces earlier when he’d called them for help. In that gang, he’d found more of a family than in the two parents he’d lost.

  “Daniel has always made sure that I stay on the clean side of life. Sure, there are a few gray areas he’ll let me wander into, but this thing that landed me in the hospital is the first real problem that has come up, and I’m telling you now, he’s bent out of shape about it.”

  I took a breath to answer but then decided against it. Instead, I got up.

  “Considering that you end up on my couch now and then, I might as well offer you some coffee,” I said. Taylor smiled, and I turned on the coffee pot. I took my time putting the water and coffee grounds in, giving myself time to gather my thoughts. Once it was ready, I poured it into two cups for us. .

  When we were both back on the couch with our cups of coffee, I asked my question. “Why are you telling me all of this?”

  Taylor looked down, and this time I was scared of what he was going to say. Before that, I was just curious.

  “I want you to be careful,” he said.

  “Of what?”

  There were so many things: whoever was out to get Daniel, the gang members, getting caught up in a life that wasn’t cut out for me, giving up things that were important to me. The list was endless. The words that he finally spoke caught me off guard.

  “Ruby.”

  “What?”

  Taylor cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t mean this the wrong way. It came out bad.”

  I’d say so, yeah.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve never seen Daniel so happy and full of life. Since he met you it’s like he’s gotten a new bounce in his step, and I’m so glad for him. But he still sees Ruby from time to time, and even though he was the one who broke it off, I think he might still be in love with her.”

  That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear after a night like tonight. I thought back to him saying her name over and over again in his sleep, and my stomach turned.

  “I’m telling you this because I think that—on some level—you’re actually good for him. But Daniel has a problem letting things go, and Ruby was the one who had been there when my dad left. At first it was just as friendship, but later they got together and she’s a link to my family in a way that no one else could be. I worry that he can’t let go of that.”

  I swallowed and nodded. This was a bitter pill to take, but better that I knew what was going on than realizing it further down the line and getting hurt, or misunderstanding it altogether.

  I didn’t want to talk about it anymore though. I thought about Sarah and her question about Daniel having a brother.

  “Listen,” I said. “You’re not dating anyone, are you?”

  He chuckled. “What, someone like me?”

  He looked at me until he shook his head, giving me a straight answer.

  “Do you want to come to a bar opening next week? My roommate is doing a whole launch on her new place, and she needs a date.”

  Taylor blinked at me. “She’s opening her own pub?”

  I nodded. “I hear it’s a pretty sweet place. Do you want to come? As her date? Just a one-time thing.”

  Taylor smiled, and for the first time he looked happy. It was sweet to see him happy that way.

  “Sure,” he said. “I can suit up.”

  I imagined he could. If Daniel’s flare for the dramatic was anything to go by, I was willing to bet it ran in the family.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Daniel

  Being without my bike for a day was about the worst thing that could happen to me. My bike wasn’t just a mode of transport. It was the final touch to my image. It looked wrong when a leather-clad badass had to take the subway. It just didn’t work, standing sandwiched between the daily commuters, holding onto the straps to keep my balance.

  The tires didn’t take too long to change, thank God, and I was back on the street with the roar of my bike underneath me.

  I stopped by Ruby’s office. I needed to talk to her about what had been going on. If something was happening and they were dropping our cards as a warning, she might very well be in trouble, too.

  I parked in front of the shop and tried to push open the door, but it was locked. I rattled the doors for good measure, but it was airtight. I cupped my hands around my face and peeked through the glass.

  The front room with the hair dressing stations looked neglected and forlorn, but that wasn’t new. I could just see her office through the back door, and it didn’t look like she was behind her desk. Wherever she was, it wasn’t at work.

  I pulled out my phone and dialed her number, waiting for her to answer. It rang six times and then rolled over to voicemail.

  “Where are you?” I asked, leaving a message. “We need to talk. Call me.”

  I hung up and got back on my bike. I had to get home and change before I headed out. Taylor and I were meeting up, and I needed to spend some quality time with my little brother. With everything happening I hadn’t even had time to talk to him properly since he’d ended up in hospital and I still had questions.

  At home, I changed my jeans to another pair that looked exactly the same except they were clean. I put a sleeveless shirt on under the leather vest so that I wouldn’t get kicked out and looked in the mirror. I ran my hand over my chin. A few days stubble…it would have to do. I wasn’t in the mood to shave, and I liked what it did to roughen up my look.

  I met Taylor outside a place called Carnage. It was a metal pub that also had a seating section with tables for the few that wanted to get something in their stomachs before getting drunk. The vibe was messy and with a lot of screaming music. It was just the right place to talk about things that I didn’t want out on the streets in a string of gossip. It wasn’t like a biker like me could really get a waiter’s attention in a normal restaurant; they tended to ignore people like me.

  Instead of getting angry about it, it was easy just to relocate.

  Taylor was already waiting for me outside. He looked better than I did, but that was always the case. He’d been through law school, and he had a sense of fashion and society that I’d never had the patience for. He wore a neat pair of jeans, a black, collared shirt, and heavyweight boots that would make him barely fit into the scene.

  We skipped a queue of upset-looking patrons and walked inside where we were taken to our usual little table in the back.

  “Two Coronas,” I ordered, and the waitress, kitted out in a leather skirt and a bullring nose piercing, skulked away to get us what we’d asked for.

  “How have you been?” I asked Taylor. “You look a lot better.”

  The screaming music blared in the background, wafting from the other room where the stage and all the attention was situated.

  “I’m better now,” Taylor said. “It’s been uphill though. I wasn’t in the hospital for long, but man, that shi
t kicked my ass.”

  “What was it?” I asked.

  Taylor shrugged. “Beats me.”

  I slammed my fist down on the table. I was angry. I didn’t know that it had been lingering under the surface, but now that we were talking about it, it all boiled over.

  “Dammit, Taylor,” I said in a raised voice. “This isn’t a game. You nearly died.”

  “Jesus, Daniel. Calm down. It wasn’t my fault, okay? I swore to you I wouldn’t use and I never had.”