Commitment

by Heather Dahlgren

  “No one fucks in the bathroom of a bar, except for a cheap slut.” I don’t even think about it before I throw my first punch. I connect with his jaw and he stumbles back a step.

  “Young, shit! Don’t, it’s not worth it.” I can’t believe she is willing to let this piece of shit talk to her like that.

  “You always defend the honor of whores or just the ones your friends with?” This time I run and grab him by his shirt. I get right in his face; my anger is in complete control right now. I can’t even form a fucking word. I pull back and my fist connects first with his stomach, which causes him to double over. Before he can even think of throwing a punch, I hit him so hard in the face that his mouth starts to bleed. I feel arms grab me from behind, I know without looking its Campbell. Dick would let me keep going. He pulls me away, keeping my arms pinned at my side.

  “Fuck you, you worthless piece of shit. Don’t you ever come near Maddie again and stay the fuck away from Becca. If you don’t I will hunt your ass down and finish this.” I am panting, sweating and the adrenalin running through me right now is unreal. I want to push Campbell off of me, but I know I would end up in jail because I intend to beat him to death.

  “Don’t worry about that. I only asked Becca out to be able to come face to face with the biggest slut I’ve ever met. Thanks for being my bait, bitch.” I start to push Campbell off, but don’t get him off fast enough. Dick comes around and punches this asshole so fucking hard, he falls back on the bar floor. Dick jumps on top of him and hits him several more times, before Campbell and I both pull him off. It all happened so quickly. The girls are screaming, Dick and I are boiling with rage and the bouncer finally comes over.

  “Get the fuck out of this bar, NOW.” He yells at Dick and me.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? This piece of shit came over and starts talking to these girls like they are trash and you’re kicking us out? We were defending them. He should be the one that is kicked out of here.” I know it makes no sense because he didn’t even throw a punch, but I’m so fucking pissed nothing makes sense.

  He helps that worthless piece of shit up and looks back over at us. “I don’t give a shit what he said; I want you out of this bar now. If you don’t leave I will have the cops remove you.” Fuck this, arrest me then. I’m not fucking leaving.

  “Okay, good, I’m glad I have fucking options.” I sit down and grab my beer.

  “Young, we are fucking leaving now.” Campbell says, grabbing Red’s hand. Becca is crying and Dick pulls her to him. I look over at Maddie and she has a bit of a smile on her face.

  “Let’s go. You don’t need to go to jail for my ass.” She stands and I follow them all out of the bar, but not before I leave this prick another message. I look right at him while I am walking by and I smile.

  “You ever say anything like that again, you can be sure you will be leaving in a fucking ambulance.” He puts his head down and walks away like a fucking dog with its tail between its legs. That’s right you twatwaffle. I walk outside to meet up with everyone to walk home.

  I can’t believe what just happened. I am equal parts humiliated and impressed. I am beyond disgusted with myself for fucking that piece of shit in the bathroom. I never would have thought that something like this would happen. Not only did he humiliate me, but also he humiliated Becca. My sleeping around has come back to hurt one of my best friends. Shit happening to me is one thing, but my girls that is stepping over the line. I have never considered how my actions could hurt those that I love. It has me rethinking everything.

  On the flip side. The way that Young defended me, had my heart swell. I have never had a guy defend my honor before. They usually have each other’s back, but not this time. When Young punched him, I was shocked. He didn’t even think about it, he protected me. I’ve never in my life been protected from a man, it is causing me to feel all these things that are completely foreign to me. In the past, it was men that I needed protecting from. Tonight, Young proved to me that there are actually men that will protect you. I have a lot of thinking to do, that’s for damn sure.

  Campbell, Kenz, Becca, and Dick are all talking in a circle. Young, he is bent over at the waist with his hands on his knees, his head hanging. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his center and lay my head on his back. “Thank you for what you did in there.” He stands up and turns to face me. His face is a mix of emotions, anger, sadness, and another one I can’t exactly identify. I smile at him and he winks at me. I fucking love when he does that.

  “Babe, you never have to thank me for defending you. I will never let anyone, I don’t give a fuck who they are, talk that way to you. I have never been so enraged. You do this to me; you make me feel all these things I’ve never felt before. I’ve never defended a woman like that before, I’ve stuck up for them, but I’ve never actually wanted to kill someone. I wanted to kill him for what he said to you. Now, get over here so I can kiss the shit out of you.” He gives me that panty-dropping grin and I can’t help but go right into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and move my hands into his hair. He slides his hands down to my ass and squeezes. We haven’t broken eye contact and I feel like for the first time in my life, I don’t want to hide. I can’t say that I am ready for any kind of relationship, but I will continue to hang out with him as friends. He finally puts his lips on mine and I open my mouth wanting nothing more than to taste him. Once his tongue touches mine, I am lost in the moment. I grip onto his hair and he pulls me closer to him. This kiss is passionate, more meaningful than most of the kisses we share. I am trying to relay to him how grateful I am for what he’s done, and I think he may be trying to relay how grateful he is I am still here.

  “As much as I love watching you two, can we get the hell out of here before things get more out of hand.” Leave it to Campbell to kill the mood. We break apart and he pulls me to him in what I can only describe as a protective hug. We break apart and he grabs my hand once we start walking. I don’t even pull away; I admit I love having his rough hand in mine.

  “Becca, are you okay, sweetie?” I haven’t spoken to her yet and I feel absolutely horrible for what I’ve done to her. She turns to look back at me and I can see the tears in her eyes. Fuck, I did this to her. All because I feel like I need to fuck every one. I really am a fucking slut. Brad is a piece of shit, but he did have a point, only a slut would fuck in a bar bathroom. Well, I guess I don’t necessarily believe that, but only a slut would fuck in a bar bathroom so many times that she can’t even remember half of the guys.

  “I’ll be fine. I am just humiliated that he used me like that.” No one says anything and we just continue our walk home. Once we are all back at the apartment, the guys come over. Everyone grabs a drink and we sit in the living room. As much as I don’t want to do this, I know I need to apologize for my behavior. I chug back my drink and take a deep breath.

  “I think I need to say something.” Everyone turns to look at me. Young has sympathetic eyes focused on me. I close my eyes and try to calm my nerves. I open them and look at each of my friends. They all mean so much to me; I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I am always sleeping around, that I will fuck in the bar bathroom. I’m sorry that because of my actions I’ve hurt you guys. Becca, I’m sorry for hurting you, for putting you through that tonight. Young and Dick, I’m sorry for making you feel like you needed to fight to protect us. I know I’ve led a promiscuous life, but I never intended for it to ever hurt any of you. I would never do anything to hurt you guys.” I’m not an emotional person. I think the last time I cried was when I first had sex. I have built a wall around my organ of a heart, which I don’t know if anyone is capable of breaking down. I have to admit, that feeling ashamed like this, is something that is tugging at that organ.

  “Babe, I don’t give a shit if you fucked the entire army in that bar bathroom. No one has the right to say those things to you. As far as apologizing to me, it’s not necessary. I’ll fuck up a twatwaf
fle for you anytime.” I laugh at his use of words. I have no idea where he comes up with them.

  “Maddie, thank you. I appreciate your apology. I know you wouldn’t purposely hurt me; it is just humiliating that I thought he was into me. When in fact, he just used me to get to you. Now, I have to face him at work. I think it’s time for me to just take a break from men. I should just focus on my career. When Mr. Right shows up, hopefully I’ll be able to recognize him.” She has tears falling down her face and I am so pissed at myself. I go over and hug her.

  “I swear, I never thought my sleeping around would ever hurt you guys. I’m so sorry.” She squeezes me back and I feel her tears on my shoulder. I can’t change my past, but I sure as hell can choose my future. I refuse to do anything again that will hurt my friends. If I need to stop sleeping around to make that happen, well then so be it. I pull back and smile at her. “I love you, Becca.” She wipes her tears and smiles back.

  “I love you too, Maddie.”

  “Alright, enough of this shit. We all know that Maddie is sorry, no reason to make our whole night about her fucking apologizing. Let’s get drunk and turn this night around. Strip poker anyone?” Yep, leave it to Young. Although, this time I think he is doing it to make sure the attention is off of me. I look over at him and he gives me that sexy ass wink of his. I smile and go sit back down next to him.

  “Thank you.” I don’t look at him, but when he squeezes my shoulder, I know he understands.

  “I can’t believe these words are going to leave my mouth, but Young is right. We know how sorry you are Maddie, and there is no reason to dwell on it. Strip poker, still not happening.” Kenz blows me a kiss.

  “Fucking pussies.” We all laugh at the idiot that Young is, but it feels good to laugh.

  Everyone hangs out for a few hours and we never actually do anything more than drink and talk. It was a great distraction. Now however, that I am lying in bed my mind is going and I can’t turn it off. I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, things I am ashamed of. I just never actually thought any of it, would come back to hurt my friends or me. As much as I hate the idea of changing my lifestyle, I don’t see any other option. I refuse to let anyone else get hurt because of me. As for Brad, I’m certain that was the last we will see of him. I just hope he doesn’t bother Becca at work.

  I’ve been tossing and turning for the last hour. I can’t turn off my mind and it is keeping me up. I throw the covers off of me once again and stare up at the ceiling. There is a light knock on my door before it slowly opens. I sit up to see who it is. Never did I expect it to be Young. “Hey, what’s up?” He has no shirt on and his sexy sweat pants are hanging low. He climbs on the bed and sits next to me. He looks over at me and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. I’m so glad it’s dark in here because I’m sure my hair is a mess and my makeup is not perfect.

  “I wanted to come make sure you were alright. I know you like to keep all this shit inside, but I’d like for you to be honest with me, let me help you.” Fuck, why does he have to be so sweet? I’m not used to this, not from him, not from any man. I’m uncomfortable opening up; I keep things to myself because that is how I was taught to deal with things. I couldn’t run to my mom with my problems, she was too busy. I’ve always handled things on my own, from dealing with kids in school to dealing with men being too rough with me in bed at such a young age. I dealt with it by myself.

  “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. I just need to get some sleep, but thanks.” I can’t have him here, not now. I’ve got to much running through my head as it is. I can’t deal with him and that. I keep my attention focused on my lap, hoping this will just send the message I don’t need him here.

  “Maddie, please talk to me. You said you would try, I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t let me in.” He sounds like he is almost pleading with me and I don’t like it. If I want to open up I will, but odds are that will never happen.

  “Young, I told you we could be friends that hang out. I never said anything about opening up to you. There is nothing wrong, it was a shitty night, I apologized, end of story. Now, please let it go.” I hear him blow out a breath and then he grabs my hand. I turn my head to look at him, shocked that he just won’t leave. He shakes his head at me, almost like he is disappointed.

  “Maddie, I’m not asking for a lot here. I’m here, as a friend, making sure you are okay. I just want to know how you are feeling about the whole thing. Did it embarrass you, piss you off? Give me something here.” I turn my head to avoid looking at him.

  “Young, why do you do this? Why do you want to get in, it’s ugly.” I just don’t understand. Even though Becca and Kenz are as close to me as anyone, they don’t question me like he does. It is confusing to me.

  “Do you really want me to answer that? Because I know you won’t like what I have to say, but I want to be honest with you. So before I answer, are you sure you want to hear it?” I turn my body to look at him now. Fuck yes, I want to know now. I want to know why he wants to even try to have this pointless relationship with me. I nod at him and he turns to face me as well. He places a hand on each leg and looks into my eyes, the best he can in the dark.

  “Maddie, you make me feel things I have never in my life felt. I haven’t stopped thinking of you for over a year. You are the most beautiful, sexy, and confident woman I’ve ever met. The sex, holy shit, don’t even get me started. I can look at you and my cock is hard. The way we are together in bed, that’s not something that a lot of people have. There are no limits, no walls, no fears. That is what I want us to have, out of the bedroom. I know we could be as amazing out of the bedroom as we are in.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out. “Maddie, I’m starting to have feelings for you. I want you to let me in, even if it’s just a little every day.” I have the breath sucked out of me, like someone punched me in the stomach. It was bad enough when I thought he just wanted to try a relationship, but to have feelings for me. What does that even mean? This scares me more than I’ll admit. I am ringing my hands together and I haven’t looked back up at him. “Maddie, please. Just tell me how tonight made you feel.”

  I look up at him and he has his head cocked to the side with his bottom lip sticking out like a pleading child. I can’t help but laugh at his dumb ass. He smiles back at me and squeezes my legs. “I promise you I will never judge you, you can tell me anything.” I close my eyes tightly and squeeze my hands together, effectively digging my nails into myself.

  “I am humiliated that my sleeping around has come back to hurt my friends. It is making me rethink a lot of things. On the flip side, I never in my life had a guy defend me before. Thank you.” I am actually sweating and haven’t opened my eyes to look at him. I don’t open up to people, this is hard for me. I feel like I’m putting myself out there and it scares the shit out of me.

  “Thank you for telling me. You should never let your past humiliate you, it’s part of what has made you, you. I wouldn’t want you to change a God damn thing. Maddie, I’ll defend you anytime you need it. No one will ever disrespect you, not with me around.” I slowly open my eyes to look at him. He looks completely serious. He still has his hands on my legs, he is smiling, and it is reaching his eyes. If only I believed him about not letting your past humiliate you. My past will always, no one can change that. I’m not going to lie, it actually feels pretty good to tell someone how I’m feeling. I am so used to keeping it in, it’s a foreign feeling, but I don’t hate it.

  “Young, when the hell did you become this guy?” I giggle. He laughs at me and pulls me closer to him. He looks in my eyes, smiling.

  “I became this guy, a little over a year ago.” He gives me that panty-melting grin and wink. I lean forward and press my lips to his. He growls deep in his chest and runs his hands up into my hair. I wrap my arms around his back, loving the feel of his warm, muscular skin under my hands. He tugs on my hair, which causes me to moan. I push him back until he is laying down, never breaking the kiss. I s
traddle him and grind my pussy onto his rock hard cock. My pussy is so wet, I’m sure it is leaking through my pj’s. He has this effect on me and I’m positive I have it on him. I break the kiss and start kissing down his neck to his chest. “Fuck.” He growls when I nip his nipple and then lick it. He has moved his hands down to grip my ass, and he is holding on so tight, I know it will be marked. “Maddie, shit. Maddie, fuck. Maddie, we need to stop.” I look up at him and I can see the conflict on his face. He’s serious about this no sex thing.

  “Young, we need sex. I won’t do it with anyone else, just you. My pussy is aching, dripping wet, and in need of your cock. I need the release and so do you.” He flips me over so I’m now on my back. He is lying on top of me and I can feel his cock right where I need it. I roll my hips, pressing my pussy on him. “Fuck it feels so good, Young.” He kisses my lips and runs his hands down to hold my hips still.

  “Maddie, you have no fucking idea how hard this is for me. My dick feels like it is going to snap in half and I feel like less of a man for not making you come, but I need to see this through.” I open my mouth to interrupt him, but he brings a hand up and presses a finger to my lips. “I have to believe, in my plan. I honestly think it will be the best thing for us, as friends that hang out with just each other.” He winks at me and gives me another quick kiss.

  “This is bullshit. How am I supposed to get off, I can only use my hands and a vibrator so many times. I need dick, a real dick in my pussy. I don’t think I’m capable of not having sex.” I try to give him the same pouty lip he gave me, hoping it will have the same effect. Giving me my way. He starts tickling my sides and I can’t help but laugh. The more I squirm and try to get away, the harder he tickles me. I am laughing and throwing my body all over the bed. He is laughing, enjoying every second of the torture he is inflicting on me. I can’t get away because he is much too strong on top of me. He finally starts to lighten up on the tickling and I am still laughing, trying to catch my breath. He has a huge smile on his face, looking right at me.