Disdain: A Cinderella Retelling (Tales of Cinder Book 2)

by M. J. Haag

  Grinning wryly, I smoothed my hands over my skirts and looked away for a moment.

  “I was coming to see you.”

  “And yet you walked by as if I did not exist.”

  Blushing slightly, I looked up at him.

  “I know very well you exist.”

  “What were you thinking with such singular focus?”

  “I was wondering if my mother would approve of what I’m doing.”

  “Meeting a lowly servant in the woods?”

  I snorted, turned, and started walking more slowly this time, picking a direction at random. Kaven joined me.

  “I can hardly consider you lowly when you think so highly of yourself,” I said.

  He gave me a quizzical look.

  “You believe I think highly of myself?”

  “Most certainly. You accused me of trespassing when we first met, and after you learned who I was, you still knocked me off my horse, spanked me—”

  “There is no need to list my transgressions. I remember them well. And I sincerely apologize for all of them. It’s not that I think highly of myself but rather that I have a need to protect those I serve.”

  “It’s admirable that you do,” I said, understanding his need to protect those close to him. Heather and Catherine weren’t my family, yet I still wanted no ill to befall them.

  “Do you believe the Prince needs such ardent protection as to accost a girl in the woods?” I asked the question sincerely, no playful teasing in my tone. He glanced at me and exhaled slowly.

  “Yes. Although I no longer believe you’re a threat, the next girl may be.”

  I tilted my head at him.

  “How do you know I’m not a threat? Perhaps I’m the biggest threat of them all.”

  He stopped walking and studied me. The way his gaze swept over my face and lingered on my lips set my heart racing.

  “I think it would be wisest if I say nothing further,” he said softly. “Lest you refuse to meet me again tomorrow.”

  I forced a small smile, my heart heavy. For the sake of the kingdom, Kaven needed to see through me.

  “I’m uncertain if it’s wise,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “I still don’t understand your reason for wanting to speak with me after all I’ve done.”

  He shrugged slightly.

  “You’re the most real woman I’ve ever met.”

  I couldn’t stop the disbelieving noise that escaped me.

  “I shall tell my friends that all it takes is a knee to the testicles for a boy to take them seriously.”

  Kaven chuckled.

  “That it does.”

  We walked in silence for several moments.

  “Aren’t you going to ask if I sent your message to the Prince?” he asked finally.

  “Should I?”

  “I have it on good authority that girls are very interested in everything royalty does.”

  I grinned.

  “Most girls might be. I’m tired of the constant princely chatter. Why is his life so much more important than ours?”

  Kaven’s brows rose.

  “You don’t believe it is?”

  “No. He’s a person like any other. The only importance his life has is that which we give it. If the Prince and I were alone in the world, why should I grant him authority over me? His birthright doesn’t make him better than I am, only more known. Thus, all lives should hold equal value to his.”

  “Such talk could be considered treasonous,” he said gravely.

  “And that way of thinking only proves my point.”

  “How so?”

  “Rulers come into power two different ways,” I said, holding his gaze, needing him to understand the deeper meaning of what I was telling him. “Some are lifted up from the people by the people, such as our current royal family. The power they have now was once given to them because the people trusted the judgment of the first king. Other rulers come into power by taking what they want through coercion or fear. But both, in the beginning, started out as a person just like you or me.”

  “I understand how you would think the Prince’s life has equal value to the common man,” he said. “But I don’t understand how my remark about treason helped prove it.”

  “The idea that any who disagrees with the Royal family’s edicts are guilty of treason is a fear tactic to ensure the King remains in power.”

  Kaven slowly shook his head at me.

  “I’m unsure if I should be impressed with your logic or run in fear that you’re preparing to start a revolution.”

  My heart started to pound as I said my final piece.

  “A little of both might be in order if men ever took women seriously.”

  I held my breath as I studied his serious expression, daring to hope he would understand who his threat was.

  “Can I tell you something?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “The Prince isn’t like that. He’s not one to subjugate his people. He’s kind and wants to bring about a true peace again.”

  My hope withered and died.

  “Can I tell you something?” I asked.

  He chuckled.

  “You always do whether I want you to or not.”

  “I don’t want to speak of the Prince again. His existence has brought me nothing but pain.”

  Kaven bowed slightly, and we continued walking. I liked Kaven as much as I disliked him. Why didn’t he read deeper into my words and hear what I couldn’t come out and say? Frustration robbed me of further conversation, not that it was needed. Without comment, we walked a circle that took us farther from the Retreat and closer to my home.

  “Thank you for today,” Kaven said. “It gets lonely out here.”

  “Have you ever thought of leaving?” I asked. “Packing a bag and journeying to places unknown?”

  “Have you?” He studied me intently.

  “Every day since my mother died,” I said softly.

  He took half a step closer.

  “I’m sorry for the pain you suffer.”

  I shook my head and looked away.

  “Suffering is part of life. It’s a journey we all endure until it ends. Better to suffer than to never exist. For between the sufferings, there are moments of great joy,” I said, thinking of the family I had known. “We only need to see those moments for what they are and hold onto their memories during the times of trial.”

  He shook his head slightly.

  “You are still a puzzle to me, Eloise. I wish I would have known your mother. To raise a woman such as you, she had to be something special.”

  “She was.”

  “Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Perhaps.”

  I left him in the trees, already doubting I would return. If he were wise, his loyalty to the Royal family would stop him from saying anything no matter how much he might trust me. And that was just as it should be.

  When I entered the kitchen, Maeve was once again waiting.

  “Nothing of importance again,” she said.

  “I did not insult him today.”

  “No. Instead you lectured him. However, your assessment of rulers couldn’t be truer. I’m very relieved you see the current king for what he is, a weak man clinging to the remnants of power that never should have belonged to him. It’s time for a change, don’t you agree?”

  Heart pounding with realization, I uttered the necessary words.

  “Yes, Mama.”

  Maeve smiled and swept from the room.

  Stunned, I looked at Catherine and Heather who worked quietly at the cutting board. Both wore twin expressions of fear. Seeing them helped solidify the truth of what Maeve had just let slip.

  She planned to overthrow the King. But how?

  For the sake of the kingdom, I needed to find a way to free myself from Maeve’s control.

  Chapter Ten

  “Life rarely gives one what one wants,” Maeve said, patting my cheek consolingly. “Better to come to terms
with that now.”

  I nodded, trying to quell the fear churning in my middle.

  “You will not cause Cecilia trouble, will you?”

  I shook my head.

  “Good. Enjoy your outing. Do not return until after midday. I have guests I plan to entertain.”

  Maeve wasn’t yet dressed, her thin robe leaving very little to the imagination, and I could guess what type of entertaining she would do.

  She turned to Cecilia and handed her two vials.

  “Drink them as soon as you reach the edge of town,” she said.

  Cecilia nodded, and my worry only deepened. Over the last two days, Maeve’s visits to town and my forced seclusion in the attic had allowed me time to read the books without fear of being watched. While I hadn’t learned anything that would help me free myself, I now understood what those vials contained.

  Maeve turned to me once more.

  “When you return, you can take a nice walk before sunset to try your new skills. Learn well, Eloise.”

  I endured Maeve’s hug then followed Cecilia outside and climbed up into the wagon beside her. I wore an old dress Maeve had given me. Cecilia did the same.

  “Are you ready for an adventure, dear sister?” Cecilia asked.

  I didn’t answer, and she chuckled as she clucked the horse into motion. It didn’t take long to reach the edge of town. Cecilia slowed the horse and lifted her vial to her lips. I hesitantly did the same, swallowing the potion that would change my appearance so no one would recognize me. Part of me was relieved. I didn’t want anyone to know my shame after today. Yet another part of me wished everyone would see what was happening to me so someone could help.

  A tingle spread over my face, and I looked at Cecilia to see her features waver and change. Worried, I reached up to touch my nose and brow. Everything felt the same to me.

  “It’s not truly changing you,” she said. “That would take far too much power.”

  She pocketed the vials and clucked to the horse. I watched the houses go by and tried not to think about what was to come. My time of innocence was at an end. The thought had barely formed when I realized that my innocence had ended long before this moment.

  It didn’t take long to arrive at the whorehouse. Cecilia pulled the wagon around back to a small stable and tossed a coin to the boy waiting there.

  “Take care of the horse. We will be awhile,” she said.

  I followed her, fighting the urge to run. When Maeve had returned late last night and released me from the attic, she had shown me Grimm with Kellen in the background. Afterward, she had reminded me what fate awaited my sister if I disobeyed or tried to run today. The image of Kellen fast asleep in the sunny clearing steadied my resolve, and I entered the backroom of the Brazen Belle with determination that quickly faltered.

  Although I’d seen Kellen naked before, and more recently, Heather and Catherine, I was unprepared for the general state of undress in the Brazen Belle’s less public room. Women walked around with the tops of their dresses low enough to show their nipples, or worse, completely around their waist so their breasts were fully displayed. The men who lingered in the room watched with avid interest as the women moved from group to group, speaking to the men as if at a social gathering.

  “Sit and watch,” Cecilia said, leading me to a cushioned chair off to the side near a set of stairs. “Study how the women approach the men. They need to entice them to get them up to the private rooms with them. That is how they get paid. Do not move from this spot. I will return.”

  My eyes widened as I realized she planned to leave me. I reached for her, but she laughed and twisted out of the way.

  “Don’t be a child, Eloise. And do not look away or fail. If you return to Mama as ignorant in the ways of men as you were before, you know what will happen.”

  I wanted to claw Cecilia’s laughing eyes out of her head as she walked away. Instead, I faced the room and did what I was told.

  It didn’t take long to see that the most successful women were the young ones who played coy…even if their breasts were bared. The pattern was simple enough. The woman smiled at a man and glanced away quickly to get his attention. Once he approached, she spoke softly as would a nervous maid. He would say something, and she would nod and take his hand. Occasionally, he would touch her breast as he spoke but not always. The older women were less sought after but did have some success with bolder tactics such as stepping in front of a man and placing his hand on her breast or under her skirt.

  I was so engrossed in my study, I didn’t notice someone sat beside me until a hand settled on my skirts just above the knee.

  Heart hammering, I looked at the man and narrowed my eyes.

  “I am not coy, and I am not for sale,” I said plainly. “Be gone.”

  The man frowned but left to find more willing quarry. Feeling sick and afraid, I returned to my study.

  “How’s the pig?” a familiar voice asked.

  I swiveled in my chair to look up at Rose. The old woman watched me with a small smile. My eyes immediately began to water. The potion hadn’t fooled her. She knew it was me.

  Her expression changed to one of concern.

  “You didn’t eat him, did you?” she asked, sitting beside me. “If you did, I won’t be angry. A bit ill, but not angry.”

  “No. Mr. Pig is well enough. It’s you that brings tears to my eyes. I’m relieved you know me for who I am.”

  She tilted her head at me, a small frown creating even more wrinkles in her brow.

  “Why hide who you are but feel relief when someone sees through the spell?”

  I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I didn’t try harder, too afraid Maeve would notice my attempt to speak freely.

  Rose’s eyes narrowed on me.

  “Someone cast these spells on you, haven’t they?”

  I remained mute, giving no indication of truth in her words. Yet I felt unrestrained joy. Someone finally knew. She might not know it was Maeve who cast these spells, but at least she knew I was bespelled.

  The old woman sighed and sat back in her chair, looking out over the room.

  “Wipe the tears from your eyes, child. Whatever trouble you’ve gotten yourself into will likely only grow worse if you’re found crying to me about it.”

  I quickly wiped my eyes and pretended to go back to studying the room.

  “I know about spells to keep a person silent. I’ve used a few myself.”

  That admission worried me. She saw it in my expression and grinned.

  “Don’t worry. He deserved it. The beast had a tendency to lose his temper and yell at me. I’m not a woman who takes kindly to that sort of treatment.”

  One of the women on the floor walked up to us.

  “Rose, you’ll scare away the customers. You were told to stay in back.”

  “She’s helping me,” I said quickly. “I need to learn how to capture a man’s—”

  “I know why you’re here,” the woman said. “What good do you think an old woman’s words will do you? Her twat dried up ages ago and hasn’t seen a cock since then.”

  “Do you think cocks have evolved into something more mysterious than they were in my day?” Rose asked with a cackle. “Suck it or fuck it, it’s the same result. A happy man willing to give up a little of his coin. There’s no mystery in this business.”

  The girl glared at Rose and walked away. The old woman stared after her.

  “Cocks might not have changed,” she said softly. “But much in Towdown has.” She glanced at me. “I find it odd that she knows your purpose here, and I do not.”

  “Why do you find that odd?”

  She shrugged slightly.

  “Like you, I’m unable to say much. Capturing a man’s interest is easy. Are you sure you want to do that?”

  I almost answered that I didn’t. Then fear stayed my tongue instead of the curse. What if Maeve was watching? What would she do to Rose?

  The old woman shook her head at me.
<
br />   “Your fear is answer enough. You need help, but can’t ask for it. And I can’t help without understanding the full problem. We’re in a bind, aren’t we?”

  I turned away from her, focusing my attention on the women once more.

  “I wonder if they all know I’m watching,” I said. “Do you think their behavior would change if they knew they were being observed?”

  There was a long moment of silence beside me.

  “Everyone’s behavior changes when they know they’re being watched,” she said finally.

  “Yes. It does.”

  “How is the pear tree by your mother’s grave?” she asked.

  I felt a pang and hoped the bird still sang to Mother in my absence.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t been for a long while.”

  “You should go speak to the dead about what you cannot speak to the living. And stay true to yourself, Eloise. Many young women lose their way by not staying true to themselves.” She glanced around the room, an indication of exactly what she meant, then patted my knee and left.

  Her words stuck in my mind as I spent the next several hours in the chair. My backside had long since gone numb by the time Cecilia returned.

  “We need to go now.”

  She didn’t wait for me to stiffly get to my feet but hurried toward the door. I struggled to keep up and emerged to see the boy bringing the horse from the stable.

  “Hurry and there’s another coin in it for you,” she said.

  The boy quickly hitched the horse to the wagon, and Cecilia tossed him the promised coin as she clucked the beast into motion. We left the yard of the Brazen Belle just as my nose began to itch. I lifted my hand to scratch it, but she swatted my hand away.

  “It’s not real. Don’t call attention to yourself.”

  I kept my hands clenched in my lap as she wove through the streets. The tingle stopped by the time we reached the outskirts and started on the path that led to our home and the Retreat.

  “Do you think anyone noticed us change?” I asked.

  Cecilia gave me a cutting look.

  “If they did, we wouldn’t still be in the wagon. We would be in a cell under the palace. I don’t know why Mama continues to show you favor. You’re unintelligent and not worth her consideration.”