Sold: Highest Bidder

by Willow Winters

I can’t have her here. I’ll hurt her. I know I will.

  “Katia!” I scream her name so loudly it makes my throat feel raw. “Katia!” I yell even louder, anger apparent in my tone. I’ve never called her for like this. I stare at the open door, and when she doesn’t instantly appear, I stomp over the papers and folders now scattered on the floor and grip the door as I swing it open harder, slamming it against the wall and storming toward her room.

  It’s not like her not to come when I call. It’s my anger, I nod my head at the thought as I approach her doorway.

  For a moment, I think maybe she’s already gone.

  Maybe I scared her away. She knew she needed to leave a monster like me.

  My heart stops and I nearly topple forward, bracing myself against the wall.

  No.

  I take in a breath, torn between the pain that just the thought caused me, and the necessity to save her.

  I feel torn into two, and I don’t know which side will win. I want to keep her forever. I don’t want to deny these feelings I have for her any longer. But I want to save her beautiful light from my darkness.

  I need to let her go.

  I take the last few steps with my eyes closed and slowly open them as I walk into her room, half expecting to find it empty, but she’s there.

  Kneeling on the floor.

  She’s naked, in only my chains and even with a sadness surrounding her, a hint of anger even, she’s perfect in her submission.

  “Get dressed, Katia,” I manage to say easily. I need her to leave. Now. Before I lose my resolve.

  As she stands I catch a flash of anger in her eyes. A look that verges on disrespectful and it begs me to take her. I want to push her onto the bed and punish her.

  But I can’t. In this moment, I have the strength to send her away. And I need to do it now before I lose it. I watch her as she opens the dresser drawer, the sound of it opening is the only noise in the room. I’m on edge and holding on by a thread as she dresses with her eyes shining with tears. But she doesn’t question me. She pulls on her jeans and I grip onto the door, closing my eyes. Hating that I’m doing this. Hating myself and that I’m not good enough to keep her.

  “Master?” she asks me.

  It breaks my fucking heart to hear her call me that. For the last time.

  “Yes?” I answer as she opens a drawer and slips on the clothes she brought here. Simple jeans and a tank top.

  “Why are you doing this?” she asks and the anger slips, replaced with something worse. Sadness. She pulls a sweater over her tank top, not looking me in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Master.

  It hurts to see her like this. But it’s for her own good.

  I ignore her question. I ignore her apology.

  “You can go now. I’ll have your things sent to your place tomorrow.”

  Katia takes a step back, looking as though I’m going to hurt her.

  “You can go.”

  “I don’t want to go,” she says, shaking her head with wide eyes.

  “You must.”

  “Don’t do this.” Her voice is weak. She’s begging me, and I so badly want to submit to her wishes.

  “I am not what you need,” I finally admit to her.

  “You are-”

  “I’m a murderer!” I scream at her, cutting her off. She cowers from the harsh tone. I finally said it; I told her.

  “I’ve killed men before, Katia. I’m not a good man.”

  She looks up at me with a coldness in her eyes that I’ve never seen. “So have I.”

  “You need more than what I can give you.”

  “I want you! I can decide for myself.” She’s on edge and angry, but mostly upset. I don’t think either one of us is thinking clearly, but this needs to happen now, before this goes too far.

  “I’m your Master! You will listen to me!”

  “You need to go home, Katia.” I tell her with a straight face, refusing to acknowledge the gouging pain in my chest. I give her the keys to my car. She can have it. Fuck, she could have it all if she wants. But she needs to go now before I snap and keep her forever.

  “No!” she yells at me, and I can’t take it. I grab her waist and pull her body close to me, lifting her off the floor and storming to the stairwell.

  “Stop it!” she screams at me. “Isaac, no!” Her body shudders with a sob, and I hate myself. More now than I ever have for hurting her. But I have to. I have to save her. I can’t let her stay with me and ruin her beauty. Her strength. I need her to leave me.

  “You have to go.” I try to tell her flatly, but my voice breaks.

  “I need you to know how much you own me,” she screams at me, her voice so loud it hurts my ears, but I don’t care. I drag her toward the front door. She hits me, pulling her fist back and slamming it against my chest. I feel a tug and hear a snap of something, but I’m not sure what. My eyes fly to her bracelet, but it’s still intact.

  “You can’t throw me out,” she says, pushing me away with no success as we reach the foyer.

  “I won’t let you.” Her voice lacks conviction and strength. Tears stream down her face and onto my shoulder, breaking my heart at her pain.

  Better now. Better this way. I finally put her down and she stumbles as her feet struggle to find purchase. I swing the front door open.

  “Leave,” I tell her, trying to rid all the emotion from my voice.

  “I love you, Isaac.” Her voice cracks with emotion.

  Hearing those words from her lips almost makes me fall to my knees.

  To beg for her forgiveness.

  To beg her not to leave me.

  I stand there silent, not moving, not responding.

  “Please,” she says and her voice shakes, “Please don’t, Master.”

  “Go, Katia.” The words are forced from my lips. I’ll only be her Master. That’s all I can promise her. And she needs more. This is the only way I can give her more.

  Her beautiful lips part and a huff of disbelief leaves her. The pain still there, but a hint of anger is slipping in. Hold onto that anger, my kitten, it will make this easier.

  It takes her a moment to gather herself. Grabbing the keys and walking out the door, but before she leaves for good, she turns to me.

  “I won’t stay with someone who doesn’t want me.” Her words are soft and full of pain. Her wide eyes are pleading with me, begging me to tell her everything I selfishly want to say. “Do you not want me?” she says with her composure breaking, tears slipping down her face.

  I want so badly to take her in my arms and crash my lips to hers, to brush her tears away and keep her.

  But I can’t do that to her.

  Not if I truly love her. And I do. I know so strongly in this moment I do.

  “No,” I finally say the word. It’s hard to push it out, but once it leaves my lips, it’s done. She turns abruptly, taking in a breath and walking straight to the car. She doesn’t turn around, not once. Even when she’s in the driver’s seat, she refuses to look at me.

  My knees threaten to give out as every inch of my skin burns with the need to go to her, to stop her.

  I watch her walk away from me.

  I watch her leave me.

  And I stand there in the doorway, waiting to realize that I’ve done what’s best for her. And this pain is justified.

  But it hurts too much.

  As I start to shut the door, I see what broke earlier, when I brought her down here while she was fighting me. The chain. My chain. I close the door and bend down to pick it off the floor. The thin silver with diamond cuts shimmers as I pick it up and clench it in my fist.

  I broke it.

  The vision of my mother’s necklace, as she lay on the cold hard floor of the kitchen, flashes in my eyes as my thumb rubs along the chain.

  Why is she so still? My heart beats faster and faster but my body only gets colder as I slowly come out from the hallway and walk toward her. He left, the monster left after I watched him do this to her.

/>   I didn’t know. How could I know that this time he’d kill her?

  “Mom?” I call out to her in a whisper, still scared that she’ll beat me for interfering like she always did.

  But her eyes are open. They’re red, but not like they usually are. Not from the drugs. It’s blood. Her blood vessels broke and her eyes are so red.

  “Mom?” I say louder as I walk closer to her.

  Her chest isn’t moving. She’s so still. So quiet. I stare at her chest, waiting for it to rise with a breath as I kneel down next to her. My eyes are so blurry, why am I crying?

  She’s not dead. She can’t be.

  I shake her shoulders. “Mom!” I yell at her, and my heart beats faster with fear. Both that she’ll hurt me for yelling, and that she’s really dead.

  I shake her, but the only sound is the chain around her neck. The necklace I bought her with the only money I had. She’s wearing it today. She wears it on days when she wants me to know that she loves me I think. She wore it today.

  I sob as I shake her shoulders harder, screaming her name.

  The necklace clinks and clinks as I pull her up, and I break it. It’s an accident. I just wanted her to breathe.

  I didn’t mean it.

  I didn’t mean any of it.

  I wish I could take it back.

  It’s my fault.

  I hold the broken chain to my chest, leaning against the door.

  Struggling to breathe and cope with the fact that she’s left me. I wanted her to though.

  She can’t be with a monster like me. I only wish I was able to hold her longer.

  I wish I was good enough for her.

  Chapter 30

  Katia

  My shoulders shake as I sob uncontrollably as I sit at my desk chair in front of my open laptop. The pain is searing and I haven’t been able to sleep at all. Not that I want to. All I’ve been able to think about is him and how he sent me away. And how much it fucking hurts.

  I desperately need someone to talk to, someone who understands me. But Kiersten isn’t online. I almost want to call my mom. Just to hear her tell me it’s going to be alright. But I can’t. Not yet. I don’t want to admit what’s happened to anyone. I want it to just be a nightmare.

  I glance at the screen again, waiting for Kiersten to come on. She’s always here at night. I know I’ve been busy with Isaac, but I’ve kept up with her messages. I’m there for her. I made sure to tell her that. I always will be. And I need her now. I feel so selfish. But I truly need her now.

  I’ve waited for the last two hours for her to appear, but she hasn’t logged on. I’ve sent direct message after message, hoping she’d get a notification on her cell, but nothing. I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand, trying desperately to get a hold of my emotions. I don’t know what to do.

  I pull my knees to my chest, my feet sitting on the microfiber seat, biting down on the inside of my cheek with enough force to almost break the skin.

  You can survive this, I tell myself. I am a strong woman. I’ve been through hell and back, and look at me. I survived.

  “I’m a survivor,” I intone, but my voice cracks and a wave of emotions threatens to send me over the top, and I cover my mouth to keep sobs from escaping. Stop crying. I can’t let him do this to me. It’s my fault for pushing him. But I knew something was wrong. I just wish he’d tell me how to fix it. I will. I’ll do anything I can to fix it.

  Fighting back more tears, I look around the house, trying to gain comfort from the yellow color, my animal ornaments, every little knickknack that was put here with purpose. To create a happy, soothing environment. A place that feels safe and inviting. But right now, it does nothing for me. I feel so empty.

  A knock on the door causes my head to snap up so fast, I almost get whiplash. Hope spreads through my chest. Isaac?

  Knock. Knock.

  The sound is soft, not like Isaac. But I can’t help but hope. I know he didn’t mean what he said. I know he loves me, even if he won’t admit it.

  I quickly rise from my seat, the chain lock sliding and then clinking as I move it off the track and open the door without looking to see who’s there.

  Standing in the doorway is Madam Lynn, looking gorgeous as all hell. She’s wearing a claret red dress with a white belt at the waist and matching white pumps; her hair pulled up into a gorgeous sleek ponytail , her makeup flawless. A soft earthy scent tickles my nose as she gives me a gentle compassionate smile that calms my anxiety somewhat. She’s holding a thin envelope in her hand, but I’m more worried about how awful I look right now with my red-rimmed puffy eyes and disheveled hair. She has to think I look an absolute mess. I want to question why she’s here, but more than that, I want to run into her arms and just be held, to confide in her and tell her how I fucked it all up.

  She must see how upset I am, as if it isn’t completely obvious. But I ignore her look of sympathy and let her come in, shutting the door as she walks into my tiny apartment.

  “Hello, Katia,” Madam Lynn says, handing the envelope out to me. “I came to give you this.”

  I look at it for a moment before taking it. “What’s this?”

  “I got a call from Isaac, stating that the contract ended before schedule, but that you were to be paid in full.”

  Anger tightens my chest and I offer the check back to her. “I don’t want this,” I say stiffly. “He can keep it.” I just want him, or nothing at all. Fuck the money. I cross my arms and back away. I’m pissed, but more than that, hurt.

  Madam Lynn refuses to take the check back, placing her hands behind her back and peering at me closely. “I see things didn’t end well between the both of you. I normally don’t inquire into the business of my clients, but if someone was hurt… well, I have to know. Can you tell me what happened?”

  My heart pounds as I think about a response. “I-I-I think I pushed him.” My heart clenches. If I’d just stayed quiet and behaved… but I thought, he needed me to push him. I thought he needed me. “I just wanted to-” my throat hurts, and it’s hard to say what I’m feeling. It’s hard to form what we had into words. “He wouldn’t let me in, when all I wanted to do was help him, just like he helped me.”

  Madam Lynn’s expression is sympathetic as she looks at me. “That sounds like him.” She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t take it too personally. I’ve known Isaac for a very long time, and because of what happened to him, he doesn’t let many people in.”

  But this is different. I’m not just any person. He cared about me. I know he did. What we had was real.

  The pain gripping my sore heart is almost enough to bring me to tears in front of Madam Lynn, but I fight them back.

  “You can find someone else?” Madam Lynn suggests tenderly, her expression turning hopeful. “You don’t have to go to pieces over just one man, no matter how good he was to you.”

  I suck in a breath, anger gripping my throat. I’ve never had reason to be angered with Madam Lynn, and I know she’s just trying to get me to see another point of view, but the very idea of finding another Master is appalling. There can be no other Master for me. Only Isaac.

  “I have no desire for a new Master,” I say with utmost confidence. “I only want Isaac.”

  Madam Lynn shakes her head, a small smile stretching on her lips. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to have another Master either.” Her eyes shine with mischief. “He’s going to be regretting this. Very soon.”

  I want him to regret it, but more than that, I want him back.

  “Do you really think so?” I ask, trying to not sound too desperate.

  Madam Lynn nods, a devious smile playing across her lips. “I do; I think he just needs a push to realize what he really wants and how desperate he’ll be to make that happe..”

  I swallow thickly, not knowing what to think. “I don’t want another Master. Ever. If I can’t have Isaac back... if he doesn’t want me,” my voice trails off and it’s hard to think that he’s really through with m
e.

  “Isaac is being foolish, and he will have you back. Trust me, I know when a man is in love.”

  Love. My heart hurts so fucking much.

  I close my eyes, praying that what she’s saying is true. I don’t want to hope if it’s really over.

  As if reading my mind, Madam Lynn says, “It’s not over, Katia. Just give him this push.”

  I nod my head, feeling as though I at least have a plan. “I’ll go.”

  It’s not over just yet. I won’t give up hope.

  Chapter 31

  Isaac

  The faint hum of the car seems louder than usual as I drive through the dark night on my way to Katia.

  It’s only been hours, but I know I’ve made a horrible mistake. I’ve thrown away the most beautiful and pure creature to ever light up my life.

  I can’t believe I let her go. No, I threw her away.

  Fuck!

  I grip the steering wheel tighter. It hurts so fucking much. I keep seeing the look in her eyes.

  She told me she loved me. I know she does. She did.

  But now…

  If she doesn’t forgive me, I’ll never recover from this. I had my perfect kitten. So gorgeous and full of life and hope and happiness. And healed. So strong in every way.

  I take in a breath so violently it hurts my lungs. My chest feels like it’s collapsing in.

  My kitten. My Katia.

  I lean my head forward, resting on my fists as I sit at a red light and fight with the emotions tormenting me.

  I’m not worthy of her, that’s the problem. I’ve murdered. I’ve watched men die. Worse, there’s a darkness in me that will dim her beautiful light. That’s my biggest fear. I need to remember that.

  But for her, I’ll try. I promise to fucking God, I will try to be better for her.

  I just need a chance. I need her to forgive me.

  I need her back. I’m a selfish man for it, but I need her back in my life.

  It’s a reckless thing for me to do. To go take her back. But if she lets me, I’ll never let her go.

  My phone rings in the car, and for a moment I think it’s her. My kitten.