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by Griff Rhys Jones


  Letters to Scotland from the South of France,

  Letters of condolence to Highlands and Lowlands,

  Written on paper of every hue,

  The pink, the violet, the white and the blue,

  The chatty, the catty, the boring, the adoring,

  The cold and official and the heart’s outpouring,

  Clever, stupid, short and long,

  The typed and the printed and the spelt all wrong.

  IV

  Thousands are still asleep,

  Dreaming of terrifying monsters

  Or a friendly tea beside the band in Cranston’s or Crawford’s:

  Asleep in working Glasgow, asleep in well-set Edinburgh,

  Asleep in granite Aberdeen,

  They continue their dreams,

  But shall wake soon and hope for letters,

  And none will hear the postman’s knock

  Without a quickening of the heart.

  For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?

  PHILIP LARKIN 1922–85

  * * *

  GOING, GOING

  I thought it would last my time –

  The sense that, beyond the town,

  There would always be fields and farms,

  Where the village louts could climb

  Such trees as were not cut down;

  I knew there’d be false alarms

  In the papers about old streets

  And split-level shopping, but some

  Have always been left so far;

  And when the old parts retreat

  As the bleak high-risers come

  We can always escape in the car.

  Things are tougher than we are, just

  As earth will always respond

  However we mess it about;

  Chuck filth in the sea, if you must:

  The tides will be clean beyond.

  – But what do I feel now? Doubt?

  Or age, simply? The crowd

  Is young in the M1 café;

  Their kids are screaming for more –

  More houses, more parking allowed,

  More caravan sites, more pay:

  On the Business Page, a score

  Of spectacled grins approve

  Some takeover bid that entails

  Five per cent profit (and ten

  Per cent more in the estuaries): move

  Your works to the unspoilt dales

  (Grey area grants)! And when

  You try to get near the sea

  In summer …

  It seems, just now,

  To be happening so very fast;

  Despite all the land left free

  For the first time I feel somehow

  That it isn’t going to last,

  That before I snuff it, the whole

  Boiling will be bricked in

  Except for the tourist parts –

  First slum of Europe: a role

  It won’t be so hard to win,

  With a cast of crooks and tarts.

  And that will be England gone,

  The shadows, the meadows, the lanes,

  The guildhalls, the carved choirs.

  There’ll be books; it will linger on

  In galleries; but all that remains

  For us will be concrete and tyres.

  Most things are never meant.

  This won’t be, most likely: but greeds

  And garbage are too thick-strewn

  To be swept up now, or invent

  Excuses that make them all needs.

  I just think it will happen, soon.

  ROBERT GRAVES 1895–1985

  * * *

  WELSH INCIDENT

  ‘But that was nothing to what things came out

  From the sea-caves of Criccieth yonder.’

  ‘What were they? Mermaids? dragons? ghosts?’

  ‘Nothing at all of any things like that.’

  ‘What were they, then?’

  ‘All sorts of queer things,

  Things never seen or heard or written about,

  Very strange, un-Welsh, utterly peculiar

  Things. Oh, solid enough they seemed to touch,

  Had anyone dared it. Marvellous creation,

  All various shapes and sizes, and no sizes,

  All new, each perfectly unlike his neighbour,

  Though all came moving slowly out together.’

  ‘Describe just one of them.’

  ‘I am unable.’

  ‘What were their colours?’

  ‘Mostly nameless colours,

  Colours you’d like to see; but one was puce

  Or perhaps more like crimson, but not purplish.

  Some had no colour.’

  ‘Tell me, had they legs?’

  ‘Not a leg or foot among them that I saw.’

  ‘But did these things come out in any order?

  What o’clock was it? What was the day of the week?

  Who else was present? How was the weather?’

  ‘I was coming to that. It was half-past three

  On Easter Tuesday last. The sun was shining.

  The Harlech Silver Band played Marchog Jesu

  On thirty-seven shimmering instruments,

  Collecting for Caernarvon’s (Fever) Hospital Fund.

  The populations of Pwllheli, Criccieth,

  Portmadoc, Borth, Tremadoc, Penrhyndeudraeth,

  Were all assembled. Criccieth’s mayor addressed them

  First in good Welsh and then in fluent English,

  Twisting his fingers in his chain of office,

  Welcoming the things. They came out on the sand,

  Not keeping time to the band, moving seaward

  Silently at a snail’s pace. But at last

  The most odd, indescribable thing of all

  Which hardly one man there could see for wonder

  Did something recognizably a something.’

  ‘Well, what?’

  ‘It made a noise.’

  ‘A frightening noise?’

  ‘No, no.’

  ‘A musical noise? A noise of scuffling?’

  ‘No, but a very loud, respectable noise –

  Like groaning to oneself on Sunday morning

  In Chapel, close before the second psalm.’

  ‘What did the mayor do?’

  ‘I was coming to that.’

  PHILIP LARKIN 1922–85

  * * *

  THE WHITSUN WEDDINGS

  That Whitsun, I was late getting away:

  Not till about

  One-twenty on the sunlit Saturday

  Did my three-quarters-empty train pull out,

  All windows down, all cushions hot, all sense

  Of being in a hurry gone. We ran

  Behind the backs of houses, crossed a street

  Of blinding windscreens, smelt the fish-dock; thence

  The river’s level drifting breadth began,

  Where sky and Lincolnshire and water meet.

  All afternoon, through the tall heat that slept

  For miles inland,

  A slow and stopping curve southwards we kept.

  Wide farms went by, short-shadowed cattle, and

  Canals with floatings of industrial froth;

  A hothouse flashed uniquely: hedges dipped

  And rose: and now and then a smell of grass

  Displaced the reek of buttoned carriage-cloth

  Until the next town, new and nondescript,

  Approached with acres of dismantled cars.

  At first, I didn’t notice what a noise

  The weddings made

  Each station that we stopped at: sun destroys

  The interest of what’s happening in the shade,

  And down the long cool platforms whoops and skirls

  I took for porters larking with the mails,

  And went on reading. Once we started, though,

  We passed them, grinning and pomaded, girls

  In parodies of fashion, heels a
nd veils,

  All posed irresolutely, watching us go,

  As if out on the end of an event

  Waving goodbye

  To something that survived it. Struck, I leant

  More promptly out next time, more curiously,

  And saw it all again in different terms:

  The fathers with broad belts under their suits

  And seamy foreheads; mothers loud and fat;

  An uncle shouting smut; and then the perms,

  The nylon gloves and jewellery-substitutes,

  The lemons, mauves, and olive-ochres that

  Marked off the girls unreally from the rest.

  Yes, from cafés

  And banquet-halls up yards, and bunting-dressed

  Coach-party annexes, the wedding-days

  Were coming to an end. All down the line

  Fresh couples climbed aboard: the rest stood round;

  The last confetti and advice were thrown,

  And, as we moved, each face seemed to define

  Just what it saw departing: children frowned

  At something dull; fathers had never known

  Success so huge and wholly farcical;

  The women shared

  The secret like a happy funeral;

  While girls, gripping their handbags tighter, stared

  At a religious wounding. Free at last,

  And loaded with the sum of all they saw,

  We hurried towards London, shuffling gouts of steam.

  Now fields were building-plots, and poplars cast

  Long shadows over major roads, and for

  Some fifty minutes, that in time would seem

  Just long enough to settle hats and say

  I nearly died,

  A dozen marriages got under way.

  They watched the landscape, sitting side by side

  – An Odeon went past, a cooling tower,

  And someone running up to bowl – and none

  Thought of the others they would never meet

  Or how their lives would all contain this hour.

  I thought of London spread out in the sun,

  Its postal districts packed like squares of wheat:

  There we were aimed. And as we raced across

  Bright knots of rail

  Past standing Pullmans, walls of blackened moss

  Came close, and it was nearly done, this frail

  Travelling coincidence; and what it held

  Stood ready to be loosed with all the power

  That being changed can give. We slowed again,

  And as the tightened brakes took hold, there swelled

  A sense of falling, like an arrow-shower

  Sent out of sight, somewhere becoming rain.

  SIR JOHN BETJEMAN 1906–84

  * * *

  SLOUGH

  Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough

  It isn’t fit for humans now,

  There isn’t grass to graze a cow

  Swarm over, Death!

  Come, bombs, and blow to smithereens

  Those air-conditioned, bright canteens,

  Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans

  Tinned minds, tinned breath.

  Mess up the mess they call a town –

  A house for ninety-seven down

  And once a week a half-a-crown

  For twenty years,

  And get that man with double chin

  Who’ll always cheat and always win,

  Who washes his repulsive skin

  In women’s tears,

  And smash his desk of polished oak

  And smash his hands so used to stroke

  And stop his boring dirty joke

  And make him yell.

  But spare the bald young clerks who add

  The profits of the stinking cad;

  It’s not their fault that they are mad,

  They’ve tasted Hell.

  It’s not their fault they do not know

  The birdsong from the radio,

  It’s not their fault they often go

  To Maidenhead

  And talk of sports and makes of cars

  In various bogus Tudor bars

  And daren’t look up and see the stars

  But belch instead.

  In labour-saving homes, with care

  Their wives frizz out peroxide hair

  And dry it in synthetic air

  And paint their nails.

  Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough

  To get it ready for the plough.

  The cabbages are coming now;

  The earth exhales.

  ‘For human beings only do

  What their religion tells them to’

  from ‘Diary of a Church Mouse’

  SIR JOHN BETJEMAN 1906–84

  * * *

  IN WESTMINSTER ABBEY

  Let me take this other glove off

  As the vox humana swells,

  And the beauteous fields of Eden

  Bask beneath the Abbey bells.

  Here, where England’s statesmen lie,

  Listen to a Lady’s cry.

  Gracious Lord, oh bomb the Germans.

  Spare their women for Thy Sake.

  And if that is not too easy

  We will pardon Thy Mistake.

  But, gracious Lord, whate’er shall be,

  Don’t let anyone bomb me.

  Keep our Empire undismembered

  Guide our Forces by Thy Hand,

  Gallant blacks from far Jamaica,

  Honduras and Togoland;

  Protect them Lord in all their fights,

  And, even more, protect the whites.

  Think of what our Nation stands for,

  Books from Boots’ and country lanes,

  Free speech, free passes, class distinction,

  Democracy and proper drains.

  Lord, put beneath Thy special care

  One-eighty-nine Cadogan Square.

  Although dear Lord I am a sinner,

  I have done no major crime;

  Now I’ll come to Evening Service

  Whensoever I have the time.

  So, Lord, reserve for me a crown,

  And do not let my shares go down.

  I will labour for Thy Kingdom,

  Help our lads to win the war,

  Send white feathers to the cowards

  Join the Women’s Army Corps,

  Then wash the Steps around Thy Throne

  In the Eternal Safety Zone.

  Now I feel a little better,

  What a treat to hear Thy Word,

  Where the bones of leading statesmen,

  Have so often been interr’d.

  And now, dear Lord, I cannot wait

  Because I have a luncheon date.

  SEAMUS HEANEY 1939–

  * * *

  FOLLOWER

  My father worked with a horse-plough,

  His shoulders globed like a full sail strung

  Between the shafts and the furrow.

  The horses strained at his clicking tongue.

  An expert. He would set the wing

  And fit the bright steel-pointed sock.

  The sod rolled over without breaking.

  At the headrig, with a single pluck

  Of reins, the sweating team turned round

  And back into the land. His eye

  Narrowed and angled at the ground,

  Mapping the furrow exactly.

  I stumbled in his hob-nailed wake,

  Fell sometimes on the polished sod;

  Sometimes he rode me on his back

  Dipping and rising to his plod.

  I wanted to grow up and plough,

  To close one eye, stiffen my arm.

  All I ever did was follow

  In his broad shadow round the farm.

  I was a nuisance, tripping, falling,

  Yapping always. But today

  It is my father who keeps stumbling

  B
ehind me, and will not go away.

  CHARLES CAUSLEY 1917–

  * * *

  TIMOTHY WINTERS

  Timothy Winters comes to school

  With eyes as wide as a football-pool,

  Ears like bombs and teeth like splinters:

  A blitz of a boy is Timothy Winters.

  His belly is white, his neck is dark,

  And his hair is an exclamation-mark.

  His clothes are enough to scare a crow

  And through his britches the blue winds blow.

  When teacher talks he won’t hear a word

  And he shoots down dead the arithmetic-bird,

  He licks the patterns off his plate

  And he’s not even heard of the Welfare State.

  Timothy Winters has bloody feet

  And he lives in a house on Suez Street,

  He sleeps in a sack on the kitchen floor

  And they say there aren’t boys like him any more.

  Old Man Winters likes his beer

  And his missus ran off with a bombardier,

  Grandma sits in the grate with a gin

  And Timothy’s dosed with an aspirin.

  The Welfare Worker lies awake

  But the law’s as tricky as a ten-foot snake,

  So Timothy Winters drinks his cup

  And slowly goes on growing up.

  At Morning Prayers the Master helves

  For children less fortunate than ourselves,

  And the loudest response in the room is when

  Timothy Winters roars ‘Amen!’

  So come one angel, come on ten:

  Timothy Winters says ‘Amen

  Amen amen amen amen.’

  Timothy Winters, Lord.

  Amen.

  PHILIP LARKIN 1922–85

  * * *

  THIS BE THE VERSE

  They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

  They may not mean to, but they do.

  They fill you with the faults they had

  And add some extra, just for you.

  But they were fucked up in their turn

  By fools in old-style hats and coats,

  Who half the time were soppy-stern

  And half at one another’s throats.

  Man hands on misery to man.

  It deepens like a coastal shelf.

  Get out as early as you can,

  And don’t have any kids yourself.

  A.E. HOUSMAN 1859–1936

  * * *

  IN VALLEYS GREEN AND STILL

  In valleys green and still

  Where lovers wander maying

 

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