by K. I. Lynn
Someone pushes through the bodies and I hear a small, feminine grunt.
“Excuse me!”
Kira bursts out of the crowd. Her face is red. Her eyes are on fire with an unholy rage I haven’t seen in a while.
I start following after her. I don’t care who sees me. What they’ll think.
She storms out the front door.
Behind me, Jennifer screams, “That fucking bitch almost broke my nose!”
I stop momentarily, torn between following Kira and choking the shit out of Jennifer for whatever she did to Kira.
Of course, the pull to my Kitty is stronger than my need for violence.
Blithely, I realize that Ryan and Dana are on my heels.
We all hit the lawn outside.
Kira takes off at a run.
I’m after her before I can process that I’ve started running, and the pounding footsteps behind me tell me that Ryan and Dana are running after her, too.
My heart beats like a war drum. Concern suffocates me. What did Jennifer do to her?
What the fuck did she do?
It takes me less than a block to catch up to Kira. I call her name and grab her arm.
She jerks away from me with enough force to send her stumbling backwards on the sidewalk.
“Baby,” I rasp, completely forgetting about who might be watching. Who might hear.
She’s so frantic to get away from me that she scrambles backwards across the concrete. Her eyes are downcast but I swear I see the shimmer of tears in them.
“Kira—”
“Leave me alone. Please.” Her voice is broken. Hoarse. She jumps up to her feet.
I reach for her again.
Ryan and Dana stop next to us, panting.
Kira takes off running again, and just like before, I’m after her.
It doesn’t take me long to gain on her once more, but I still feel it.
Cold. Unyielding. Expanding.
It’s a pain so fucking familiar.
Distance. It’s a twisted virus spreading between us, undoing all the happiness we’d begun to form together.
Kira’s dorm is feet away. At this time of night, I can’t follow her upstairs. If she gets in there, I’ve pretty much lost her.
Lunging off my feet, I catch her around the waist with both arms. Turning, I take the impact on my back, shielding her from the concrete. I feel the skin of my back scrape open.
Kira’s panting. Disoriented. Ryan comes up behind her and lifts her off me despite the animalistic growl I aim at him.
His eyes flash dangerously at me. “Stop.” One word. A calm order.
One I don’t feel like obeying at all.
But I have some rationality left. People are all over the place. Watching.
Ryan wraps his arms around his struggling sister.
“Get the fuck off me, Ryan!” She pushes him away with enough force to break his hold.
Small, dry sobs leave her, and her rage-filled eyes lock with mine. “You fucking let her record you,” she hisses, only loud enough for our little group to hear.
I’m on my feet, my mind reeling, so damn confused.
More than that, I feel pure panic. The kind I haven’t felt since the day I found out she slept with Austin. That insidious fear that screams I’m losing her.
“What are you talking about, baby?” I ask her in as gentle of a tone as I can muster. She’s a feral, injured animal right now. I have to proceed carefully.
The last thing I want is for her to bolt away from me.
For a brief second, the fury overcomes her and transforms her entire facial expression. She opens her mouth to yell at me. Seeming to force herself, she looks away and takes a deep breath before responding in a low, cold tone, “You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.”
I do.
God fucking help me—no, God help us.
I can’t even begin to fathom which time Jennifer recorded us. All I know is that there was more than once.
And she wasn’t the only one.
I just didn’t give a fuck back then, had been too focused on getting my nut off each time to care if any of those girls took a video or not.
I just remember being fucked up at some of those parties, doing my thing, and not caring about anything else. I’d been trapped in the mad rush to numb myself from the ache in my soul that kept demanding the one person I couldn’t have.
The one person I keep hurting with the sins of my past.
I want to apologize for whatever she saw, but the words won’t leave my mouth.
How many apologies have I thrown at her? How many of them did I mean? All of them. Were they able to undo any of the pain I dealt her? Not a single one.
That’s the problem with those two little words. I’m sorry, no matter how much it’s meant, doesn’t do shit to erase the memories trapped in someone’s mind. The phantom, sharp ache of the emotions.
All I can think, over and over, is that I’ve lost her again.
This is it.
The end.
I’ll never break through her guard now.
I’ll never manage to erase the monolithic mountain of shit she’s gone through because of me.
This is our point of no return.
“Baby, please.” Hand out, I beg to her. It’s all I can do.
“I might have slept with Austin, but at least you’ll never have to see it.”
She’s right.
I wouldn’t handle it.
I’d want to kill him.
And, as much as I adore her, I’d want to kill her, too.
“Kira—”
She spins and rushes away from me without another word.
I start to follow but Ryan grabs my arm. “Bro, let me fucking go.”
“People are watching, you dumbass.”
Does he not understand how much I don’t give a fuck?
“Don’t make this worse for her. We’ll help you get through to her.”
“How?” I grumble.
“Me and Dana . . .” His eyes flash to his girl. She’s standing near us, arms crossed, scowling at the ground. Ryan’s facial expression melts with concern. “We went through something like this.”
Dana’s expression tightens even more.
Surprise shocks away my turmoil. I stare between the two of them, wondering . . . Then again, they were on again, off again for years and the whole time, Ryan was partying his ass off right next to me.
“How did you forgive him?” I ask Dana.
Wrong question.
Her furious, light blue eyes focus on me. “I haven’t. Not fully. But I, unlike Kira, did give him a good tit for tat all those years, and now we’re both just focused on making it all up to each other.”
Ryan squeezes my arm and lets go. “So for now, give her space. Go home. Call her in a few hours and see if she’s up to talk to you. Focus on just being there for her. But for the love of God, don’t make this worse for her.”
Don’t make this worse for her by letting the whole world know we’re involved. That’s what he means.
I’m always being forced to give Kira space even when it’s the last thing I want to do.
But it’s my fault, so I won’t be a little bitch about it. I’ll take this hit like I’ve taken all the others, because I’m man enough to know I fucked up here.
And Jennifer?
My blood pressure sky rockets at the thought of her.
She has no idea the line she just crossed. This was the last hit. As soon as I can, I’m doing what I have to do to ruin her life.
My phone keeps vibrating in my back pocket.
I keep ignoring it.
I feel bad for doing so. Of course I do.
It doesn’t change anything. Whatever guilt I feel for what Brayden’s going through isn’t more powerful than the mindfuck I’m dealing with.
I spoke to him last night. It was brief. I couldn’t stay on the phone, hear his voice. That need for healing distance is back and it’s starting to
seem like it’s stronger than ever.
We haven’t spoken since. It’s almost one in the afternoon and I’m on my way to class. I shouldn’t bother going since I know my brain won’t function for shit, but skipping this early isn’t an option.
I slept very little last night and every time I did catch some sleep, I had nightmares of that video.
Nightmares of that night, so many years ago, when I climbed that tree and saw Brayden fucking her on his bed.
Oh God. It never occurred to me before. That’s the same bed he’s fucked me in.
Maybe most girls wouldn’t think about that, or care, but I do. I feel so sick that I can’t deal with it.
I rush into the building and almost bump into a group of girls that are by the door. “Sorry,” I say as I start to rush past them.
“Wait up. Aren’t you Kira Roth?”
I turn to see who spoke and if I know anyone in the group.
Nope. If they went to my high school, I never saw them before. “Yeah…”
There’s three of them and they share a nervous look with the one in the middle. She shrugs at them and steps forward with a weird look in her eye.
“I know we don’t know each other, but I just have to ask. I mean, you don’t know me, and have no right to trust me. I swear I won’t tell though.”
A cold shiver races through me.
“Chelsea, leave it alone,” one of her friends hiss at her and tug her arm.
“It’s just a question. Come on!” Chelsea shrugs her friend’s hand off and steps closer to me. In a conspiratorial tone, she says, “What’s it like getting to sleep with that sexy as hell stepbrother of yours?”
I swear my gasp bounces up and down the halls, so loud everyone hears.
“Oh, my God,” Chelsea’s other friend whimpers and comes up to me while pushing Chelsea back. “Ignore her. She believes every stupid rumor and—”
“You don’t know for sure it’s a rumor, and everyone saw them arguing last night!”
I’m going to throw up.
Last night, I knew I’d crossed a line when I punched Jennifer. That there would be retribution.
This is just the excuse the skank needed to come at me.
A hand lands on my shoulder and I jump up with another gasp.
It’s Ashley, and her eyes are narrowed, snapping fire at the three girls in front of us. “Are you all fucking stupid?”
They take a step back collectively, clearly shocked.
“Jennifer is a dirty, slutty psychopath that got some of Brayden’s dick years ago and is now jealous of any girl who spends time with him. You idiots seriously believe the garbage that leaves her mouth?”
“You see?” one of Chelsea’s friends whisper to her. “I told you it was probably rumors.”
“Yeah.” Ashley sneers at them. “And even if it wasn’t, next time mind your own damn business.” She grabs me by the arm and begins leading me down the hall.
“I’m sorry!” one of the girls calls out to me.
“Fuck off,” Ashley growls under her breath.
I’m shaking. The world around me is covered in a haze.
“Hold on,” Ash tells me.
It’s too late. I’m falling apart.
What is this going to do to Brayden? To my family?
Ashley reaches into my back pocket and pulls out my iPhone. “Unlock it.”
All I hear is the blood rushing in my ears. I stare at her cluelessly, trying to make sense of what she asked me.
She pushes me into one of the bathrooms. After checking around to make sure it’s empty, she returns to me and repeats her request. “Unlock your phone.”
I swallow in an effort to wet my dry mouth. “Why?”
“Because I’m calling Brayden to come get you.”
She hadn’t even finished her sentence and I’m already shaking my head. “No.” I take the phone from her hand.
Her eyes soften. “Kira . . . Are you thinking of pushing him away again?”
Yes.
No.
Honest to God, I don’t know.
I want him more than ever.
I hate him all over again.
It’s not his fault that Jennifer is obsessed with him—no wait. That is his fault. Had Jennifer been like the others, a one night stand only, maybe she wouldn’t be this hooked.
But she was his first.
She was the only girl, until he got a girlfriend, who got him more than once throughout the years.
No wonder she feels special. Entitled.
It’s illogical, but look at how crazy I’ve gone over him.
It’s not his fault that she decided to show me the video.
It is his fault that he allowed her to record it in the first place.
What the fuck was he thinking letting a girl who wasn’t his girlfriend record him?
I know what he was thinking. Brayden is into freaky sex. All he cared about was the exhibitionism of it. Coming in her mouth.
Tears spring to my eyes.
“Kira?”
“I am not missing this class.” Subtext: I am not ruining my life for Brayden Hunt anymore.
I don’t care what this costs me. Somehow, I’m going to get through this without having an emotional breakdown.
“Kira, I’m sure you can get excused.”
I shake my head. “Thanks for standing up for me, Ash.” I give her a small smile and start heading for the door.
She follows me and I feel her stare on my face the whole time. “Are you going to tell Brayden about this?”
I want to ask her to please not mention his name, but it’s a bitchy comment and I decide it’s best to keep it to myself.
“What are you going to do about all of this?”
I’m hurting and not thinking clearly. In the back of my mind, I know this. Even so, it doesn’t stop me from saying the first thing that comes to mind. “What else?” I ask her as we turn a corner in the hallway. “There’s nothing else I can do except not see Brayden anymore.”
Ashley slams to a stop and inhales sharply.
I stop next to her but it isn’t until I look up that I see her reason for stopping.
Brayden.
Kira’s going to leave me.
Those are the only words bouncing around my head and shredding apart my heart.
I’m frozen in place, staring into her wide eyes. I know my expression’s emotionless. I’m still as a statue. Can’t speak. Can’t move.
“Brayden,” Kira whispers, her eyes darting all over the place. “Please. People are watching.”
She’s thinking of leaving me and all she can focus on is that people might catch onto what’s between us?
“Brayden, Jennifer told people. Like, really told them. It’s not a rumor this time.”
Ashley’s low whisper finally pierces through my apathy. I look at her then look at Kira.
Kira bites her lip and nods. There are tears shining in her eyes.
Murderous rage nearly obliterates my common sense.
Jennifer did what?
If I could kill that petty bitch and get away with it, I really would.
I’m still furious at Kira that she’s thinking of walking away from me, but between what happened last night and this, her renewed panic makes sense.
“I’ll walk you to class,” I tell her, striving for calm.
“I’ll go with you guys.”
I smile gratefully at Ashley. Having her around makes it less suspicious in the eyes of everyone around.
Kira stares at the floor as she walks by.
I fall in step beside her, my mind torn between her and something I now want just as bad—Vengeance.
I waited too long to get that payback on Jennifer. Left Kira and myself open to this attack. Had I done what I had to do by now, she would have gotten the hint to back the fuck off.
Or at the very least, her life would have been seriously fucked up enough for her to lose focus on us.
I look down at Kira next to me, at he
r hunched shoulders, the defeated expression on her face.
We arrive at Kira’s class. She pauses at the door, but doesn’t look at me. There’s something she wants to say to me, I can tell. I watch her, waiting.
Shaking her head, she opens the door and walks into the room, leaving me here, staring at her through the small window.
Aching.
Worried.
More enraged than ever.
That woman is out of her fucking mind if she thinks I’m letting her go.
I’ll be back for her.
But first, I have a package to mail out.
Deciding to skip class, I nod at Ashley and head straight out the building. It’s time to go home and set my plan to destroy Jennifer in motion once and for all.
After today, that bitch will never fuck with us again.
The next day
Stop distancing yourself from me. I know this is all so fucked up but we both know that living without each other isn’t an option.
I’m sitting on the grass at the Oval, staring at my phone.
More like glaring at it.
If I could disintegrate it with my stare alone, it would have melted by now.
How the fuck do I even respond to that? Aside from the obvious—people watching us like hawks wherever we go—my emotions are all over the place.
Supposedly, Brayden spoke to Ryan last night. Asked him how he would deal with the world finding out about us.
My brother, the half saint, half devil that he is, simply told him that as long as I’m happy, he wouldn’t kill Brayden.
He’ll deal with the criticism of the world.
That’s the issue though. Living without Brayden doesn’t equal happiness. And what people have to say doesn’t matter if my family is okay with it.
That being my mom as well. Not just Ryan.
But the main issue is that being with Brayden right now isn’t making me happy, either.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, a piece of his past will always rear its ugly head to fuck with us.
I want to go back in time, beat the shit out of his younger self, and chain him somewhere so that he’ll stop being such a fucking whore.
The past is only the past if it can be kept in the past.
His won’t stay where it belongs. It’s always staining the present, and I can’t help but wonder if it’ll always stain the future as well.
