by K. I. Lynn
Speaking of pasts, mine decides to appear out of nowhere and plop himself in the grass next to me.
I stare at Austin, surprised and speechless. It’s been two weeks since we started school and I haven’t seen him at all.
I have this odd feeling that he’s been purposely staying out of my way.
But can I blame him?
I did to him what Brayden did to me—tore his heart out of his chest.
And because I can’t control who my heart wants, there’s nothing I can do or say to make this better for Austin.
He smiles at me, this sad little smile that makes his bright blue eyes shine and it tugs at my heart. “Hey you,” he says, chucking me softly under the chin.
I’m so sensitive that his behavior is making me want to cry. “Hey,” I whisper, throat tight. “How have you been?”
His smile somehow turns sadder. “Do you really want to know?”
Jesus, I can’t be around him at this moment. The guilt of what I’ve done to him is killing me and I’m too emotionally volatile to deal.
“Hey, no.” He reaches up and catches my stray tear with the tip of his finger. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me on purpose. I’m not mad at you.”
He never has been.
Dear God, he’s a better person than I could ever hope to be.
“This isn’t just about me, is it?” Austin leans back on the grass and stares off into space. “Jennifer is fucking with everything.”
I don’t say anything. What can I say?
“I warned her to stop hurting you.”
My lips fall open. “You did what?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs and looks back at me, his expression deadly serious. “I don’t care if you’re not mine. I made it very clear to her she needs to stop her shit.”
“I—” I choke on a sob and have to take a few seconds to try and compose myself. “I don’t deserve that from you. She’s your friend.” And his ex-lover.
“Not so much anymore. I don’t like what I’m seeing in her. And like I said, no one hurts you.” He pauses, jaw twitching. “How’s he treating you, by the way?”
He wants the answer to that question to see if I’m all right with Brayden. To make sure I’m happy.
But at the same time, he doesn’t want to know the answer because it’s going to hurt him either way.
“Do you really want to know?” I ask.
He laughs a mirthless laugh. “Yeah. It’s going to burn, but I kinda have to know.”
“He’s been real good to me. I can’t lie. But…”
“Jennifer showed you that stupid video.”
My eyes widen. “She told you that?”
“Kira, she told everyone. That’s how she convinced everyone her rumor is true. Told the whole world she showed you that video and you attacked her in a jealous rage.”
“I’m going to fucking kill her.”
Austin’s eyes shoot wide at my unholy growl. “Easy there, Satan. She has to be around for you to kill her. Her parents came and picked her up this morning.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but damn, she was sobbing in front of the Union and everyone standing outside. Her father was pissed like there’s no tomorrow.”
What could have happened?
Do I care? Hell no. But as petty as it sounds, I would like some confirmation that karma has finally found the bitch.
“She should’ve never showed you that video.”
“Brayden shouldn’t have let her record that video in the first place,” I mumble angrily.
Austin grimaces. “You don’t think about things like consequences at the time.”
What the fuck?
Did he just defend Brayden?
Wait a minute . . . “Are you telling me you did something equally as stupid?”
Another sheepish grimace. He won’t meet my stare.
“With her?” I almost shriek, not believing this shit.
“Shhh. Jesus, woman.”
Their mutual desire to fuck Jennifer in kinky ways is ridiculously disturbing. Especially because both men are also attracted to me.
Are me and that hoe so similar?
“Stop,” Austin chastises. “I can tell what you’re thinking.”
“And I have good reason for it, don’t I?” I clench my jaw stubbornly.
“Kira, Brayden and I fucked Jenn, yeah. But we both fell in love with you. It’s not the same.”
Whatever he says. “So I guess even if I had picked you, and that bitch ended up jealous, or any of your ex-fucks for the matter, I was still going to suffer.” It’s a twisted thing to say but I can’t help it.
Austin exhales slowly and grinds his teeth. “Maybe. But I would have never done to you the things he did.”
I know he wouldn’t have. Austin isn’t as emotionally fucked up as Brayden. He grew up with parents who liked each other, unlike Brayden’s who were constantly at each other’s throats, and for good reason.
It’s why my sympathy for him is so large. Not forgetting that he’s been a good friend to me, as well.
Austin’s head turns. I’m too busy looking at his profile, lost in thought, to turn my head and see what he’s looking at.
“You’re going to kill Jennifer and this bastard is going to end up killing me. The entire school is going to love it,” Austin says wryly.
Oh God.
I instantly know who he’s talking about.
Heart pounding, I turn and see Brayden storming across the grass toward us.
There’s no denying it. That murder Austin talked about is shining clear in Brayden’s eyes.
Grabbing my bag, I jump to my feet.
Austin slowly stands.
When Brayden stops next to us, he’s breathing deep and steady.
I know his tells. He’s trying to control his temper.
“I was just seeing how she is. Relax.”
Brayden narrows his eyes at Austin. “While staring at her like a starving man.”
“Can’t control that part. Now, calm the fuck down or I’ll have to leave, and considering how things are right now, you don’t want to be alone with her in public. Do you?”
Brayden growls low at him, like a coiled, dangerous animal about to attack.
“I have a few hours before my next class. I’m going back to my room to take a nap.” I slip the strap of my bag over my shoulder and turn to leave.
“I’ll walk you,” two voices say at once.
Oh, no.
“Are you trying to die?” Brayden snaps.
I turn back around. “Brayden, relax.”
“I’m not making any moves on your girl.”
Brayden bares his teeth in a totally feral way. “Just by looking at her you’re making moves on my girl.”
Austin looks like he’s praying for patience and it’s obvious it’s a matter of time before he snaps. “If you walk her back, it’ll look suspicious. Don’t be dumb.”
“I’m walking by myself,” I say firmly, my heart aching from how hard it’s beating.
“Actually, I’m walking her. And you two better not kill each other while we’re gone.” Dana, seemingly appears out of thin air, and loops her arm with mine, tugging me away from both guys.
“They’re going to kill each other.” I look over my shoulder and see Brayden and Austin staring after us.
“Girl, they’re more likely to do that with you still around.” Dana smiles ruefully at me. “Are you and Brayden still having issues?”
“What do you think?” I sigh.
“You don’t want to know what I think.”
We cross the street. “No. I do.”
“Kira, I’m a vindictive bitch that has put your brother through hell. You don’t want my advice. Trust me.”
Now she has my full attention. “Considering my brother is best friends with Brayden, and I know how they’ve spent a good portion of their lives, I’m pretty sure he had it coming.” He’s my brother, but it’s true.
Dana
laughs and it makes her eyes literally sparkle. She’s a gorgeous girl with that coloring. Aqua eyes and dirty blond and brown hair. “You’re my kind of girl.”
I smile at her.
She sobers and looks at me with this sad look that reminds me of the way Austin stared at me.
It’s heartbreak. I know it very well.
“He tore me apart first. I came back with a vengeance. It made his guard rise up. He became defensive and callous. I got more vindictive. The only thing that made us keep coming back to each other is this crazy, intense addiction that neither of us can kill.”
Holy shit, they sound almost like Brayden and I.
Which is kind of disturbing, I’ll admit.
Come to think of it, they sound slightly worse. I didn’t become vindictive toward Brayden until later on. Dana started hitting back from moment one.
“You guys seem so happy now.”
“Most of the time,” she says. “We also don’t have that major obstacle standing between us like you two do.”
The hopelessness of it all is something I should be used to by now.
I’m not. I’m constantly stressed. Finding a way out of this situation is my number one priority.
But I don’t know if that means being with Brayden or not.
Unbidden, the memory of that video hijacks my mind. “Did you ever see my brother fucking someone else?” Even more disturbing, but I have no one else to ask about this.
“Yeah.”
My head flies around in her direction. “On video?”
She momentarily closes her eyes. “In person.”
I’m so shocked I slam to a halt and end up pulling her back. “What?”
“Ugh. I shouldn’t be telling you things like this about your brother.”
I shake my head and try to control my shocked expression. “No. It’s okay. I’m not judging him.” I might be judging him just a little.
Okay. A lot. What the fuck Ryan?
Dana’s actually blushing as she tugs me along. “I really shouldn’t talk to you about this.”
“Please. I literally don’t know anyone else who’s been in a similar situation as me, especially not one I can talk to about Brayden. I don’t know what to do.”
She sighs as if this is the last thing she wants to do. “Fine.”
“So he did it on purpose?” Silently I’m praying he didn’t. It’ll change my entire opinion of him if he did. I can’t help it.
“Well, he flirted with her in front of me. Went off somewhere with her while I was watching. But I walked in on them accidentally.”
It wouldn’t change her level of heartbreak. I know. “I saw Brayden fucking Jennifer when he was seventeen.”
We share a look of female solidarity.
“And you didn’t get revenge?” she asks me.
I shake my head. “Not for a long time.”
“Girl, you’re a better person than me.”
“How did you get back at my brother?” We stop in front of my dorm building.
“Well . . .”
“Oh my God.” Ryan’s my brother. I shouldn’t want to laugh.
But I kind of do.
“You totally fucked someone else in front of him.”
She closes her eyes and there’s no mistaking her shame. “His wasn’t on purpose. Mine was. Sometimes I don’t understand how he forgave me for that.”
I want to hug her but I’m too shy to do so. “You forgave him too, you know?”
“Sometimes I still want to strangle him, although I have no right.”
“It’s too late for me to get any vengeance on Brayden for that video.” I don’t want to hurt him anymore.
“But you can’t forget it, either.”
I nod sadly. “Do you think I’ll ever be able to move forward from this?”
“Do you?”
No. I don’t think so.
And that breaks my heart more than ever.
It’s not just the video. It’s all the memories this one event has dredged up. I feel like I’m reliving all of it once more.
“Thanks for walking me and talking to me, Dana.”
She gives me a small hug. “Any time girl. Feel free to call me.”
I might just take her up on that. I have a feeling the next few days are going to get even harder for me.
Why the fuck is Kira at this party?
Stupid question.
I have no right to begrudge her this. She should be here, having fun, experiencing college to the fullest.
It just burns that she came here without telling me. That she didn’t even think of inviting me.
That she’s pushing me away while making time to sit on the grass with Austin.
If Dana hadn’t told Ryan to call me, I wouldn’t have known Kira was here.
This party is taking place in one of the student’s homes—a mansion so fucking big, it’s bordering on ridiculous.
I’m never going to find Kira here, and according to what Dana told Ryan, Kira’s shitfaced. Drunk out of her mind.
And Dana lost her. That was almost an hour ago.
Growling under my breath, I push past the crowd, ignoring every drunk girl who tries to grope me.
Sometimes I wonder how I ever got high off this kind of attention. How my ego fed on it. It’s annoying as fuck.
I’ve already checked the large ass kitchen. Two of the sitting rooms. The foyer. The pool room. And almost every room upstairs.
I get a text from Dana. Marilyn just spotted her going into the movie theater on the first floor. OMW there now.
Of course this place has a movie theater, too.
Fucking ridiculous, as I said.
I about-face and practically fly down the stairs. I have no idea where the hell the movie theater is, so I grab a few people as I walk and ask them.
All of them are as clueless as I am.
They look at me as if I’m crazy.
To them, I probably look like I am.
Finally, I find one person who knows. Don’t know who he is, don’t care. He points me in the right direction, and I rush away without even thanking him.
The theater is all the way in the back of the house, in an area that’s actually empty. I get there in time to see Dana opening the door and rushing in.
Man, she’s an awesome girl. I can never thank her enough for caring for Kira the way she obviously does.
I go inside and find the small theater empty, except for Dana, Marilyn . . .
And Kira.
My breath whooshes out of me at the sight of her. I’m instantly hard, aching, furious, and possessive.
We haven’t fucked in days and I’d be lying if I said my balls aren’t full to bursting. I need sex like a fiend and she’s the only person to give it to me.
But she came here, in that tiny, dark purple dress.
I have no right to tell her how to dress. What the fuck is she doing coming to a party dressed like that without me?
Kira’s leaning against one of the chairs all the way at the front of the theater, refusing to move despite Marilyn urging her.
It’s obvious she really is drunk as a motherfucker.
“I just want to be alone, guys,” she says, almost whining.
I refuse to be amused. Now’s not the time. I’m too pissed at her.
But, fuck me. She’s sexy, adorable, and those lips are begging for my cock.
“I know, sweetie. But it’s not good for you to be alone right now.”
Kira swats Marilyn away. “Stop your shit, girl. You’re not my mother.”
Even Dana laughs at that one.
“She’s not. But I’m your man. And I say you’re not going to be alone.”
They all turn to stare at me as I walk down the short steps toward them.
Kira’s eyes flare with resentment.
With lust.
She rakes me with a cold stare that still manages to burn my entire body with how hungry it is.
Damn. If any of these girls just happen to l
ook down a bit, they’re going to get an eyeful of how hard my dick is.
“I don’t want you here, either.” She swats me away like an imperious little queen.
“Girls. Leave us.”
Marilyn and Dana hesitate at my tone.
I don’t have time for this shit. “Now.”
Dana snaps to action first and leads Marilyn up the stairs and out of the theater.
Kira’s still looking at me with that rebellious hunger, a lust-filled sneer on her face.
I have no qualms about reaching down and palming my dick in front of her.
Her eyes flare with even more hunger.
“We’re leaving, Kitty. Now.” I can’t fuck her until she sobers up considering how angry at me she is, but I’m getting her home.
Kira steps toward me and stumbles at bit.
I rush forward and catch her, pulling her up against me.
Contact. Searing, torturous contact. I have my arms wrapped around her, my hands on her ass, before I realize what I’m doing. As always, it’s an instant reaction. Absolutely zero control over my own body.
Kira pushes at my chest and that sexy small growl she gives me turns me on so much. “Don’t touch me.”
My barely leashed temper snaps free. “Like hell. You’re mine.”
She struggles against me, her body sliding along mine. “Excuse me if I don’t want to go back to fucking the dick I’ve seen inside Jennifer two too many times.”
She’s hurting. I get it. Shit, I’d be even more feral in her shoes.
But I’ll be damned if I let her pretend she doesn’t want me anymore.
Fisting her hair, I slide my other hand under her dress and roughly shove her panties to the side.
Kira lets out a broken gasp at the feel of my fingers slipping inside her.
I move them around on purpose so she can hear how wet she is. “Lie to me again. Tell me you don’t want me,” I growl in her face.
Her arms wind around my neck and she slams her lips against mine. Growling at me like she hates me and wants to eat me at the same time, she kisses me with everything she has.
Owning me.
Trying to control me.
I want nothing more than to show her who’s fucking in charge here, but she’s licking my tongue like it’s the tip of my dick, and her hips are thrusting up and down, fucking my fingers.
Using me for her pleasure.
