Rebel Love (Heart's Temptation Book 2)

by Scarlett Scott

  “I’m not sure it’s wise for you to see her just now, Mr. Whitney.”

  “Forgive me, but I don’t give a damn about wisdom at the moment.” There was a clear note of desperation in his voice, but he didn’t bother to disguise it. “I need to see her at once.”

  Lady Thornton remained silent for several beats. “I just left her in her chamber,” she said at last. “It’s eight doors down, to your left. But make haste. You’ll not want to be seen. You’ve already done enough damage to her as it is.”

  Eight doors down. He nodded, already striding in the direction she’d indicated. “Thank you, my lady. I’m forever in your debt.”

  “I’ll not be far, Mr. Whitney,” she called after him in warning tones.

  He didn’t bother to respond. He was too busy racing hell for leather to Bella’s chamber. He had to see her, make certain she was well, beg for her mercy. Christ, he had grossly mistreated her, leaving her to suffer a horrible loss. She must have been frightened and angry. He could only hope she didn’t despise him.

  Bella was pacing her chamber, wondering how in the name of all the heavens she was to face Jesse Whitney again, when her chamber door flew open once more. She spun about, expecting to see Cleo, and nearly dropped to the floor in shock.

  He had come to her chamber, stalking inside and slamming the door at his back as if he belonged there, and perhaps, she acknowledged in the far recesses of her mind, he still did. She drank him in with her gaze, not caring how betrayed her heart now felt by him. He was handsome as ever, his tall form perhaps leaner than it had been when she’d last seen him, his golden hair wild about his cleanly shaven face. He looked every inch the English gentleman in light trousers and a jacket, with a simple waistcoat worn over a white shirt. She wanted to fly across the chamber and into his arms.

  Instead, she took three steps in retreat. “Stop where you are,” she ordered him, her voice as badly shaken as she felt. “Don’t come near me or I shall scream.”

  He ignored her, stopping only when he was close enough to touch, close enough for his familiar scent to find its way to her like an old friend. “Bella, my love,” he said in the honeyed drawl she knew and had loved so well. “I have missed you more than you know.”

  The urge to cry was strong, but she forced it to subside, not about to appear weak before him. “If I believed that, I daresay I would also believe that pigs shall sprout wings and take flight.”

  “I deserve your anger,” he murmured, reaching out to place a hand upon her arm.

  She flinched and pulled away, hating that even now his touch made her long for him. “I’m truly not certain why you’ve bothered to come into my chamber,” Bella told him, her voice as cold as she felt. “You are not wanted here, nor do you belong here.”

  She must not allow her foolish feelings for him to get the best of her. No, better to cling instead to the hurt and pain he’d given her. How could he have left her as abruptly as he had, leaving her to her fate and her foolish mistakes, if he’d cared? Merely the sight of him was enough to give a tremor to her hands. Upset warred with fury inside her, until she wasn’t certain if she would shame herself by crying or raging before him.

  “I’ve come because Lady Thornton shared a confidence with me.” His expression was inscrutable. “I couldn’t stay away another moment. I had to see you.”

  Cleo. Bella might have known. She had not been certain that she would tell him about the babe. What use was it to tell him of something that would never be? “What did she tell you?”

  He stood utterly rigid, very soldierly. “Is there anything you would tell me yourself?”

  Why did he feel the need to cross verbal swords with her? Hadn’t he caused enough pain? She gave him her back and paced to the window, deciding how to proceed.

  “You have nothing to say to me, then?”

  She started, realizing he had followed and stood in very close proximity to her. She closed her eyes, steeling herself. Above all, she knew she must not lean back into the comforting strength of his chest as she wanted.

  “If she told you I lost a child, and that the child was yours, she was correct,” Bella revealed, her tone as devoid of emotion as she could keep it.

  “My God.” The words seemed torn from him.

  She could tell he was shocked. He hadn’t suspected, then. That knowledge made her marginally less hurt by his sudden defection. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

  “I’m glad to hear that you didn’t leave because you thought I was with child,” she murmured, opening her eyes back up to the harsh light streaming in the window.

  “Of course I didn’t. Christ, what do you take me for, a monster?”

  “Not a monster,” she murmured. “But certainly not a gentleman either.”

  “I deserve your anger. I am so very sorry for the pain you’ve gone through. You must know that I never would have left you had I any inkling you were carrying my babe.” Jesse sighed. “I owe you a great deal, the least of which is a full explanation.” He placed a hand on the small of her back.

  She shrugged away from his touch and spun to face him. “You owe me far more than a simple explanation. You should count yourself fortunate I have not yet cried out for the servants.”

  He bowed his head ever so slightly. “Agreed. But since you haven’t, perhaps you will allow me to try to assuage your anger.”

  “I don’t truly think you can assuage it.” She pondered the temerity of such a request from him. “Indeed, I daresay if all the angels in heaven appeared in this room right now, pleading your case, I should still be quite angry with you.”

  “Bella, there are some things you don’t understand about me.” He passed a hand over his face, looking weary. “I cannot blame you as I haven’t been entirely forthcoming. When I was very young, I met a woman I believed myself in love with.”

  There it was, finally spoken aloud, his reason for leaving. The other woman he’d loved. Bella’s stomach churned at the mere thought. She hated that he had known and loved others before her. Was that wrong? Was it childish of her to feel jealousy toward a faceless, nameless creature long in his past? She didn’t honestly know. But it was also a fact that if the woman held enough power over him to make him leave Bella, she could not truly be long in his past.

  “Is she the woman you’ve brought to Marleigh Manor?” she asked, silently praying that it wasn’t so. She couldn’t bear it if the woman were his wife.

  “No she is not,” he continued. “She wrote me, and told me we’d had a child together whose existence I’d never known of. She’d raised her as her husband’s child for the last fifteen years. Bella, the girl I brought with me here to Marleigh Manor is my daughter.”

  The revelation stunned her. He already had a daughter, one old enough to nearly be of an age to have her comeout. Suddenly, the connection she’d had with him seemed paltry by comparison. How could she compete with a woman who had borne his child, who had raised her into near adulthood?

  “Are you still in love with her?” Bella had to ask, even if she didn’t want to know the answer. She couldn’t bear to hear him confirm her worst fears.

  “Of course not. I would never have become romantically involved with you had I still loved another.”

  “I wish I could believe you.”

  His gaze was impenetrable. “I’ve never been dishonest. I swear it.”

  “Why would she tell you now?” she wondered. “What could she possibly stand to gain?”

  “Her husband is dead and she was dying. She needed a guardian for the girl.”

  Perhaps she’d grown jaded, but she found the woman’s claim too convenient. “How nice for her to belatedly find her conscience. Have you proof the child is yours?”

  “She looks very much like me.” His tone grew soft and affectionate. “I have reason to believe Lavinia wasn’t lying.”

  Lavinia.

  The specter of his past had a name. Ugly name for an ugly woman, Bella thought unkindly. She hated that Lav
inia had chosen to reemerge in his life, that she had such a claim upon him to have taken him from Bella’s side as if she were of no more importance to him than an old boot. “Is she still alive?” She had to know.

  “No.” His voice was once again devoid of emotion.

  “Is that why you’ve returned, then?”

  “I returned for you,” he said.

  She shook her head. “You returned far too late. Why have you come now with this daughter of yours, invading my life once more as you’ve invaded my chamber? You don’t belong here, Mr. Whitney, and you never did.”

  “I would like for you to meet Clara. I’ve come for you as I promised, as quickly as I was able. I’m sorry I had to remain in America so long. Had I known of what you were enduring here, I would have been back at your side in a heartbeat.”

  She had no intention of meeting his daughter or of ever seeing him again after this dreadfully uncomfortable interview. She hadn’t the strength. The fight in her had long since fled.

  “What promise?” She didn’t bother to conceal her bitterness. “You made me no promise.” At least, not any that he’d intended to keep.

  “Of course I did. But I was also obliged to see to the welfare of my daughter. I was torn in two very different directions, Bella, and if I’d known then what I know now, I would have done everything differently.”

  “I see. You abandoned one child for another.” If her statement was harsh, that didn’t render it any less true. It was all beginning to make sad sense. He’d been so swept up in finding his child that he’d forgotten about her. It was her fault for being reckless and losing the babe, but nevertheless, his absence had been abrupt and unfair.

  “Bella, I didn’t know you were with child,” he said flatly. “You chose not to confide in me.”

  “How dare you try to put all the blame upon me? You disappeared without so much as a goodbye. How was I supposed to have confided in you when you weren’t anywhere to be found?”

  He raked a hand through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “I apologize for the hasty manner in which I left.”

  Bella stared at him. “You act as if you left for a picnic lunch. Jesse, you disappeared from the country.”

  “I cannot explain myself other than to say I never intended to hurt you.” Jesse closed the distance between them. “All I can do now is beg for your forgiveness.”

  She wasn’t about to give it to him. “Regardless of your intentions, you did hurt me. How do you think it feels to know you went running back to your mistress the moment she asked it of you? To know that you think so little of me that you haven’t written once, not in all these months? For all I knew, you were dead.”

  “I’ve written you dozens of letters.”

  Did his daring know no bounds? Did he think her a complete imbecile? She hadn’t heard a word from him in months. It had been the most crushing part of his betrayal. “I received no letters from you. Not a single one. How dare you stand before me, after all you’ve done, and lie?”

  His brow furrowed. “It’s no lie, Bella. I wrote you an abbreviated explanation before I left and gave it to my manservant. I would have gone to you, but it was late and I’d run into your mother in the corridor. I didn’t want to risk your reputation any more than I already had.”

  She didn’t believe him. She had no reason to do so. “Why do you insist upon prevarication? It won’t do you a bit of good.”

  “Christ.” He pressed a hand to his temple as if it throbbed. “What of the other letters I wrote you?”

  She couldn’t contain the bitter laugh that escaped her at his posturing. “If you expect me to believe that you wrote me a gaggle of lovesick letters and they were somehow all lost in the post, you’re more foolish than I thought.”

  Jesse shook his head, his expression one of consternation. “I wrote you letters, damn you. Three dozen, perhaps. I wrote you explaining that I was clearing up matters with as much haste as I could manage, that I hoped you would do me the honor of waiting until I could return for you and ask your brother for your hand.”

  She searched his gaze, looking for any hint of deception. She found none. But he had already proven himself most untrustworthy. She didn’t think she could bear to believe in him again. “It is cruel indeed of you to pretend now as if you cared for me. You can see how much I’ve suffered already.”

  He grimaced. “I deserve all you’ve said and more. I’ve been the worst sort of scoundrel to you. But you must know I wouldn’t lie to you, and I would never willingly hurt you.”

  “Yes, you have and you would. I’m sorry, Jesse, but no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I can believe you or forgive you. I certainly cannot forget what you’ve done. To me, you have committed an unpardonable sin.”

  “It wouldn’t be the first, likely not the last,” he said, his tone bitter. “I warned you a long time ago that you were far too good for the likes of me.”

  Bella felt as if she’d been dragged beneath a runaway carriage. Her emotions were overwhelmed, her mind tired of attempting to process all the information he’d laid upon her. More than anything, she wanted to be alone. To have time to muddle through her thoughts without his haunting face before her.

  She sighed, overwhelmingly weary. “I think it best if you leave now.”

  “Perhaps before I go, it would be wise to discuss my real reason for coming here to Marleigh Manor.”

  She raised a brow, her suspicions heightened, hackles raised. “Real reason?”

  His expression hardened. “I would like to finally speak with your brother regarding the truth of what has come to pass between us. I thought you should be made aware of it so that you may prepare yourself.”

  Prepare herself for her brother’s wrath and scorn. Dear God. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Too much time and distance had intervened, and now it seemed altogether irrelevant. She had no wish to face Thornton should he learn the truth. Very likely, he would kill them both. Or lock her in her chamber for the rest of her life and attempt to beat Jesse to a bloody carcass. She felt suddenly dizzied.

  Bella pressed a hand to her throbbing temple. “You cannot mean to do something so utterly foolish and senseless. Not now. What good could it possibly serve?”

  “As we discussed before I left, I find my honor requires it,” he returned. “I cannot in good faith be a friend to him while knowing I have dishonored his sister. Before we go any further, the truth ought to be made known, at least to him.”

  His dratted honor confounded her. It made no sense. “You astound me, sir. Is this the same honor that led you to abandon me while I suffered a miscarriage on my own? Do you not think it the least you can do to keep your silence?”

  “I need to rectify my own scruples. I understand from Lady Thornton that he was aware you carried a child, but not that I sired it. I have not been a friend to either you or your brother in quite some time, and for that I must pay the price.”

  “But in doing so, I will pay the greatest price of all. I’m nearly engaged, Jesse. If word of our relationship is spread, my chances will be ruined.”

  “Nearly engaged?” Surprise was evident in his voice. “Who is he?”

  The part of her that was still aching from his leaving hoped he was hurt by the prospect of her marrying another man. “The Duke of Devonshire.”

  “The damn Duke of Dullness? Christ, Bella, you cannot be seriously considering marrying him.”

  “He’s not the slightest bit dull,” she defended, even though she had once shared Jesse’s opinion of her suitor. “He has a wonderful sense of humor, and he knows all there is to be known about nearly all matters.”

  Which was a beastly lie, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to think she was completely content without him. More than anything, she wanted it to be true. Still, if she were brutally honest with herself, she had to admit she didn’t know if there would ever come a day when she didn’t long for Jesse.

  “Strange,” Jesse said, his tone gone icy, “I only recall liste
ning to him drone on about his crumbling country seat and the merits of sheep farming.”

  Bella sniffed, doing her best dowager impression. “I’m sure he’s never spoken of sheep farming. He is a gentleman from an old and well-respected lineage. He doesn’t dabble in farming at all.”

  “You want to be buried in some tumbledown country house for the rest of your life with a man who’s about as interesting as treacle?” He all but sneered.

  “As long as he loves me, I do,” Bella snapped.

  “And does he love you?”

  “Of course.” It didn’t matter that he’d never spoken the words. She wanted Jesse to think it more than she even wanted to hear them herself. “He and I have grown quite smitten with one another over the last few months.” Another beastly lie, but she was feeling rather beastly.

  “Indeed? Do you think he would like to know that I took your innocence?”

  She gasped, the blood draining from her face. “You wouldn’t do something so dastardly.”

  “Try me.” He smiled, but it was an ugly smile without mirth.

  How she wanted to make him hurt as she had. That he would return to her life now, after so long, and just when she had come to accept her fate, was nearly unthinkable. “Do you not think you’ve already brought enough torment to my life?”

  “I’ll do what I must,” he said tightly. “You are mine, Bella, not the duke’s or any other man’s.”

  “Then you should not have left me,” she cried out, unable to contain the hurt a moment longer. “If you had been here, I never would have gone riding in the storm that day. I never would have lost the babe. Don’t you dare ruin what small chance I have for happiness. Don’t you dare!”

  The tears she’d been restraining streamed down her face in earnest, and she was too proud to dash them away. Let him see what he’d done to her. She had only ever loved him, and he’d led her straight to ruin.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Bella,” he said slowly, “but I’ll not allow you to become another man’s wife.”

  “You don’t have the right to keep me from him.” She took a deep breath. “Now leave me, if you please. Take your daughter and leave Marleigh Manor forever. I never want to see you again.”